meohmy Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 Hi, this is my frist post, I just want to get some other peoples thoughts on my situation. My gf and I recently went through some rough times and everything just started looking great. But then a guy she used to see called her the other day, and now she wants to see him. She met him before we started dating and they fooled around but were never in a relationship, the reason being that he left and moved far away. they kept in touch over the phone but thats about it. Over the phone they said they loved one another and he said he wanted to marry her one day. One time he came back while she had a bf and she cheated on him with the guy when he came back. Well now were together and this guy is moving back closer to her again and he called her out of the blue and she wants to see him.. What should I do, do you guys think its ok for her to see him, she says there just friends now and that nothing is going to happen.. but I am stupid to trust her and let her go through with it. Once your in a relationship arent you supposed to not see ex's or people that you have fooled around with.. like I dont see why she even needs to see him.. doesnt make sense to me what do you guys think? Link to comment
hosswhispra Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 Once your in a relationship arent you supposed to not see ex's or people that you have fooled around with.. like I dont see why she even needs to see him.. doesnt make sense to me what do you guys think? I don't see any reason why she'd want to see him other than to see if what he has to 'offer' is better than what you're offering her. Totally unacceptable! Can you accept that? If not, what do you want to do about it? There's your answer. 1 Link to comment
Beec Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 If you are talking about seeing him for a friendly conversation over a cup of coffee and no more, then I see no reason why she should not. But if she wants to go on a date with this guy, dump her. She's not into you enough to make her worth your while. 1 Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 You cannot stop her from seeing this guy? No you cannot but if she has think of of history with this guy then you can presume that if she meets up with him then your relationship is over. I would allow her to make the decision that she is going to make and if she makes the one that is going to end your relationship then that is the decision she is going to make. I would reinforce that it is not a good idea that she meet him as it is something you are concerned about. 1 Link to comment
meohmy Posted December 13, 2006 Author Share Posted December 13, 2006 If you are talking about seeing him for a friendly conversation over a cup of coffee and no more, then I see no reason why she should not. But if she wants to go on a date with this guy, dump her. She's not into you enough to make her worth your while. she says its purely friendly , maybe dinner or something. but she has always done that kinda stuff with guy friends, she has alot of guy friends. Nothing happened before, but she will goto dinner, bar movies etc... shes still young 21.. and i am only 24.. but i think i am alot more old fashioned.. i think if you have a man you dont need to be going out on those kinds of dates basically.. but she assures me its purely friend based... Link to comment
hosswhispra Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 If you are talking about seeing him for a friendly conversation over a cup of coffee and no more, then I see no reason why she should not. But if she wants to go on a date with this guy, dump her. She's not into you enough to make her worth your while. Friendly conversation over a cup of coffee with someone you fooled around with sounds like a date to me. She's trying to see if he has something better to offer than the OP. That's unacceptable (at least in my book) if you have steady relationship. Link to comment
freedom Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 I wouldnt like it. Kinda disrespectful i my opinion. I would agree with the other, you cant control her but you can say that you want to meet this guy because they have a history. THen you make the decsion based on her answer. 1 Link to comment
Beec Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 Friendly conversation over a cup of coffee with someone you fooled around with sounds like a date to me. Not always. I've had some of conversation and even dinner when I was doing nothing more than talking with someone I once dated, and I was not going to let anything else happen. That she is saying something to the current bf makes me think she might be worth trusting. But, I'd be giving her a short leash. Link to comment
arrrrffff Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 I personally do not mind who my partner sees as long as it isn't used as an excuse not to spend time with me. And that this doesn't become a frequent thing. However, I do believe there is absolutely no reason for them to be accpeting other peoples flirts or invitations while you two are in a realtionship. That guy is absolutely crossing the line here if he knows you 2 are in a realtionship. If she won't do something about it, you take action (nicely of course). 1 Link to comment
kuys Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 why don't u invite urself, that's not unreasonable, she can introduce you. IF she disagrees, alarms would be set off for me. 1 Link to comment
Beec Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 why don't u invite urself, that's not unreasonable, she can introduce you. IF she disagrees, alarms would be set off for me. I think there should not be an issue with you meeting her near the end of their meeting. Link to comment
gattsuga Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 I agree with kuys. the only reason is because she had some a relationship with this other guy. who knows what his intentions are, maybe he wants to fool around again. it's not unacceptable for you to tag along since you two are now a couple. 1 Link to comment
Momene Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 If you're not engaged or have plans, then you are not joined at the hip. Either of you are free to end the relationship at any time you like. If she chose him over you, you will be upset but she has the right to do so. Equally, if you end the relationship because she is crossing a line, then you also have that right. If you have made the choice to be exclusive or have both assumed it due to the length of the relationship then any one-on-one meeting with someone you've had a history with is crossing the line. Honestly, if she thinks that she's got unfinished business with this guy (I think yes) she will want to suss out whether it might work between you. She might even string both of you along for a while, so she can decide. If you don't find this acceptable, you should split. Some would advise you to wait and see if she comes back but I would move on. 1 Link to comment
chai714 Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 Given her past behavior with this man and the way you told the story, it seems as if she's at least attracted to him. He's a man who is also seemingly attracted to her. Yes, it makes for a dangerous situation but you can't stop her. If she messes up on you, cut her and walk away. However, things could also go the other direction and she may not see him the same way she used to. Keep an eye on her without her knowing, if you can. 1 Link to comment
hosswhispra Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 Lets be real here. A man and a woman that fooled around once just want to get together for conversation and coffee. I don't buy it. In general, girls enjoy coffee/conversation with their girlfriends. When that's done with a member of the opposite sex there is always a prevailing undertone of a date (in general). No fluff about it. Link to comment
Beec Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 I look at this more as an inquiry or something to puff her up. She may want to know he is still there as a safety valve or someone who finds her to be attractive without wanting to do so right now. She's keeping the bridge from being burnt. The fact that I sit down with someone I dated does not mean it always has the overtone. I have seen a woman I once went on a date with when I was with my S.O. and she was with her S.O. And I can tell you that both of us are not interested in the other. Link to comment
meohmy Posted December 13, 2006 Author Share Posted December 13, 2006 why don't u invite urself, that's not unreasonable, she can introduce you. IF she disagrees, alarms would be set off for me. I asked what if i wanted to come with you to meet him. and she said no.. because thats her space... she is the one that wnats to make the plans to see him.. from what i gather from talking to her. he never said specifically but she has planned dates that she wants to see him.. either after work.. but both times at night.. from like 9pm-12am.. she said maybe over dinner or something.. Link to comment
DN Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 One time he came back while she had a bf and she cheated on him with the guy when he came back. Enough said Link to comment
hosswhispra Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 The fact that I sit down with someone I dated does not mean it always has the overtone. I have seen a woman I once went on a date with when I was with my S.O. and she was with her S.O. And I can tell you that both of us are not interested in the other. The problem Beec is that the guy she wants to go see may not have an SO. If she's not trying to hide anything then why can't she bring her boyfriend along? I smell a rat...... Link to comment
Iceman26 Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 Your gf sounds a little ignorant because it sounds like this guy has used her as little more than trumped up booty call in the past. If she wants space to see some guy she has fooled around with and has cheated on other boyfriends with I'd tell her to be single so she can have all the damn space she wants. Link to comment
hosswhispra Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 Enough said ^^^Yes, exactly. People rarely change their stripes. Past behavior is often a reliable predictor of future behavior. Link to comment
Grokker Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 Sorry buddy. She's not really into you. She's always had a thing for this guy and wants to make it work with him. You are just what she uses in the meanwhile as a fall-back relationship-- just like she used the other bf before, whom she cheated on. This is the gut feeling I have from all you've said. End this one and run. Link to comment
kuys Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 she said no. and she planned it? I think shes trying to tell u something. Man up and tell her ur not happy with this. She will respect u for it, and depending on her reaction ull know what to do. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 My concern is with her past history of cheating, and in particular with this guy- that it will repeat itself. I think you are right to be concerned. I would be, too. 1 Link to comment
meohmy Posted December 13, 2006 Author Share Posted December 13, 2006 she said no. and she planned it? I think shes trying to tell u something. Man up and tell her ur not happy with this. She will respect u for it, and depending on her reaction ull know what to do. I told her i am not happy and that obivously i am going to have issue with this, and she told me not to worry about it. because i worry about everything to much she says.. like is she really so young and neive to think that they can just be friends now and honestly believe thats all it is.. maybe i am over reacting. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now