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Thread: Just found out her son has cancer

  1. #1
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    Just found out her son has cancer

    She blocked me last monday and today i found out her 2 year old son has leuchemia... it has just been diagnosed. She told my friend that she has been unable to sustain a conversation. I feel very very sorry for her and for her son... i dont even know what to think right now. Wish i could be there for her... but she doesnt want to talk to me...

  2. #2
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    The most kind and respectful thing you can do right now is give her space.

    If she wants comfort from you she will reach out to you.

    Allow her to go through this, it is not your battle, your battle is moving on. Focus on that.

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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    The most kind and respectful thing you can do right now is give her space.

    If she wants comfort from you she will reach out to you.

    Allow her to go through this, it is not your battle, your battle is moving on. Focus on that.

    Of course. I must and will give her space.
    I will admitt im not even thinking about my battle right now. Dont know how to feel.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lauralatifa
    Of course. I must and will give her space.
    I will admitt im not even thinking about my battle right now. Dont know how to feel.
    As another human being of course your heart goes out to her and her son, but beyond a brief moment, try to focus on you. The risk of this causing you to fall back to square one is huge, be mindful.

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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    As another human being of course your heart goes out to her and her son, but beyond a brief moment, try to focus on you. The risk of this causing you to fall back to square one is huge, be mindful.
    I dont mind a broken heart... there are much more serious things in life... things that will forever change you... i think i already am back to square one, not in the “i miss her so much, she doenst love me, nobody will love me” type of square one. But right now i am feeling so much love for her and her son... that type of square one...

    It has been a dificult year. In january i had to put my mother on rehab because she is addicted to drugs. Plus, she already started using again. So i had to distance myself from her... because i couldnt stand anymore. We live in the same house but now our contacts are basicly “good morning” and “good night”. In april, my friends sister comitted suicide. And this friend is very close to me... july, i had to have one of my ovaries removed along with a theratoma... now this... and i know that if something happens to her son, she will try to end her life (she has told me that in the past). Anyway, i know that this isnt my battle, but i feel very sad and wprried. Plus, she has been there for me in all those battles.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    How could a person who broke up with you and told you they don’t love you on an almost weekly basis have been there for you during all those times? I’ve been in toxic relationships, the pain the other person causes is a distraction from the hardships of life but it is not support, I can assure you.

    You’re idealizing her. She has you blocked and you are saying her wellbeing is concerning you more than your own, let that sink in.

    Again as a human being of course you feel sorrow for the situation but do not use it as a convenient excuse to allow her space in your head, it’s not a freebie, your main focus still must be moving forward.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Let her be. A lot of people simply wish to be left alone so they can be consumed with their own troubles. Back off and when she's ready she'll contact you or she may never contact you so be prepared for either scenario. She has insurmountable problems and feels overwhelmed.

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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    How could a person who broke up with you and told you they don’t love you on an almost weekly basis have been there for you during all those times? I’ve been in toxic relationships, the pain the other person causes is a distraction from the hardships of life but it is not support, I can assure you.

    You’re idealizing her. She has you blocked and you are saying her wellbeing is concerning you more than your own, let that sink in.

    Again as a human being of course you feel sorrow for the situation but do not use it as a convenient excuse to allow her space in your head, it’s not a freebie, your main focus still must be moving forward.

    Maybe i am... im feeling unable to feel angry with her right now! Thats why im so confused...

    And yes. Maybe it was a distraction. The first time i visit my mother on the clinic she was in, my ex broke up with me. Blocked me on everything.
    The day we went to the funeral, either. Plus, she said nasty things.
    But she was more supportive than my prior ex... my prior ex, first girlfriend, told me i should cut contact with my mother. And when we found drugs in my mothers car... my ex stole it to use it and had the corage to offering me some...



    Maybe in 2-3 i will be ready to keep focusing on my battle... ill be honest.. when i heard the news about her son i felt very guilty because i was flerting with a friend this afternoon...

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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    Let her be. A lot of people simply wish to be left alone so they can be consumed with their own troubles. Back off and when she's ready she'll contact you or she may never contact you so be prepared for either scenario. She has insurmountable problems and feels overwhelmed.

    And you are right too. But i cant see how in this situation she would have time to think about me

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lauralatifa
    And you are right too. But i cant see how in this situation she would have time to think about me
    You just have to go with the flow with her and many people. Follow their cue and respect her wishes. Leave her alone and let her handle her own life with her child. There is nothing you can do. She has very serious, life threatening problems and the best thing for you to do is take a step back and stay out of the way. I do this with many people in my life. Let them live their own lives while you concentrate and focus on your own.

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