Have a meet/date this Saturday

I am putting my heart back on the line. I talked to him on a dating website and Saturday I'm meeting him at a low key dinner type restaurant.

This time him and I agreed to take it at an even pace. He's leaving to move his mother to another state the following week after our date. After she's settled (He was her primary care giver) he'll stay a month to make sure his brother can stay with her and take care of her.

He told me he knows she will be fine because of his brother and her family and friends.

He has put his job on hold for a month. Then he's coming back the last week of March to get settled with a new apartment near his new job well same job just shorter hours and better pay.

So then him and I will pick up where we left off at that point in dating.

That is if we click on Saturday and both want that.

I don't mind waiting a month to resume dating him if he turns out to be someone of great interest.

I'm not really looking for anyone and neither is he. He and I just enjoy talking only to each other.

He's from what I gather very selfless. He had a two bedroom apartment and took care of his mother. Then his sister and her four kids moved in because of her recent divorce. So he sleeps on the couch while they have his room.

He is very old fashioned and insists on paying for dates and setting them up. I don't mind as I like a take charge guy. I'm actually submissive so it works out.

While he's getting his mom situated his sister is taking over the apartment as her own. He then said he looks forward to coming back and having his own place.

He doesn't like talking on the phone hardly or texting much. I think it's because he's a very busy guy. Plus he told me he's like that with everyone.

He's originally from Ethiopia and his family got citizenship in the late 1990s when they moved to America and lived in the state he's moving his mom back too.

I'm not sure if it's a cultural thing where the man provides and makes most of the decisions?

He seems to be very calm and laid back.

I don't want to get my hopes up because anything can happen. I mean we may not hit it off or he leaves and decides to stay never coming back.

So I just wanted to give some information on him and let you all know I'm back out there going to meet him Saturday.

I'm excited though!

It's an experience

It's especially hard when you get back out there because you're vulnerable.

Good luck and try to have some fun on your date. It’s good you know that he will be away for a month following your date. If you really hit it off then being away for a month or more is going to be uncomfortable, but at least you will know why.

My advice to you is to try to go out on a few casual dates with other men while he goes away with his mother. That way you can more evenly evaluate him and you won’t be pining for him while he is away.

Something about your story sounds like he will have one date with you and is already planning reasons and difficulties in life that will prevent him from dating with you a second time. Sorry.

Good luck and try to have some fun on your date. It’s good you know that he will be away for a month following your date. If you really hit it off then being away for a month or more is going to be uncomfortable, but at least you will know why.

My advice to you is to try to go out on a few casual dates with other men while he goes away with his mother. That way you can more evenly evaluate him and you won’t be pining for him while he is away.

Something about your story sounds like he will have one date with you and is already planning reasons and difficulties in life that will prevent him from dating with you a second time. Sorry.

I agree. You should continue to date others and if and when he comes back, he can call you for a second date. if he is still interested. If you are not dating anyone exclusively at that time, you can accept or decline. Don't tie yourself up for someone you will only meet once.

limichelle, you're gonna hate me after reading this. lol

The 'good girl' in me says the guy is sincere, he's giving you the heads up he'll be gone for a month immediately after your date, he likes you and plans on taking you for a nice dinner to get to know you. Will resume when he returns.

He's already warned you he doesn't like texting or talking on phone so you can expect little to none while he's gone.

The 'bad girl' in me who wouldn't trust this if her life depended on it, says he plans on taking you to dinner, buying you a few drinks to loosen you up, and since he's already done a pretty good job of creating a false intimacy through texting, is banking on seducing you into bed, and then conveniently disappearing using his ready-made excuse that he needs to take care of his poor sick mum for a MONTH.

Seriously I have never experienced anything positive when a guy warns me up front he will gone, vacationing, visiting family or whatever, immediately after our first date.

Virtually every guy that has said this to me prior to the date had a hidden agenda of trying to seduce me and convincing me (trying to anyway) to have sex with him.

It never worked but hell, give them A for effort.

Think about it limichelle. Why would a man (seeking a RL) make a point of contacting a woman on line (you) and taking her out KNOWING that immediately afterwards, he will be gone for an entire month?!!

And won't be able to text/talk either cause he "doesn't like it."

Why not just wait until he returns so that, assuming you click, he can pursue you properly and not risk your finding another man during the month he's gone?

I swear, I think this "oh I'll be gone for a few weeks/months immediately after our date, won't be available by text, but hey we will pick up where we left off when I return" bs must be written in some book somewhere.

I've heard it just too many times for it to be coincidence.

I'm sorry to be such a negative Nellie :( but it seriously makes no sense, and like I said, I have never experienced anything positive on a first date when guys have warned me up front they will be leaving for an extended period immediately afterwards.

I hope I'm wrong! Just thought you should prepare yourself in case I'm right.

Get through the first date first. I think you're getting a bit ahead of yourself.

Your default should be to trust people and take them at their word until they give you reason not to. The fact he is going away is not a reason. Don't become cynical and suspicious.

Apologies if I sounded a bit cynical in my first post limi. Your post just brought back some not very pleasant memories for me, sorry. :(

Despite what I posted, since you appear to like him, agree with others, go out with him, have a nice dinner, chat, get to know him. Let him get to know you.

Keep it light and fun.

I hate to sound so distrusting, but it's important to be smart too so as to not get so carried away or as Sportster said, get ahead of yourself.

This man has shared A LOT of very personal info with you about his life, family, going into great detail about the reasons why he won't be available after the date, before ever even meeting you.

Personally, I would not be comfortable with that, but if you're ok with it, which clearly you are, go out, again, keeping it light and fun.

Lower expectations, and simply take it for what it is, a nice dinner with a new man.

If/when he returns, and wants to take you out again, see how you feel then.

Good luck!

Thank you all!

Yeah I'm just taking it one day at a time. I'm having the date with him tomorrow and just seeing how that goes. I don't have high expectations. I just want to have fun.

It's okay Katrina! I know where you are coming from. From an outsiders perspective it sounds odd the one month thing and suspicious. Just me personally talking to him and getting a vibe for what he's like, I know it's true. Plus he knows I have to be in a committed relationship to have sex and that takes many dates later.

Plus there is that chance he goes away and never comes back, I just take meeting him at face value.

It's just nice to get back out there again. My heart feels like it's been through the grinder.

Lisa

Sounds good limi, and yeah it's great you're back out there again!

I took a bit of a break mid-last year, and shortly after getting back out there again in the Fall, attended a match.com singles event and met my boyfriend.

Have fun and let us know how it goes!

Good luck and try to have some fun on your date. It’s good you know that he will be away for a month following your date. If you really hit it off then being away for a month or more is going to be uncomfortable, but at least you will know why.

My advice to you is to try to go out on a few casual dates with other men while he goes away with his mother. That way you can more evenly evaluate him and you won’t be pining for him while he is away.

Something about your story sounds like he will have one date with you and is already planning reasons and difficulties in life that will prevent him from dating with you a second time. Sorry.

I agree. Don't put all your eggs in this basket. Date other men casually and when he comes back maybe you can go on a second date and continue from there.

Fantastic approach. Enjoy the date!

I'm having the date with him tomorrow and just seeing how that goes. I don't have high expectations. I just want to have fun.

Please don't put your heart on any line. Just meet this pleasant stranger and have a fun/pleasant dinner. One meet at a time.

Well we decided to meet after he comes back in a month. Then hes settled and if we want to start dating after meeting it makes it easier to do that.

Dont worry my heart isnt on any line. I honestly even if i wasnt talking to him wouldnt be dating right now anyway. Its not like i also have men lined up at my door. Haha So a month is not long

Considering i have things i need to do.

Ill keep you all posted

What I would do is limit contact to making the plan and confirming it. Then be out there meeting people or searching on dating sites until you meet him.

>>Be out there meeting and searching for other men *until* you meet him.

---

^^IF she meets him.

limi, seriously hun, try to put this man out of your mind. I would not be considering or expecting anything from him at this point.

He's already told you he doesn't like texting or talking on phone so wouldn't expect much of that either.

This whole situation sounded off to me from the get go, hence my first post, and I am not surprised one bit he cancelled.

Take it for what it was, fun chat for a week with a stranger who is now gone, and who you most likely will never hear from again.

If he does text while gone and contacts you when he returns, be surprised and see how you feel then.

I would not count on it though.

Sorry to sound negative but as I said, this whole situation sounds really off.

>>Be out there meeting and searching for other men *until* you meet him.

 

---

 

^^IF she meets him.

 

limi, seriously hun, try to put this man out of your mind. I would not be considering or expecting anything from him at this point.

 

He's already told you he doesn't like texting or talking on phone so wouldn't expect much of that either.

 

This whole situation sounded off to me from the get go, hence my first post, and I am not surprised one bit he cancelled.

 

Take it for what it was, fun chat for a week with a stranger who is now gone, and who you most likely will never hear from again.

 

If he does text while gone and contacts you when he returns, be surprised and see how you feel then.

 

I would not count on it though.

 

Sorry to sound negative but as I said, this whole situation sounds really off.

You know, I forgot about those details because I focused on the update.

I agree.

The "sister and four kids" might in fact be: his wife and 'their' four kids.

When a guy has told me in the past that they were not into texting/speaking on the phone, it turned out that they were not interested. I think that's one of the first signs if someone's into you...do they reach out to check on you? Are they keeping the communication flowing?

The "sister and four kids" might in fact be: his wife and 'their' four kids.

 

When a guy has told me in the past that they were not into texting/speaking on the phone, it turned out that they were not interested. I think that's one of the first signs if someone's into you...do they reach out to check on you? Are they keeping the communication flowing?

But they haven’t met yet so they can’t know whether they’re into each other that way. I think it’s smart to keep texting or talking to a minimum before you meet a virtual stranger in person.

I really think that you should not contact him - if he is interested in going out with you - since he is the one with the delay - let him reach out only to schedule a date. Go out on dates. If he calls you 2 months from now and asks to meet you - if you already met someone you want to get to know better, you turn him down - or you go out with him but keep dating others

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=546021

Lisa...Please don't tell me it's the same guy as in the (above) thread?

Hi,

No it's not the same guy. That guy in the above thread was someone I actually dated for six months. This guy I'm talking about here is new.

Katrina you were right, he turned out to be scum! So I have decided to just forget about him and move on.

Thank you all!

Lisa

Hi,

 

No it's not the same guy. That guy in the above thread was someone I actually dated for six months. This guy I'm talking about here is new.

 

Katrina you were right, he turned out to be scum! So I have decided to just forget about him and move on.

 

Thank you all!

 

Lisa

Why is he "scum"? What did he do?

He told me flat out he wouldn't date me if I didn't send nudes first!! I blocked him. It really caught me off guard, because I thought he was a nice guy.

He told me flat out he wouldn't date me if I didn't send nudes first!! I blocked him. It really caught me off guard, because I thought he was a nice guy.

Ewww...yeah, I agree, scum.

That's crazy!

Better luck next time!

I'm not surprised, I knew this guy was bad news from the get go.

And I don't think he actually expected you to send him nudes, given what you had told him about not having sex until in a committed RL (which btw is precisely why he cancelled).

I think he wanted you to go away (sorry :() without having to be the "bad guy" since he initially came on so strong.

He knew by asking you to send nudes, you no doubt would!

Consider bullet successfully dodged!