How could I have lost myself so easily?

Well....

I met him on a dating site in June. We met on my 35th birthday and hit it off so we became a couple. We talked of intimacy and how he wanted to wait a month which is understandable.

He then confessed after a month in he wasn't sexually attracted to me because of my weight. I am quite heavy and I do need to lose the weight!

So he kept setting a number on a scale for me to get down too.

He was kind to me in other ways so I said "Let's wait until the wedding night." Of course I thought he did aside from not wanting sex genuinely loved me.

And I thought because we have the same morals, and were compatible that I could overlook what I didn't want to see.

My parents couldn't stand him.

When I got sick at his place last weekend he told me he wouldn't take me to the emergency room because he valued his sleep over helping me. He just told me not to die on him. My parents got me early the next morning and took me to the ER so I could be put on an antibiotics for a serious infection inside underneath my arm.

Tonight it all came to not a blow out but an honest discussion about how I couldn't be with him...

How could I get here?

I mean to post about getting married and waiting until wedding night. I honestly thought when I posted that, this creep was the love of my life!

I put myself down constantly for six months and argued about how wrong it is to date someone if you have no desire for them.

Tonight I found out he had no intention of marrying me

I wasn't his be all in life

He was embarrassed to be seen with me in public because of my weight.

He's self centered and egotistical and vain!

He told me what I wanted to hear and I got manipulated!

By just him saying he would propose!!

I can't do relationships right now....

Obviously I'm dumb enough to carry on for six months with someone and think of forever when all they do is make me feel constantly rejected.

It hit me like a ton of bricks tonight.

He will never be there when I need him most.

He will always put pressure on me about my weight

I'm beautiful and sexy even at 254.

That I got this!!!

That down the road any guy would be lucky to have me!!

So I ended on a friendly note.

We will still be friends because at least we have good conversations but that won't last long.

Ugh!!!

I feel so messed up.

I even started losing my hair from the stress. But now it's growing back.

I'm also losing weight for me.

Girls and guys please don't be a doofus like me...anybody that cuts you down to size kick to the curb right away no matter how many other good things they do for you.

I have the decency and freedom to say to myself "You're beautiful"

When I'm ready:

The next guy that comes along will know my self worth is higher at that time.

That I've got the confidence without the ego!

Will embrace me for all of me!

Will be there in my time of need.

But it's going to take time before I put myself out there again.

Lisa

We will still be friends at least? No girl no!!! This person would not even take you to hospital ! Hell even a neighbour would do that never mind a friend . Toss his ass to the curb and never talk to him again .

I am sorry. :(

I'm sorry you went through that but it sounds like a lesson learned.

Good advice for people reading this.

If someone doesn't love you for you (regardless of size) they aren't worth loving.

You are definitely better off without him.

(((((((Lisa))))))))))

Damn right you're beautiful!!! Do not let a creep like this determine your worth!!!

No, he is not a "friend", don't waste one more second on a total a$$ like this.

If you do lose weight, lose it for your own reasons and number one being health. Don't do it to be accepted or for someone else's approval. You don't need that!!

I am so angry that he wouldn't get up to take you to the hospital!!! Aw, Lisa, please don't ever let anyone ever treat you this way again.

It'll get better. Sending you more hugs.

Ick. He sounds like the most horrible person on earth. I don’t even know you Lisa but I want to kick his *** for you. He s***s. He’ll never find anyone who will make him happy. But you will. Keep doing what your doing, ignore him and move on.

So I ended on a friendly note.

We will still be friends because at least we have good conversations but that won't last long.

Oh my god, no. This guy is not your friend. He is emotionally manipulative, puitting you down because he enjoyed it. Not getting you to a doctor because he doesn't have a shred of human empathy for you. If you're being this jerks friend, you're not being one to yourself.

Lisa, what happened??

Just yesterday you were waxing blissful about how you two were getting married and you were finally getting what you wanted and everything was wonderful.

Were you just hoping? Or did things turn around in less than 48 hours?

And no, you do not remain "friends" with someone like that. Would YOU treat a friend the way he treats you??

Hi everyone

Thank you for your support.

I blocked him on everything and took your advice about being friends.

I wouldn't be being true to myself if I stayed friends with him.

Bolt:

I realized in 48 hours after the one hundredth argument about my weight that I needed to find someone who desires me and wants me. I was disalusioning myself that despite him not wanting me physically or being as self centered as he was that he truly cared and loved me and that was enough.

You guys I left three movies at his condo! Oh well! I can re buy them. I just hate leaving things behind.

My heart hurts even though he was a jerk. It just hurts when reality slaps you in the face.

He is a bully/sadist. He got his thrills out of torturing you over your weight, and you went for it. Even if you had lost the weight, it would have been something else. He knew your weight when he met you, he did this on purpose. I would bet money, that the next woman he goes for will be on the heavy side.

Friends???? What are you talking about. This "friend" refused to take you to the hospital, because it was an inconvenience. How could you stand the sight of him after this.

This guy never loved or respected you. You were his emotional punching bag. Next time, anyone makes conditions for them to be with you, move on.

He then confessed after a month in he wasn't sexually attracted to me because of my weight.

 

So he kept setting a number on a scale for me to get down too.

I'm trying to understand. WHAT made you simply accept this as okay? WHY did you stay with him after that? This was such a HUGE red flag waving in your face and it was your cue to run like hell. Low self-esteem? Desperation? Genuine question.

As to remaining friends: Biggest mistake of your life. Be glad you dodged a bullet and are rid of him. He has shown you his true colours. Don't get caught up in it all over again.

Hi Capricorn,

Fair enough to ask.

I stayed because oddly It was a relief not having a guy just want sex when contacting me. I thought wow this guy really cares and wants more. It backfired though because I was the one who ended up begging for sex. Honestly I also got caught up with how much I loved his family who were a breath of fresh air compared to my exes. I stayed also because he had a way of making me feel loved despite also not having that desire. He took me for my mental illness and many problems. I'm a complicated individual.

I left because I started playing "This is me" from the movie The Greatest Showman

I left because I'm beautiful and more likeable and a catch then his shallow mind will ever be

I left because my parents couldn't take hearing about him anymore.

I left because my vision became clearer when I started to look into the mirror and see what I was before him and what he had done to me afterwards. Before I was radiant with confidence and after I'm finally getting my hair back from the stress it caused to falling out.

I left because it's better being alone then miserable.

I left because I finally got some sense into me.

I suffered low self esteem throughout the six months. I was depressed and vulnerable. Narcissistic people tend to latch onto that I've read.

I wasn't desperate just had a rosier set of glasses on.

I'm a hopeless romantic and believe in love.

I'm not friends with him. I ended that.

Lisa

Oh Yikes! Sorry this happened. What a bum:

When I got sick at his place last weekend he told me he wouldn't take me to the emergency room because he valued his sleep over helping me. He just told me not to die on him.

Thanks Wiseman!

Yeah talk about him having my back when I needed him most. 😏

I feel free to be out of that relationship.

I'm still hopeful about love and I'm not giving up. I'm taking time but not giving up.

You know what? You should be proud of yourself for leaving at 6 months. You didn’t stay a year, or 10 years. Sure, you could have/should have left at the first weight comment, but wouldn’t we all be in 7th heaven if we could rewind our lives and leave when we first could have.

You are beautiful as is, and do not ever let any man tell you otherwise.

If a female friend did these things to you, would she still be your friend? Declining to take you to the ER in favor of her own sleep? Putting you down constantly? How long would she remain your friend?

This is why people kept saying on your other thread that it’s too soon to make large decisions, such as marriage, sex for the first time (due to the fact that you want to wait until marriage), etc. It’s often said that we should go through at least 4 seasons before making any types of “moving forward” decisions.

And yes, keep him blocked. He is not a friend. You are better than this, and you deserve better friends.

Don't be hard on yourself. Trusting someone and wanting to love is a virtue.

Some of us just need practice getting our aim right and make attempts to do this with the wrong people.

You put yourself out there and though you didn't leave at the first sign, you gave it chance and ultimately walked before it got any worse.

Be proud of yourself and from all that you say you will take this experience with you and do better next time.