SeniorCitize Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 My boyfriend (he's in his mid 60s) keeps cheating on me with his ex wife. He was married to her for 37 years and got divorced about 2 years ago. He sneaks off and goes to the casino with her. He claims they are not going on a date, but just carpooling together, even though the drive is an hour each way. Last night I also discovered he snuck off for a 3 day weekend with his ex wife (3rd time I've caught him doing this in 9 months) to go out of state to visit their adult sons. This last time, his one son spent the night at his girlfriend's apartment while my boyfriend and his ex were alone together the whole 3 nights. What do I do? I'm devastated. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 Very easy solution: dump him. I do not understand why you stick around? Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 This is so obvious! Dump his cheating ass and then take some time to figure out why you were putting up with him! Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 You leave him and find someone who isn't still attached to their ex in this manner. Link to comment
SarahLancaster Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 Why exactly is he still your boyfriend? Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 Yeah, answer is obvious. At least to most people. Wondering OP, why is it not obvious to you? Serious question. I gather from your moniker you're a bit older and one would assume not inexperienced. Causes one to wonder if this thread is even real. Link to comment
LC8328 Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 Caught him 3 times in 9 months...goodness. Please get out of this relationship. Don't settle for someone who is perfectly willing to deceive you and not give you the love you deserve. Link to comment
SeniorCitize Posted March 10, 2019 Author Share Posted March 10, 2019 Yes, it's real. I'm 62 and before dating my current boyfriend, it had been years & years since I dated. He gives me excuses that his ex's car isn't in the best shape to travel that distance by herself or that she gets lost easily. Also, he told me that his son's want to see their mom, that my boyfriend takes her so they can see her. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 Yes, it's real. I'm 62 and before dating my current boyfriend, it had been years & years since I dated. He gives me excuses that his ex's car isn't in the best shape to travel that distance by herself or that she gets lost easily. Also, he told me that his son's want to see their mom, that my boyfriend takes her so they can see her. Whatever he is doing, he remains unavailable to you. He has not earned bf status. Link to comment
Starlight925 Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 I suspect that you stay with him out of fear of scarcity. You fear that, at your age, men are scarce, so this cheating a-hole is better than nothing. So you choose to believe him when he whitewashes over the truth, because he's so "good" to you, and so "sweet", and he "treats you so well". Am I close? I'm close to your age (just turned 57!) so I get it. I can tell you one thing, and I'll repeat it forever: It's better to be alone and at least open for a good guy than closed up with a jerk. You are in the latter category now, and I highly recommend you change that. Link to comment
Annia Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 And you keep staying with him. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 Why wasn't the first time enough of an answer for you? Link to comment
SeniorCitize Posted March 10, 2019 Author Share Posted March 10, 2019 He does treat me very well. The only problem is when his ex is involved. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 No he doesnt treat you well if he cheats on you, and multiple times. I'd rather be alone than with someone like that. You wont get any sympathy here, you get good sound advice instead. The problem isnt his ex, it's him. He's the cheater. Link to comment
Starlight925 Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 He does treat me very well. The only problem is when his ex is involved. He treats you well until his penis is inside his ex. Link to comment
SeniorCitize Posted March 10, 2019 Author Share Posted March 10, 2019 He says he didn't have sex with her during the last years of their marriage, why would he all of a sudden have sex with her now. Link to comment
Starlight925 Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 He says he didn't have sex with her during the last years of their marriage, why would he all of a sudden have sex with her now. You've still never responded to any of us. Not one single person on this board will engage you in your discussion of why he does this or that with her. What we will do, until you stop us, is ask you: Why are you staying with him? Link to comment
SeniorCitize Posted March 10, 2019 Author Share Posted March 10, 2019 Because I love him and have fun with him. He has a kind heart. Maybe too kind, when his ex is involved. I keep telling him that he needs to cut the apron strings to her. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 Yes, it's real. I'm 62 and before dating my current boyfriend, it had been years & years since I dated. He gives me excuses that his ex's car isn't in the best shape to travel that distance by herself or that she gets lost easily. Also, he told me that his son's want to see their mom, that my boyfriend takes her so they can see her. You would rather be with a lying cheat than be on your own? I don't get that! It's sad. You do realize he still loves his wife, and not you? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 Because I love him and have fun with him. He has a kind heart. Maybe too kind, when his ex is involved. I keep telling him that he needs to cut the apron strings to her. Your title says he is cheating on you. Which is it? You know what's going on, and if you choose to disrespect yourself in this manner, then that's on you. Link to comment
Annia Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 He says he didn't have sex with her during the last years of their marriage, why would he all of a sudden have sex with her now. You're not blind, you simply don't want to see. It boils down to why. What fear is so big that all this avoidance is the path you choose? Being alone? Link to comment
SeniorCitize Posted March 10, 2019 Author Share Posted March 10, 2019 Like I said before, it would be perfect if she wasn't in the picture. Maybe it's because they were married for so long. She had cheated on him and that's why they got divorced. He tells me that he doesn't want to get back with her, even if we were to break up. He's a great person when she's not involved. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 It sounds like they are too close for comfort but with their age and length of their marriage that is unlikely to change. It sounds more like they have become some sort of best friends and still depend on each other a lot more than "cheating". Link to comment
SeniorCitize Posted March 10, 2019 Author Share Posted March 10, 2019 Wiseman2: that's kinda what he tells me. He says they get along better now that they are divorced than when they were married. It still bothers me. I asked him if the people were reversed, and I spent a platonic weekend with an old boyfriend, he said he'd break up with me. Why does he think it's ok to "hang out" with her? He said he realizes it hurts me, yet he did it again last weekend. Link to comment
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