Post here instead of contacting your ex!

I am not crying because I lost you. I am crying because we had still some good moments to live. But you lied to me and you sold me for the first person that came to your life. After our break up I was wondering alone at night while you went to cry on a friend s shoulder. You use people because you are afraid to be alone, I am used to be alone and dont want to use anybody. That is our difference. If you dont know what alone means you can never understand the meaning of together! Bye bye!

So tired of this. So tired of feeling lonely and wanting to contact you. Even when I have been busy all week. My head is so warped. Why do you have so much hold over my thoughts. I want to meet someone new but feel so lost and stuck. I feel so empty. I want to be done with you for real for my own good. Why cant I let you go 100%. Im sick of falling backward. I know the negatives outweigh the positive. You are so freaking manipulative. You make me so sick. You are so so sick.

I have made so many terrible mistakes that all I want to do is beg and plead for forgiveness. I want to get down on my knees and profess my eternal love. I want to camp by your doorstep and protect you from imaginary threats.

I want to live in denial because the possibility of you moving on with another man makes me feel crazy with jealousy. It would be so easy to just give up and look for another girl. I know however that this would simply be a rebound relationship that would be loveless and without passion. It would only be about sex and that's not what I want anymore. Sex without love is meaningless and only leads to guilt.

I want to send you a million messages to show you that:

a. I miss you terribly.

b. I can't bear the thought of you moving on. Please don't move on. Cling to the hope of reconciling with your emotionally abusive ex.

c. My life has no value without you.

d. I'm ready to sacrifice my confidence, masculinity, self-respect and all the other things that you loved about me just to get you back.

I won't do it, though. I know that it will only push you away even further. I know that you will reject me if you think that I've become a pathetic, depressed excuse of the man who used to make love to you.

I will be patient and long-suffering. I will NOT contact you for at least a month. This will give us both time to meditate on the relationship and come to the inevitable conclusion that we can not live without each other, we can only exist. If you decide to move on then so be it.

I know that you will come back because you loved me enough to help me overcome my alcoholism and other negative things I was doing. You loved me at my worst. You gave yourself to me when everyone else had given up. You put up with my withdrawal symptoms and eventually assisted me to grow into a respectable man. I did not appreciate your efforts, I took you for granted and forgot the value you added to my life.

As a result, you left. Now you can't move on because our connection is just too strong. My love, take your time. Forgive and forget the sins of the past. Remember how loving, supportive and understanding I can be. Remember how we could have endless amounts of fun just spending the whole day indoors together.

Remember how it felt to have me deep inside you searching for your heart and soul in our dance of lovers. It will be so much better to make love when we've both transformed ourselves because all the emotional baggage will be lost forever. It will not even be recalled to mind. We'll both be more mature, committed and principled in our dealings with each other.

You are my lover, best friend, confidant, soul mate; my committed and faithful wife, forever.

I have to see you tomorrow a work and I don't think I'm ready for it and I'm sick to my stomach about it. I wish one of us would switch jobs.

Tomorrow will be exactly two months since I last saw you...it still hurts. I wonder what you're up to and if you could possibly be thinking of me. If you had special plans tomorrow and if you're worried about what I will get myself into? Believe it or not, I am actually staying home, not because of the break up but because I just want to focus on myself and not have alcohol influence my thoughts and behavior, esp when I'm not fully recovered. Most people need to go crazy and party to fill that void but I think I'm better off collecting my thoughts at home. . . I am staying positive for myself, learning to adjust to being without you is difficult but why hold onto something that clearly wasn't meant to be.

I broke no contact and I'm glad I did. I asked you not to reply to me when we broke up, if I did slip up and contact you and you're keeping to it. Thank you It's helping me to contact you and not receive a reply. This might sound strange but it really is. I felt so worthless and as if I wasn't even good enough to send you something and I had to prove to myself that I really am worth it. I didn't want a reply, just to feel like I was deserving to send a freaking text and I do now.

Secondly, not receiving a reply back from you hurts and I'm glad to feel the pain because it stops me hoping and gets rid of the numbness that this isn't happening. With the pain comes the memories of all the horrible things that I need to remember to get over you. Like forcing me to make decisions because you don't want to. Feeling guilty when I can't come up with anything. Not being understanding about being nervous and shy. Telling me that sex with me depresses you and / or it caused your depression. Rejecting me, pushing me away and saying that you don't find me sexually attractive anymore. You staying in touch with your ex which you know I didn't like and bringing her up when you should have been sharing life moments with me. Ignoring half of my texts and especially I love you's. Freaking out when I said that I'd like my nan to see me get married so if we were upto that stage and she got sick that I would propose to you, it's not like we hadn't spoken about the future before. Telling me you felt pressure to reply to me. Only seeming to answer quickly when it was about your book or job related. I will never have to drive to yours again which really made me anxious. I'll never have to see your dad again who really isn't a very nice man. The way he waits for his son-in-law just to turn away slightly before he starts making digs about him and he tries to make him look like the butt of his joke to everyone in the know.. horrible and you followed his example. I'll never have to be a step mum to a 12 year old which freaking worried me. The way I would say something and you would ignore it, but 2 seconds later when your son said it, it was the funniest thing in the world. The way you treat your child like a friend, not a parent and told me that if we had kids that you would feel differently about them. Feeling like that if we had a family, me and the kids would always be second best to your son. Feeling second best anyway as you always told me that your son and family would always be your first priority. I get that, but to constantly say it? mean You're best friend is a bad influence on you also. He doesn't treat you properly, he puts down your achievements and doesn't really want you to be happy as it reflects against him. I don't think he wanted you to be with me and gave you advice with that in mind. I didn't like him. There I said it.

Telling me that my confidence is one of the reasons we broke up as you started to see me differently. No, my confidence changed because you did and I had to tip toe around you. My confidence in the relationship changed because you turned into the person I described above. Yes, it probably is because you are depressed that you are no longer the loving, kind and caring man that you used to be. But I can't make excuses for you anymore. I was hurting in that relationship and you were the one causing it. If you don't want to get help about your issues, then really your depression is a part of you and I have to realise that this is the man that you are choosing to be and I don't want to be with him. It's time to remember all the bad and not the positives, which also were many but most of them disappeared months ago!

To my ex: I will not reply to the text you sent me today after almost a week of NC. You said you are in pain but have to do this as you know I will never change??? Why should I change, I am me and if you dont like me for me then that is your problem. Im glad you are in pain, I am a good person who didnt deserve the way you shouted and swore at me in temper, the 14 times you dumped me, packed your things and walked out, the abusive texts you sent me, the superior and critical way you sometimes spoke to me, the uncaring way you ignored me when you knew I was upset saying you wanted space, your very short fuse and bad temper. You need help to sort out your depression seriously because how you have treated me is unfair, unjustified, and actually a little bit crazy! I will send someone else to collect the things I have left at your place when Im ready, and will cancel our holiday, losing the deposit I have paid. Please dont send me any more texts as im not interested, and there is nothing more to say. Leave me to move forward and meet someone eventually who will treat me with respect. Goodbye

i miss you

I couldn't have said it better myself, x!

It's been one month to the day since I last saw you. I am so afraid to contact you too soon, even more afraid that when I do it will be too late.

Lately, in my dreams, you and I have been talking so much. In these dreams our conversations are so gentle, reassuring, loving. Waking up is more like a nightmare and I just want to stay asleep.

I had tickets for us to see Stevie Wonder. I'm tempted to call and ask you.

People say this gets easier, but for me it gets harder every day. I still love you in ways you can't imagine. Baby I miss you too much today.

How could you promise me the world and a future and then rip the cord out of the blue!?

I love you, I thought you loved me. If you did you wouldn't do this to me.

You distanced yourself and then ended it with me still wanting more.

Heartbroken and I'll never be able to get through this.

I just want you and you said you wanted me.

This sucks, you suck. But I sucked first I know.

I want my friend back but I'm not going to be your backup plan. I know it's difficult to go through what you went through. But it's not OK to treat me this way. You're lying to yourself to say that you gave it a shot. You were holding out just in case. You didn't even give it one minute.

i hate that i had to come off as a b**ch but its not like he was being a respectable guy either. if you decide to break your silence, you shouldn't play games and only respond as you choose. it's rude. there are grown up ways about doing things and ignoring someone bcuz you dont like the question is immature. i meant it when i said i dont want to hear from you unless you change, even if that means never hearing from you again. we werent friends, ever, we always wanted each other, so theres no friendship to salvage. i miss you and i love you. please change. if not, then at least i made myself clear.

ok so maybe it was a minor setback...

I cant stop thinking about you today, wondering what you are doing and if you are thinking of me....us. I really, really love you you know...you idiot. We said we would always work it out. Why run away? Lets be together and stay the distance. I miss you sooooooo much. The pain hurts so bad.

I want you to know just how much you have broken me. How much you have hurt me. That I am forever changed from your actions.

I wish I could send you this text message but I never will. I will go on loving you in silence, never to be returned.

Hi Xxxxx, how are you going? I miss you so much it hurts. I hope you are ok and smiling. I was looking at some old photos of us today and I miss your beautiful smile, your brown eyes. Laughing with you, hugging you, holding you when I sleep. Nothing is the same without you and it never will be. All my love xoxoxoxo

I love you and I miss you. I'm proud of you for venturing off on your own to truly find yourself and make yourself happy. I wish I was enough to sustain you in your dark times, but I understand why you left. I respect and support you. And I'm not giving up on us. You're my best friend. Its hard to be hopeful. But I believe you're the one. And if I love you, I should let you go, to find yourself. And I'll find myself. And we will see each other soon.

Are you safe? Have the first steps on your journey of self love been successful?

I love you. Even though i had to end it today doesn't mean I wanted to. You made me. You have no idea what you want? Well I want someone who is sure they want to be with me and not get all weird when times are tough. I love you but I need to love myself more.

some days are easier than others.... but days like this make it extremely difficult. The cold weather, the crisp air in the morning reminds of when we first met. The coldness of the night make it even harder to sleep. I get tempted to reach out to you but it's something that I told myself that I wouldn't do. (As I finally deleted your email and phone number off of my phone a week ago) The last time we spoke, nothing good came out of it but hopefulness and heartaches. You were not ready to fully commit to the relationship, whereas I was all in from the start. This time apart definitely allowed me time to re-evaluate my feelings and my thoughts. I still love you but I'm not sure if I want to get back into a relationship that was only one way. I deserve to be with someone who is willing to meet me halfway.

I had one of those days last week where so many little coincidences happened that had me thinking about you. You even came up on Okc and hid you like right away lol. I just can't think about you anymore because it is truly so frustrating to me. You text me out of the blue and get me to pull some feelings that I had previously buried out of me, and then you block my reply and disappear. And you do that over and over again. Time passes, and I start to forget about you, and without fail....there you are. Saying things that get me thinking about what we had again. And then nothing... This last time I just went off the deep end because it really got to me.

It would be one thing if you were acting like a normal adult and reached out and then had a normal conversation. If you think about me so much, why be such a weirdo and do that stuff again? Why not meet up with me and chill or something? Why sneak into my mind and leave like that over and over again? I just don't get it.

I am perfectly fine never contacting you again. It is what it is and if its left alone I'll be fine. And if you wanted to start building something real with me again, I would be down to see how we do this time around as well. But this cat and mouse game sucks so freaking bad you have no idea. And it is actually bordering on harassment because I have told you not to contact me again numerous times. Yet you just continue to do what you feel like doing and mess me up like that.

At this point, while we are single again... just reach out for real already for gods sake and take a chance. Seriously! You know me. You know I'm a good person. You know you can trust me. Although winning my trust again will definitely take some effort on your part...but it is possible no doubt. Just let it go or go with it. But please stop contacting me all together if this is all you are capable of with me now. Please stop that stuff. You're hurting me.

I don't know what happened last night, for some reason I saw something that I knew you'll love and I forward you a message regarding it.......without a second thought. BIG MISTAKE, now I'm checking my phone multiple times a day just to check if you'll respond back. I'm starting to wondering if you've finally decided to fully give up on us? Maybe you're already seeing someone new? I'm bummed out because it's finally hitting me that you probably no longer want anything to do with me anymore. I'm heartbroken but I needed this. I need this to help me move on and learn to let go.

i'm fed up with ur immaturity. why dont u just admit ur not over me either. well i dont care, im tired of ur game. i'm moving on. and im leaving ENA for awhile bcuz it feels like it ties me to our relationhip. have fun getting over me now that you wont hear sh@& from me and my love for you. you think u won? i won John...you came back...you sensed me distancing myself and you pulled me back in because you love the attention. you crave it...and i fell for it and gave you more. but you showed me that you are simply an unfaithful unhappy coward. i dont want someone like that. i dont want someone that refuses to change. you comin back opened my mind to the terrible way you treated me and lets be real here you and i both know i deserve better. i dont want you back. anyway..toodles.

I think I might have fallen for B

Makes things complicated when I'm still in love with you.

Yeah, makes no sense whatsoever.

It's been two months since you uttered the dreaded, "We need to talk," and the equally depressing, "It's not you, it's me" line to me. I know you tried to let me down easily. I appreciated the effort. You jokingly wondered if you should be hurt since I appeared uneffected by it. I was just in shock and did not want to be a bitter jerk. God, it was hard. You still wanted to hang out, but I knew it wasn't a good idea. It would hurt too much. Wish I was more mature and able to do that, but I just can't. You said you needed to be alone to work on yourself and that your medication for depression wasn't working so well. I wanted to say that you could reach out if you ever felt super-low, but I couldn't find the words. Plus, I wondered if you were just trying to save my feelings and already had someone else. Could not face that and didn't (and still don't) want to know. I wanted to send you a birthday card last month, but I didn't want to stir anything up and mess up any healing for myself. I really, really, really miss you, but I know I have to respect your decision to end the romance. Occasionally, I replay what you said as you left my apartment during our last moments together. You said while crying, "Am I ever going to see you again?" Deep down, I so wish that I could. I wish you would come back to me. But I know it's over now. It can never be what it was. And the only way I can move on is to not connect with you at all. I can let go. I can. Have to look forward and move on. Thank you for sharing your life with me for a while. I had a great time.

It is one week shy of two years since you left me. I guess I'm only thinking about you still because I (unfortunately) have to still see your picture on my LinkedIn from endorsing me and because I haven't had anything serious after you yet (though I've had some opportunities that I've passed up). It's clearly a reflection of my own issues, and I know that, and I'm working to resolve them. I know exactly where I stand.

I genuinely hope that you're ok now and that you find whatever it is you were looking for. Even though my family and friends didn't like you for me (to put it nicely), I personally know that you're a good person. Everyone deserves to be happy.