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  1. It was actually really good guys. Awkward moments sure but generally not awkward and we had a lot in common. And he didn’t fart or use a spittoon or have a French accent. Yay! Shockingly, I said I’d like to have another phone call soon. So maybe I’m more sold on it now!
  2. I never mentioned not wanting to meet in person, the opposite! I just don’t want an awkward phone call to spoil a good thing— assuming both parties are better in person.
  3. Bahaha, And 9 of it 10 dentists agree that this is 100% funny.
  4. I’ve never been stood up— that would be a HUGE waste of time! Was there a correlation between phone calls first and being stood up or not?
  5. I’m only saying I’d happily waste two hours to meet in person and give it the best chance for authenticity verses a half hour to do a possibly less authentic or less successful phone conversation. I’d be willing to invest more time, fuel, effort to give myself or the person I was getting to know the best platform for success (within reason). That’s just me and my opinion.
  6. I’m not say it is going to be a waste of time, you misunderstand me. I’m saying a bad phone call is equally a waste of time (IMO) as a bad in person meet up. I see zero benefit to this prescreen process! It’s not like axe murders say Redrum every third word and Ted Bundy probably sounded magnificent over the phone as well! I’m hoping it is good and leads to a good in person meeting. Because what if he has a sexy French accent (like wiseman likes) doesn’t use a spittoon in the background but reeks to high heaven because he doesn’t actually shower in real life? What has one really learned in that phone call? I’m going to be fine, I’ll put my best foot forward obviously!
  7. Haha, only because I really don’t like French accents! I just don’t really see it as time saving I guess. My time is wasted on person or via phone.
  8. Oh no! Well, that’s not good news! I find once I know people I can read their tone and intonation, until them it’s like “was that a joke? Should I be laughing? Was he serious? Should I have said that? Did I just accidentally insult him?—- with face to face I never have any doubt about what’s being said because their face will say it all!
  9. Billie: Why did you agree to a phone call then? —as I said in the OP I’m interested enough in HIM to Compromise here. Which isn’t always the case. 70% of communication is non verbal, I feel like a phone date is setting oneself up to be flying blind at least a little bit. This would be the mannerisms you mentioned , I’d add expressions to this as well. I’m not a fan of these calls for reasons stated in the OP. I avoid pre-date screenings in the form of phone calls, generally because they make me feel uncomfortable. Unlike a coffee date (which gives a little nerves) phone calls with stranger feel stilted and I don’t enjoy the experience of feeling pre-assessed— which is the only reason (I can see) for a call ahead. I asked for advice to get a sense of good questions for this— are there questions I am supposed to be asking? I don’t want it to be an aimless subpar version of a coffee date. I’m most nervous about him or I not getting an accurate idea of the other due to the format (I find calls uncomfortable outside of work, very close friends and business transactions) — I think they call this a false negative in science. I don’t want a false negative.
  10. Girls often say exactly what they mean. This bit is going to sting a little but what she means is “ I don’t want to be in a relationship” and when a woman says this generally, it’s the sugar coated version of “ I don’t want to be in a relationship with you” Sorry, I know that’s not what you are wanting to hear! Move on and find someone who does want a relationship & especially wants it with you.
  11. Hi, I’m one of those that really dislikes pre-date phone calls. I’ve done only one and it turned out to save time eliminating him but half of me wondered if the phone call itself was part of the issue. He sounded odd, the conversation wasn’t stellar and I had no interest in a meet up. Now this guy and I from a dating site have traded a handful of messages and then he suggested a phone call, if I was comfortable with that. I said sure but I was also more than okay with simply meeting in person for a coffee but was fine with a phone call if he preferred that. Turns out he does prefer that, ah crap! I am interested enough in him to compromise (not true of the guy who wanted a video call as a first meet). I find phone calls often feel forced when in this situation, I never feel the best version of myself and don’t feel like I cannot read situations as well as with face to face. In addition because I don’t see the point in these, so I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be asking him and how to help it not be boring. I was wondering if people had tips for me, to make it more comfortable and good questions to ask, also any suggestions for setting perimeters to keep it a brief preview not a long winded talking session. 😅 Thanks!
  12. This somehow was exactly what I needed to hear. I’m just going to be how I am to everybody— not worry if the other person ‘reads into it’ If this was a friend I’d certainly follow up on how they were feeling. I did just that. Thanks for the advice Bluecastle.
  13. Thanks Batya Would you contact him this morning or leave the ball in his court?
  14. Thanks bluecastle, very right. I guess I just like what I’ve learned about him so far, even if it was two dates. He’s a unique person and I feel like I really want to get to know him better and it scares me if he isn’t interested in me or if he’s trying to back away slowly. End of day I’m just afraid of getting hurt and I’m trying to match to his level of interest. Which explains the efforts to predict his thoughts and such. I’ve always been this way, I’m not sure why. I know it is a self protective mechanism and I’m trying to work on it. Him canceling super last minute spooked me. Time will tell.
  15. Thanks Jman, this was my approach. I wasn’t sure if I should have offered up another option but felt like that would be the last thing I’d want to think of if I had a severe headache. Also felt that leaving it in his court will show his interest as well.
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