arrrrffff

Well the post is coming from the lord of the underworld. Your post if re-worded does make sense. There are some ex's that simply have not changed. They maybe caught in a never ending cycle of looking for the perfect partner, or cheat, say "I don't think I love you anymore" etc... and that will bite them in the bum. However, your stereotypes are untrue. We should all be here together instead of thinking about revenge or hatred. We may not be together with our exs, but we still or should love them. If your seeking revenge, Martin Luthor King says the best revenge is doing nothing at all, and using kindness.

Here ya go... * HUGZZZZZZZ * image removed

Be very careful. Don't give all of your heart, and be ready for anything. However, your stronger now and it will only make your relationship stronger. Congrats

Thank-you for all the replies everyone. I didn't expect all this help. Kudos to Weeblie for the link. So I am going to give it some more thought. It's true that life is way too short to let things hang, especially having a great realtionship with someone, even if they hurt you and did you wrong. However, you only break NC when you are absolutely ready - armed with a better life, no expectancy of gettng back together, being strong/ a leader, when all you do is smile and full of positivity. The past is the past, and it is unhealthy and unconducive to dwell on it. Unfortunately, I am so busy this weekend I won't be contacting her for any talk or meetings whatsoever. Gotta love it when your life is so rich in things to do. I got 5 science lab courses, running, weightlifting, volunteering, work, my business, my kids that I coach etc... not to mention all the schWag I've been getting myself, lol. I'll give her a call next week for lunch or dinner or coffee. I'll let her do the talking. If I don't see any benefit to me, then I resume living my life and wait for her next contact. Problem is, the charming cheating 30-yr old goes to ALL her classes, and will volunteer with her over spring break. So he's always in the picture. Am I suppose to compete with this lying cheating guy?

Great advice, Ellie. I would give it some tme too. Right now from your posts, I just see her being really jealous of your ex, refusing to listen to advice to stay in school, breaking up with YOU... She seems very unstable. I know you love her, but give it some more time. I've been going through it like you since October, and this week was just the worse ever. It just HITS you when you least expect it, and especially when I have 4 lab reports, 1 quiz, 2 mid-terms all that last week. Hold cow that was torture. On top of that, I forgot to return the gym key at work so I'm banned from it, lol. Today, the the kids I coach, our loaction got moved to the gym that my ex coaches. So when i stepped in there today, my heart jus sank. It just NEVER ends. I feel for you. WE WILL HEAL. I need everyone here to believe that too.

Background (skip down to the question if you don't want to read this) Girl leaves me after 3.5 years. She falls for another guy (who clearly used her for the sex) at school. This was all behind my back. She felt bad, never told me why, and instead told me she was leaving me because she liked someone else, and I'm the perfect boyfriend, I did nothing wrong, blablablah. She couldn't handle me losing my mom to a 5 year bout with cancer, which I personally think was kind of disgusting. I lost my 18 yr old girl to some, 30 yr old guy who was cheating on his gf, and hit on my girl, and stole her from me. Screwed up? Yes. But I haven't acted upon anything. She made a choice, and I gave it to her. 100% NC since Oct 2006 now... I don't answer any of her calls nor her friend calls. I am simply in the midst of healing and my heart can't take that. I'm too busy to waste any time on her. Actually, to make matters worse, I go donate blood, and they find an abnormal pulse, low rate, etc... and then I go to my cardiologist, and my heart is degrading. It will fail soon and I'll need a new heart, so I may be dead soon - I like to stay optimistic though. He says it's not stress related, I would like to think it is. Note that I am very fit and healthy. It's not like she left me because I am a grease eating couch potato slob. She literally broke my heart, LOL. Question I bump into her friend 2 days ago at school. He asks why I've been ignoring all our (ex + mutual friends) for almost half a year now. He asks how I am, Am I alrright. I say yes. And that's that. I go to work, and I get a voicemail on my phone, "Hi [my name], I haven't heard from you in a while, but I hear you go to [her] university now. I'm glad to hear that. I would like to be friends if your interested, if your ready, I dunno if you want that. If you don't want to talk to me, then fine, I understand that, I respect that. I hear your doing pretty well. I just wanted to see... Good-night." Is it wise to contact her? I want to get back with her. I forgive her. My hearts failing soon... but that could be in a year or 5 years. It's just that no matter how successful, what I do, where I go, I just cannot shake her off. I know I should NOT let someone like that play with my heart. I know I need someone who actually loves me and cares for me. However, my heart just won't let her go. I am incomplete. I have rarely gone through a night without cold sweats, having dreams of her, NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY TO stay busy, forget, smile, etc... She clearly has not stated SHE WANTS TO BE WITH ME. She said she wanted to be friends when we broke up last fall. She said she is interested in being friends now, which is clearly not my intention. It's not that I hate her, it is just unhealthy to be around someone who you were with long-term, and then be friends. I want more, she doesn't. Why would I waste my time and open my wounds, when I see her with another guy? However, how do couples get back together again if they don't see each other, and be friends FIRST? It doesn't just happen like instantly. How do we get back together if it's in NC right now? Must I not first break NC? Or do I wait until I get a prominent "I WANT YOU BACK NOW" at my doorstep. *** Her new cheating "guy" just left her after the sex for his long-term gf. Did I mention his gf doesn't know about this? I feel so bad for her. So yea, my ex-gf got used, she shacked up and got dumped. What goes around comes back around. So, 1) she thinks the grass is not greener, so she GENUINLY wants me back, or 2) hey LOOK!!! my ex = 2nd best, backup. Let's use him to make me feel better. Sorry for making anyone read all that, my question is basically: Must one break NC first and be friends first, before any possibility of getting back together to start a new relationship?

This is the funniest post I've read in a while. Thanks so much, samross. Horse crap and meat grinders, LOL

freedom, is correct. You dumped your guy, someone who loved you, but you decided to go somewhere else. You stated he still loves you. That's great. You broke the bubble without having him to do that. It shows you want him. However, as said before, he WILL NOT give you 100%. At least not right now. Put yourself in his shoes... feel his broken heart... do you think he wants to or can take that chance and be hurt like that again? Just when he has collected the pieces of his heart and put it back together, he risks alot - he risks having all the healing tear his scars again. You have to show him you want him. You have to really think about this - do you really want to have a future with him. If you don't your going to hurt him again, and noone needs to be put through that again. Be 100% sure you two can work through your issues. * Looking at other girls is natural. Girls look at guys, and vice versa.

Openheart, The world and it's inhabitants can indeed be very cruel. We have people endorsing lots of negative advice. However, ya know what? Your heart doesn't feel like this is the right thing to do. My heart also doesn't think so either. So it is settled. That authors advice is hurtful. poloplayer, is correct... it shows character. It shows you, who you DO NOT want to spend your life with. Do not dwell or even give these authors an audience, and focus on the positives (ie. the goodness in our our life). Differently, suddenly leaving your loved one when you've tried and tried, and still they close the door and leave you alone (NC), is totally, okay because there any attempts to stay is futile at the moment.

That just gives me an idea We should have a enotalone personals forum. Then we can meetup with people in our area. It's up to the owners of this site.

Do not ponder all the outcomes until you get conclusive evidence. Your strong and we will pray for you. barb., is right, it could be anything... even a benign calcium deposit. I am currently getting tests for my heart and I'm about your age!!! I couldn't believe the cardiologists words when he said P A C E M A K E R. The funny thing is he said my heartrate was 31 beats/ minute... he was probably smoking cheap drugs, lol. My heartrate was probably twice that. This was coming from the Chief of Medicine!!! Hang in there.

Your recent breakup could contribute to it. Having just broken up, I currently have absolutely no sex drive at all. Your not alone. I know that I need to be in love to have any sex drive. I'm not one to do it with anyone. Maybe your have the same view. * Note that sex didn't end your relationship, unless she specifically said so, and even then it doesn't break a good relationship if you 2 were in love.

ice is right. We all make the dumbest of choices sometimes, and sometimes we believe in them and live them. One day it will hit us on the back of the head, and we'll feel it. However, I'm not saying it will make you feel good that it come back to her - that should not make you feel good at all, but someone who cheats doesn't get away with it. No hating yall!!!

krnelson, I feel you. My ex broke it off with me after 3 years, and it feels like she could care less about me. Shes' dating someone else right now, and yes it hurts. It is the most painful thing you will ever experience and you wonder how in the world your standing up right now. You clearly want her back. I clearly want my ex back. I can tell you right now, there is in all likelihood no chance she wants to get back with you no matter what you do right now. The friends thing is a guilt driven tactic. She has everything to gain, and you will just degrade yourself. Currently, I am proud to say I do not contact her at ALL. I do not read her blogs, nor do I care what shes up to right now. I am living my life. You know once you bump into each other who knows. Maybe you'll get back together again. However, any possbility of that happening is NIL if when you meet, you are still sulking, an emotional wreck, and haven't changed one bit. I'm sorta seeing someone. However, she will always be my #1. You date when you are ready. Yes, you know what - DARN right I think of her - it's been 4 months. I ABSOLUTELY dream of her every DARN night and hug her blanket. I wake up and shes not there. Yes I go through school, and work, and I will pahse in and out of memories. It's hard. Darn hard. I've ignored ALL communication from her and her friends. It's 100% NC and it HEALS. Why in the world would I want to know that she's out with some other guy. Who cares if my ex cheated on me before the breakup. Who cares why you broke u. Who cares about the loser who took her away from me... from you. Only they will come to terms with their own wrongdoings. It is not my job to hate them or to seek vengeance or what not. I don't need to waste a SINGLE joule of energy or use one of my brain cells to think and dwell on her life. She said it best herself when she made the choice to breakup. GIVE IT TO HER!!! But I'm doing it. You can too. Think about it. What is contacting her going to do for you? Do you know how bad it would look on her if she said YES LET'S GET BACK TOGETHER NOW. You can do 2 things: a) Sulk. Feel depressed. Float on the water and do nothing with your life. Sleep and cry all day. Be unhealthy. ad infinitum. This is probably most of us after a breakup. b) You can say to yourself. I now have all this time, and all this money that I don't have to spend on her anymore. I am going to work on myself. I'm going to smile, and be myself. And later on when she see's me she will go WOW... people will go WOW. Girls will go WOW. And by that time, who cares what she feels. Right now you need to cherish what you had. It's time to be all you can be.

I Fall All Over Again I can’t believe we met like this Is it just coincidence I had a feeling I’d be seeing you again Your every bit as beautiful as the last time we met When you told me, you were leaving, and going back to him How I wish that I could tell you, it’s all in the past But I was never good at lying, and baby since you asked I don’t want to hear that song again from the night we first met I don’t want to hear you wispering, things I’d rather forget I don’t want to look into your eyes, cause you know what happens next We’ll be making love and than I fall all over again. I can’t begin to tell you, just how sorry I am That the man you built your dreams around, just broke your heart again I think I know the feeling Cause I once loved you so much That I swore I’d rather die than live a day without your touch If I held you in my arms you know, I’d never let you go But this ain’t the time or place to get emotional I don’t want to hear that song again, from the night we first met I don’t want to hear you wispering, things I’d rather forget I don’t want to look into your eyes, cause you know what happens next We’ll be making love and than I’d fall all over again I was crying when you kissed me Than you walked out that door, Ohhh You were always sucha mystery I still dream we’re making love Than I stop myself because I don’t want to hear that song again, from the night we first met I don’t want to hear you whispering, things I’d rather forget I don’t want to look into your eyes cause you know what happens next We’ll be making love and than I’d fall all over again I fall all over again

Amen to that. We must realize that when someone breaks up with us, we should NOT be the ones that continuously get hurt. Were already hurt enough; so dwelling on the what-if's or "what are they doing now" are only degrading us further. Do we want that? NO!!! I did the same as you.

What are some of the things you do or do not do when the person that you like is currently sick? Do you tell them: get better soon, bring them warm soup, ... what? The girl I like says she doesn't want to see me this weekend because she's really sick at the moment. She sounded horrible on the phone. I said I could come over and take out her dogs, and help her clean her 'messy' house, but she said no. I respect that and will let her be. She can call me when she wants to talk. Or should I have done something different? No means no right? Do you guys/ girls find it nice when someone is there for you even when your sick? Or do you just want to be left alone?

Michael Jackson - Dangerous ... if it was him/ her cheating on you. I don't get sad or hurt from this song cuz it makes me dance every time. The beat makes ya feel so good!!! Watch the vid of his 1995 performance, which was BEFORE the Ushers and Timberlakes.

dat da 1at thang dey check out iz her back side. Couldn't resist. I don't really look for the butt. I look at the eyes and her personaility. Butts only catch my eye if their in plain sight (aka. low pants which is absolutely disgusting) or out of proportion with the body. It's a fun place to [discreetly] put your hands though (on your partner) when your walking together.

However, Shaker was dumped. So there is no 'we' officially ended it because it was one sided. There was no mutual breakup here. A meeting would probably hurt you and advance them more. Why would you want to do that?

Your root morals are essential to who your are. Don't lose them. Don't conform just because you think you are not having any success in the relationship world. Also, so NOT be afraid to make your beliefs known, so that you two don't get into a long term relationship only to find out later. Just by perusing these forums you can defiantely see there have and will be a spectrum of situtations. We have sweethearts who match in every possible way and somehow end in a breakup. Ag is right. You may just very well find someone who is not a Christian, but he will respect you in every way and care for you.

Heck., you just have not met the right guy. There are guys out there who are Christian, and abstain from sex. There are also guys who will want to be with you and care less about sex, religion, social status, etc. A guy who loves you would respect your decision and not walk away. It takes many dates to find the right person. Just keep looking. Don't give up hope.

That is your son you are referring to. You should in no way be discriminating him no matter what his actions as long as he isn't comitting a terrible crime - there are other acts which you should be 'freaking' out about. You as a parent should be calm, and be approachable. If you start going into tirades or showing that you are all scared, you will drive him away. He WILL seek help from other people. You and your husband should be the ones he doesn't hesitate to approach. Please don't blindy call people gay; and even if he is there should be nothing wrong with it. He is still your son and you still love him. He's young. Talk to him. He will probably be a lil' mad that you walked in on him, but tell him that you are here to talk.

Mr., You have to tell us more about your breakup so we can better help you. However, if you are actually doing NC, you should NOT be checking myspace & you should NOT be counting the days of NC. Keep working on it bro.

Beginner weight training should only consist of, at most, 2 exercises per body part every training session. Weights should only be done a max of 2 times per week to prevent injury. If your more advanced, then you can up that to 2 or more exercises per body part each day, and increase your weight training to 3-4 times per week (but decrease your reps to 6-8 instead of the usually 12-15). You seem to be doing weights everyday, which maybe unnecessary. You need the next day to recover, because your muscles are undergoing hypertrophy (tearing) after weight training. You could do weights every odd day, and cardio every even day. Make sure you don't pair cardio with intense lower body weight training on the same day. Reluctant is right, it won't be overnight. Early on most of your gains will be neuromuscular adaptions, such as greater motor unit recruitment (your brain calls those muscles to contract more efficiently). It is not until (varies) 6 months after that you start seeing noticeable muscle mass increase.