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VerySadToday

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  1. VerySadToday
    Glad that you are in a state of peace. It is very encouraging to hear and gives me something to look forward to.
  2. VerySadToday
    I am struggling with this as well. My breakup was 1 year ago. I have a very long history of dating guys when there was absolutely no attraction. I am 41 years old and my ex was the only guy I was ever attracted to. Dating someone that I feel grossed out by, makes me soooo depressed about the breakup. I have tried to force myself to enjoy a physical relationship with the new guy but I don't have any attraction. You might be on the right track with your suggestion in that maybe if you find someone new who is interesting then it will be much easier to forget the ex. I feel depressed because I can't have my ex back and the replacement boyfriend grosses me out. It feels like I have been cursed twice.
  3. VerySadToday
    Thanks for the hope that the sadness eventually will pass.
  4. VerySadToday
    If you contact her, you will blow any remaining chances with her. People whose feelings have "changed" become more set in their opinions and more stubborn if they are being contacted for a chance to reconcile. I know you don't want to be the back burner guy, but if you stay in no contact mode, she might come back to you when the problems with the ex-boyfriend resurface. After all, they broke up for a reason. Have patience and spend your time pursuing some hobbies that you let slide during the relationship.
  5. VerySadToday
    It has been 51 weeks since my breakup. I am 41 years old. Other than 1 or 2 times, I have been on strict NO CONTACT with my-ex. Before him, I spent most of my life single because I never had romantic feelings for any guys. I also went through stages where I would date a batch of 50-75 guys to try to find one that I had romantic interest in. I also had 3 "loveless" relationships of 1-2 years each where I pretended to be attracted to the guy, in order to have a significant other. I was told by family and friends that I would "grow" to love the guy. However, I never developed any sort of romantic feelings and the guys eventually figured out that I was faking my feelings. Sadly, the only guy in the world who I felt attraction and love for dropped me after 2 years because he wanted to marry someone else. I don't think I am ready to start dating again. I can't see myself feeling ready for another 2 or 3 years at least. But, the crowd of single gals I hang with feels I need to start dating. They brought this guy along as a date for me on a ski vacation. Since then, he and I have been dating for about 4 weeks. I don't feel attracted to him at all. It grosses me out when we kiss, hug or touch each other. Given my history, how do I know if he is grossing me out because it is too soon from the breakup or if it is the usual grossing me out that I have with most guys? How long would it take for me to feel attracted to him? I have never grown to love someone so I don't know how long this process takes. Do I keep dating him for a few years to tell?
  6. VerySadToday
    23-28 is not too old to be living at home. It is wise to save up some money before you get out on your own, because after that, it is really hard to save. If a guy is still living at home beyond age 28, most women start wondering if the guy is just freeloading off his parents or has some sort of momma's boy issues.
  7. VerySadToday
    10 months later, I am still not hungry at all and I still wake up several times during the night crying. I was already slightly underweight before the breakup and 10 months later, my clothing just falls off.
  8. VerySadToday
    I am one of those older people. 41 years old. My whole life has pretty much alternated between: Step 1: Having a 2-3 year LTR with someone that I pretended to have romantic feelings for because family told me that I would learn to love the person. The guy realizing that I was pretending and ending things with me. Me taking a few years break from dating Me starting dating again, meeting 100+ guys and hoping that one would work out. Start over at Step 1 again and again Then, I finally met someone I loved and he left me for someone he is more attracted to, right before Valentine's Day. I have spent the past 10 months crying as I discarded the baby toys, etc. that he and I had bought together, along with my dreams. I feel like he is the only person in the world that I have the capability to be attracted to. Funny thing is, that he is not that good looking and never had that many girlfriends. But, he was attractive to me and we understood each other in so many special. meaningful ways. He and I were together for 2 years and those were the only 2 happy years of my 40 years of life. I already tried 3 LTR with people that I had no attraction to and it was no good. I felt sick inside everytime we had any physical contact because I was so turned off. If there is no attraction at the start, then it just gets worse and worse once you start fighting over money, chores, etc. If there is no attraction, there is never any good stuff to balance the arguments and tough times. I don't live near any family and all my friends are busy with raising kids. I know that I have a life of loneliness ahead. I doubt I will find anyone else that I "click with". But, I don't think settling works in the long run.
  9. VerySadToday
    John, I don't have any advice, because I am in the same place myself. Just wanted you to know that your feelings are very similar to mine.
  10. VerySadToday
    It has been 8.5 months since my breakup I still go days without eating. I hardly sleep at all. Still go out once or twice a week with whatever pals of mine happen to be single. Still run to the bathroom wherever I go, because I keep sobbing. My relationship was my ex was so very special to me. For those 2 years, I was thankful every minute at how blessed I was. It was the only time in my whole life when I was happy. He was the only person that I ever dated that I felt any type of connection to I lived with 3 other guys before him but in those relationships, I just pretended to have loving feelings He was the only person that have ever been able to feel sexually aroused with I have never been emotionally close to anyone in the world until I met him. We are not in contact at all. I understand that is supposed to allow healing. I am still getting worse every month. I am less and less hopeful that I can ever be happy again. I feel like the only parts of my life that were worth living for are gone forever. I don't want to go back to having relationships where I pretend that I am feeling attraction/closeness/love.
  11. VerySadToday
    Bizw, Although I have no contact with my ex, not a moment goes by when I don't wish we were together. It is 8 months after our breakup. The last time that I had contact with my ex (it was accidental), he went into so much detail about his new happy life. My ex and your girl should not be throwing their happiness in our faces. Why should you have to listen to how nice he treats her? If you had a friend who had an injured leg, would you go on about how much fun you were having running in the scenic countryside every afternoon? No. Because decent, mature people show common courtesy.
  12. VerySadToday
    Very coincidental but I just posted about going through a similar stage. It has been 3 and 1/2 months since my breakup. Maybe it is a normal part of healing.
  13. VerySadToday
    Because faking love made me feel so messed up inside, I took a few 2 year breaks from dating. But, when I went back to dating each time, it was just the same story. I would date about 75 guys, then just decide that I wasn't going to meet someone right for me, so I eventually just pretended to be in love so that I could be in a relationship. I really appreciate all the encouragement. I feel extremely hopeless whenever someone says that I will fall in love again. It seems like telling a homeless person that the solution to their problems is winning the lottery. settinuplife, it is SO good to hear a source of hope. Maybe I can go on with my life and be happy without my ex.
  14. VerySadToday
    Hi all, It has now been 3 and a half months since my breakup. Here is my story. The passage of time is helping somewhat. Strictly following No Contact. I really don't want to see his new happy life. I only cry about every few hours now instead of all day. This is a big change. I still cry all night and still not eating much. I still can't stand to be around friends at all. Every time I hang out with friends, I have to keep running to the bathroom to cry. When I hang out with my married friends, they go on about little minor issues in their relationships. I spent from the time I was 15 until I was 38 just trying to fall in love ONE time. When I found him, I was overjoyed for the whole 2 years of the relationship. I was thankful to God for every minute. I know they are not trying to be insensitive, but they just seem so ungrateful for what they have. In the last 3 months, my 2 single friends have both fallen in love after being single less than a year each. They talk about how easy it is to find someone that they care about, but my life has never been like that. I have had so many relationships where I pretended to have romantic feelings. After I hang out with friends on Friday nights, I spend the whole weekend crying. The only way that I can have any peace of mind in my life is to sit at home and work crossword puzzles by myself all weekend. When does this stage end?
  15. VerySadToday
    I have had this experience 3 times in my life. Once when I was really excited about all the possibilities in my future that it was hard to focus on doing the work to make my goals actually happen. Once when I was falling in love. And now that I was dumped Bottom line is that I think that the solution depends on what is causing the inability to concentrate.
  16. VerySadToday
    Blemished, Hi. I can relate to a lot of what you have been going through. My breakup was almost 3 months ago and I don't feel I have made any progress. I have lost a lot of weight too. I can't bring myself to eat hardly ever. None of my food is appetizing. I completely relate to your comment that you would have been happier together. It seems so unfair that one person can go on happily and the other person's life is really screwed up, possibly for the long time. I have been trying to use this as an opportunity to do things that I wouldn't do when he was around, like listening to songs he didn't like and hanging out with a few people he couldn't stand. My story is at You can PM me if you ever want to talk.
  17. VerySadToday
    Ever since I was a child, I wanted to be a mom. In all my past relationships, I pretended to be in love, because I had not been able to fall in love. My other big goal in life was to have a relationship where there was mutual love. I failed at my top 2 goals. I feel bad enough already. I don't want goals that involve any more relationships or family. I like Kaycee1's ideas. Right now, I am not sleeping hardly at all due to the breakup. Once that passes, I can get a 2nd job for the nights and weekends. That will take up my time and I can feel good as I get older that I have accomplished something in my life. You are so cool, Kaycee1.
  18. VerySadToday
    My boyfriend broke up with me in mid-February. You can read my story here He subsequently clarified that the reason we are not a good match is that he is attracted to Asian women. I am not Asian and neither is he. I am not in contact with him anymore. We were in the process of buying a house to prepare to get married and start a family. Now that I no longer have those goals, I am finding myself hopeless about what to do with the rest of my life. I am 40. It took me over 23 years to fall in love one time, I doubt I will be lucky enough to fall in love again. I especially don't think I will be able to find someone soon enough to be able to have kids. At my rate, it might take another 23 years to fall in love again. I figure I will be alone for many, many years, just like in the past. I feel like all my dreams were ripped away. I am having a really hard time looking forward to the future. I have no dreams. I have joined a few groups but I feel like I am aimlessly involved in some new hobbies that I don't care about just to fill up my time. Does anyone have any ideas on what would be some new dreams and goals for someone in my situation?
  19. VerySadToday
    I understand what you are talking about I feel like I have no dreams to accomplish in life. I really don't have anything to work toward in life anymore.
  20. VerySadToday
    It has been 8 weeks since my breakup. Here is a summary of my story. I am 40 years old. After 7 weeks, he finally contacted me last week. He told me that he has been crying a lot and is torn up inside. He always wanted to marry an Asian woman and I am not Asian. He loves me, but he doesn't know if he can get over the fact that I am not Asian. He said that I am extremely special and his best friend in the world. But, he doesn't want to hurt me if a few years down the road he meets an Asian woman. I told him that I miss him and still love him, but this is something he has to work out in his own mind. I told him he is welcome to contact me if something changes. I feel a little better that it is not something that I did or said to cause the breakup. I guess the conversation gave me a little closure. But, I am still crying for several hours each day. It is worst when I go out of the house or go out with friends. Every time I see couples with their kids, I think about the fact that I probably will never have kids. It took me 23 years to fall in love one time. What are the chances that I will ever find someone again? What if it takes longer than 23 years this time around? When I am home alone, I am a little better than a few weeks ago. I go a few hours at a time without crying. Still can barely eat though. I feel like he has all the power. He took away all my dreams.
  21. VerySadToday
    I'd vote for heartbreak, even though it hurts beyond belief. You can read my story at I started dating at age 15. I dated hundreds of guys but never felt anything for any of them. It was not until age 38 that I was ever in love. Even though I am now trying to recover from a broken heart, the 2 years that we were together were the only happy years of my life. I wouldn't trade those happy times for anything.
  22. VerySadToday
    You sound a lot like me where the loss of the strong connection is the worst part of the breakup. I am 40. In my case, I went years without any relationships alternating with dating hundreds of guys mixed with 3 long-term relationships where I pretended to be in love hoping that pretending to be in love would cause me to fall in love. Then I met my ex-boyfriend. Through the whole relationship, I felt like he was my only hope for love in my life. Now that we have broken up, I am completely hopeless. I honestly don't know how people make these connections. I started dating at age 15 and it wasn't until age 38 that I had any connection with any guy at all. I remember that in the relationships where I was trying to fall in love, the physical aspect was always sickening because I had no desire in that area. Given that I am clueless about how to create another connection with someone, I am probably just going to stick it out alone for the rest of my life. Better than making myself sick in a loveless relationship. There is no hope with my ex. He didn't ask for time or space. Since it is hard for you to make a connection with someone, then you probably want to at least try to be one of the miracle cases where you could get back together. Your best chance for that is to give her mucho space and time. If you were fighting a lot, she needs a few months to forget the bad parts. Maintain NC. If she contacts you, be friendly and polite. If she wants to see you, politely tell her that she needs more time and space. If she presses you, tell her that you don't want to see her because it would put too much pressure on her. In a few months, you might not want her back. If you do still want to get back together at that point, she might have forgotten some of the bad parts by then. Right now, all the fighting is too fresh in her mind and contact with her will only confuse her. You need to take a break from each other for a few months to tone down all your emotions so that if you want to get back together you will be in a better state. Also, you can use these months to decide if it would be better to try to meet someone new.
  23. VerySadToday
    I am 40, going through a breakup and I have no single friends. link removed has a lot of groups that you can join, ranging from learning a new language to groups that go out on the town together. It looks like the page for Toronto is link removed
  24. VerySadToday
    My boyfriend and I broke up 4.5 weeks ago. He feels that we are not a good match to get married. Complete NC since then. I can't deal with facing him. I have heard from acquaintances that he is already dating. I go to work and then cry from 5:30pm-3:00am every night. I barely eat anything. I went out last night. I don't want to socialize with his friends, so that leaves my friends. All my friends are married which means that I was socializing with married couples and their kids. That seemed to make me a lot worse. It made me think of everything that I am not going to have. I think today is the worst day since the initial breakup day. I have spent the entire day in bed crying. I feel like I have just blown my only shot at marriage and kids. If only I could have known what he was looking for in a wife, I would have been that. It took me soooo many years of dating to find one person. I was so committed to making everything work. I just keep thinking about everything wrong that I could have done. It looks like that is typical from the posts. How do you stop wondering what you did wrong?
  25. VerySadToday
    My breakup story is at . I am confused about what a friend said today about how she never got over her divorce until she met someone new. I think with my track record of 20+ years without being in love and 3 relationships where I pretended to be in love in hopes that I would fall in love, I just don't see any realistic reason to expect that I am someone who will be likely to fall in love anytime soon. I have been alone without dating for 3 year blocks at a time and it is not ideal, but prbably better than pretending to be in love. But, is falling in love again the only cure? This is so embarrassing to be going through a first "broken heart" at age 40. I don't have anyone to ask these questions to.
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