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WaywardKiwi last won the day on July 2 2020

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About WaywardKiwi

  • Birthday 03/08/1983

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  1. Excellent. Why not see if your coworker has any ideas for a costume? You could ask if she has any plans and what her costume will be in the course of conversation as well. In fact, if there is an opportunity, you could invite her to join your party after/before her plans. T
  2. I may have misunderstood, but isn't the situation below exactly what you describe: Are you in fact seeking some reassurance that she is in fact interested, despite explicitly stating otherwise?
  3. Hey Silver, Unfortunately, your question is somewhat moot, as the women you were interested in clearly would ask for help from a man who she knew to be interested, but toward whom she was not interested (or at least undecided). However, to soften the inevitable heartache that realisation might bring, I would suggest that you already feel that it would be morally wrong to ask for help in this situation. So the fact that she did demonstrates prima facie she was not suitable as a partner, regardless of her interest. Anyway, I hope you can bounce back and have a better experience next time round, T
  4. Hey again Viking, I think you are being a bit unfair in your assessment; it sounds as if, despite her earlier reservations, she has now been extreme demonstrative and expressive as to her interest and emotional attachment. At this stage, if you are likewise feeling invested, I would suggest you start to think about short te future plans, such as the new year period, and discuss these as an indicator of intention. Carry on and good luck! T
  5. Hey Clueless, I can't speak to your gut-feeling generally, however I have shaved my body hair to varying degrees on a whim many times, both in and out of relationships. Good luck, T
  6. Hi Noffers, Unfortunately, it would be impossible for strangers online to give an accurate assessment of your psychological well being. If you are genuinely here in good faith, by which I mean you genuinely are not sure if you should seek counselling for the issues your partner of over a year raised with you, then I would recommend you do, at least so a professional can assess the circumstances more fully and put your mind a rest one way or the other. Given you raise your partners psychological issues and mental health, if you genuinely feel her concerns are a form of projection, and you feel she herself may be a risk of regressing, it may be worth suggesting that you both go along to get assessed. You can frame it as making you more comfortable or as a kind of check up you can both do regularly. Finally, if you are here seeking to undercut or disaprove your partner of over a years concerns, then I think you will find random internet comments carry very little weight in that arena. Whatever the case, best of luck. T
  7. I may be wrong, I think the "some girl/some guy” remarks are flirtatiously referring to time they spent together, not regarding third parties. Hi Viking, I have suffered failure to launch several times during the first sexual encounters with partners, including with my now wife. As you astutely observed, it is usually a combination of factors, and eliminating as many as possible is a good strategy. In terms of your nerves and performance anxiety, I would resist the temptation you have to put that on her. You clearly like her and are attracted to her, and she is clearly attracted and interested in you. You no longer need to search for clues. From my perspective, you have become overly emotionally invested in progressing the relationship, rather than enjoying its natural evolution, and are over analysing and being hyper vigilant. That isn't to say you shouldn't be sensitive to the fact that, as you continue, you will become aware of personality traits or quirks which you will not necessarily like, and those traits may or may not mean you choose to end the relationship. I hope that makes sense. TLDR, deep breath. You’re all good. Have a fun date, flirt it up, and enjoy. Good luck, T
  8. Hey Pillowpuck, I was in a 5 year relationship with a woman 7 years my junior, and we started dating when I was 26 and she was 19. Ultimately, the relationship ended due to a number of reasons, however our different life experience levels was certainly one of them. That said, we were in love and I remain friendly with her. I definitely do not regret the relationship, nor does she (as far as she professes), and we never encountered any negativity from the general public, friends or our families regarding the age difference. In sum, my advice, based on my experience and that of my fellow posters here, is that you should ask her out and see how it goes. Such a relationship is demonstrably viable, as illustrated by posters here, although I would be aware of the possible issues you may face. Good luck, T
  9. Hi happyfeet, Your therapist has a much more complete view of your situation and its impacts on you psychologically and personally. Furthermore, they have a duty of care to look out for your best interests, which we do not. As such, I would heed their advice and extricate yourself from this relationship. Good luck, T
  10. I agree with this Melvin. Use terms such as "Let's .... " or "Why don't we..." (or the linguistic equivalents). If she doesn't want to or does not have time she will say so either way, and this more suggestive, confident language exhibits your own interest. Also, given your interest in legal street art, and it underpinning your visit to her city I wouldn't hedge on it. It undervalues yourself and ultimately if it is a deal breaker for her, perhaps you are not so compatible anyway.
  11. I would second this observation. The language you used, along with the anxiety and dissonance you are experiencing all point to an underlying psychological beyond the relationship and simple attraction.
  12. Hey Natalie, In my experience, in a long term relationships there will be occasions, particularly during 'rough patches', where one or both partners may feel attraction to people outside the relationship. Attraction, for me anyway, is usually not a conscious choice. In that sense, I do believe what you partner described is normal. What is within our control, is how we act when we experience that attraction. Pursuing or indulging in that extra-relationship attraction is the precursor to infidelity, even if it is never disclosed. On the other hand, for me, it serves to reinforce my commitment to my partner and motivates me to resolve issues and rekindle the attraction with my partner. Finally, to disclose it to your partner, particularly in a overt attempt to hurt them, is neither normal nor healthy. Overall, it seems apparent that, at best, your partner does not have a healthy sense of appropriate behaviour and communication in a committed relationship, and at worst is setting up, or already has, a situation to justify acting outside the relationship. TLDR, I think you know what you need to do; let this one go. Good luck, T
  13. Hey Coffeman, This seems to be somewhat contradictory. Can you clarify that you indeed used this porn site during your relationship? Thanks, T
  14. Hey Seraphim and all, Thank you so much for all your support and kind words. We have been doing well; supporting each other. My wife is not always the most at ease expressing herself emotionally, but I think she has felt safe to do so. Overall, we are OK. We have a nice dinner planned tonight for Christmas, and a quiet New Year, so just being there and taking it as it comes. Thank you all again and Merry Christmas! T
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