I thought we ‘had a moment’... is that a thing?

This guy that goes to my church, I’ve actually met him once before— at that time he wasn’t actually overly friendly but at that time it wasn’t a setting conducive to conversation, we were sitting opposite sides of a big round table eating.

Then, this last week we were at the same Christmas party.

I started talking to him at the beginning. He told me he knew I’d introduce myself before but he didn’t recall my name. He was nice enough and even made me laugh, by teasing me about something I said.

I feel like I should clarify that neither of us were drinking any thing. Later in the evening I started talking to him, he again was really friendly, but the craziest thing was his eyes. It was more about the way he looked at me than anything he said. It was like he knew all my secrets or could read my mind. He was looking really deeply into my eyes, I stared back and we shared a what felt like a knowing smile and then he asked if he’d see me at church. I told him that I couldn’t be there that Sunday but would be there in the future. We split ways and my heart was beating so fast!

Did I imagine the whole connection thing? That’s never happened to me before. Any advice?

Sounds like normal banter and interaction between two church members enjoying a Christmas party, imo. It's also normal to read into things which aren't really there, especially if you have a crush on someone and looking for love.

I think that he was just good at making eye contact and beyond that, you thought he was good looking. i don't see anything more cosmic than that.

So you might see him at church, you might not. Just say hello if you do if its not too awkward (don't run from one side to the other to run into him)

It sounds like you've made most of the effort so far in getting more acquainted. To really gauge his interest, let him be the one who seeks you out in the future. There's no telling if he's interested in you or not, until he asks you out or never does.

Hi first dates! Long time no see.

You seem very much in love with the idea of love.

Are you a fan of over the top romance?

Haha, thanks! Not in love with the idea of love.

I just either feel absolutely nothing for a guy or I am super attracted, I don’t really know the neutral in the romantic context. Friendship is different. I’m certainly looking to fall in love with someone, I wouldn’t die if that never happened. That’s about the sentiment entirely.

Thanks Andrina,

This is good advice :)

Hopefully he's not Hannibal Lecter because that crazy thing with his eyes, ain't love.

Unfortunately, it doesn't seem mutual except for friendly chitchat. He didn't ask you out, he didn't ask for contact info and left things as sort of 'see you around'. I don't think this is the someone you are going to fall in love with.

Attraction happens all the time. There are plenty of attractive personable people around, but at this point you have no idea whether he is in a relationship or simply not interested or whatever. All you do know is that you approached him and he made no attempt at seeking to contact you in the future..

I just either feel absolutely nothing for a guy or I am super attracted. I’m certainly looking to fall in love with someone.

Hopefully he's not Hannibal Lecter because that crazy thing with his eyes, ain't love.

Lol too funny.

I think you are lusting for him but that's about it. It was a friendly chit chat.

No, there is no such thing. Only in books and movies.

What you're feeling is the rush of hormones caused by an evolutionary desire to procreate.

There's no "neutral" but there is feeling the potential for a spark despite not being over the moon at first sight. That can take more time and patience and stick-to-itness to develop and people who prefer the thrill of the chase/infatuation won't stick to it. Decide what you really want.

Your story reminds me of a story my sister told me that happened to her in college. She was talking to a guy who she might have been interested in dating. But she was turned off because he kept staring down - apparently at her chest --- while he spoke to her instead of making eye contact. The next time they met he explained that he'd had a problem with his contact lenses/eyes stinging etc. and kept looking down to blink, etc. Things are not always as they seem.

Now there was the time the lead singer for Men at Work stared right into my eyes from the stage (small venue/standing room only, early 1980s) and I swooned. Enjoy the swoon, and if he is interested in dating you he will ask you out on a date.

I wouldn't read anything into this. If he were interested he would have set something up.

You are getting carried away with all of this.

well.. the good news is - he did tease you a bit (either a sign of interest or he's just a teaser in general), and aksed if he'd see you at Church (either a sign of interest or just small talk).

the bad news is - there is a good chance that most of "the moment' was made up in yor head because you wil notice it was all the thoughts that were going thru your head that describe that moment, not anything that explicitly happened for sure (eye contact happened of course, however what kind was your interpretation).

So here is what we do to find out. Meet him in Church. Keep talking to him. You're doing a great job. And just stay in the moment and keep talking (dont' float away to all the imaginations in your head when you're talking to him) and time will tell what happens. Another thing to look out for is to see how he interacts with everybody else (people he obvoiusly is not wanting anything from) and compare how he is with them to how he is with you. If he's the same all around - it's just his personality. If he's different with you - then that is a strong sign of interest in you specifically.

It's time to start investigating real facts and not just what's going on in your head.

I suggest you go back to the same church and see how this plays out. He could feel the attraction too, but hell it's church, and he might think you're just being friendly too.

If there is a mutual attraction, there will be a certain tension, which is actually good!

Let him approach you, and if/when he does, make sure you make direct eye contact (same as he did) and flirt a little in your way feminine way.

If there is an interest on his part, he will escalate (ideally ask you out), but he won't unless you send him the right signals that you'd like him to do so.

Meeting that way can be fun! I rather like it personally. The spontaneity of it, and the tension it builds.

Knowing you'll be running into each other again and thinking about that builds tension and anticipation for the next time you see each other, but eventually someone has to make a move, otherwise it goes nowhere fast.

If he doesn't approach or acknowledge you, then let it go. You had a pleasant conversation at church and that's all it was.

are you sure you weren't drinking?

I like "thisisrichey"'s post. This is a superfun situation that could turn into more, or it could be a fun little crush. Don't make it into more than it is. It would seem to me, there is an obvious attraction. This attraction does not necessarily mean anyone wants to act on it, or he wants to act on it, but there was a spark. He is curious to see you again...good sign. Maybe he's putting out the feelers. He will be sure to approach you or be in your airspace if he wants to figure out if you're available and open to pursuing something. Just like with work, getting involved with someone at church could be a slippery slope. You'll have to see each other, even if it doesn't work out. There are risks, and it's normal to kind of "dance around" and gauge the situation. It's normal to find attraction but not act on it.

I also agree to pay attention to how he interacts with other people, male or female. He may flirt with all the women and have really great camaraderie with the men, and you will recognize that this is just his personal skill and his "MO" and and his personality, and you are really no different than anyone else. If he behaves differently towards you, it could very well be a sign he'd like to take things up a notch.

Grapevines work wonders, and I guarantee if he inquires about you in any way, someone will spill the beans to you...then take back your response to him or his friends.

Enjoy the ride and don't let it take up too much space in your head. See where it goes.