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WaywardKiwi

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WaywardKiwi last won the day on July 2 2020

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About WaywardKiwi

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  • Birthday 03/08/1983

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  1. Hey Seraphim and all, Thank you so much for all your support and kind words. We have been doing well; supporting each other. My wife is not always the most at ease expressing herself emotionally, but I think she has felt safe to do so. Overall, we are OK. We have a nice dinner planned tonight for Christmas, and a quiet New Year, so just being there and taking it as it comes. Thank you all again and Merry Christmas! T
  2. Hey everyone, Unfortunately, I find myself here again in sad circumstances. Today, my wife is at the clinic having a d&c following miscarriage. This is our second pregnancy; the first was accidental early in our relationship, and though we decided to keep the baby, it turned out to be anembryonic, and so failed. This time we actually started trying for a child, and we had confirmation of an embryo, but they didn't make it, and now at around 10 weeks we are saying goodbye. I feel we are both handling it well and being very supportive of each other. Fortunately, her work has been
  3. Thank you everyone for your input, To clarify, both jobs are here in Japan. Job A is just a company established by a Kiwi (also, I am a Kiwi). The more I think on it, the more Job A seems the better choice. I am looking to stay with whichever job I choose, as my wife and I are settling in the area and looking to start our family soon. I think in the long run, Job A will be smoother and I am encouraged by her success. I will update again with my final decision when I put pen to paper! Thanks, T
  4. Hey everyone, I am currently job-seeking and have two offers. In terms of duties, leave, and possible career progression, I believe both offers to be equivalent. The differences are: Job A Significantly higher salary Long commute (45m)(the salary difference is mor than the additional cost) Larger organisation, hiring because of growth Employer is New Zealander (For context, I live in Japan and have limited Japanese ability. My current and previous employer were Japanese with no major issues, although cultural understandings around work are different) Employer has been a
  5. Definitely, but I imagine screening for porn use would lead to some awkward first date conversations. While I agree that most men would prefer intimate connection and sex with their partner to pornography, there are many that “use” pornography for other reasons (i.e. it doesn't always act as a replacement for sex). As you also note, in modern times pornography is widely accessible and used by many people. Ultimately, if it is a deal breaker, I would just be upfront and honest with your views and expectations. To increase your chances, I would look to date men who belong to either anti-pornogr
  6. Hey Jas76, Taking your posts at face value, I would contact your local mental health services and inquire about involuntary hospitalisation procedures in your jurisdiction. If you genuinely believe she is at risk for suicide and she is engaging in the erratic and self destructive behaviour you describe, your compassion and understanding alone are likely insufficient in this case. If she refuses treatment and is detached from reality re. the end of your relationship, then your continued involvement with her is likely exacerbating her mental health issues. It is irresponsible to continue with
  7. Hey Silent47XXY, Why do infertile people exist? On biological evolutionary level, I think that infertility in human populations is necessary and desirable for both population management and creating functioning human communities. As a gregarious, socially reliant species (as in we cannot survive individually), it is necessary that some members of our species are biologically inclined toward preservation of social cohesion and maintenance by forgoing individual procreation. If the social structure fails, all human offspring are put at risk, so from a evolutionary perspective, a person wh
  8. Hey again, Unfortunately, regardless of her initial position, her subsequent actions still would indicate (again, from my woefully inadequate vantage point) that she has determined that tje relationship is not salvageable. The same applies to the sources of advice; their underlying motivations aside, it appears she values their opinion and has assumed a like position. Furthermore, even if your position is objectively correct (the flaws in the relationship are changeable and transitory, and the support network she relies on is malicious or misguided), then I would imagine that even if sh
  9. Hey LordofCircle, Rather than delve into the pragmatic considerations or philosophical discourse raised by most of the replies, both yours and others, I just want to add my two cents with regard to the questions you directly ask. As to her psychology, its nigh impossible to offer any great insight given that I lack any formal qualification or training in that field and all the information is coming through you. However, I would guess that she views those incompatible aspects of you and the relationship as stable and unchangeable. I base this on the fact that she initiated the break
  10. Hey Maxy, Firstly, welcome to the forums. To be honest, i can understand why so many have latched onto 'trust issues' from your original post. The way you frame your concerns certainly present that way. However, I think you've probably heard enough of the consensus chorus on that particular front by now, so i wanted to try looking at your issue from another angle: relationship boundaries. Essentially, your issue is that, for you, this particular location, and the associated image and activities it represents, is not somewhere someone in a relationship should want to go. An analogy might
  11. Hey all, I'm a bit late to this, but thought I would briefly add my slightly different, general perspective based on my own experience as a smoker. When I met my fiance (surprise, I got engaged), I was a fully fledged smoker. In those early stages she let me know she didnt like it, but as an ex smoker herself, she knew it was hard to kick. Basically, she subtly let me know it was tolerable for that first stage, but if we went forward the smokes would have to go. I should mention I was one of those aforementioned conscientious smokers who did the whole de-stink routine, so that probably
  12. Hey there, Just stumbled across this thread in one of my ENA binges (don't pretend you don't do it too...). While I don't personally have any experience with getting back together with an ex, the comments got me thinking about relationships and break-ups in general. I think we have a tendency to view break-ups as a lost opportunity; as if relationships value only persists while they continue. However, in reality very little in our life is permanent and time alone is poor measure of worth. Friends, partners, even family, can come and go. Even one night in deep conversation with a strange
  13. Hey 1a1a, I actually had to research what a 'swag' is after reading your post! Finally understand that classic Aussie line 'Once a jolly swagman...'! I understand it is disappointing when a mate lets you down like this, but at least they are doing the right thing offering to replace it. Not much to else add apart from condolences and say, without diminishing, there is a kind of poetic irony reading your signature at the bottom.... T
  14. Hey jprobin, I can really relate to your story here and in your previous post. In fact, my first posts on this forum found me in a not dissimilar scenario. Im not going to go into an analysis of her actions or yours, or what the true nature of this thing is. Instead, my advice is simple; walk away. This tortuous frame of mind, these mental gymnastics, the over analysis of every invitation; you lose something of yourself in them in my experience. When i told my crush that I wasn't ok with being just friends, it was liberating and took back that part of my mind. It hurt, dont get me wrong, a
  15. Hey everyone, Thank you all for you responses, really insightful and reassuring. I think you (and Blue) are absolutely right; I have gone done the all-too-familiar path of overthinking and built this up into a much larger issue than it really is. I had the last two days off (she was at work) and I have spent time both recharging myself, and doing things for us both around the house. I cooked for us (actually the first time in our relationship) and we hung out, talking, watching some TV and chatting. It has been really good putting it out of my head and just going with the flow a bit
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