AlleyCat

Thanks for the advice. I read one of Suze Orman's books not too long ago (The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous and Broke) and suggested exactly that to my fiance because I think it's a great idea, but he wasn't too wild about the idea, and actually setting up a way to manage our combined household money seemed a bit complicated. Anyway, he's been much better about at least paying more often when we go out, so I can't really complain too much. Also, we'll be getting married next year and splitting more of our income then, so I'm more focused on how we're going to do that for now. Overall, we complement each other very well when it comes to managing money. I'm much better about taking care of regular expenses and managing money for short-term savings, and he's a little better about long-term savings.

I completely agree with those who have said that it depends on the financial situation of both parties once in a relationship. When first dating, I think whoever asks the other person out should be prepared to pay (but the other person should at least offer to pay their own way). This situation has caused some problems in my own relationship, so I definitely encourage couples to discuss this early in the relationship. When my fiance and I first started dating, he was in school and I made about the same amount of money (or more at times). thereforeeee, I felt I should pay at least my half. However, now he makes about $20,000 a year more than I do. Also, we live together and several of our expenses are not expenses I had when living on my own or with roommates, and wouldn't have if left up to me (HD, expanded cable, high speed internet, etc.). He insists on splitting the bills in half (although I usually end up paying a little more because he's forgetful, and I do most of the grocery shopping). We've talked about this, and his response was that he expects me to pay half for everything because I've always done so. After discussing this many times, he pays a little more often when we go out (mostly because I don't have much money to go out after paying my half of the bills), but I think we still have some room for improvement in this area...

I totally understand what you mean about oral sex. I also find it a bit gross to give and receive, but I still do it occasionally because my fiance enjoys it. It doesn't bother me as much when we do it in or immediately after a shower. Also, you might want to try using some flavored oils or something similar when you're on the giving end... As for not being able to have an orgasm when he's fingering you, don't worry about that too much. If it felt like "too much," it probably was too much. He probably just needs to go more slowly to work you up to that point (and as some other people have suggested, it definitely helps to know your own body so you can let him know what you like). Do your best to relax. If you try to hard to have an orgasm, chances are you won't (at least that's been my experience). Good luck!

It sounds like he's getting all of the benefits of a relationship - trust, honesty, laughter, sex, etc. without any of the obligations. If he's already getting all of this for "free," I really don't see why he would feel that he has any reason to pursue a relationship with you, which is sad. As for where I think you should go from there, if you're fine with staying "just friends," by all means, go for it, if you don't feel hurt being treated this way (I know I would). However, I would say to keep looking for love elsewhere, and try to avoid the physical aspects of your relationship with him. Eventually, he may come to realize that he does indeed want to pursue a relationship with you, but you should not wait around for him. Move on with your life, with or without him as your "friend."

I can sympathize with your situation. My b/f and I have been together for over 6 years and we're currently living together. About a year ago, his life changed when he graduated from law school and entered the "real world" for the first time. He became very distant, like your b/f. On several occasions, he said that things "didn't feel right" between us, but he eventually realized that he was just confused overall about life, adjusting to the changes and facing the prospect of working full time for the rest of his life. How does your b/f feel overall about life, his new job, etc.? This new job really could be affecting his overall attitude, not just his attitude regarding you. If his entire life is being affected, I would suggest giving him time and a little space (but only you can decide how much time you're willing to wait). Since you've already been together for 5 1/2 years, waiting a month or two isn't much in the grand scheme of things, if you think your relationship is worth it and truly believe that he loves you and wants to make it work.

I agree with the other posters who have basically said that he's a shallow creep. However, I think society and the porn industry are also to blame here. Most men claim that they have clearly defined boundaries between "fantasy" and "reality," but it sounds like that's the problem with your b/f. He seems to think it's okay to fantasize about and even try to initiate sex with other women. Yes, I realize there's a big difference between fantasizing about a random person and actually trying to initiate sex with someone, but he seems to think that this type of thing is okay as long as it doesn't affect his relationship with you (which it does, obviously). You mentioned that he claims to understand how you feel and would never do it again. If you trust him, there's nothing wrong with giving him another chance - but if he blows it again, I think you should definitely get rid of him. As for the "perfect" body, there are "perfect" bodies everywhere. I suspect that he was completely naive in his comment, not intentionally being mean. Try to not take it too personally. After all, society shows us that it's okay to comment on/fantasize about women's bodies, so why not talk about them with your girlfriend (yes, I realize how ridiculous that sounds). Anyway, at least he said he prefers YOUR body. I think that's the important thing here. He really just sounds immature, not like a total creep.

It's difficult to come up with gift ideas for other people because the best gifts are those that are significant to him or especially to your relationship (at least for your anniversary). All I can do is provide personal experience. For Valentine's Day, my boyfriend gave me a painting of my cats. I LOVED it because I love my cats and it really showed me that he understood me. For my birthday a few months later, he bought me a bike and TiVo. While he spent much more on the birthday gifts, they just didn't have the same kind of significance. Your anniversary shouldn't be about how much you spend. It should be about showing your partner how much you value them and your relationship. My all-time favorite anniversary gift (we've been together over 6 years) was the year he booked a hotel room (we weren't living together at the time). He drove me there blindfolded so I wouldn't know where we were going. Once we were in the room, I saw that he had cooked for me, and he put rose petals all over the room. Granted, that might be a bit too "girly" for your b/f; after all, I have no idea what he likes, but it's something to consider. Maybe you could plan an overnight trip to a place he really likes or has mentioned wanting to see. Good luck coming up with ideas!!

1) Crush - 4th grade. I was 9 years old and I pretended I hated him. 2) Date - 15 3) Kiss - 15 4) Lost Virginity - 15

I found these articles very interesting. Thanks for posting them! One thing that struck me was the statement that nearly half of the men surveyed claimed they wouldn't marry without living together first. How many of you feel this way? Personally, I wanted to live together before getting married, possibly because I'm a child of divorce myself. Anyway, when I first mentioned the idea to my b/f over a year ago, he said he didn't want to live together before getting married. We've been living together for almost a year now, so convincing him is not an issue, but I'm still curious about whether you feel you must live together first before getting married.

Your feelings of jealousy could be caused by several different factors, so I think you should try to figure out what's causing them. Overall, are you satisfied with the amount of time you spend together? If you went from spending a great deal of time together to spending much less time together, it's completely normal to feel hurt or excluded. Do you feel that he's hiding things from you? Is your primary concern the fact that he didn't do this before, but now he is? I had this problem over a year ago, but it's not a problem for me anymore. For me, the issue was that my boyfriend started going out with his friends 5+ times a week when he hadn't gone out with them more than once a week (usually even less often) for the first few years of our relationship. Also, I felt left out because he wasn't open about his activities with his friends - I was hurt by the fact that he'd casually mention something he had done weeks or months before and I had never even heard about it before. I felt that I was being excluded from an entirely new aspect of his life. Things are much better for me now. I can't even remember the last time I had that instant, nagging feeling of annoyance upon hearing he was going out with his friends. In fact, my b/f is out with one of his friends right now and it doesn't bother me one bit! Several factors contributed to me feeling better. First of all, we've been living together for almost a year now. No matter what he does, I know that it's me that he's coming home to, and that helps a lot. Also, he's a lot more open about his activities - I no longer feel that it's a part of his life that completely excludes me; it's just something he does without me sometimes, like work, and we talk about it later. Although he has even more friends now than he did when this was a problem for me, he really doesn't spend as much time with them as he did when this bothered me. While he may see his friends several times a week some weeks, other weeks he may only see them once. And finally, and probably most importantly, we now spend much more time together (since we're living together), so I no longer feel neglected. I can see him as much as I want and still have plenty of my own "alone" or "with friends" time. That's probably more than you wanted to know, but the point is that it can get better with time. It's great that you recognize that this is a problem with you rather than starting silly arguments in which you blame him. Now it's time for you to try to figure out exactly what bothers you about him going out with his friends and work on fixing that. Good luck!!

I guess I'm the first to disagree with everyone else on this topic... Many women have a problem with porn, so I applaud you for thinking with your brain instead of just your uhh... other parts. I've seen countless topics on this site posted by women who are upset because their boyfriend looks at porn. You need to find out how your girlfriend feels about porn before you decide whether or not you should feel guilty about it. If she's okay with it, you can go for it with a clear conscience. If she's not okay with it, personally, I think you should feel guilty about it, and should try to find solutions together to prevent you from feeling the need to look at porn.

I could type forever about my thoughts regarding his views of a woman's role, but it doesn't sound like that's the issue here. It sounds like the following are the issues you're having: 1. He thinks you're too cold. 2. You think he should offer you a place to stay. 3. You would like to feel secure about your relationship. First of all, how can you expect him to be ready to move onto the next phase of your relationship when you're not even ready to open up to him? Similarly, how can he expect you to open up to him when he's not willing to provide the security you so obviously need? It sounds like you're both being unreasonable, and you both need to give it time. It's great that you're in counseling to work through these issues - I hope it helps. As for him not offering you a place to day, I don't know enough about your situation. If you're really in dire need of a place to stay, I definitely think the "right" thing to do would be to offer. However, I think staying with him should be a last resort ONLY. It doesn't sound like you're ready to be living together. Your relationship needs more work first, and that would probably only make things worse at this point. He's right in not offering you a place to stay, assuming you're not completely desperate. However, I think he should try to help you find a place to stay, by asking friends, perhaps even helping financially if he's able to, etc.

If everything you did almost made her orgasm, but you didn't actually make her orgasm, you're probably not that great. That's not to say that you're bad at anything - just that more practice is required. Also, if licking her nipples "almost made her orgasm" as much as oral sex, then she probably wasn't even close since most women can't have an orgasm this way - it doesn't matter how good the guy is at doing this. If you both enjoyed it, that's what counts, even if you're not "great" at it... yet. It sounds like you need more practice, but you're off to a great start!

How old are the two of you? You said she's experienced, but even if she's done it before, that doesn't mean she knows how to do it the "right" way. If it makes you feel any better, the first time I went down on a guy, not only did he not cum, he FELL ASLEEP! It actually didn't bother me though. To be honest, I was glad because that meant I could stop... Anyway, I'm sure you'll be able to cum that way with more practice.

I can definitely sympathize. Sometimes, it's just not worth the effort involved to have an orgasm. First of all, kudos to you for not even considering "faking." I actually did that earlier in my relationship - biggest sexual mistake I ever made. Anyway, do you two talk dirty to each other during sex? Maybe you could try saying something during sex letting him know he can cum. Personally, it's been relatively easy for me to deal with this. So far, I'm only able to have an orgasm when I'm on top. thereforeeee, I'll just subtly let him know I don't want to get on top during sex or I'll change positions if I'm already on top - that's his cue that it's okay for him to finish whenever he's ready. As for your idea, it's definitely worth a try. However, you could run into problems if he's ready to finish while you're still getting there (and it's actually going to happen that time) or if you don't even know that he's about to finish. If you're like me, this should get better in time, so try not to worry too much. Also, make sure you tell him that sex is about much more than that orgasm and that you enjoy sex even if you don't have any orgasm. Above all else, RELAX!! Good luck!