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this week has been difficult. I think about you so much. I wonder what you're doing and if you're seeing anybody new. It's now going on towards 3 months of not seeing you, and I am trying to stay strong but it's dragging me down. I miss you terribly. I try to keep myself distracted but my mind always wonders back to you. I'm trying to keep busy by going out with my girlfriends, but honestly when I'm out with them..I just think about you. Wishing I was with you instead. This is becoming really rough and I'm trying to move on, but its just sooooo hard. You were my first real relationship and my best friend. I just don't understand why it's so easy for you to let us go. Did I not mean anything to you? What we had, was it just a mistake??

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I ran into a mutual friend the other night at a show. I haven't seen him since before me and you met. But he was one of those overlapping friends who we figured out knew us both. Anyway, as always he was super happy to see me and we chatted a bit. He knew me when I was dating a lot and trying to find someone I didn't mind sticking around a bit with. Then, of course, came you and the rest is as they say history.

 

Anyway, he brought you up and while you know I never speak behind your back (ever), it was basically just understood that you are like a freaking hurricane of both good and bad. He said "Hey so you were with yourname for a while right? How'ed THAT go lol?" I just looked at him and said "well...she's a super great girl, love her to death. But HOLY F man!! He like hunched over back to the wall laughing lol. He said "yup yup that sounds like the aftermath of yourname alright. Then he went on to explain what I already knew about him being best friends with your ex before me, and that he was there for him when he was going through it with you.

 

That's about all that was said really. Nothing major but definitely a bit of a reaffirmation that I am not crazy nor have I been wrong to react the way I have. And that the crap you put me through is the same that you put your ex before me through.

 

He want's me to stop over there and visit while he's bar tending sometime. Good guy, but I don't think I would feel good about that. Unlike you, I believe your friends are your friends. And you were better friends with him than I was, and for longer. I don't need to push myself into your life. So I won't be showing up in your life like that. Hope you consider the same for me and leave my friends alone as well.

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It's been two days and I miss you every minute. How could two people who have such massive potential not be together? Sometimes I feel like you didn't even try. You say you did, but you have this wall up. I so wanted to be the girl that burst through that wall, that made you say "I'm terrified of commitment but you are worth the fear." I said that to you. You were that guy for me. It feels like I wasn't enough for you. I could have loved you, and it would have been a great love. You made a mistake, a huge mistake, you just don't know it yet. I miss you from my life as a person, I miss how easy it was to be with you, the way you looked at me. It's hard to understand how all those things didn't mean much because you gave up just as things were taking off. You told me you wouldn't hurt me but here I am. You're such a good guy and I'm worried you were the one that got away. I know you won't, but I wish you would come back to me.

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Jesus thats a sad song. Try something with a little more " F U " in it like something from NIN (that guy knows breakups lol) and for the ladies Poe comes to mind. I never understand why anyone would want to listen to sad songs during a breakup. Listen to songs that you can't fall in love to and preferably ones that make you want to never see your ex again. That song made me want to run out of work hop the train and show up at her doorstep in the rain lol

 

Folks, do yourself a favor and when you're picking tunes to listen to post breakup....chose the ones that make you say F U!!!!!! And make you want to get back out there and live your life. Music can direct your life. Let it direct you out of the dark and into the light...or at least make you grow some of those FU muscles which helps you get the strength find the light...

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I really want to forward you some emails and ask your honest opinion about them: how long is forever in your book? were you like that in all of your previous relationships or am i that special? was any of that real because even though i am a guy, i feel so cheap and used when i think about it? do i ever cross your mind? what is good enough for you anyway?

 

oh, i would really want to to remind you of some things you said not too long time ago. i really do. but at the same time i am doing so well keeping no contact. i would really hate to break almost 4 weeks streak. i would also look like a sour loser if i would contact you. i hope you are doing good, even though at some moments i wish you only the worst for you. if you would knew that, i hope you would forgive me because that's not real me and i am only a human.

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I don't know what I could ever say to you, you cheated in me and treated me like crap for so so long and I always gave you the benefit of the doubt. I was always there regardless. Not only did you cheat on me and break my heart but the many women you cheated on me with from single mothers ten years younger then me to prostitutes caused me to suffer a world if humus ruin as well. I don't understand why you destroyed something so good when you've never had a family in your life. If all had gone to plan we would be moving in together this month, thinking about our future our family plans, little Molly and Cameron, but now because you couldn't come to me when you needed too it's all gone. I wish I could say we could sort it out but your behaviour since I ended it has just blown me away, it's a new level of cruel that I never thought wouldve ever come out of you. I wish you could just once swallow your pride, take responsibility for your actions and just say sorry. I know I will in time be ok but for now I am broken, lost without you. You really were my whole world and if you'd just come to me and been honest instead of me having to find out, then maybe we'd at least still be civil. I miss you desperatly but I know you think you don't believe it. Infact I know deep down you never truly loved me at all.

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I attempted to contact you last night, but no response. I'm not sure if this is your way of being stronger than me but it really hurts. You're pushing me in the opposite direction n I feel like I'm going to do something that I might regret. I wasn't interested in dating but I think it's something I need to start looking into. I even considered having a friend with benefit with someone to help keep me distracted n help me move on. Pretty sure that's a terrible idea, but With the way I'm feeling, I don't care. I hate you!

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''I don't understand why you've turned on me in such a hostile way but I guess it's something you have to do in order to help yourself move on. You seem to have convieniently forgotten why we broke up in the first place or that I forgave you for your humiliating actions and was really good to about it. I really don't care anymore what you think of me or our relationship because I know what I felt was real and I know deep down you do too. I know I didn't do anything to contribute us splitting and you do too. What you think no longer affects me and it doesn't/won't affect my life or any future relationships I have in any way. I wish you the very best in your life and I sincerely hope you stop being so destructive.''

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i wish i could tell you i'm sorry. i had no idea that would/could happen.

 

that invitation is still open.

but one thing is for sure... i will not be making contact with you again. and i cant imagine you will be either. so at least something was accomplished, ay? i guess the only thing left to do now is let go and move on.

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Well, it's been a week. A whole week without seeing your smile, without hearing you laugh, without looking forward to waking up because I knew I would see you. A whole week of falling apart, of crying at the drop of a hat, of missing you. I miss you so much it's like a physical pain. Why does this seem to be getting worse and not better? I wish I could see you, but then I also can't imagine seeing you and not being able to kiss you or hold your hand or tell you how lovely you are. And meanwhile I bet you're out there, living life as usual, going about your day. If I do even cross your mind, I bet you can instantly switch off your feelings like you did with us. I wish I could be angry at you, but I'm not. I'm just sad. And while this sadness consumes me, you're out there being wonderful. I just..miss you.

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There's a part of me that continues to have uncontrollable thoughts about you. It frustrates me because I'm only more aware of the reality of things. Now you weren't T-I guess the partial reason why it took me approx two years to get over HIM was cos of how he damaged me, you were something else though. At times, I really wonder if I still have you up on a pedestal or if it's more just the sense of unfinished business that slightly haunts me...But I can honestly say: you meant a lot to me. You opened my eyes to so much you know that? Damn it, did you move my heart.

 

I loved you, I couldn't help it. Even after all this time my feelings haven't changed.

 

I've been trying and trying and trying...I need to try harder. I still see your face too often.

"Love deeply when you have it, remember it with fondness when it's gone." That's what you've been told. It's now time to let you go.

 

There's somebody new I want to wholeheartedly love. I think the next chapter of my life needs to begin.

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I actually thought about you some the past couple days. Hope you are doing well. Life for me is great, got moved to Kentucky, dating a lady up there, got one buck that's prolly 170-180's class that I'm chasing. Tell the kiddo I said hello, hope him and your parents are doing well.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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Why can't I stop thinking about you? Are you having the same feelings or have you moved on? I'm dreading the holidays this year and that's a shame because it's my absolute favorite time of the year. We were both great at Christmas and I always looked forward to spending the season with you. How are you feeling now? I'm sorry I was so emotional the last time we talked. I knew what you were going to say but hearing the words stung so much. It's been nearly 3 weeks since you told me you had no interest in trying again and it has been really hard to accept. I know I'm the one who left in the first place but I feel like I made a terrible mistake. I keep trying to trick myself into thinking I'm over it and we can move forward and be friends but it's really just an excuse so that I can contact you in some way. I haven't done it (nor will I) but I want to so badly. I want to respect your decision and I don't want to turn into that pesky ex who won't leave you alone. I'm trying my best to move forward with my life but some days I just don't want to. Most days I stay busy and have a positive outlook about the future but today is not one of those days.

 

I keep thinking about how one day I'll forget almost everything about you. I won't remember the sound of your voice or your laugh. I'll forget all your mannerisms and the quirks that make you unique. I'll forget what your body looks like and how it felt when you held my hand. Is it possible that one day I won't even remember your name? I have this nightmare that I'll be telling someone about the guy I dated in my twenties and I'll have a moment where I just completely blank on your name. I know that won't happen but these are the thoughts that make the pain unbearable sometimes. Did I not expect to feel these things when I broke up with you? I guess you really don't know what you've got until it's gone.

 

I hope you're doing well and that you're excited about your future. I hope you have fun on your Christmas trip with your parents (I wish I could see them again). I really do hope we can be friends someday.

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I miss you. I want to tell that I don't want to give up on us. That we have a shot, but I can't. If I do, i'll probably just push you away even further. In the past I went 4 days top before contacting you and asking you how you are. Today is day 4 again and I'm going to try so hard not to do it. This is what you want and I have to respect that and give you space. Maybe with enough space so you can really think, you'll want to try again despite feeling depressed??? That was the real cause of the break-up.

 

I can't stop over analysing what you said in your last text.. 'I don't mean to hurt you.' That's present tense.. not the past. I'm probably an idiot for holding onto hope with that. But that's all I can do at the moment!

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Walking away from any hope of us getting back together was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

But what I've learned in this time is that you weren't right for me in soo many ways. I do still miss certain things about you terribly and I miss the closeness more than anything but even if you changes your mind at this point we could never be again.

I think that's what hurts the most right now is that knowledge.

I could never forgive you for cheating and lying to me. So I could never ever trust you again.

I wished you and your new guy the best of luck in my final email last month when I found out what you did and I meant that.

It's now time for me to let go of you. Best of luck to you, you will always hold a special place in my heart.

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This is a very lonely night. I don't know why but tonight I'm missing you a lot.

 

I miss the sound of your voice. I miss the touch of your skin. I miss the smell of your hair. I miss the way you looked at me. I miss the things we did and above all the things we will never do...

 

I miss your presence. I really, really miss you D. I hope the person you're with now realizes the kind of special being you are. I hope he makes you smile and makes you happy.

 

I miss you.

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I’ve wanted to write to you for such a long time but that time never seemed right. I can remember all our adventures, our love, our sweet kisses and passionate caresses as faded memories that happened to someone else in another time.

 

Sometimes I desperately wanted to call out to you and hope you heard. I would look up into the sky and I thought perhaps somewhere you were looking at the same stars I was. All of that was shattered however when I discovered you were not pining away but had very much moved on. So I did to. I erased your memory from my digital and physical world. I cried. I mourned not for you but for a future I thought we had once long ago.

And during that period of time I discovered things that I always knew about you but never wanted to face. Things I hated and these things helped me understand why you most likely had to move on so quickly and why you hated many parts of me too.

 

There is no right way of saying to someone you once loved that you now hate them and I hated you for a very long time… but something kept pulling at that hatred and I realized that I will and always have a deep love for you as a human being. As someone I was close too and trusted. As someone who I envisioned as always being an important factor in my life journey.

 

Sometimes friends come in and out of your life. I remember best friends I had when I was a child always thinking they would be there forever, because at that point in your life they are the most important people in your life.

 

You were the most important person in my life at that time. I am now moving on to a point where now I have a new important person in my life. Me. I am doing things for me, study, business, relationships, friends. I am choosing people and activities that make me a better person. That make me feel special and wanted. All the things that I have invested in you.

 

You will always be important but no longer my priority. I can see very clearly I am no longer your priority and I can tell I have moved on from us because it no longer hurts when I think of someone else holding you. I no longer feel upset imagining another’s lips on yours. It does not matter.

 

I guess I got upset because you were once so important and I wanted to see why because I have since forgotten...

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Two months after our break, I saw you walking, just accross the street from me. A city of 8 million and I see you.

 

I wanted to run to you, scoop you up in my arms, and plant sweet, frenzied, smiling kisses all over your face. Instead I turned away, I picked up my pace.

 

My heart started beating again at the end of the block.

 

I love you as much today as ever I have. Still can't let go. Don't really want to.

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I miss you. I only miss partying with you. When i get a craving. Or our conversations when togethrr and not feeling alone since im with you. But thats only random moments. And it keeps me stuck. I dont miss you avoiding me otherwise, and always sleeping or working. And always seeing and talking about other girls. I need more substance. I enjoyed your company but it was never enough after the late nights. All you offered was an escape. I miss you but I want more I know im holding myself back from finding what I want if I keep seeing you. You told me I am temporary. I cant waste more time on someone that thinks of me like that.you hurt my heart and I turned cold. Im not a cold person. Im fun happy and loving and simple. No drama no lies. But whatever we had made me guarded and cold with you. So be it. I need to love and be loved in return. I tried and tried so many years. But this is your way, this is what you do with girls. Sooooo many girls, 'known for years' 'friends' exes, babies moms, too many ing girls in your life. To appreciate the real ones.

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I miss you, you absolute crazy jacka$$. Ever since you reached out saying you were thinking about me and that I meant a lot to you, and then ignored my replies (like the insane person you are) I've been thinking about you. I miss you and little d. I miss all of the fun we had together. Miss you falling asleep in my arms. Miss the incredible sex. Miss going to the park with you guys. Miss your face, making you smile and laugh after a hard day. You suck so bad for reaching out and then ignoring my replies and then disappearing, again. I hope that you never ever do that to me again, unless you want to actually have me in your life again for real and put forth the real effort to make that happen. I would rather never ever hear from you for the rest of my life, than to have you text me randomly and then disappear. Please get out of my head and stay out. I just want some peace of mind.... You are killing me.

 

If I don't hear from you soon, I will be with another girl (trust me on that) and wont want you anywhere near my life again. I've been getting back out there again, and I do have a few prospects that I am chilling with. I am going to continue with them and see if either are worth getting to know for real. You don't have much time. If you contact me, do it for real. Or don't do it ever again. Please.

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