Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[chamachama]

Had an messed up dream last night that we ran into each other and we hugged each other. You couldn't stop crying. Asked how could I just cut you out of my life like that. The hug felt really good for us both.

 

I cut you out of my life because I love you. And you wouldn't stop contacting me to tell me things that kept me attracted to you. You broke up with me and I never looked back until you started with the sexy texts. That stuff sucks because I want to forget and move on. You wouldn't let me. So now I have to purge you from my life and take control of the situation.

 

It has to be this way. I can't be your toy. Sorry, but this is the way it will stay. I know you think it's childish but I don't care. If something doesn't feel good, get rid of it. If something feels good keep it. Being in contact with you, doesn't feel good anymore. So you must go. Simple as that.

[km2]

I miss you so much, but I feel like you're gone. I don't know what to do about it. You were a ing wanker tonight. I feel like I can't say that though because then you won't see me again. Stay silent for days. You said it was 'weird' not talking to me. For me it was like torture. I missed you so much it physically hurt. I wish I could just end it with you. Stop myself from hanging on. We can never have what we had never repair not now. Please just say goodbye because I can't. I wish you would come with me x

[rowdynt]

Bub i fix that door yesterday that i said ill fix on my RnR

Had a really good time in bali wish you and our boys where there to enjoy with me you know ill love you and allways will

[PearlHarbor]

Hi

Yes. We do well outside. In the sun. By the water. In flip flops and tank tops. As well as in each other's company regardless of weather, locale, or clothing.

 

Where we (I) don't do well is dealing with your transgressions.

 

Trying not to continue this cycle where we see each other, have a good chat, (nearly or) fully get physical and then silence. Is it fair to reiterate that our physical, emotional, and intellectual chemistry has something powerful over the both of US? An addictive drug with a an affective [sic] hangover? One that keeps bringing us back to this?

 

While neither of us, today, can define what us "should" look like, this ambiguity is tough. But then again, I will admit with matters of the heart there is often ambiguity. Isn't that the case with most relationships? (Sadly the trust you broke is creating that ambiguity here). The other ambiguity we experience in relationships is understanding what the other gender is thinking or motivated by? That's why I am so communicative with you - to best understand where you're coming from. Hoping you'll also try to understand where I'm coming from. I give you credit for engaging in this communication.

 

You know I hate these conversations over email (and feeling like a broken record - but hoping this email is different and I've moved on to CDs or even mp3s - they don't skip, you just replay or delete them, or if you have the tech skills, you mix them. But clearly I digress)

 

I struggle to my inner core wanting to be with you because I enjoy your company yet it pains me to sacrifice my self respect being with you knowing you're still with other women. Not to mention having been hurt by your lying and cheating before.

 

The mere fact you said that when M would call that's when you would go be with her and now that she has a man you have stopped being with her. Btw, that was a bull answer and makes me angry thinking about it now. Why couldn't she have respect that YOU were in a relationship or bigger question why YOU couldn't say NO to her and respect the fact YOU were in a relationship with an amazing person? That's just selfish. And you tell me that C has been "not communicating" with you because she is getting emotionally attached? Sounds like she and I are not so different here. What am I to believe here? Did you come to me today because you didn't have them available? It's a fair question from where I stand. And one I would appreciate you to defend. And not just dig deeper into your bag of lies. You are a smart man. How would you convince me honestly at this stage?(Ugh, I hate sounding like I need this validation - but that's what it's come to)

 

It still stands that I don't want "this" (whatever "this"'is) to be just about sex. (I will add that it's amazing sex and some part of me wishes I could detach the emotion from it, but that's what makes it so amazing. #DigressAgain). I do hear you that you say it's not just about sex and I want to believe you. I really do. And most of me does. I've just never been adamant with you about making you prove it. You take the easy way out with "you're not going to believe me anyway, so why should i try". How can you prove it to me? That's what you need to figure out if you want me to believe. I believed you the first time we had our nooner and you said it wasn't about sex, but I also know you've told me things that you thought i wanted to hear. (An example when I flat out asked you if we were monogamous and you looked me straight in the eye and said yes, we are monogamous only for me to find out two days later it was all a lie. I would have preferred the truth as painful as it would have been - and you risk me walking out - but hey, i'm still here even now). So I worry that you can still lie to my face and live with your selfish self. I deserve the truth. You were at least mostly honest about Ana and how you were feeling about her when you thought that's what you wanted.

 

I know we went pretty fast in our relationship but I don't regret it. (it's nearly a year since our first date, btw). I hope to find that excitement again getting to know someone and falling for some one with reckless abandonment. With someone who feels the same.

 

I had asked you a question today about "why" you want to have a relationship with me ("relationship" defined in it's broadest of terms). And your answer is that you don't know. Which I understand because you don't know what you want in general where it comes to the heart/partner/relationship space. So, in all fairness and respect to me, I want you to answer the following with genuine thought. Take your time. And I will do the same, if you are interested in what I think.

 

Why do you want me in your life? Is there something (more) special about me that you genuinely want or need that makes you want to be a better person?

What is drawing you to wanting an "us"? And what does that look like for you?

 

Yup. So there ya go. I just wrote the email someone would write in their 20s. So if you can be 20 again and do the things you didn't get to do at that age, like sleep with many women like a player, I can be that girl who writes these emails.....that will never get sent.

 

(I know this will just feel like pressure - and the fact we can talk about this in person is how I prefer. But I always seem to hear things AFTER we leave each other that are full on half-truths or lies)

 

Ball back in your court. I enjoyed being with you and glad I didn't allow you to come upstairs. Because we both know what would happen - starting with you staring at me at the door to my building where we both stare into each others eyes and then had to make out. I was proud of myself for sending you on your way. Yes, incredibly conflicted wishing I could separate the sex, passion, emotion, and "friendship", and the selfish lying and cheating you pulled on me. It's a complete sacrifice of my self-respect.

[rowdynt]

Hey bub sorry i text you last night

[Debbie15]

Nynnja... Thanks for starting this...great idea!!!I have to let it out .....it's killing me!

He came back to me after decades and so much changed now...it hurts so bad to see him back.We can never be together so why rub it in my face?Its like cutting a healed wound again....will take longer to heal this time.This can't be happening ....W-T-F

[Debbie15]

Feel the same... Can't have him so just want him to disappear far far away!Curious if u got over ur problem?

[Debbie15]

Somehow I can feel your pain,there is always light after darkness is what I try reminding myself.

[RVM84]

Really thought you would contact me today on what is a pretty special day. I'm really glad you didn't but it also feels weird, like part of me died a little when you didn't. I think this is the beginning of my life without you now, for real. When you reached out a few weeks ago I really thought you had changed, but you went back to the same old bull and now I realise that there's no way you could have healed or changed, and that this relationship could ever work between us.

 

I'm sad if you're still hurt and struggling to process things, but you chose this, and now I could never choose to be with you or trust you again. I loved you really deeply, but I think for the first time after 8 months I can say and mean that the way I feel has really changed. I miss what we had, and the way you used to be with me, but I don't miss you – the totality of you, that deserves to be fully loved my someone. I used to think that could be me, but now I know it's not.

 

I think I'll always hold love for you in my heart, because you gave and showed me so much, but it's time to let you go and fully heal from everything that happened. I hope some day you can find it within yourself to do the same. You deserve to be happy as much as I do, and I hope you find whatever path that leads you there. I know my path doesn't include you any more.

 

I loved you so deeply, but it's time to say goodbye. I hope you find what you need, because I know it's time for me to move on from this. Find the peace I couldn't give you, and let yourself be loved.

[PearlHarbor]

[Yup, another long one. It's helpful to get these out here rather than them sit in my drafts. They will NEVER get sent as I know how ridiculous and dramatic they are after I reread them. Likely more crazy when someone who doesn't know me reads them. I can have these conversations in person with him should he reach out again.]

 

I can't do this.

I can't be lied to any more.

I tried this being in your life because you keep coming back and manipulating me into getting physical with you and tell me that you still don't know where you are regarding a relationship. You know i'm vulnerable and I care.

 

I have too strong a gut feeling that you are leading these other women on convincing them you are monogamous with them like you were adamantly telling me that I was the only one. Lying straight to my face when you knew you weren't monogamous. Believing your own lies. I also have too strong a gut feeling that when you say you're spending time with just your kids on your birthday, alone time, that's code for you've got someone else who you are spending it with. Whether true or not, my gut feels it can read your tells when you're lying. And I'm pretty sure that when I would joke about you having affairs or other women you kept saying "i'm not like that" with your "tell" face. I seriously was only joking and at that time had no reason not to trust you, but now that i reflect back on it, you automatically retreated into your 'defense/lying' mode.

 

I keep thinking back to all the times you lied to me when you said you were out, or going with a friend when in fact you were with a woman. What did you tell them at the time? That you're not sure about a relationship and still figuring it out? I so want to believe you M**. I want you to be the person I thought you were and who I fell in love with. I know i can never change you and people have to want to change. I do believe people can change if they want to. Sadly, your low self-esteem is so strong that you have such fear in wanting to. Couple that with your selfishness. Are you a lost cause?

 

Telling me now that MM** is with someone so you haven't seen her. That's complete BS. Why then, wouldn't she respect you when you were in a relationship? Or did you not tell her? And the bigger question is why couldn't YOU say no when you were in a relationship with people you say are "amazing women". You flat out told me that you were no longer hooking up with her. The two of you only hooked up when you were both between relationships. You were not BETWEEN relationships when you were with me. Telling me you loved me and were monogamous. Do you even know what those terms mean?

 

And that C** has not contacted you because she's got more emotionally connected to you? That too, is BS - whatever that means? By the power of social media, I see that you are recently FB friends. That doesn't sound like someone who's not communicating. Are you leading her on too saying youre committed to her while trying to bed me? and others? Did you ever tell these other women you were in love with me? Or did you so callously blow it off when they asked if you were in love with me like your response to me when I asked if you loved them?

 

And what is it with you and older women?

 

The times I'm 95% sure you lied to me during our relationship: (and i'm sure there are other times that I'm not sure, but wont claim them unless I am closer to sure)

 

Early in our relationship, you said you were going out with the B*** guys, and was supposed to call me later, but you got really drunk, said you drove home and left your phone in your car. I was pissed you drove. I'm pretty sure you were with a woman (you also had mentioned that the woman saw our photo from the lifestyles section - so it wasn't a business meeting after all it was a f*** date)

 

You said you've never had another woman in your bed since you moved back into the house. When in fact, I'm pretty sure you had one in your bed while I was away for Thanksgiving. I also saw panty liner wrappers in the garbage. And then that accidental text about orgasms that was meant to be to the other MM**.

 

When you were supposed to come and pick me up one monday night after Yoga and I called and called and no answer. I was so worried you were hurt or were in an accident. You were in fact with a woman. F******. You claim to have gotten consumed into reading the Economist and left your phone downstairs.

 

The night you were supposed to go out with P**. It was a thursday. Basketball finals or something going on when I was out with a friend. He cancelled and you were just going to the gym. When in fact you were with C**. F*******.

 

The night you had dinner with R** and she wanted you back. You said you just kissed. More bulls*** because I know your sexual appetite. And then we had sex - or was it just f*** - while on the couch and in bed the next morning before you made your "decision".

 

Whenever you pull the "i just need time alone" bulls***, i knew it was (most of the time) code for ive got someone else to f*** - and I can only imaging you will tell them the sob story that you dont know if you want a relationship and convince them you are into them while not having to commit. And lying to me that you are committed.

 

i realize this is a serious problem, a sickness you have. I'm almost as much a fool for continuing to let you manipulate me knowing you're sick but not fully accepting it and falling for the sweet talk.

 

I genuinely enjoy your company - but it's because I'm the one being genuine and believing that you are too. And this is hard for me, the only way that we can remain in each others lives if you are willing to work on yourself and figure out why you lie. I can't continue to have such false hopes about you. If you want to stay in each others lives, are you willing to do the work? Otherwise, I hear you loud and clear that 1) I'm not worth working for and 2) you are so scared of doing the work and addressing your shame that you prefer to continue in the "safety" of your lying addiction. I am someone who genuinely cares about you despite your illness. When all the literature and research tells me to run and move on, I'm still here. Yes, I admit, i'm that textbook sad case willing, wishing, hoping that you can get better.

[rowdynt]

I miss you and the kids so much

[MonWedFri]

I can't believe you aren't feeling the way I feel...you may not want us anymore, and that's your choice, but how is it so easy for you? You must really be doing sleazy things to get yourself over us. Your neediness makes you unattractive to me, especially in how its manifested since our breakup and how apparently it was never me you needed...just someone to be there by you...anyone....

 

But I still love you. And you should be hurting too.

[Capttrae]

Most days I do really good, I think about you some well honestly more than I'd like to admit, but it's gettin easier. And most days when I think of you, well it's just a quick thought, thing is I had a dream about you last night, I've heard somewhere that if you dream about someone it's bc they are thinking about you, idk if you are or not, but if you are please stop. We had our shot and for 3 years it was good. I'm trying to move on, dating a lady in Kentucky, she even gets Ron's approval and that's sayin something. But as I was thinking about you I looked back at some if the pics of us on my phone, first ones I saw was of us holding that little buck deer I killed a couple years ago, another one we were behind the dam when the 4 of us went fishin down there, another one we were on FT while u were on break and I was off watch you were so beautiful, still are. Other pics were at the beach when your cousin got married, then when we went back down there w/ the kids and just goofed off for the weekend. Good memories, good times. They say everything happens for a reason and maybe that's right, but damned if I can figure out this one. Thank u for 3 great years. Hope you are doing well.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Sam1986]

I knew it was a bad idea texting you on Friday. Why the hell do you mention to me your psychiatric issues that our broken friendship caused you, when you knew you would risk it by dating this guy immediately after our breakup? What the hell is wrong with you? I regret apologizing for my angry initial response, and feel stupid for having been so accommodating in my apology. You never replied to it, and now I feel that I gave you an apology for something I shouldn't have apologized for to begin with, when you haven't even apologized for hurting my feelings and doing the wrong thing. you two both, I really hate how you treated my feelings and risked our friendship for your own selfish reasons. No, we are not friends and are likely never to be again, and if you try to guilt trip me into another "friendship" with you by saying these outrageous things then you can simply go yourself. you!

[Caitlin82]

I can't understand how it's possible that you've turned out to be this person. I loved you for nearly three years and you said you loved me. I trusted you, otherwise I would have have lent you that much money. You promised me a million times to pay me back, even after we broke up, you swore you'd pay back little my little every month. Then every month it's the same: the money doesn't come and I have to chase you and send you like 4 emails before you finally answer me with some crap excuse as to why you can't pay. And this month you didn't even reply to my messages asking about the money.

 

Basically you stole thousands from me. You're an awful person. You always used to complain about bad things happening to you, but you know what, that's just karma. You're a terrible person so terrible things will keep happening to you and you truly deserve that.

 

I don't know if I should actively seek vengeance for the stolen money. I could take you to small claims court but that would cost me and take ages and keep you on my mind. When I really just want to forget I ever knew you and move on. You've taken way too much of my time already, I don't want to waste another minute thinking about you if I don't have to.

[sunshine34]

Tonight is the first night I feel alone and I haven't done anything yet but I know I need to. I stay bc my heart has strings stuck to hope for a future I used to have. But now when I think about marrying you all I feel is stress, stress for our different religions, your mom, the kind of life we want, the power struggles between us, the times you rejected me for sex, the weird resentment mind games you play like when you actively made me "prove myself" bc I was negative about us for 6 mod I went feeling alone and my heart breaking while u learned to trust I was in it for you I was falling out of love, the way you talk to me and berate me,'our control issues.. I no longer feel excited. Our one year passes and I get roses. I feel subpar and I always had higher standards, at this point shame on me for sticking around, I deserve it. Keep convincing myself we will have this life, that it's okay I'll feel special on Valentine's day when I should feel special everyday. I should be making u feel loved everyday, but I have no motivation bc u suspended it from me for too long. There's nothing left but a persistence for nothing at this point. I wish I could slip quietly out the backdoor and no one would notice, my heart would be okay and I could move forward. I don't know when I became so afraid of making mistakes or losing you when I don't feel like I have anything .. Tonight sucks. I feel like I'm in quicksand made from molasses. I want it to stop, I want my life back. I want a future that is bright, not dreary and emotionally taxing, so why can't I just seize it?

[healingishard]

I am having a difficult week. Basically just missing him. Loving, caring for, and missing someone who wants nothing to do with you really sucks. I guess I'm having this set-back because I saw him...I didn't mean to see him, I didn't want to...but it happened. In a building full of 7000 people, and a lobby as packed as a mosh pit...what are the chances!? The good thing is I didnt let it ruin my good time. I think we made eye contact but I was hoping he didn't notice it was me. If I'm not supposed to be with this man and our time is done...then it would be great if I didn't have to see him...yanno...like...ever. or hear about him or even think about him. I just want to be done like he is.

[Caitlin82]

I don't know why but I went to check your daughter's facebook profile and there was a picture of you. I don't know why I did that, what could I possibly have found there that would've made me happy? I picture of you looking like crap and crying? Yeah, right.

 

The funny thing is, you looked like you might have lost some weight. All those years with me our sex life was awful and you blamed your weight and your belly, and kept telling me how you had no sex drive because of your size. And you promised to work on it, yet you'd blow off any diet attempts after a few weeks. Leaving me crying so many nights because I wanted you and you turned me down. I felt so bad about myself because of it, and you knew it perfectly well and yet did nothing. I deserved so much better, I deserved a sex life.

 

I sent you another email just now, will be interesting to see if you reply this time. I talked to my friend about the money you owe me and I told her I was considering just walking away. And she said something that got me thinking: why walk away if you can ruin his life? That's a very valid point. I know things about you that you don't want others to know. The only question is how much time do I want to waste on plotting revenge on someone who's already wasted 3 years of my life. Although it wouldn't really take a lot of plotting, just a simple message sent to everyone on your facebook friend's list telling them what you've done to me. Oh, you thought you were safe because you deleted your facebook profile and I can't see your friends anymore or post on your wall for all of them to see (which I only did earlier because you didn't answer texts, calls or emails)? You'd be wrong. You really thought I didn't see that coming a mile away? Ha ha, you shouldn't mess with someone so much smarter than you my dear ex. Even if I never use that list, it warms my heart that I have it.

[rowdynt]

Come back please this is killing me

[healingishard]

everything the last poster said =\

[k1k1]

I really want to break NC. I want to hope you have changed and seen the error of your ways but that is ing stupid. Nobody changes.

I dont even know why I feel like this today. I had a dream about you. That sucked. It ruined my day.

You can make me feel better but only if you say the right words. Even so, everything would still be a huge struggle afterwards. There really is no point in pining for you and I don't know why I still do it.

I just want to feel better.

 

F*ck you

[chamachama]

If you show up on Monday to see my friends play, I will not only ignore your very presence on this earth no matter how many times you try and get my attention... but if you make a scene like I know you would if you were drinking enough, I swear on on all that is holy and good that those pics of you will mysteriously find their way to the internet. In fact, I will create a freaking web page dedicated to you and I will put google code in the html that will be tracked using various unsavory key words.

 

You are a monstrous female parasite that entered through my privates and lodged herself in my brain. Leave me alone and find another male host feed off of.

[rowdynt]

Things are going to change bub youll see

[miss_sunshine]

This is how I feel tonight. You have been gone for over four months and I still love you soooo much bubba. You will never know as we have not been in contact all that time. i wish you stayed and did not have to leave me after 11 years. It hurts so much, I can not even explain how much.

 

Westlife Forever

I'll be loving you forever,

Deep inside my heart you'll leave me never,

Even if you took my heart,

And tore it apart,

I would love you still, forever,

You are the sun,

You are my light,

And you're the last thing on my mind,

Before I go to sleep at night,

You're always round,

When I'm in need,

When trouble's on my mind,

You put my soul at ease,

 

There is no one in this world,

Who can love me like you do,

That is the reason that I,

Wanna spend forever with you,

 

I'll be loving you forever,

Deep inside my heart you leave me never,

Even if you took my heart,

And tore it apart,

I would love you still, forever,

 

We've had our fun,

We've made mistakes,

But who'd have guessed along that road,

We'd learn to give and take,

It's so much more than I could have dreamed,

Cause you make loving you, so easy for me,

 

There is no one in this world,

Who can love me like you do,

That is the reason that I,

Wanna spend forever with you,

 

I'll be loving you forever,

Deep inside my heart you leave me never,

Even if you took my heart,

And tore it apart,

I would love you still, forever,

 

And girl I pray you leave me, never,

 

Cause this is the world, where lovers often go astray,

But if we love each other, we won't go that way,

So put your doubts aside,

Do what it takes to make it right,

I love you, forever, no-one can tear us apart,[/b]

 

I'll be loving you forever, (forever)

Deep inside my heart you leave me never,

Even if you took my heart, (took my heart girl)

And tore it apart, (you tore it apart now)

I would love you still, forever,

And I'll be loving you forever, (forever)

Deep inside my heart you leave me never,

Even if you took my heart, (you took my heart girl)

And tore it apart, (you tore it apart now)

I would love you still, forever,

I'll be loving you forever,

Deep inside my heart you leave me never,

Even if you took my heart,

And tore it apart,

I would love you still, forever

[invisibleheart]

I know your far beyond me now... I've been crying for days now just the loneliness of how I miss you so much. I miss you so much. I miss you so much...