datinghelp9 Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 Two weeks ago, I broke up with my ex of over a year because we really didn’t have anything in common and I just wanted to be single. He was upset about it because he felt that it came out of nowhere(which it didn’t) and that we had things in common(and we don’t). He became very emotional and talked to some friends about buying a ring to propose(thankfully he did not)He made a post on FB about how I was a great girlfriend and how it has gutted him to lose me. He’s been texting me and drinking a lot. Just being a general mess. :( His friend had also just broken up with his gf of a year and he told me he was commiserating with his friend. According to what I heard, his friends break up was a long time coming and the break up was mutual His friend and I were talking on an app before I met my bf, but I went for my bf , so we never met in person until I was with my boyfriend. We had a couple hang outs with his gf, Before we broke up, my bf knew I wanted someone to talk about certain topics, because my bf doesn’t know much about my favorite topic. This friend had written books on the topic that are used at an Ivy League school, So my bf at the time said he’d talk to his friend about talking to me about it. Never happened. Anyway, so this friend and I are both single now and we matched again on the same app. He sent me a message so I am responding and vice versa. Nothing inappropriate yet. I’m just wondering if there is an elephant in the room for him too or am I just overthinking it. We are both single after all Link to comment
abitbroken Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 I would likely stay away. you are only broken up TWO weeks and you may want to date this friend to keep connected to your ex's world in a way. I would stay off dating apps for now and take a break. Link to comment
datinghelp9 Posted August 15, 2019 Author Share Posted August 15, 2019 Thanks much... but I’m ready to date again..This was not a quick decision for me. I had been thinking about this for a long time. I don’t think I ever really had feelings for my ex in a romantic way just in a platonic way so I don’t have any kind of issue with rebounding or whatever because those feelings were never there for me. I don’t know if I’m interested in his friend. My interactions with him are limited. but I feel like I Am at least more compatible than I was with ex so I was wondering if it was ok to explore it . Thanks Link to comment
abitbroken Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 Thanks much... but I’m ready to date again..This was not a quick decision for me. I had been thinking about this for a long time. I don’t think I ever really had feelings for my ex in a romantic way just in a platonic way so I don’t have any kind of issue with rebounding or whatever because those feelings were never there for me. I don’t know if I’m interested in his friend. My interactions with him are limited. but I feel like I Am at least more compatible than I was with ex so I was wondering if it was ok to explore it . Thanks Back when you had the chance, you went for your boyfriend instead of this guy, so there must have been some reason you didn't choose him, you just aren't remembering now. But either way, i will tell you if this guy is a loyal friend, he is not going to date you or if he does, he is going to go to your ex and ask for his blessing. It may or may not go well. I still would just for the sake of everything, stay off the dating apps. if you meet someone naturally in person, great, but maybe take a month to reconnect with friends you didn't have time for during the relationship, try new things. there are other guys out there besides people close to your ex. If you connect in another way - end up attending the same events and you didn't preplan to, that's a different story That's just my two cents being an old lady. Link to comment
datinghelp9 Posted August 15, 2019 Author Share Posted August 15, 2019 Yes. To be truthful, I started dating my ex purely on him being my type physically. That was all he had and I’ve learned a lot the hard way since then - that there’s much, much more to it for me to be in love with someone. Thank you again for your advice. I will take it to heart, Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 I'd enjoy the company via the app but let it fade out naturally. This means letting the conversation fade out and not continue any regular contact. I'd also limit the amount of visibility present on social media that your boyfriend or your mutual friends may see. You should feel a bit less limited in your growth and freedom to grow. Don't be afraid to step out of that old comfort zone and seek new (positive) influences and new people in your life. Enjoy your newfound freedom and play safe. Link to comment
Honeycomb8 Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 Have the empathy and stay away. I mean it's really not just about you. You dated him over a year and it's been two weeks. If you were mature and had a heart you'd consider your ex's feelings. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 I wouldn't go there with an ex's friend. It is likely to get messy and I just wouldn't feel right about it. There will be other guys. Link to comment
Andrina Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 If the tables were turned, how would you like it if a guy who broke up with you started dating your friend? True friends don't do this to each other. And if he was willing to date you, it says a lot about his lack of boundaries and ethics. And your ex is a nice person who doesn't deserve this slap in the face from you and his supposed friend. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 It sounds you've always sort of had a thing for him and now that he's on the rebound and you are as well, you see this as your chance ... And you are going to take it no matter what anyone says/thinks.Two weeks ago, I broke up with my ex His friend and I were talking on an app before I met my bf, but I went for my bf , so we never met in person until I was with my boyfriend. so this friend and I are both single now and we matched again on the same app. Link to comment
indea08 Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 I agree with honeycomb. If you were any sort of decent person, you wouldn’t do this to someone you dated for over a year. You seem to completely lack empathy all together. You dated your ex because he was good looking. He dated you because he really liked you, maybe even loved you. He told you the break up came out of nowhere for him and he’s obviously hurt. You just completely dismiss all of that because YOU don’t think it came out of nowhere and YOU weren’t happy with the relationship. You give no consideration to how he feels. And now two weeks later you want to start chatting up his friend on a dating app? That’s pretty cold. All of this is. Link to comment
maew Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 I agree with honeycomb. If you were any sort of decent person, you wouldn’t do this to someone you dated for over a year. You seem to completely lack empathy all together. You dated your ex because he was good looking. He dated you because he really liked you, maybe even loved you. He told you the break up came out of nowhere for him and he’s obviously hurt. You just completely dismiss all of that because YOU don’t think it came out of nowhere and YOU weren’t happy with the relationship. You give no consideration to how he feels. And now two weeks later you want to start chatting up his friend on a dating app? That’s pretty cold. All of this is. Agree. My answer to your original question? Do what you are gonna do, just know that if you decide to date his friend you will likely hurt him deeply and he may never forgive you. If that’s something you care about then I suggest not dating this guy. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 He'll enjoy the rebound thing, but then dump you. Are you ok with that?His friend had also just broken up with his gf of a year Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 You already know on some level it's not right or you wouldn't be here asking. Put yourself in his place. You're madly in love with some guy you hope to marry. He dumps you out of the blue and only days later he's moving on with one of your friends. Would that be ok with you? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 There must be people that you can date, other than his friend. Not cool. Put yourself in his shoes. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 I agree with honeycomb. If you were any sort of decent person, you wouldn’t do this to someone you dated for over a year. You seem to completely lack empathy all together. You dated your ex because he was good looking. He dated you because he really liked you, maybe even loved you. He told you the break up came out of nowhere for him and he’s obviously hurt. You just completely dismiss all of that because YOU don’t think it came out of nowhere and YOU weren’t happy with the relationship. You give no consideration to how he feels. And now two weeks later you want to start chatting up his friend on a dating app? That’s pretty cold. All of this is. Yes!!!!! Dating, your thread makes you come across as very selfish and shallow. Maybe, you should address this. If you care. Link to comment
thelonely Posted August 25, 2019 Share Posted August 25, 2019 I understand what everyone else is saying here, but I'm not so sure they're right. I get it, "the bro code" and all that nonsense. We aren't in high school here, we're adults. The heart wants what the heart wants. I personally have never done this, but I have plenty of friends that have and they ended up with their spouses, very happily married. It's possible that a year ago it wasn't the right time for either of you and you both had some growing and self discovery to do. Or maybe you were meant to be in those relationships to either learn something for yourselves or for your partners to learn. Either way it wasn't the right time for you two to be together. It did however give you time to meet and get to know one another better. You obviously both feel that you are ready to date again or you wouldn't be on the app again and it matched you again! You didn't search each other out. The conversation is flowing and the feelings are still there. I don't see a problem with it. If you both feel the same way I say go for it. No one else has to live your life and if he makes you happy, who cares what anyone else thinks??? No judgment here! You do you! Wishing you all the happiness in the world! Link to comment
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