rubberducky86

I've had a very similar problem, and many posts about it. When I started going out w/my married man he was living at his friends house for the past couple of months and I gave him a couple more months before I ever got involved. I am 20 and he is turning 30 in May. I also found out he was cheating on me after a while, because due to unforeseen and sucky circumstances that I think are bull * * * * he moved in with his wife. His still living w/her and he sleeps in a separate room, but they are still under the same roof together. I was never stupid, I always thought he was cheating on me (although it's not considering cheating because SHE is his wife not you...) I just let it go because I loved him soo much. I still do, but one of the only reasons I let so much go now is because I ended up pregnant. Please for your own sake think of yourself. It's the time to be selfish, a boyfriend is not something you should be sharing with another woman (and I obviously don't mean his kids, he should be involved with them) This scenario just sounds all too familiar. It's not a good life to lead. How long has he been with his wife? Because my boyfriend claimed that because they had been together since highschool (for 10 years) it's hard not to want to have sex with her. I told him numerous times if he wants her to go back to her, but he tells me time and time again he doesn't love her like that anymore, and the sex they had when he was cheating is meaningless...but think is that what he's telling her about you? As for me people told me to stay away and I didn't listen. Sometimes you really do have to learn from your own mistakes, just hope it's not too late when you figure it out. I wish you all the best of luck, and never trust a wife. Today she bought me a set of little rubber duckies for the baby...all it did was make me uneasy. You don't have to leave him just because people tell you to, if you love him it's hard. But you need to force him to make a decision, and keep the kids out of the decision making. There are many men (including my own father) who could only see me on the weekends because he was divorced and living elsewhere. Obviously he loves his children but don't let him use it as an excuse, if he loves his children he would do the right thing, and not be messing around with you and his wife. And if he told you he's only slept with his wife once I really hate to say it, but it's been more than once. And it doesn't mean he doesn't care about you, but it's exactly like one of the other posters said, he wants to have his cake and eat it to. You know how many times I have been told that!! It's crazy and it will drive you nuts. If he doesn't move in a more mature direction (divorce, separation as by moving out and NEVER sleeping over the wive's house again) than I would say by all means continue if your happy with him. But if he just tells you he'll divorce her, it's not good enough, and if he lives with you but stays at her house late, than that's not good enough. He needs to go back to her or move on to you and that's all there is to it.

Age: 20 Gender: Female 1. How many relationships have you had? - 4...but I don't know if week relationships really count 2. How many times have you been in love? - once 3. How long was your longest relationship? What went wrong in the relationship? - my longest relationship was off and on for almost 2 years, it was long distance and ultimately he ended up cheating on me so we broke up. Right before I started going out with my current b/f he asked me out again and I turned him down. 4. How short was your shortest relationship? What went wrong in the relationship? - shortest relationship a week, problem we were best friends and no one wanted to ruin the friendship. 5. Are you currently in a relationship now? How is it going? - Currently I am in a relationship, we've only been going out for 10 almost 11 months now. We are pregnant and do plan on this going somewhere in the future. 6. Have you ever been engaged? How many times? - Only words twice no rings, just a couple of people saying what they felt for each other. 7. Have you ever been married? Are you still married? How many times? What went wrong in the marriages? Do you ever want to be married? - Never been married. And yes I would like to get married to my current boyfriend, not just because we are having a child together, but because I do love him with all my heart and I would do anything for him, and I know he feels the same. 8. Do you have any kids? How many? Do you even want kids? - I have one on the way, that's all. I didn't want kids yet, but I did want them eventually. 9. How many of your ex's have dumped you? Why do you think they dumped you? - First was because we went out for like 2 days, he couldn't handle everyone asking him questions and then I realized I didn't really like him as more than a friend anyways. Second was he broke up with me because he figured it was the right thing to do after telling me he cheated on me. Third was my best friend, it lasted just over a week and then we decided we didn't want to ruin our friendship, it hurt but we got over it and we are still friends, who try to stay off the subject of when we were together, plus we now both have partners. 10. How many have you dumped? Why? - I dumped guy number 2 a couple times because it was long distance and things didn't seem like they were working out but ultimately he dumped me because he was cheating on me and didn't think it was fair to me. 11. If you can change one thing about yourself, what would it be? - I would change my height and age, I am only 5'1" and I hate it although my b/f is also short and I am 20 but I look like I'm 12-16, plus my boyfriend is turning 30 in May and looks like he's in his mid 20's. 12. If you can choose one quality in a man/woman,what would it be? - Honesty. I want someone who is honest to me and can tell me what he feels or what's going on. Like if I ask him if he's cheating on me, he can answer me w/o making jokes or tip toeing around the subject. 13. What is the worse thing a man/woman can do in a relationship? -Infidelity, and lying all the time. Like if I don't like my man drinking and he keeps doing it and lying about it, I couldn't handle that (btw that's not directed at my b/f because although he's almost 30 I've seen him drink like 3 times, he doesn't like to do it) second, if you lose faith that's alright but you have to be able to talk to your partner and try to work things out, or even break up before you go around cheating on them. 14. Whats more important, looks or personality? - Personality, I think my boyfriend is good looking, although when I first met him it was ALL about the personality. 15. Describe your ideal life partner. - My ideal life partner would be someone that I can be myself around, that I don't always have to dress up or wear makeup to impress. Someone who would be honest to me at all times, who would not make promises he couldn't keep. Someone who knows the things I like and maybe hates them himself but loves me all the more for liking them. Someone who I know could make me laugh or cry with just a couple of words. And someone who expects this all in return. 16. What is one thing you regret and can take back? - Never giving my boyfriend the chance he deserved when I met him, because I ran away at first because I was afraid. 17. Are you a virgin? If yes do you think you lost it too young or too old? If no when do you want to lose your virginity? - I am obviously not a virgin, I am pregnant. I would've liked to wait until marriage and all that good crap, but I like the fact that I have only been with one man. 18. Have you ever had a one night stand? How many? Would you ever do it again? Nope, never, prolly not lol. 19. Finish this sentence: Love is____________________________ - Love is when you care so deeply about someone that you would rather see them happy than yourself, and they feel the same way and so no one is ever unhappy. 20. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? - I see myself hopefully successful, I see my then 10yr old was raised the right way so far, and I see her daddy and I married. I want nothing more for myself than to raise my child to the best of my abilities, and I will do whatever it takes, so if I can't get that successful job I really want I see myself working hard for the ones I love because they mean more to me than I do to myself, for now and forever.

When I was 16 I liked someone 21yrs older than me. We flirted alot but nothing ever came of it. I just couldn't picture us in the long run, if anything we would just have a purely sexual relationship, an although at that moment I didn't mind, I learned that that wasn't what I really wanted, and that I had to move on. I didn't want to and it was harder than hell to do, but I did it. I do miss him, and I do still like him, and sometimes I think I made a mistake. So if you REALLY like this guy than try it, what's the worst that can happen? Either you end up w/o him, or you end up with him...

I agree I don't know what the hell he was thinking. It's like he's not even taking this matter seriously. But then again he didn't think I would even talk to him. He thought I was going to hang up on him throw a hissy fit. Anyways, he may have treated me like crap but I don't feel like that's a necessary reason to keep him away from his child. Although, if he ended up getting his wife pregnant while cheating on me that's another story. I just don't know what to do. We are only going to be friend for now, and if he can't see that friends means NO groping, than I might have to do something drastic. I'll find out later when he comes to get his stuff.

I forgot to say something, he was joking around, pulled me on his lap and was like what do you want for christmas little girl and I'm like you to be with me, and he said oh, sorry christmas already passed then I stopped and it got all serious and I'm like well my birthday is coming up, so he said fine, what do you really want for your birthday. I said I want you to get a divorce. And he gave me a face like that was what he was expecting me to say, and I was like what... it's logical don't you think and he said yes and gave me a kiss. Second right before I left he gave me a kiss and said he really loved me, and I said really, then why'd you hurt me? And he sighed and said he deserved that. After I had been jabbing at him like that all night and I kept saying he deserved me to treat him like * * * *, he said he deserved that one comment. LOL... men.

He wouldn't look at me when he said it, but he told me he did sleep with his wife. I asked how many times even though I didn't want to know, he said he didn't know a few, I said in nine months we've been going out you don't know how many times, and he said no it's only been a few, and he said he knows that because he was good and faithful to me for a long time. I didn't cry and I didn't yell like I really thought I would but I did keep saying things that were kinda harsh but he deserves it. I asked him if he wanted to be with her and he said he didn't know. I said how do you not know. You kept telling me you want to move in together and get married. He said I do. I said well you can't if you want to be with her. I can't play these games anymore. I was stupid enough to let this happen, but why do you think I've been pushing the fact that I want to get in an apartment before this child is born, so this wouldn't happen anymore and we could just ignore it all together, now that it's out I have to deal with it. BUT just why wouldn't you tell me, I asked you if you were cheating on me, you were always so honest with me. He said, well how could I just come out and say yes honey I'm cheating on you, i'm still sleeping with my wife on occasion. I said I guess I understand that, not wanting to hurt my feelings or w/e but... and he continued, but what I did was wrong, and I have no excuses. I'm not going to try to defend my actions because they were just wrong. I said your right. And we sat around randomly talking about things. He said he'd still go to my doctors appointments with me if I want him there, cuz I told him I wanted him there still, it's his kid too. But I told him I don't know what to do. I said I'm sorry but I can't trust you if you are living in this house. If we are not in an apartment together I can't trust you. And even if we were in an apartment, you could still be cheating on me. I don't think that's a risk I want or need to take. You shouldn't be given a second chance. You're wife has been cheated on by you forever and she still wants you back. I love you honey, but I can't be like she is. I can't keep taking you back when you screw up. He looked like he was going to cry a couple of times but he didn't. Neither did I. He was scared at how I wasn't yelling. But when it comes to something important it's better not to fight and make everything worse. Plus like I said I had felt bad because I knew everything was going on and I was letting it go, even though I was mad and would talk to him about it, I never did anything about it. And so I told him, right now we are just friends, because I don't think we can be anything more right now. Over the course of a couple more hours he kissed me, but just pecks on the cheek or lips, and I would say don't and he'd stop. But he even like grabbed my chest while I was trying to fix my bra that he had been trying to undo. I told him to stop he even said something sexual and tried to put my hand on his... I pulled away and I told him to stop and then he really looked like he was going to cry, I said no, you don't deserve this, you have to stop. I love you and you know I want to be with you, but under these circumstances I can't, I can't do this to myself or let you do it to me. He apoligized and his cousin came out and talked to us, and my (ex i guess) b/f started rubbing my shoulders and neck. It wasn't bad or anything, not really bugging me, but I mean yea I guess it could be conscrewed as just a friendly guesture, but no one else knows what's going on so they still assume we are together. And please if anyone responds don't mention no contact, because I'm not willing to do that right now, while I have a child on the way, yes I have friends who can support me, but some of them know what's going on and will help me out staying "away" from him.

For anyone who might actually still be reading this, he FINALLY called today like at quarter of 6 and I couldn't go see him because I am babysitting my lil sister and her friend. His allergies are acting up and so he's like I'm not gonna go anywhere tonight, but he's like u can still come over when u're mom gets home, and I'm like alright but I don't know when she's coming home and I won't go over if it's too late. If I don't come over today, come over my house tomorrow please, and he said ok. I really want to talk to him. URG!! Plus I need to get out of this house, I hate babysitting my lil sister she is such a spoiled brat!

I still haven't talked to him yet, but I've been talking to a mutual friend of ours. Neither of us have known the kid that long, but still it's someone to talk to. He said I should talk to him before jumping to conclusions. But it's kind of hard to think it's just jumping to conclusions when his wife told me. I know that sounds bad to, but he hasn't even tried to deny it yet, so I don't think I'm jumping to conclusions. Just gotta wait around for him to call so we can talk. AND I am so stuck on the fact that we are done. He has no more chances, we can be friends but it doesn't come w/benefits. I'm done with him being like that.

I know, after some sleep, I'm starting to think a little more clearly. The sleep was horrible, but still. I couldn't eat all day, the one time I tried I threw up and I really don't want to end up in the hospital. But I'm sure I will. I don't know if I had said this, but we haven't broken up yet, I haven't talked to him since I found out. Well actually that's a lie because he called last nite. I told him to come over here so we could talk and instead he calls and said he's sorry he couldn't come over but he had to finish cleaning. Yea that's more important than this. Oh well, I hope we can atleast remain on good terms for the child. I really do. It kills me that I won't be with him anymore. I do love him, but I keep going over what I'm going to say to him, and no where in that is oh we can still keep going out, thinking that way is making me sick. When I go and talk to him today I don't care how many times they've done it, or when. My only question is why? Why didn't he tell me. He was always so good to me, so honest as far as I was concerned. And I told him from the very beginning if he wanted to go back to her he could. But I guess he just wanted to have his cake and eat it to. I'm so dumb. How could I just ignore everything... And it sucks bad because I'm young, and I know everyone's like oh you haven't experienced love yet, well maybe I have and maybe I haven't, I just know that this hurts like hell. Can we just skip over everything fast-forward and see if I find someone else? Fast forward into my child in college or something. Or better yet...can someone just rewind this, because at first I was smart, I wasn't going to go out with him, it took me 3 months to say yes to him. I'm such a dumass.

Thanks. I know I knew better, I just tried to play pretend. It didn't work out. I don't mind if he wants to stay in the child's life in fact I would love him to. The wife knows that I'm pregnant already but what does that matter. What's done is done, you can't change the past you can only hope to make the future better. He actually called me tonite, wanted to know if I was still going over his house tomorrow. I didn't yell or freak out I was just like why the * * * * would I do that? I also asked if he wanted to talk about anything and he said not in particular not right now, which atleast means he has enough decency to talk to me in person, rather than being even more of a jerk and just telling me what I don't really wanna hear but need to hear over the phone. I talked to some of my friends about it, and I'm just afraid that now that we won't talk about anything important until tomorrow I might start to cave in. I am trying so hard not to. I know that if I was to stay with him it would be the end of my friendship with everyone I told, and more importantly the end of my self respect. I can't do that to myself. I wish he would've ended up better. I really could've seen me spending the rest of my life with him. Oh, is it wrong to think that maybe YEARS down the line (seriously years) that if he were to divorce her and get his act together I could see possibly getting back together with him? BUT that would ONLY be because I do still really love him...maybe I'll stop or fade out of it years down the line, but right now I'm still seeing hope, and I just want to know if that's a bad thing. Because he only cheated w/his wife, and I know it's due to sticky circumstances on both parts, but it's not like he just went out and screwed some random girls for the fun of it. You know, I really don't even know what I'm saying anymore, have I lost all faith in myself...I can't see me back together with him, not once he's hurt me...this sucks. It was great well it lasted but it was bound to end in disaster needless to say why the post title was The End of a Great Disaster.

So this morning, everything I have tried to pretend about and ignore was finally confessed. It's sad really because it makes me feel like such a loser, but I know that I knew the whole time, it's just sad because I let it happen. Anyways...my boyfriend of 9 months and the father of my unborn child (14wks along) has been cheating on me. And not just with anyone, with his wife. I would say his ex, but they are not divorced yet just separated, and apparently getting back together behind my back. The story is long and boring, but I haven't cried about it yet. I don't know why, I was thinking it's because I was in shock...but I don't know...I think it's just because I've put up with so much bull * * * * already that I just don't care. It's my own escape route from him, but it makes me look like an idiot. This is my real problem. When I left his house I told him I expect to see him later, and I do. I know I won't be the first person to open my mouth and if he doesn't open his mouth right away I'm sure I'll smack him. Seeing him I know will bring the tears, and I've already packed up everything that's his or reminds me of him. I know I want nothing to do with him. But I did tell him before that no matter what happens between us I will not keep him away from the baby, he is not abusing me or anything, so I don't see a reason not to. Except I know I love him, and I will until the day that I die, and I've always fell for his excuses and I just want to try and keep my ground. I haven't even told any of my friends or anything about what's happened yet, and I don't plan on it until I get his side. Let me just say me and him were in a room together when all this information was being whipped back and forth between friends (his wife and his cousin) I'm sure there's truth in it because as I said I had a feeling it was going on. But I looked at him and he didn't seem pissed off like to the point where he was freaking out trying to say no I didn't I didn't I promise I swear, all he did was shake his head and roll his eyes. Now I did trust my boyfriend almost completely for a long time. Probably a mistake, but w/e. I also happen to know that his cousin has lied to me before and his wife has hated me and wanted to hurt me like this for a long time so she could get back with him, AND I have even told my boyfriend if he wanted to he could get back together with her. He told me he didn't want to and that he wanted to get a divorce. So now I'm confused and hurt, and what kills is that he was going to all my pregnancy appointments with me because I wanted him to, and I have a really important one coming up (about a cyst) and as far as I knew he was coming but now he prolly won't. I don't really blame him, but I still want and need his support it's his child too, and I know that I will be very bad to myself if I don't have any of his help or support. (meaning not eating like a should, horrible sleep that I already have, stressing myself out over nothing and w/e else) I don't really know if this even ending up being a question as much as it was just a confusing rant.

I don't believe you are mentally ill. Many people experience "super natural phenomenon". There are skeptics and I never was one. I don't always believe the bologna they show on TV about ghosts and things, but I do believe what I see, feel, and hear. I've seen things, I've felt things and I've heard things. I've had an incident where me and my friend both heard something. And my mom believes in ghosts to. When I was little she would never admit it to me, but once I was 17 or 18 she had told me ghost stories from when I was a baby. Supposedly the house we were living in was haunted and my parents, and the neighbors (it was a duplex) used to hear things all the time, such as a baby's cry when me and my sister were both clearly visable and neither crying. Also in one of the last house I was in, we had a nice experience where the doorbell kept ringing at all hours of the day. We thought it was kids playing pranks, but when it kept happening we blamed faulty wiring or something and my parents took the doorbell right out of the wall and placed it on the kitchen table. That night, the doorbell rang! People can believe what they want, but we believed we weren't welcome and left the house shortly after.

Well I am 19 and my boyfriend is 29. Close to your age gap. When I first met him he came on very strong telling me he loved me too soon. We had just met that day! I needed a few months after that to clear my own head and then we started going out. He was and is a great guy. The biggest problem with our age gap is not that there is ten years between us, it's because I look like I'm 16, not that he looks like he's going on 30 but he doesn't look like a teenager either. The only time we ever got weird looks was at the movies once. But you guys have already been there as friends, so there's a plus lol. I know you have mentioned you are religious as another person has brought up so if you can wait until marriage...or at the very least until both of you are ready then do it. I didn't and I'm pregnant now. It's not as bad as it sounds, I'm not really religious but we had a...problem with protection and afterward I had prayed for what was right to happen and now I'm pregnant...so who knows. Personally I see nothing wrong with your relationship. I am not saying this because of my own relationship, but because before I met my boyfriend I liked someone 21 years my senior. People are weird, some like them old, some like them young...etc. Either way I would say ask this girl her feelings, that is the only way you will know if you can advance anything. And NEVER say love right away, it'll scare the hell out of her! Good luck!

I'm not really sure where to put this but I know it has to do alot with my emotions and feelings so here goes. Lately I have been having bad dreams. I guess you could consider them nightmares, but their not like the kind I usually have lol. I mean they are not zombies and ghosts they are about my niece getting taken away by child services, my best friend from foreverago dying, people accusing my boyfriend of...very bad things, and even of me cheating on my boyfriend. I don't know what to do, this morning I woke up crying and I had no one there to hold me. It's confusing but the situation is this, I love my boyfriend with all my heart, I'm even pregnant with his child. He loves me, and we want to move in together. Currently he is in a situation where he's living with his ex-wife and yes I trust him completely. I am about 2 months pregnant and after my mom found out she wouldn't let him come over any more because she says she has to get used to the situation first. He still comes over when she's not home and I go and visit him to. Problem is we can't sleep together (and when I say that I mean just sleep lol) My sister thinks the dreams are just happening because I'm pregnant and possibly worried. (About alot apparently lol) I'm not sure if it's because of that because I would randomly have a dream or two like this when I wasn't pregnant. Anyways, I was just wondering if anyone knows a good way to I don't know NOT have bad dreams...or a way I can cope with it in the morning when I feel like crying but there is no one there to comfort me? Or better yet a good way to get to sleep when I feel like crying all night because I don't want to have a dream like this again. As my best friend had put it, it was one mother of a dream I had last nite lol.

I keep a journal too. But I almost never write in it like a journal. I write random odd things like you, and I also try my hardest to write about something without writing about it. I know that sounds weird but I mean like if something is going on in my life I will write random things like you do but they will somehow incorporate how I feel or what has happened, it almost sounds stupid but I can almost always remember what was going on at the time I wrote it. I also like to write and would LOVE to be a author one day. Alot of random things I write I eventually think sound cool and I try to incorporate them into my stories. Basically I'm just trying to say your not alone, and many people do many things with what they write. Keep it up and maybe you'll be able to do something with it, if not, oh well, it's not like it will kill you!