healingishard

I will never forget you, Though I may meet someone new, But a part of my heart, Will forever belong to you. I know it won’t be easy, And I’ll miss you every second, But everything in life, Comes with a special lesson. Letting go is hard, But when all the sadness clears, There will not be a reason, To shed another tear. What we had was priceless, And you will always hold my heart, But now that our love is gone, We must forever part. My love you took for granted, But I gave it anyway, And still you overlook me, Even to this day. Of all the times you hurt me, And all the times I’ve cried, I think of why I worked so hard, And why I even tried. You said you’d love me forever, But forever has come and gone, And still I sit and wonder, Where it all went wrong. But now I see what’s really there, And there’s nothing I could have done, You can’t help who you love, And I just wasn’t the one. Maybe someday down the road, Our paths will intertwine, And once again I can hold you, And know you are mine. But until the day, if it even comes, You will only be in my mind, For now it’s time for me to see, If it’s true love I can find. We had some really good times, And we had some really bad, But the strength to keep on going, Neither of us had. I’m sorry our time has ended, And we couldn’t make things work, But then I think of all the times, You acted like a jerk. I know I wasn’t perfect, But I gave you all I had, And if we were so deep in love, Why does it feel so bad? I still have a lot of questions, And I still wonder why, But now all I can do is say, I love you and goodbye. By: Dalise Kroskie

Thank you for the advice, however i am aware of his feelings and will process mine as I choose (blocking him and posting here instead). What I choose to type here are my opinions of my relationship. I believe the point of this particular thread is to write what you would like to say to your ex instead of contacting them. This is not a thread that warrants personal opinion's being stated or posted on others relations or words to their ex. Had I been looking for an opinion (which I obviously wasn't), I'd happily use a different thread. Please respect the point behind this thread and leave your personal opinions to yourself. Your advice definitely did not need to be said. Thank you, I mean no disrespect.

Its been awhile since i felt the need to write here. Its helped tremendously. Well he thought we could be friends. We met up and got the awkwards outta the way and it was lovely being near him again. He said things that made me feel we could work things out and eventually be together again. But after he left, I was just still too hurt to give an effort, afraid to be ripped apart again. I tried faintly, as did he, but he immediately reminded me we were just friends. I wasn't ready for friendship and only wanted him back but he didn't want me back and honestly he didn't want a friendship either. I guess maybe it was just to cure his guilt for the hurt he caused me...idk. I thought something was better than nothing and kept trying while he continued to be distant, cold, and uninterested. I felt at times he was treating us like a game, like he had to maintain control. And when he wasn't in control he would grow cold afterwards. This is when I said enough is enough. I cant deal with games, I wasn't playing games, I was simply trying to go with the flow and build something new with him. I learned that "i can't" meant he couldn't and "i dunno" meant probably not. After so many failed attempts i learned to accept his words and not push him for a different answer, again, bcuz my goal was to avoid the same mistakes and to have a new relationship with him. I got the impression he wanted me to beg or convince him to change his mind as i did so many times before. When i accepted his "i dunno" and i said "ok then don't come over, its not a good night anyway" (i had friends over, they had been drinking, i told them to crash in my living room instead of me driving them home) and when i said okay just don't come over it was like he was trying to figure out why i wasn't pleading and then decided he was canceling on me even tho i already canceled on him! I called him out on it and explained why I didn't plead for him to come by (the friends being over)...and the next day he was cold. I didn't talk to him for days. I didn't bother trying. This is when I realized it wasn't awful anymore, i didn't even need to write a NC journal, I didn't have the urge to talk to him. So yesterday i told him I'm done trying and i blocked his number. I love him and I do miss him, but the relationship we had is dead and I refuse to have anything other than a new relationship without resentment, judgement, and assumption. I want to learn from the mistakes of our past and not play games. Even if all we did end up having was a friendship, it would have to be a new one. Im not over him, but i'm so much closer now and i don't regret us attempting to be friends because i saw things in the way he treated me that were identical to his old ways and those characteristics aren't what i want or am willing to put up with. I guess he's finally knocked off his pedestal. I believe i am strong enough now to walk away from this toxic relationship and never look back. Don't bother coming back to me John. Your stringing me along keeping a safe distance until your "ready" yet you cant even communicate that truth with me. If it happens all the time, why then, in the passed year has it not happened!? And why cant the previous times be enough to warrant you being ready!? The only way we would ever work out like this is if you communicated more about your feelings and your rationalization. I want something real, i want attention. I want someone to hold onto and that comes around often and wants to be around. I want someone who will try, someone who wont make excuses. I want someone who you haven't been being and if you "aren't ready" to be what i need, stay away bcuz i'm fed up with hearing it. And if you cant be what i need from you right now then stay away forever bcuz once i am completely over you (its right around the corner), you will never ever be given a piece of me again. I promise you that.

if your objective is to push me away, you're succeeding. everytime we speak, i miss you less, i want you less.

i realize that if you really wanted to be a part of my life, you would be. I'm just struggling with letting you go. i love you. i cant just change that, especially when i don't want to. but at this point i think its necessary. i cant keep hoping and waiting because i hurt every single day while i wait. i want to touch you and kiss you and be with you. i cant fix the mistakes i made, i could only show you that those characteristics aren't really who i am...yet i cant even do that without you giving me the chance to. so what choice am i left with? you disappeared again and i understand why but i seriously cant deal with months more of that. i was actually doin really well with moving on before you reentered the picture and although i don't want to, if ur not gonna continue trying, some way or another, then i gotta get back on track. i just cant survive a few more months emotionally drained.

thank you for not taking my feelings into consideration.

i hate this i just want to love you. i want to write you so badly but i cant. if u would just write me...

happy birthday...

rough night. why cant u just take the risk. we are worth it. deep in your heart, you must know its true. please. take my pain away. i miss you dearly.

i wish i could tell you i'm sorry. i had no idea that would/could happen. that invitation is still open. but one thing is for sure... i will not be making contact with you again. and i cant imagine you will be either. so at least something was accomplished, ay? i guess the only thing left to do now is let go and move on.

i'm fed up with ur immaturity. why dont u just admit ur not over me either. well i dont care, im tired of ur game. i'm moving on. and im leaving ENA for awhile bcuz it feels like it ties me to our relationhip. have fun getting over me now that you wont hear sh@& from me and my love for you. you think u won? i won John...you came back...you sensed me distancing myself and you pulled me back in because you love the attention. you crave it...and i fell for it and gave you more. but you showed me that you are simply an unfaithful unhappy coward. i dont want someone like that. i dont want someone that refuses to change. you comin back opened my mind to the terrible way you treated me and lets be real here you and i both know i deserve better. i dont want you back. anyway..toodles.

ok so maybe it was a minor setback...

i hate that i had to come off as a b**ch but its not like he was being a respectable guy either. if you decide to break your silence, you shouldn't play games and only respond as you choose. it's rude. there are grown up ways about doing things and ignoring someone bcuz you dont like the question is immature. i meant it when i said i dont want to hear from you unless you change, even if that means never hearing from you again. we werent friends, ever, we always wanted each other, so theres no friendship to salvage. i miss you and i love you. please change. if not, then at least i made myself clear.

i hope you get the chance to do all of those things.

i miss you