Marry someone you don't love?

[Prenkle]

Let's say you meet this person who loves you a lot. He/she would die for you. You, however, do not love them. You really, really like him/her, share the same hobbies, and enjoy spending time with the person, but there's no heart pounding anticipation or strong physical attraction. If there is any physical attraction, it is very faint and passes by quickly.

 

So, would you marry someone you don't love but really like? Would your answer still be the same if you were 45 and still single and he/she was still waiting for you?

[PocoDiablo]

Sounds like my ex-wife ... who I obviously divorced.

 

For me it was a waste of time. Without that connection it was like living with my sister, and that just doesn't cut it when you want to start a family.

[RayKay]

Let's say you meet this person who loves you a lot. He/she would die for you. You, however, do not love them. You really, really like him/her, share the same hobbies, and enjoy spending time with the person, but there's no heart pounding anticipation or strong physical attraction. If there is any physical attraction, it is very faint and passes by quickly.

 

So, would you marry someone you don't love but really like? Would your answer still be the same if you were 45 and still single and he/she was still waiting for you?

 

No. I think that would be horribly unfair to them, and myself to do honestly. Just as you deserve to be in love with the person you marry, they deserve to have someone whom loves them. And honestly, nothing can disguise it when you don't really love them...it comes out in the end.

 

I guarantee that if you did not love them, you would also feel less of a desire to work through the hard times, and less of a commitment to nourish the relationship.

 

Sure even WITH love there are tough times, but love gives you the strength and resolve to work through them together.

 

I am obviously not 45, so that's really hypothetical, but having had that great love, I can say that I would not foresee myself settling for just "like" when I was deciding to spend the rest of my life with someone.

[RooferGirl23]

A real true, deep love comes in time. and I agree with the others, its not fair to the other person if they are giving you 100 % and you return only 50%.

[WildChild]

Nope, absolutely not. If it's a marriage of convenience, that's one thing. But if you're looking for the real head-over-heals thing, don't settle no matter how much they love you.

[Dako]

What does being 45 really have to do with it?

I'm curious.

[Goodfun88]

Never settle. Its better to be alone than to be married to someone you don't love.

[arwen]

I am not much of a head-over-heels person I believe (I never really experienced that in a relationship or with anyone I really got to know). But if I was sure that I felt no MORE than friendship, no, I wouldn't marry the person.

I am currently in a relationship with someone who I used to be friends with. But I am sure that I love him. The physical aspect has grown together with the need to be intimate with him, once we started a relationship. This is the same as I experienced in my only other longterm relationship. Maybe I am just a very cautious person when it comes to love, but I would never be so cautious that I'd marry someone who I didn't love.

 

Although it seems that one should answer this question with a clear 'no', I find this a difficult issue to ponder about

 

Ilse

[southerngirl]

Let's say you meet this person who loves you a lot. He/she would die for you. You, however, do not love them. You really, really like him/her, share the same hobbies, and enjoy spending time with the person, but there's no heart pounding anticipation or strong physical attraction. If there is any physical attraction, it is very faint and passes by quickly.

 

So, would you marry someone you don't love but really like? Would your answer still be the same if you were 45 and still single and he/she was still waiting for you?

 

If I didnt love the person I wouldnt marry them.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Let's say you meet this person who loves you a lot. He/she would die for you. You, however, do not love them. You really, really like him/her, share the same hobbies, and enjoy spending time with the person, but there's no heart pounding anticipation or strong physical attraction. If there is any physical attraction, it is very faint and passes by quickly.

I remember that they called these types of people something... what was it... oh yeah, they call them friends.

 

 

So, would you marry someone you don't love but really like? Would your answer still be the same if you were 45 and still single and he/she was still waiting for you?

It's hard to say, as you would be setting for the whole marriage/family thing, which will lack happiness, fulfilment and peace of mind. Because, what if you found your true love tomorrow. That will be one sticky web.

[yeawutever]

at 45 still being single and virgin, yikkess, I would freak out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Guess if I was put into that position where I'm that age, no longer being able to bear a child and met someone, but never love him, just like him, well I dunno about that, I guess I would go for it.

[Empathy]

Never settle. Its better to be alone than to be married to someone you don't love.

 

This is EXACTLY how I feel about it. I couldn't stand to commit myself to someone I didn't truly connect with. I'd rather live and die alone.

[Petal]

I have known someone who married a guy she was not in love with. Over time, she's grown to love him but she's still not IN LOVE with him. It's been a messy situation from the start. Of course, he does not know how she feels. She still thinks that maybe one day she'll just wake up and those feelings will be there, but she knows..it just doesn't work that way.

 

(she = me)

[quietgrl]

It sound good on paper but i couldn't marry this guy.

[yeawutever]

Then again, under extreme circumstances, it's possible. You could still marry sometime you like a lot and have feelings for them, still care for them, but you're just not a romantist person that would experience the so called "falling in love" feelings, instead you're a realist, nothing wrong with that.

[Juha]

Unfortuantely lots of people do it...

 

Not something I want or would ever do...

[yeawutever]

Unfortuantely lots of people do it...

 

Not something I want or would ever do...

 

True, but if it was an extremely important desicion and that was the only way to have a better future (possibly save yourself from something unwanted) then I guess nothing bad with it. Perhaps the so called "I fell in love" feelings is expressed at different levels varying from person to person. If you care about them and willing to commit (not in love, but really like that person), then wouldn't that be a quite sufficient reason or do you really have to be a romantist??

 

 

[Juha]

Everybody has to make their own decisions...Some are romantics and to some being comfortable suits them fine...

 

I have friends who are married but the true love is jsut not there...They have kids, good jobs, nice houses and lead their own lives but from what I see the passion is not there...But, they are happy and in the end I guess that is all that matters...

 

For me that would not work...I like plenty of people but would not marry them just because we get along and are great friends...

[Cyndane]

I would feel incredibly dishonest if I married someone I was not "in love" with. Like I was deceiving them (and probably myself too) in some way. And if I was 45, I would also feel a little selfish. Just my 2 cents worth.

[Spugly Fuglet]

Let's say you meet this person who loves you a lot. He/she would die for you. You, however, do not love them. You really, really like him/her, share the same hobbies, and enjoy spending time with the person, but there's no heart pounding anticipation or strong physical attraction. If there is any physical attraction, it is very faint and passes by quickly.

 

Humm many here would say no, you marage would be a lie, but that would not be true of you told the other that you did not love them, that you would marry them and you would be doing this in the hope that love would come over time. I know many older couples that have done just that. One or the over has lost there true love and has desided that beling alone for the rest fo there lives was not what they wonted, so they have agreed to marry and live as a cople. I had a chat with one old buy and asked him after his wfe died when did he feel it was right to marry Dot his 2ed wife. He said she had been a freand with is wife and he had know her a long time, both there partnes had passed away and they just felt it would be better to be a cople. I asked so you fell in love with her and he says "No! where not in love we have just know each other so long it felt right"

 

When your younger I thing Love is a dearm of a futuer, a happy one. But when your older and have had the family the love become more freandship and being with some one your own age who knows the world you came from. As one gets older the number of human beings who do thin out, freandship and love are very close, I would say at 45 yes if some one has waited for you and they love you deeply, as long as you are clear that your feelings are not so strong and that the physical attraction is also weak. Then yes marry, BUT! when you make that comitment mean it dont do this half harted, when you marry your saying Honor, cherish and Obeay, and you do just that for life, dont do this and then run out when you meet some one you my fall for, You marry understanding no matter what you will do what is right unbtill death.

 

Saying all that I would say Yes marry and make some ones life.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

marriage and life are a long road, so by marrying someone whom you only have lukewarm feelings for, there are really good odds that SERIOUS, mind numbing boredom will settle in, and you will set yourself up for an affair when you do meet someone you find very exciting during a low point in the boredom.

 

so no, not fair to you, not fair to the other person either, and really good odds of ending in disaster.

 

and i think at 45, most people would have enough wisdom to recognize this, or else would already be looking for their next relationship or already remarried to someone they like better, because that mediocre first marriage has broken up by then.

 

frankly, being alone is better than being trapped in a boring marriage where there is no hope... an empty marriage becomes like a brain dead person on life support, no hope, no future, no point. really depressing, and no way to live life.

[ironpumper]

Well-GUESS WHAT!!! I'm 48! Never been married or in a "relationship" per se-Had lots of girl friends, lots of crushes, but nothing serious. Ya know what? I'm HAPPY! I will not settle, I've seen too many friends and family members go through terrible divorces trying to get out of loveless marriages. I said NO WAY am I going through that and put myself through college,got a great job, bought a house, took nice vacations, lived my life for ME! I live it up 24/7 and that doesn't mean trying to get laid or drunk or stoned. I live it up by getting up each day,thanking God I'm alive, and living my life for me!!

Hey, if it happens, GREAT! I sure won't settle....NO WAY!! Do I have regrets? NOPE! not a SINGLE ONE!!

SO listen, don't ever rush into anything because you think you have to be in a certain situation at a certain age. That's why the divorce rate is 60% now. I'm here to tell ya you can have a wonderful productive life and be totally happy without being married. Marriage isn't the end/all be/all of happiness!!! I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life and DIE alone instead of suffering through a loveless marriage or divorce. THAT would kill me.

Look, we're all born into this world alone, and we're going out the same way we came in, ALONE. Be happy with YOU!

[langford]

Nothing but the very deepest love could induce me to matrimony.

 

- Elizabeth Bennet.

[Survictor]

I actually did this!

 

I thought that him loving me would be enough and that I would grow to love him. I never did. Instead, we grew to detest each other! The more distant I was, t he angrier he became and over the years, as the children came along and he held all the cards, I became 'her' and he treated me terribly and in turn, I loathed him even more.

 

I did eventually leave and our divorce was terrible.

 

We are both remarried and as far as I know he still is.

 

I seriously advise you to do yourself and your 'partner' a favour and part immediately. It is difficult to live a lie.

[silentalways]

there is nothing that says bothe person must have the same level of feeling for each other to be together or make a marriage work. love is a funny old bird and we often use it as a measuring stick. you can like and love someone - one is not better than the other. i have treated some people i like better than those i love - so what does that tell u. i think putting terms and conditions such as this in order to weigh the pros and cons really gets you no where. in life there are no guarntees, someone might love u then fall out of love, someone might like you and then fall in love. just beyerself, don't over analysis and trying enjoying the moment you are in and the person you are sharing that moment with - keep it simple.