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Thread: So my boyfriend has made several comments about...

  1. #1
    nrey60's Avatar
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    So my boyfriend has made several comments about...

    So my boyfriend has made several comments now about me posting up Instagram stories/pictures. Need advice, help?

    Now before continuing, let me just go into detail that Iím not a social media person at all. All of my posts contain him and our family. When it comes to posting myself, I donít show off my body, or take any revealing pictures showing anything off. I post myself maybe 1/2 x a month. At that. Itís literally just my face. Sometimes I upload a video of me and itís just looking into the camera for like 5 seconds and itís over. Now apparently, the food I post on Instagram stories, that I made for MY family is also ďseeking attention from menĒ. Why you may ask? Because apparently in his opinion, men like women who cook food and since Iím posting up the meals Iím proud of, thatís asking for attention from a man.

    I will say this. He is one of the most hard working men Iíve ever known. And heís an amazing father; that I will never take away from him. He truly is the love of my life, and Iím blessed to have two beautiful baby boys with him. And he is a very good, sweet, and considerate partner. We do both love each very much and we donít get into much fights at all. The fights that we have gotten into however have just been financial.

    We do talk about marriage, and he does want to get married. He talks about how he would imagine our wedding and does tell me that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Other than what Iíve mentioned above and the whole Instagram thing. Thatís pretty much it. Heís a wonderful provider. I just donít understand why me posting up things on Instagram is so ďattention seekingĒ. I donít want to block him from my social media because damn, thatís my kids father, I deem that so unnecessary.

    We got into an argument and he told me of out anger (which is usually the truth), that he would rather me delete him than for him to see me post another thing because to him Iím desperate for attention. And then he just goes back as to how it should be obvious that putting up pictures of food and myself (once in a blue moon), is automatically asking for guys to hit me up.

    Please, if anyone has a perspective on this or advice. IMO, it sounds like heís just insecure that a man will message me and magically take me away. Instead of embracing me, or complimenting me on the picture I took, he shames me. No matter how many times I reassure how it would NEVER happen, and all I do is show him off and our sons. Seems like itís not enough.

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    He is very insecure. OP, I think that you know what he is saying is ridiculous, I am wondering how you respond to him? I am thinking that there is much more than a social media issue?

    What are the financial issues?

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    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
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    Well yes, Instagram does have a reputation for being a place for some women to get lots of free attention and to feel good about themselves. But I agree with Holly that he has some deeper issues. Men like women who cook, so you are seeking attention by posting food? I say block him as he wishes. He doesn't have the right to control your access to social media. I could understand a little more if you were posting bikini shots or the like, but since you don't, he needs to talk to someone about his insecurity issues and to stop being so controlling.

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    This isn't about you seeking attention. It's about his deep, deep insecurity - and his disrespect for you.

    He is automatically thinking the worst of you and your intentions. This otherwise amazing man thinks you're the type of woman to actively search out other men. In other words, he doesn't think highly of you at all. No way would I pander to that by stopping your social media activity. You're not doing anything out of line. He's being absurd.

    Where is this all coming from? Has he been irrationally jealous before? Any chance he is the one seeking out women online, and projecting on to you?

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Jealousy, possessiveness, being this controlling are all huge red flags. Take his advice. Block and delete him and all his people from all your social media. Be savvy and severely restrict your content to only trusted friends and family. Completely reset all your privacy setting on social media.

    Do you work? Are you living together? Are you financially dependent on him? Can you and your kids move back home with family? Why is his danging marriage talk after all this time and 2 kids?
    Originally Posted by nrey60
    Iím blessed to have two beautiful baby boys with him.

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    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    If he's the one requesting the block, then block him.

    What kind of stuff does he post?

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    The financial issues weíve had before have been when I was pregnant and on disability. Usually it would always be about how he was paying for everything. And I get it, there was more responsibility on him at that time. But on my second pregnancy with our son, when I was on disability, I barely had him pay for anything. And throughout both of the times I have been on disability, he only ever paid my bills maybe twice? Itís like if I complained about something, or I actually had feelings on a topic, he would then throw that he spent this or bought this in my face.

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    To be honest, it all started about 2/3 weeks ago when I did my makeup for the first time in a while and I took a video selfie of myself. Again Iím not showing anything off or being revealing. Itís literally just my face. And when I asked him if he thought I looked nice, initially when he saw me he said I looked amazing and so on. But then that turned into, ďYou look like youíre desperate for attention, and you look dumb with faces you make..etc.Ē Iím like what? Like IMO, I would think you be proud and happy you have a good looking girlfriend. He has made comments before in the past but never to this extreme. I feel like because we argued yesterday, he just brings that up to hurt my feelings.

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    When I told him, I didnít want to block him, because to me that meant that everyone (and everyone to me is MY immediate family not friends) would see we donít have each other on FB, or Instagram and they would question me why. He said, ďSee? That just goes to show how obsessed you are with social media.Ē But thatís not the point. My mom would be worried and obviously would ask me, why isnít he on your FB anymore? And I would have to explain the ridiculous reason why I blocked him. Since we got together, weíve been together 3 years. Iím 22, and heís turning 30, he stopped posting stuff in regards to him. He only posts about me and him or him and his sons. But other than that, itís a once in a blue moon that he does post. Heís not extremely active on Instagram. Heís a little more active on FB bc of his family. So he doesnít post anything that I could complain about.

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    Originally Posted by nrey60
    To be honest, it all started about 2/3 weeks ago when I did my makeup for the first time in a while and I took a video selfie of myself. Again Iím not showing anything off or being revealing. Itís literally just my face. And when I asked him if he thought I looked nice, initially when he saw me he said I looked amazing and so on. But then that turned into, ďYou look like youíre desperate for attention, and you look dumb with faces you make..etc.Ē Iím like what? Like IMO, I would think you be proud and happy you have a good looking girlfriend. He has made comments before in the past but never to this extreme. I feel like because we argued yesterday, he just brings that up to hurt my feelings.
    Can I ask why you felt the need to post a picture of your face on instagram? I can relate to wanting to show your friends in a private message or private group but what motivated you to post on Instagram? But the separate issue is yes he is being far too controlling. He sounds like the guy I dated in 2005 who peered into my purse which I'd opened to find whatever and said "you have a lot of business cards in there" - he said "I thought you told me you don't like (maybe it was either "networking" -although I did -or "collecting cards"). Anyway it was alarming to me that he'd comment like that (truth is they were cards from a business event I'd recently attended). Other similar comments followed. It was the main reason we stopped dating after 6 weeks. We're still in touch 15 years later as FB friends - he's in his 50s and single. He's good looking, educated, intelligent, extremely caring and...... I'm sure healthy women run from him (he told me he was working on his insecurities with his therapist -he was -things improved for about a week after that comment and three weeks later I was through -it didn't last).

    I say run now. But also consider why you feel the need to post a photo of you wearing makeup on social media.

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