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Jayar

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Everything posted by Jayar

  1. I like to talk to someone as much as possible before meeting in person... Sometimes a month or two. And even then, things can and have gone wrong.
  2. Straight as an arrow here! I cannot even deal with feminine guys! Interestingly, I love looking at women (ie. in porn) as part of the sexual experience, but that's about it.
  3. I have to tell a story... I have this friend. He is a GREAT friend. I love him, but he's really not at all attractive. Anyway, he had high standards (which even I thought were too high) but now, in his early 30's, he has finally found the girl of his dreams. And she adores him. And she's EASILY got to be one of the prettiest girls I know. So go figure! My point? Don't settle. You don't have to. Just recognize that if you don't, it might take you longer to find "The One" than if you did settle, obviously. As for your looks, do what you can with what you have. Yes appearance is important. Recognize and embrace this fact. Believe me, we ladies don't walk around in high heels and tight jeans, wearing uncomfortable bras, with $50+ worth of manicure and pedicure and $300+ hair styles because we have nothing better to spend our money on. So yes, looks are important. But if you eat right, take care of your skin, ensure your cleanliness is up to par, work out, and make sure your hair is of a style that suits YOU, then you'd be hard pressed to be downright UGLY. You're a human, not a warthog, afterall. Women aren't generally turned off so much by UNATTRACTIVENESS (as compared to, say, Johnny Depp) as we are turned of by lack of basic cleanliness. Regardless of your actual appearance, bad skin, bad smell, and distinctly fat or distinctly skinny body shapes are pretty universal turnoffs for men and women alike, accross the board. This boils down more to biology than anything else. But if you take care of yourself you'd be surprised with who you might attract.
  4. Okay, I want to edit my original post... I read through this whole thing. Hope, you are WAY to controlling, WAY to codependent, and I'm surprised this guy hasn't left you long ago. Just reading the thread drove me crazy. I don't know how he lives with it for years. But, more power to him. I will leave my original post as well... ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- He's treating you like a doormat because you let him. The girl that he will one day STOP treating this way will be the one he respects. Sorry to say, but it isn't that he wants to go, it's that he DOESN'T want YOU to go. I have dated bikers before. And car dudes. And not one of them didn't try with everything they had to DRAG me to these events with them. Usually I declined because of work or school, and they somewhat unhappily accepted, and went alone. THAT is what it should look like. And I can't say whether he has or will cheat on you at these things, but don't take "all over you and happy" to mean faithful. In fact, when I was once semi-cheated on by an ex (he'd been picking up girls in bars) that was the most affectionate night with him ever. I knew something was amiss, and set out to find out what was up. Lo and behold... I don't want to sound like a pessimist. And I'm not saying that a guy should not go to these things. But it is a HUGE, super duper red flag when he doesn't want YOU to go. He should be doing everything in his power to get you to share in his interest with him.
  5. I'm NOT big on the waist (usually because I'm wearing heels and have enough trouble standing on my own two feet in them, thankyouverymuch) but I will hold hands, though my FIRST and most natural is to hold my guy's arm. So maybe that should be another option? Anyone else do the arm-holding thing more naturally than either waist or hands?
  6. I think Blender has GREAT advice... Do work on your timing though, because as you get older (as in your mid to late 20's) you will be expected to be able to allow your partner to finish first. Men who, in their mid 20's already (once they've supposedly had 5+ years of experience for the most part) still can't hold off for more than a few minutes are generally going to be regarded as selfish.
  7. What about a girl (or guy) that meets another individual they think is totally hot, enjoy being with, but because of whatever factor (customs, habits) they know they won't be in it for a marriage... What is your opinion on that person having a monogamous casual relationship (in between BF/GF) with that person? Is that the same or different? I always wondered that...
  8. Well, if you break up with him you WILL miss the good things... About HIM. But you will experience good (even better) things with someone else. And maybe, if you choose carefully, experience overall MORE good things and LESS bad things with someone new. Best of luck!
  9. - Can you confirm that girls prefer guys who don't pay that much attention to them? I am working on this flirt / step back thing to see if it works. Nope, not me personally because I'm the chasee whereas I expect him to be the chaser. If he doesn't chase, I don't. So he could miss out if he really does like me. If a guy doesn't pay attention to me then I don't waste time thinking about pursuing him at all. It becomes more equal after the courtship, of course. And of course this is all sensible pursuing not obsessive. - How should 2 people interact before one of them asks the other out? In my case? Guy asks girl. No exceptions. Ever. I will smile and flirt, and give him the "green light" so to speak... But if he doesn't run with it (and doesn't run with it soon, it's next for me!) As for the flirting, lots of smiling and eye contact... And I am only really interested in a guy who can interpret that and run with it and ask me out (or for my number) pretty immediately. - I have this female friend who is very cute and we rarely see eachother, but everytime I see her we have interesting chats and I feel atracted to her, we both met last time in a job interview, and in the end i gave her my email... should I wait to see if she contacts me? I would prefer waiting instead of rushing into her. It's up to you, but in general there's NOTHING wrong with the man pursuing the woman. That's natural. The other way, while increasingly acceptable, is backwards. So if you want to make the first move, do... But call her or in person don't e-mail. Because e-mails sometimes get lost, and murphy's law the one you send won't get through and then you will think she ignored it. So call/in person is the rule. - What is the best approach when it comes to wanting to meet people? I mean, I want to look interesting to others, thereforeeee I tend to be funny and interesting and it seems to work, any other tips? Funny and interesting is always good. Clean and well dressed (not expensively dressed, just tidy dressed) is important. You want to present yourself as attractive not turn people off. Just be yourself. But make sure to be your clean, confident self.
  10. I am a COY FLIRT... "You may not seem like you're flirting, but you know exactly what you're doing. You draw people in, very calculatingly, without them even knowing. Subtle and understated, you know how to best leverage your sex appeal. A sexy enigma, you easily become an object of obsession." Bang on!
  11. Interesting reading: link removed There are two pages.
  12. I'd just avoid it and live your own life, personally. And besides, I believe the OFFICIAL age is 40, not 30... People who have kids in their 20's are probably regarded now as having them rather young.
  13. He probably was trying to keep you on the back burner... Or else he plain didn't want to say "I'm sorry but there is no longer a future for us" because it would hurt you. But by seeing someone else he IS demonstrating that, in his mind, you are over. So as hard as it is, break contact completely. Move on, and find better. You are young.
  14. "Treasure Trail" I'd just leave it. Stubble is worse than hair. Unless it's back hair, but then you're sentenced to waxing.
  15. He is not only an idiot, he is dangerous. Don't ever speak to him again. This WOULD HAVE turned into abuse.
  16. And it's not "come to my place? My parents/roomies aren't home..." lmao!
  17. I think that the more important question (if you are the one without the friends) is to build that aspect of your life. And if HE is the one without the friends, don't facilitate him in being a wallflower by becoming one yourself. Both people have to have independent interests. A relationship can "stay together" in a circumstance like you mention... But that doesn't say it is working.
  18. Hmmm... Maybe some good honest conversation? Now, if you know ANYTHING about my situation and history on this forum, it's that I am NOT a communicator. I was hurt bad about 8 months ago. And since then, I believe if something is broken, toss it... I figure I'll "communicate" and "work on" things after I'm married to someone for a decade... Not if I've been dating them for a week, ya know? But in this situation it particularly hits close to home for me because I think that the way your lady is acting is EXACTLY the way I fear I will act when a guy gets too close emotionally for comfort. Once bitten, twice shy, you know... And so I can also say that with 100% certainty if she is speaking to you from a vulnerable state, she will appreciate some heartfelt honesty. Try telling her that when she says that you aren't sure what she means by it. Tell her that it sometimes comes accross like she's afraid of needing you and is trying to convince herself she doesn't so that she can't be hurt. Then of course tell her that despite what she says, you hope that she needs you as much as you feel you need her. If I was her, and if this situation were the case, I'd feel so relieved to finally allow the wall down.
  19. LOL if you are THAT confident about your future, you shouldn't be buying a ring yet. Do YOU love her? Do you want to marry her? If so, you gotta take a chance. What do you usually say when she says she doesn't need you? I'd be tempted to respond with "and what makes you think I need YOU?" jokingly, of course...
  20. 100% agree with Bankers24. There are couples here where I work (an incredibly large, global technology company) that have met, dated, married, and even HAD KIDS together and you just find out after the fact they were together... PDA is definitely frowned upon. You must be young? Nothing wrong with dating in the workplace if you think you can handle yourself if things don't work out... But keep it out of the office.
  21. If he likes you, he'll initiate contact. Be careful who you talk to because believe me, if some of your friends like him, they'll make you sound bad in front of him when you are not around. Young girls are just like that quite often. They wouldn't say "you know she really likes you but is shy..." it would be more like "she's stupid over you, you know that? Yeah, this one time she talked about how blue your EYES were, isn't that retarded?!" Why? Because girls at a young age are often insecure, and the way insecure individuals build their own confidence at that age is by putting down and making fun of others. They aren't conscious of it. So yeah, be nice to him, be around, be attractive, and if he wants you he'll come get you. And shut up about him to your friends! Maybe talk to one special best friend who you know you can trust.
  22. I think you should consider counselling. You are still young enough to develop a healthier view on relationships (even ex-relationships). It's something that we all have to learn at some point or another, how to let go. Some of us can teach ourselves but others need assistance. You'll be fine, but get help before your young life goes by and you end up alone because of your inability to let go of the bad and welcome the good and new. Best of luck!
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