katrina1980 Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 I'm a bit confused now too, you said they're not having sex, but yet you say he's cheating? Can you clarify OP? You say you love him and have fun. I get that! But do you love yourself? I presume you do otherwise you couldn't love another (him). Loving yourself means respecting yourself and staying true to yourself and your own values, needs, wants, desires. Translation: When something, someone, situation is continually hurting you, you take care of yourself by extricating yourself from that or whom is hurting you. Not saying he's a bad guy, he's not, but the bottom line is this hurts you. So take care of you, choose to respect you, love you. Wish him well and walk away, look for a man whose situation with his ex or whatever, doesn't hurt you. Doesn't that make more sense than remaining in a situation that is hurtful to you? Link to comment
Honeycomb8 Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 It's all on you. You choose to stay with a cheater. Don't keep sticking your face in the fire and still be surprised every time you get burnt. Why wouldn't you end things? He doesn't respect you or love you. His actions are the only thing you should look at. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 Like I said before, it would be perfect if she wasn't in the picture. Maybe it's because they were married for so long. She had cheated on him and that's why they got divorced. He tells me that he doesn't want to get back with her, even if we were to break up. He's a great person when she's not involved. She is not the problem, he is. He is cheating on you with her, because he still loves her. She is the priority. There is no reason why he should be spending time with her. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 But she is in the picture. He isn't going to stop. Why should he? He gets her AND you. You have two choices. Stay with him and accept being cheated on or leave and stop being cheated on. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 He says he didn't have sex with her during the last years of their marriage, why would he all of a sudden have sex with her now. I don't know, why don't you tell us, you're the one who has accused him of cheating. What makes you think they're having sex now? I swear, I feel like I'm reading an episode of the Twilight Zone on some of these threads. Lol Link to comment
Starlight925 Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 I swear, I feel like I'm reading an an episode of the Twilight Zone on some of these threads. Lol Exactly. Makes me mad that I took the time to open up this thread and post. SMH. SeniorCitizen: He's cheating on you with her because he can. Because you sit back and allow it. There's the answer to the question you're asking. Link to comment
SeniorCitize Posted March 10, 2019 Author Share Posted March 10, 2019 In my mind cheating doesn't necessarily mean that they are having sex. Never mind. I showed him these posts and we just broke up. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 It boils down to this: this situation is going to continue as long as you allow it. Put your foot down and see what he does...and then you will have your answer. :eek:chi Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 In my mind cheating doesn't necessarily mean that they are having sex. Never mind. I showed him these posts and we just broke up. Did you break up with him? Link to comment
StepDanine Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 You already know what you should have done 3 Cheats ago. But because everyone reaches their level of " Enough is Enough" at different times. No one can tell you "when you have had enough"...but you. Look in the mirror and see if you still see happiness, that will help you determine what you should do...or if you have had enough. Your happiness awaits you. Link to comment
Starlight925 Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 Who did the breaking up? Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 Because I love him and have fun with him. He has a kind heart. Maybe too kind, when his ex is involved. I keep telling him that he needs to cut the apron strings to her. He doesn't need to do anything of the sort when he has a g/f that stays while he cheats. By sticking with him when he keeps dating his ex wife, You enable him to have his way with the both of you. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 He doesn't need to do anything of the sort when he has a g/f that stays while he cheats. By sticking with him when he keeps dating his ex wife, You enable him to have his way with the both of you. BTW: Does she know of your existence? Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted March 11, 2019 Share Posted March 11, 2019 Op has left the building. Case closed. Link to comment
Annia Posted March 11, 2019 Share Posted March 11, 2019 I don't get it... first he's cheating, but then when people are advising to leave him the relationship is suddenly perfect but it's just that they're good friends/hang out but not cheating. Link to comment
Metaltwin70 Posted March 11, 2019 Share Posted March 11, 2019 'It sounds like they are too close for comfort but with their age and length of their marriage that is unlikely to change. It sounds more like they have become some sort of best friends and still depend on each other a lot more than "cheating".' ________________ Agree. A friend of mine's on various dating sites at the moment, at 41. To say that pickings are slim in that age group would be a major understatement. I don't even want to imagine what it would be like if she were 20 years older. OP c can of course spend the next couple of years working on her fears and insecurities and hit the sites at 65. Sarcasm. When I divorced my ex-h - we'd only been together 5 years - I'd call him, go and see him, spend nights at his - without the slightest thought of ever having any intimacy with him. He was just this person who knew me well and to whose presence in my life I was used at the time. This went on for at least 3 years. It is possible that this is the bf's situation. Not saying it is, and not saying she should stay. Just saying, this was my situation. Link to comment
Starlight925 Posted March 11, 2019 Share Posted March 11, 2019 When I divorced my ex-h - we'd only been together 5 years - I'd call him, go and see him, spend nights at his - without the slightest thought of ever having any intimacy with him. He was just this person who knew me well and to whose presence in my life I was used at the time. This went on for at least 3 years. It is possible that this is the bf's situation. Not saying it is, and not saying she should stay. Just saying, this was my situation. But did you also have a boyfriend while you were still seeing your ex-husband? Because this is the position the OP is in. If you had a boyfriend at the time, I doubt you'd have spent time with your ex-husband. You can do one, but not both: You can hang with your ex-spouse, or have a new partner, but you cannot do both. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 11, 2019 Share Posted March 11, 2019 But did you also have a boyfriend while you were still seeing your ex-husband? Because this is the position the OP is in. If you had a boyfriend at the time, I doubt you'd have spent time with your ex-husband. You can do one, but not both: You can hang with your ex-spouse, or have a new partner, but you cannot do both. I agree. Why even get divorced. It prevents you from moving on with your life. Also, the OP stated that the ex wife cheated on him. At the very least he is very emotionally attached to the ex, and it is an unhealthy situation. If he ended the relationship with the OP after seeing her thread, he clearly did not have strong feelings for her. It certainly did not take much. His priority is with the ex wife. Link to comment
jimthzz Posted March 11, 2019 Share Posted March 11, 2019 A thought: Are you sure they are divorced? What proof do you have? His word? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 11, 2019 Share Posted March 11, 2019 A thought: Are you sure they are divorced? What proof do you have? His word? Good point! Link to comment
Metaltwin70 Posted March 11, 2019 Share Posted March 11, 2019 'If he ended the relationship with the OP after seeing her thread, he clearly did not have strong feelings for her. It certainly did not take much. His priority is with the ex wife.' ___________ Agree. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted March 11, 2019 Share Posted March 11, 2019 When I divorced my ex-h - we'd only been together 5 years - I'd call him, go and see him, spend nights at his - without the slightest thought of ever having any intimacy with him. He was just this person who knew me well and to whose presence in my life I was used at the time. This went on for at least 3 years. It is possible that this is the bf's situation. Not saying it is, and not saying she should stay. Just saying, this was my situation. Codependent attachment. Link to comment
Gary Snyder Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 Oh wow, so sorry he is sneaking. Sneaking = guilty. Threaten to leave and see if he stops. It's called tough love. Link to comment
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