GF got me a big stuffed animal as one of her gifts for xmas, total turnoff

[Tears May Fall]

i got back home from being away for the weekend and i open the first of her gifts, and its a big box, and im like hmm i wonder whats inside...its a BIG stuffed animal dog, one of those hush puppy droopy dogs. My first reaction was did she give me the right gift? Next i started digging into its mouth to see if something was hidden inside of it, nothing. My mom and I are just wondering why in the world a grown woman of 24 yrs would get a 23 yr old guy a stuffed animal for xmas? i asked her today if she had given me that with an intention behind it...her answer...oh i thought it was sooo cute and u would think it was cute and put it next to your bed. I just went ahead and bluntly told her, i dont see the point in you giving this to me, its just gonna sit there. Didnt mean to be rude, but i had to explain myself otherwise she would think i was content with it and continue acting this way.

 

She also gave me a sweater, a gray fleece type with the zipper half way down. Meanwhile i JUST bought one EXACTLY like that, a shade darker gray, a month ago, and she was with me when i bought it. Then tonight, she said this is my gift to you and your mom, which was actually REALLY nice, it was a 2007 calendar, with each month having a different picture of me and her or her and my mom or me and my mom etc in it. That i thought was very nice and involved some thought into.

 

For xmas, i got her a naughty mrs clause lingerie outfit set, and also got a picture frame of us with our names engraved into it. I dont want the girl to be "cute" all the time, its a turn off. She acts too cute and giggly ALL THE TIME. There needs to be more grown woman outta her. If i was 15, I could be like umm ok u got me a stuffed animal, but not at this age.

 

Her reaction was that she got REAL mad that i reacted this way, and basically kicked me outta her house today and said she needed to some time to cool off. Meanwhile, im the one thats disappointed. I know its thought, and i dont ever comment on gifts from anyone, but when its from your significant other, you have expectations, and she made me feel like i was a gay little child, not like a man, and that she didnt look at me like she thought i was the sexy man in her life, it was more like aww he'd like this, but she didnt look at it from my perspective at all. Totally turned off, sorry, needed to vent. Am i justified to be perplexed by this?

[Ellie2006]

Hey there,

 

While you may be *justified* in feeling perplexed by her gifts (which you see as indication of her not putting enough thought into your gift and ultimately you), wouldn't you say that it was a bit tactless on your part to complain about her gift right then and there?

 

I don't know about the stuffed toy but re: the sweater -- maybe she thought it was a style that you like and bought one similar to it?

 

Just my two cents worth.

[Tears May Fall]

every single one of my friends that i spoke to, agreed, and they said (girls too) if she got you a stuffed animal as a gift, it means she thinks you're soft and weak, not manly...the fact that she gave me that AT ALL, is enough to state that much. It doesnt matter what else she gives me, i rather have gotten nothing than a stuffed animal as a gift.

I wouldnt say it was tactless. Perhaps a little blunt, yes, but me not doing so, would only make it that im "lying" to her in some sort of way if i even tried to state i like the gift even the slightest bit JUST to make her happy. I have to comment on it when she asks me what i thought, and I was not in the mood to lie or bend the truth, i needed to let it out. Sometimes you just gotta.

The sweater, from what you are saying...if someone just bought a new BMW a month ago, would u go and get them another one, just cause they might "like it?" its just gonna sit in the garage, just as this sweater will sit in my closet

[NKP]

Dont be ungreatful, its the thoughts the counts, less she got you something, be happy you got something, some people dont even get anything, so be greatful

[arrrrffff]

I would actually really love the doggy.

 

If a 'cute' girl isn't someone you want then you have to think if this girl is right for you. In no way does it show your soft and weak. You really should NOT be complaining what you got as a GIFT.

[Bethany]

Sounds to me like she fell in love with the droopy dog and thought you would too and thats why she bought it, not because she thought you were gay, weak or unmanly. And the jumper, she knew you liked that style so choose 'something' she knew you really would like, I see nothing wrong with that, she did her best..

 

Put yourself in her shoes... How would you feel if she had looked in to bra for a better present and said " A santa clause outfit, I can only wear this once a year how selfish and unthoughtful, do you think I'm a sl**?" and "I've got lots of photo frames , why bother buying me another one?" Because that's what you have done to her.

 

If you want to be treated like a man then act like one and accept graciously anything in this life that is given to you with thought and love.

[blender]

Yikes, you are really reacting to this Stuffed animal, and yes I'm sure when you saw a big box, you had "expectations" of what "might" be in there, and sure it's only human nature to maybe be disappointed, BUT, it's not a comment on your manhood.. the only comment on your manhood or a "weakness" is how you choose to re-act to this gift.

 

I have a feeling that this "stuffed animal" and your reaction to it, is probably a symptom of a much deeper issue... if a "gift" can simply destroy your intimate feelings for her, then it might be worth while to take some time to be apart and think about what this relationship is truly built on..

 

I understand you thinking it's "too cute' to give you a stuffed aniimal at your age, and yes, for most of us, it is, but it's not that big of a deal.. ya know she did give you a nice thoughtful calendar, and even though the sweater is similar to one you already have, if you really love someone, it makes whatever they gave you "more meaningful"... and so this sweater can be "special" because she gave it to you, and thinks it will look great on you, based on what you already have....

 

I know you are disappointed, and "turned off"... but if you think that her gift was a comment on your manhood.. that is so NOT true... it's more of a comment on her sweetness, womanhood, and the wanting to share the joy she felt when she saw this overgrown stuffed animal, and thought "awww. I want to give this to him"... sure it's just a "thing" but she thought it would make you smile and think she was sweet to get you something cute and silly.

 

Too bad it didn't have the "effect and sweetness" she hoped it would, and I'm sure she is so hurt that she disappointed you, and that you didn't think enough of her, to wait a bit, and then maybe gently let her know that although you appreciate her getting you a gift, the "stuffed animal" thing might not really be a great idea in the future.. and this information could have been given to her in a loving, teasing, sweet way..

 

An authentic comment on your manhood is to show the strength of character in not wanting to hurt her feelings, and to appreciate that although the gifts were not what YOU thought were so great, a strong, mature, man might remember that she cetainly only had good intentions when getting them for you...right?

[PRSOV]

This is so funny LoL...

 

It was a gift. I think your pretty rude for bit chin about it, she was thinking about you. Take a ticket and don't think of only yourself.

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

If I were your gf, I would do the same.

 

It is a mindset of, "If I found a book that I love to read, I would bought another one for my love one."

 

It is like loving another person as much as you love yourself.

[applepie]

I can't believe what I just read. How ungrateful can someone possibly be?

 

I would never react that way to a gift, no matter what it was. If a boyfriend reacted that way to mine, I'd kick his to the curb.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Indeed. Further to my (apologies, Dn and co.) other post - yes, very ungrateful.

[Mrs Elliott Smith]

OK, I'm not going to criticize you, and I'm not going to attemp to analyze your reasons for not liking the teddy bear. I'm just going to tell you how you might be able to prevent this from happening in the future.

 

I've gotten some bad gifts from my boyfriend in the past-- and complaining about them is not the smooth way to handle things. It only makes them feel bad and resentful. Next time, it might be wise to just tell her something like, "I saw this really nice sweater at (name of store) . . ." and then tell her what it looked like, or even go there and show her. You can even ask her for a gift card. You can even go out Christmas shopping (for each other) TOGETHER.

 

Regardless of what you do next Christmas or birthday, you have to somehow let her know what you want. Don't leave all of the decisions up to her. My boyfriend and I like to tell each other what we want for Christmas. We spend so much money on each other, that we want to make sure that our money is wisely spent. And that we don't get each other gifts that we will not use or like. I mean, we don't tell each other all of the things we want, and yes, there are some surprieses. But for the main gifts, we just tell each other what we want.

 

How long have you been with her for? Maybe she just doesn't know yet what you're into, and what gifts you'd particularly like?

 

(PS: I can understand how she made you feel like a little boy as opposed to a man. From my studies on the male species, I've encountered lots of claims that men love to be treated like men, not children. Cool, I'm seeing theory in practice.)

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

Okay, I went back and read some of your previous threads and one caught my eye. The one you posted on December 11th. Many issues going on and this situation with the stuffed animal is not surprising.

 

Bottom line tears, is that you are placing a great deal of expecations on your girlfriend that in fact she may not be able to meet. Expectations are premediated resentments. You want her to be a person whom she simply is not, in order to satisfy your needs and desires. You have been dating 8 months and from the tone of your threads, you both do not even know each other at all. You have not bonded, grown together, you do not sound like you are even friends.

 

So the question is why do you remain in this relationship with her? She apparently is nothing at all what you want, what you are looking for, and there is trouble in the bedroom. I am sorry but your post about this young lady was extremely callous and downright mean. If I saw this post and I was your girlfriend, I would be extremely hurt and would probably take a while for me to get over. It is totally not fair because obviously you and her are not compatible and your are placing these expectations on her that she apparently cannot meet. Because of that, she get chastised here on eNotAlone. How is this right?

 

If I were you, I would really examine your relationship with her. Honestly, I cannot see how a silly stuffed toy can elicit such strong emotion from you unless there were other issues. I wish you all the best and take care.

[Beec]

It's a gift, and to you it was not good enough. Don't you get what the term gift means? She got you something that was a lousy gift, but I think you made a big stink for quite selfish reasons.

[n83]

What's up with that lingerie gift...? Is that something she wanted? I'm not sure how you'd feel if she responded to your gift with "Do you think I'm some kind of skank? Why would I want this??"

 

Either way, I think it's interesting that she gives gifts she thinks you'd like, but you give her a gift that's more or less for you to see her as womanly ...

[Hope75]

For xmas, i got her a naughty mrs clause lingerie outfit set, and also got a picture frame of us with our names engraved into it. I dont want the girl to be "cute" all the time, its a turn off. She acts too cute and giggly ALL THE TIME. There needs to be more grown woman outta her. If i was 15, I could be like umm ok u got me a stuffed animal, but not at this age.

 

She is who she is. Frankly, if you did not like the dog, a polite 'Thank you' would have done and then just let it go.

 

The way you behaved was rude and hurtful, and I would have asked you to leave too.

 

I agree with KellBell that you are placing unfair expectations on her- you fell in love with her the way she is- you cannot expect her to change now.

 

I've gotten a few tacky, unwanted gifts from my bf over the years that I thought, "what was he thinking?", but I simply say, "thank you honey" and move on- there are alot better indicators of his feelings towards me than a few silly gifts.

[rocio]

Okay, first I want to say that I would be disappointed if my bf gave me a big stuffed animal. It would seem childlike, and that would be a turn-off for me. Also, someone should give you a gift because they thought YOU would like it - not because THEY liked it. It seems that either:

 

1. She doesn't know you very well, or

2. She didn't put careful thought into getting something you would like.

 

Having said that, however, you sound like the child. Here's why I say that:

 

My mom and I are just wondering why

... okay, your mother? Your gf gives you a gift that you don't like, and you go to your mother for sympathy?

 

 

 

I just went ahead and bluntly told her, i dont see the point in you giving this to me, its just gonna sit there.

...very, very childlike way to react. It wouldn't even be acceptable for a 10-year old to react that way, let alone a grown man.

 

 

Her reaction was that she got REAL mad that i reacted this way, and basically kicked me outta her house today and said she needed to some time to cool off. Meanwhile, im the one thats disappointed.

...This says alot. She gives you a gift, and you insult her for it. Then you feel like the victim in the situation.

 

 

every single one of my friends that i spoke to, agreed, and they said (girls too)

...Okay, I can see discussing this with your best friend. But exactly how many friends are you talking crap about your gf to? That's just mean.

 

My recommendation would be to leave this poor girl alone. She deserves someone who acts a little more mature and respectful.

[Batya33]

I have to say, I would be offended somewhat if my boyfriend bought me a sleazy lingerie outfit as a gift.

Some people are bad at gift giving, period (I happen to be very good at it but am bad at other things!). Ironically, for this holiday season my boyfriend picked out a shirt very much like one I got him last year - we were shopping together and he tried it on - I said I wanted to buy it for him as one of his holiday gifts. I commented that it was a lot like one I got him last year (which at the time he was concerned might not be appropriate for his job, then he changed his mind). I was flattered that he wanted another one that was very similar. In his mind, why not have two similar shirts to change off to?

 

I agree that there seem to be deeper issues.

[BrokenHeart82]

Have you considered that maybe she bought the dog because she felt like she needed to get you something else but had no idea what to get?

 

Look at it this way...the calendar was probably her main idea for Xmas, but she wants to get you a couple more things. Soooo she remembers you liked that sweater. Now to a GUY it might seem silly to have two nearly identical sweaters but to a woman..perfect sense. Me and my friends are guilty of, when finding a shirt we LOVE, buying it in 2 colors.

 

So she has two gifts she thinks you'll be into but is trying to find you something else to open..she stumbles accross this cute dog and decides to give you this little something (which turns out to be a BIG something).

 

Just a theory...

 

As for the lingerie thing...sounds like you got her a thoughtless gift. If you were going to get her lingerie you couldve at least gotten her something she could wear after that day!

[hope123]

I started reading this and couldnt help thinking of that wonder years episode lol..dont ask me why..the one where kevin and winnie are gonna exchange xmas gifts and she she seems SO excited and says i can't wait to give you your gift..something along those lines..so kevin starts to think what can it be and he has to get her something nice. When they finally do exchange, its a record i think..and he says i love it..and him as the narrator says I HATED IT, it was the worst gift..but he never said anything except i love it and they kiss i think..

 

I dunno why i thought of that. But i thought it was so sweet.

[confused25]

If you don't like the stuffed animal, you should just joke about it and hint it to her not to get it for you next time, you don't need to blow up at her and be rude about it. If I were your gf I'd be pissed too. I've given stuffed animals to my ex-boyfriends before and they all loved it. I really think you just need to lighten up . . .

[Dako]

I don't think you respect her, and it's all about you.

That's putting it mildly.

[LONESOUL]

If a man wants to be treated like a man, he should act like one~and not like a spoiled child who did not get what he wanted for christmas.

[Batya33]

I do agree with you telling her that you do not feel comfortable displaying it in your room because she will want to know why (and I can relate to why you wouldn't feel comfortable displaying it).

[Mermaid]

OK, I haven't read the whole thread but I've got to say that I think your over-the-top protestations are hiding some sort of insecurity on your part. So she gave you a stuffed animal. LOTS of guys -- especially those secure in their masculinity -- enjoy stuffed animals, especially those given to them by women they love. You're coming accross only as ungrateful, and I think your girlfriend could do a lot better.