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heartlessromantic

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Everything posted by heartlessromantic

  1. heartlessromantic
    I think there are warning signs and the guy seems like he is unwilling to deal with problems directly, such as trying to question your trust in order to avoid having to go down on you. These sort of things speak to his character. The fact that he doesn't seem to care about your enough to deal with this issue properly is a bad sign for the future.
  2. heartlessromantic
    If sex has always been an issue between you two, then you need to lay off and let her get comfortable first. There is probably a reason she has some hang-ups. I would work on strengthening the relationship and then begin to talk about the hang-ups, maybe even try counseling together.
  3. heartlessromantic
    Yes, this is definitely dangerous territory. Unless you have drop dead model looks, I don't see how asking these types of questions can do a relationship any good. And even if you are very attractive, people have different tastes: what is considered "hot" differs depending on the individual.
  4. heartlessromantic
    I think the way she keeps hanging around you is crap. You should tell her politely to give you space to get over the break-up.
  5. heartlessromantic
    You made the right decision and you should look at the fact that he is leaving you alone, as requested, as a good thing. He is leaving you alone because you are a strong woman who knows her worth and has enough self-respect not to put up with his unacceptable behavior. Hopefully, he will regret his lack of control and seek to make changes in his life, but you are on to better things. Take care and stay strong.
  6. heartlessromantic
    It's very hard to tell from what you've written. This is premature, but how would your brother feel about his friend dating you? That's usually a little tricky.
  7. heartlessromantic
    Why has she been suddenly struck by this bout of paranoia? I hate to say it but you are paying the consequences of doing what you did. Sure, it was two years ago, but trust can be so fragile. If you think you have it bad, she probably has it worse. Her behavior would suggest to me that she constantly worries about when you're going to stab her in the back again. And of course, you are fighting against the old adage: "Once a cheater, always a cheater." The best you can do is to continue to be accountable and hope that she comes around. There is a book called "Not Just Friends" which is written for couples or marriages after infidelity. Perhaps reading it together will help you mend your relationship. I understand that being with somebody who doesn't trust you is no fun but you two have to work out how to rebuild that trust. Have you ever had a serious talk about how trust can be rebuilt between the two of you? Or has it mostly been just her asking for access and you giving it to her? Did she ever decide that she no longer needed your passwords? Good luck!
  8. heartlessromantic
    Well, you were broken up and it was 4-6 months, so I think it's not totally unreasonable that she dated a little bit. Not the best scenario of course, but what's done is done. If you care about her and want to reconcile, this is something that you will have to accept and not mention or allow to disrupt your relationship. Take it as a sign of respect that she was open with you and move on. If you can't move on from it, then take things very slowly until you feel better about everything. Above all, do not interrogate her about this stuff! It won't make you feel any better about things and it will only push her away from you.
  9. heartlessromantic
    If you really want to reconcile, going to the party with the new girl and the ex - especially when you suspect the new girl is going to try to make the ex jealous - is just a bad idea. I would skip the party if you don't want to be upfront with the ex.
  10. heartlessromantic
    I think you made the right decision. If you have a good relationship with your sons, then trust your own parenting skills. I think Hope75 has a good point, providing opportunities for casual interaction is better than a "meet your potential stepfather" dynamic. Let them choose. Just like you are warming up to your boyfriend, your sons have to have time to develop a relationship with him as well. It's not something that can just be created like that, even if he is serious about you. These things need proper development.
  11. heartlessromantic
    Hang in there! You are going through the anger phase. It happens. You think "How could she do this to me? Did she not value us?" Etc... Don't send her back stuff! It doesn't make you look good and you will probably just regret it because you won't get much of a reaction if she has moved on. If you really feel like you need a fresh start, either just throw it away or pack it up and put it in storage out of sight. You're doing great and have been strong. Just keep on truckin', bro.
  12. heartlessromantic
    Hell no. If he trusts you and you guys have a solid relationship, I don't see how anyone can claim that because you have some hobbies he doesn't share and you want to continue to pursue them, that somehow it means you don't love him enough. I think that's ridiculous, honestly. Let's take the horror movies example. Maybe he will compromise and not insist on seeing horror movies when you guys go out or rent a video because you don't like them. He can see them with his friends. Or maybe, once in a while, you can see a horror movie with him. But he shouldn't have to give them up. Horror movies is also a bad example. It is such a trivial thing to give up. But if he is asking you to give up going out with your friends, then I would say that's a problem. Unless your friends are guys who are hitting on you or something like that... I think it's important to have activities together and to spend quality time, or at least a large majority of time together, but you have to live your own life as well. In a healthy relationship. you would encourage each other to grow.
  13. heartlessromantic
    I think you did the right thing. Who cares if she thinks your jealous? You have good reasons and are living according to your values. If she wants to think you're jealous to flatter herself, it only shows what kind of mindset she has. I've been in this kind of situation before. It gets messy regardless of whether it's just for "fun" - somebody always gets hurt or feels guilty in the end.
  14. heartlessromantic
    Why did you start dating him if he's not your type? If you like the way he treats you, I would give him a bit of a chance and see how you feel. If you really want to try and make it work, I would not approach it as "getting over" his style, more like appreciating it. Is your problem with his "style" more about his fashion sense and physique or his personality? Do you want him to be more assertive or...?
  15. heartlessromantic
    I think he's moving really quick. I would watch out for red flags. What do you mean that he only wants you two to pursue activities together? Does that mean career or hobbies or...? What if you already have interests that he doesn't have? Are you supposed to give them up or are you guys going to adopt each other's interests? I think it's important for a couple to protect a relationship by being vigilant about emotional boundaries, as in watching out with opposite sex "friendships" and not getting emotionally involved with people outside the relationship. I can't say whether I disagree or agree with him until I get a better idea what you're talking about.
  16. heartlessromantic
    I like having female friends because they are easy to talk to and are good listeners. It's also good to have the female perspective on things. I try to be good about putting women I meet in either the "friends" or "potentials" bucket. Once a girl is in a given bucket, she's staying there. I just try hard not to interact or think of somebody in the "friends" bucket as a romantic interest. This keeps me from driving myself crazy. Oftentimes, my system self-regulates because attractive females tend to already have boyfriends. And of course, there is the occasional crossover but generally this system works well for me.
  17. heartlessromantic
    Yeah, I've had this problem in the past as well. It is annoying and disrespectful, but most guys just don't really care and some guys are so clueless. It's especially bad if your girlfriend is beautiful and a nice person. Since your girlfriend seems to be very open and you guys seem to have a pretty stable relationship, I would trust your girlfriend to handle it. Just tell her to be open with you about what's going on and take joint action later if things don't seem to be improving or if the guy doesn't step back a bit. Don't get on her case too much so that she'll still feel comfortable talking to you about stuff like this. If you guys are really serious, maybe you can find and suggest that the both of you read a few articles or books on emotional infidelity and the slippery slope of the whole "just friends" bit - not in any sort of accusatory manner, but just so that both of you will see eye to eye on how to protect your relationship. Good luck!
  18. heartlessromantic
    How was the sweet guy abusive? Also, it's not good to date somebody thinking you are "settling" - generally tends to make you restless down the line.
  19. heartlessromantic
    So you only talk and never hang out? Or does he only hang out with you when there are people around? How is the interaction? Is it flirtatious at all? It could be he cares for you as a friend but doesn't want to give you the wrong idea. Or, and I don't mean this to be offensive in any way - could he be gay?
  20. heartlessromantic
    It might be that the tragic event really affected her and she is in a mild depression? It's hard to feel in the mood or very affectionate when you are depressed. I think it's wonderful that you've taken this opportunity to reassess your life and have decided to take steps to make some changes. It will only help your marriage if things work out. Keep at it! It's a good sign that she has agreed to go to counseling with you. I hope you guys work out the issues. I haven't been married yet, but I've often heard that the first few years of marriage can be the toughest. Best of luck!
  21. heartlessromantic
    lostnpain - Honestly, it sounds like you guys have a pretty good relationship with openness and trust. I hope you are able to work things out. juliana's husband brings up a good counterpoint but it sounds like your wife takes appropriate steps to establish boundaries given the circumstances.
  22. heartlessromantic
    I believe you did the best thing. White lies can turn ugly fast. If you had not told him and he later found out, he might think "If it's really no big deal, there would be no reason to lie about it. So why did she hide it from me?" Glad everything is okay!
  23. heartlessromantic
    I think you should tell him everything. If he's not the jealous type and you don't have any trust issues in the relationship, it shouldn't be a problem. I would say that openness is the best policy regardless, because it builds/reinforces trust. If it's not a big deal to you and you have nothing to hide, it shouldn't be a big deal and will be easier to handle if this person keeps trying to pursue you.
  24. heartlessromantic
    Biological anomaly?
  25. heartlessromantic
    The guy is a hypocrite. What is his position on the fact that you dropped your guy friends but he thinks it's okay to have lots of female friends? The "I love you" bit is weird too, unless they've been friends from childhood or something... like more of a brother/sister thing. It never feels good to be accused but at the same time I think it's fair to be able to bring concerns in a calm way. Also, I don't see why he is so defensive. If his suspicion that you have guys over while he is working is a new one, it may be something he made up just to hold over you or to deflect your concerns. Do you work? Does he oppose you working? Have you tried to pay for stuff in the past only to have him refuse? Wondering if he has control issues.
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