km2

I hope you're still writing and happy.

I miss you so much, but I feel like you're gone. I don't know what to do about it. You were a ing wanker tonight. I feel like I can't say that though because then you won't see me again. Stay silent for days. You said it was 'weird' not talking to me. For me it was like torture. I missed you so much it physically hurt. I wish I could just end it with you. Stop myself from hanging on. We can never have what we had never repair not now. Please just say goodbye because I can't. I wish you would come with me x

After more than a year everything has faded. I don't miss you but I miss feeling loved. After Steve I feel suddenly like I'm missing that part of life and I'm lonely all over again. I don't understand why this with Jamie has got me so worked up and why it feels so linked with you. Is it that he lied to Lisa, he judged and shamed me or that the subject itself is so inextricably linked to you?? All I'm hearing in head is your words. I thought I had left them behind but I'm not sure that I ever well. I guess I am unloveable.

After months, I feel like crying over you. After the accident happened I just wanted to call you on the phone and have you hug me. The smell of port royal as I buried my face into your chest.. It could get you to come around tonight. It would be so easy. It's just another new thing that I need to get through on my own. x

Why do you have to show me you miss me. I just miss you so much and I don't understand why you won't at least TRY. You're worth more than who you've become. I wish you'd never contacted me again. Just let me be or be with me. No more in between.

I waited so long for you to contact me. And then you did and my world fell apart, again. Suddenly I miss you like you're some sort of vital life support. And you just didn't even think about a single thing but yourself. You know it was an unnecessary message but you sent it anyway, you selfish selfish man. You just want MONEY. Money that you don't deserve and that doesn't really belong to you. You took so much from me. How do I get it back?

I'm so sick of missing you. Do you ever think of me too?

Day 10. Having a bit of a set back today, after an awesome moment where I looked at myself in the mirror and realised that it had been so long and I wasn't missing him, I started almost having a panic attack about what it would mean if I got over him - I don't know who I am without him and I don't want to give up my love for him. BUT I do want to be happy, and given the last text he sent me was 'forget where I live and delete my number' (after I told him I couldn't be friends because I still wanted to be his gf, so it was either all or nothing) I know that we can never be together. I still wish that he would change for me. Our love was so good.

I still miss you. Do you ever think of me? I hope you can sort it out one day. I hope I don't find myself waiting forever.

I miss you so much. All I want to do is call you. I thought it would be fantastic to go away, but somehow all it's done has reminded me that you're not at home waiting for me. I need you back in my life. I don't know who I am without you (and I don't want to know) I just need you to come home.

I finished uni today. I was so looking forward to the summer with you. Now the summer looms ahead, so impossibly long. I'm going out tonight - but I just don't want to do anything without you. Went to see Josh today, it was pretty obvious you're still living there. He tried to hide it from me and he ignored my message tonight. I'm so sick of all of this. I just wish the pain would stop. I would do anything to fix it xx

Today was hard, being in an environment where we normally would have been together. I missed being able to debrief on the session with you, and most of all I missed having you at home to just relax with. I feel so alone and I can't believe how isolated I had become because I could depend on you to be there. I miss our family and our home. I enjoy living with others, but it's not at all like living with the man you love, who loves you. Most of all I wish you would contact me. I wish that you would go out and get help for your depression & anxiety, and that you would lay off the speed until you had all of that sorted out. I wish that I was worth working all of that out, because there is nothing that I wouldn't have done for you. Unfortunately, I will love you always..