Marry someone you don't love?

[Jayar]

I don't intend to settle until I'm I guess around 40 or 45... If I haven't fallen in love with the man of my dreams, maybe I'd settle for someone who loved me and treated me well. I'd DEFINITELY settle for someone like you describe before I'd settle for someone I felt strong passion and attraction for but treated me like dirt.

 

Who knows? Love can blossom... I don't feel I have to depend on that sort of thing for another 20 years or so maybe, but it's nice to know the option might be there if all else fails.

[drum4god]

This thread is something I needed to read. I have been with my girlfriend for a year, and I'm pretty sure she isn't in love with me. Though she can't seem to let go of me, and she tells me she loves me. Her actions tell me she isn't. Like an idiot, I'm hanging around hoping that light will click in her. I believe that it will, because I have had magical moments with her. I have seen the way she looked at me, and have seen the love. Then there are times like last night. She kisses me, but will hardly open her mouth. Its crazy.

 

I feel like an idiot. I really do. She broke up with me in January because she didn't have those feelings, but she came back. I believed she was in love. But she wasn't. She just came back because she didn't want to see me with someone else.

 

She gives me just enough hope to keep me hanging on. I don't know what to do. Being that she has been hurt alot, I was thinking she is just allowing fear to stop her from falling in love. She even admitted this, but the truth is. If she was really into me, and in love she wouldn't allow anything hurt, or anything stop her. I have been hurt in the past, probably worse than her (I had a woman leave me for a woman), and it didn't stop me.

 

Sorry I highjacked this thread, but I had to vent.

 

But I agree, you can't marry someone you don't love. Love is the only reason you should marry. Any other reason will guarantee you a life of misery.

[wexmen]

like and love is totally different thing, love involve both person feel that they are not having something in common but care for each others feelings , but like do not .

 

think about it .!!

[Juha]

Ellie, my parents tell me that I have to love the person I marry or I will be unhappy...

 

I see some of my friends marry and not really love their partner...

 

It seems their relationship has no passion, for me I am a passionate person and that would kill me...

 

Every person is different and you do what you want...

 

Could be your parents are wanting grand children so they tell you to marry...

 

Good luck finding out what you want...

[Tech Girl]

I would NOT do it. Not only is it unfair to the person you marry...it's unfair to yourself. Why would you do that to yourself? What is going to happen when you do meet the person you love? You'll already be married.

 

I married someone for the wrong reasons. He loved me more than I loved him.

 

3 years after I married and 1 baby, I have met the man of my dreams. There's a lot of pain and loss to deal with in my marriage...plus an extramarital affair on my part to hide...a divorce that will affect my daughter...all because I didn't think about what marriage really is supposed to be. I only learned what true love is AFTER I married. It's a tough place to be.

[heartlessromantic]

I went through the same thing and I broke up with an ex because I just didn't feel "it". Great girl, respect her, love her but just not enough in the "gut".

 

I think this dilemma presents itself because of the fact that we all know that a strong friendship is required to sustain a long-term relationship. But this isn't just any friendship. You need that spark, that romantic attraction AND a strong platonic love as well. You need both to feel completely satisfied in a marriage. It is no surprise that a couple's sex life is one of the primary indicators of a relationship's health - it's tough to have a good sex life when you don't feel that strong attraction.

[weepingwillo]

...and how many people marry for love only to divorce later??? maybe marrying someone you like actually could work out better.....you dont fall out of love with someone you never fell in love with.....

 

I think tho at a young age keep looking for your love but if you are older and dont want a single life then why not settle for someone you like? or love in a friend way....

 

Love isnt all its cracked up to be in my eyes....

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Weepingwillo,

I am 43 and have never been married. Nor do I see myself being desperate for marriage that I would just take anyone just so I won't be single anymore. I have seen people of all ages desperate to be married that they find someone they like but don't love in a romantic way...it turns out to be a pretty empty life. Just look at some of the posts on this board from people who were not in love when they got married. They often regret their decision. True, having love does not guarantee that a marriage will work, but marrying someone you don't have romantic feelings for, just to say that you are married, in the long run will not lead to a happy marriage.

[VerySadToday]

I am one of those older people. 41 years old.

 

My whole life has pretty much alternated between:

 

Step 1: Having a 2-3 year LTR with someone that I pretended to have romantic feelings for because family told me that I would learn to love the person.

 

The guy realizing that I was pretending and ending things with me.

 

Me taking a few years break from dating

 

Me starting dating again, meeting 100+ guys and hoping that one would work out.

 

Start over at Step 1 again and again

 

 

Then, I finally met someone I loved and he left me for someone he is more attracted to, right before Valentine's Day.

 

I have spent the past 10 months crying as I discarded the baby toys, etc. that he and I had bought together, along with my dreams.

 

I feel like he is the only person in the world that I have the capability to be attracted to. Funny thing is, that he is not that good looking and never had that many girlfriends. But, he was attractive to me and we understood each other in so many special. meaningful ways.

 

He and I were together for 2 years and those were the only 2 happy years of my 40 years of life.

 

I already tried 3 LTR with people that I had no attraction to and it was no good. I felt sick inside everytime we had any physical contact because I was so turned off. If there is no attraction at the start, then it just gets worse and worse once you start fighting over money, chores, etc. If there is no attraction, there is never any good stuff to balance the arguments and tough times.

 

I don't live near any family and all my friends are busy with raising kids.

 

I know that I have a life of loneliness ahead. I doubt I will find anyone else that I "click with".

 

But, I don't think settling works in the long run.