Should I move on?

[D_lutina]

Should I move on?

I met my crush on Bumble we talked well for a couple of weeks and the I got ghosted.  Then months later he came back and he came back I asked why and his reason was stress with school and finances. Which I understood and tried to encourage him. We spoke from January until end of February . In most of our conversations I started but we had really nice discussions and we even went on a date. I end up a couples days later mentioning my constant initiation of discussion he took accountability and said that he is currently not consistent because he is going through a lot so it’s better for him to take time to stabilise his life first so then after he can better focus on us. I said I understand take all the time needed. He also mentioned that he really enjoyed talking with me and it was nothing against the fact that he is asking for space. 

He is 34 I am 24F 

I really like this guy but since he mentioned space and I respecting his decision I really don’t know how to move. 

Some family members and friends said that he is not that interested or he is playing but honestly I am confused.

(I’m not a Native English speaker thank you In advance for your commentary everyone 🫶🏾✨)

[Capricorn3]

I get the feeling he's not very interested.  BUT, if it's true that he's going through a lot and needs space, then all you can do is respect that.  He knows where to find you if he wants to.  Meantime, carry on with your life.

[Wiseman2]

31 minutes ago, D_lutina said:

 we even went on a date. I end up a couples days later mentioning my constant initiation of discussion  that he is asking for space. . Some family members and friends said that he is not that interested 

Sorry this is happening. Unfortunately confronting him after one date about initiating seems a bit too forward. That's why he gave you the "need space" excuse It's good you are stepping back. Trust your friends and family. . Even if you are chatting a while an a date goes well, try to pace yourself. 

[catfeeder]

I would move on. If the guy is ever interested enough, he’ll have no trouble catching up to you no matter how far forward you have gone.

[ShySoul]

Unless he has given you some kind of indication that he is not interested or is making an excuse, then take him at his word. Life can be busy and complicated. It's entirely possibly that he does want to spend more time with you, this just isn't the best timing with whatever else is going on in his life. Honestly, it sounds like you two have been very mature and respectful in your communications, each being understanding and not pushing the other. Keep doing what you are doing and following your gut. What other people think is going on with him is their opinion, it may be completely off.

As far as moving on, its really not a black or white question. How do you feel? How much did you like him and are you ready to move on? If there wasn't much attachment, you might be able to put those feelings aside. But if they had started to really grow, then it's not that easy to just say forget him and move on. So go at whatever pace you are comfortable with. If you need to take some time or hold onto some hope, do so. The main thing is to do what feels right for you.

[MissCanuck]

I would step back, OP. 

Whether it's lack of interest or life stress, he's been pretty clear that he can't offer you something more consistent at this time. It is not going to serve you to wait around for him. Keep moving, and remember that he knows where to find you if he wants to keep in touch. 

[Kwothe28]

7 hours ago, D_lutina said:

I met my crush on Bumble we talked well for a couple of weeks and the I got ghosted.  

I could have stopped reading after this.

He is not that interested and the minute something(or should I say somebody) else turned up, he ghosted. Same after the date. He maybe liked attention but he doesnt want to be with you. Just block the dunce and move on.

[kim42]

I don't think he's making excuses, life can get messy but I would just carry on with my life for now, and if he's in a better situation and ready to date, he might reach out to you later, at some point. I would leave it up to him now, he explained his current situation so I would respect that and focus on my life. 

If he comes back and asks you on a date, you can then decide how you feel about it. If he doesn't come back, then you know it simply wasn't meant to be.

 

[Batya33]

Is the a lot going on perhaps a wife or a partner?  I agree with the others.

[TeeDee]

11 hours ago, D_lutina said:

 Some family members and friends said that he is not that interested or he is playing but honestly I am confused.

There is nothing to be confused about.  Your family & friends are correct.  He's a game playing time waster.  If he was into you, nothing would have stopped him from pursing you.  

Next .  .. 

[smackie9]

Your friends and family are right... please accept their judgment. It's your feelings that are confusing you and making you blind to the obvious. When someone is really interested in you they don't ghost you for months. This guy is wasting your time. My advice, date those who treat you the way you expect to be treated.

[catfeeder]

6 hours ago, kim42 said:If he comes back and asks you on a date, you can then decide how you feel about it. If he doesn't come back, then you know it simply wasn't meant to be.

 

Yes, and if you move on to start dating others, you won’t waste your time hovering in stagnation. If he ever comes back to ask for a date, you can cross that bridge from a more confident position. There is no need to speculate with others about his intentions when he’s the only one with that answer, and he will show you where he stands, one way or the other, if you’ll just stop contacting him.

[ShySoul]

17 hours ago, D_lutina said:

Some family members and friends said that he is not that interested or he is playing but honestly I am confused

It's interesting to me how much stock people place into the opinions of others over trusting their own instincts. These family and friends weren't doing the talking with him or going on the date with him. They can't say for certain what he is thinking. A group of random people online who have never met him likewise can't know how interested he was or is. Any outside commentary is going to be filtered through the personal experiences and biases that the commentator brings with them.

The one person who has interacted with him regularly and is best situatied to understand his behavior, is you. So do you trust him? Do you believe that this is a matter of timing and that right now is simply not a good time for him? If you do nothing is wrong with that. Likewise, if you sense deception, trust those feelings. 

The reality is we don't know where his head is at, only he does. So trying to figure it out is a waste of time. The key is to focus on what is best for you. You can "move on" if you feel like it. You can leave the door open for a friendship and possibly more. You can talk to other people and see if there is someone else. Or you can just focus on being happy with you and having fun on your own. It's really all about being who you are and being happy in your own life.

[kim42]

13 minutes ago, ShySoul said:

It's interesting to me how much stock people place into the opinions of others over trusting their own instincts. These family and friends weren't doing the talking with him or going on the date with him. They can't say for certain what he is thinking. A group of random people online who have never met him likewise can't know how interested he was or is. Any outside commentary is going to be filtered through the personal experiences and biases that the commentator brings with them.

The one person who has interacted with him regularly and is best situatied to understand his behavior, is you. So do you trust him? Do you believe that this is a matter of timing and that right now is simply not a good time for him? If you do nothing is wrong with that. Likewise, if you sense deception, trust those feelings. 

The reality is we don't know where his head is at, only he does. So trying to figure it out is a waste of time. The key is to focus on what is best for you. You can "move on" if you feel like it. You can leave the door open for a friendship and possibly more. You can talk to other people and see if there is someone else. Or you can just focus on being happy with you and having fun on your own. It's really all about being who you are and being happy in your own life.

I agree with this and believe more people on this forum should read this. We can simply give advice but none of us knows how this guy feels or if he's interested or not. 

I think the OP should focus on her life and happiness, without worrying too much about this guy.

[rainbowsandroses]

18 hours ago, D_lutina said:

In most of our conversations I started but we had really nice discussions and we even went on a date.

What happened on the date?  Who initiated it?  

 

[kim42]

I also don't think it's ghosting if you just chat, without meeting in real life - in my opinion. I don't take guys on dating apos seriously until we actually meet so if I chat with a guy  and then he stops talking to me, I don't think about it as ghosting.

Also, maybe it's better not to chat with someone for weeks - I believe it's better to meet sooner than later to see if you are compatible in real life.

[D_lutina]

20 hours ago, D_lutina said:

 

He was the one who took me on the date and went super well

 

[D_lutina]

1 hour ago, rainbowsandroses said:

What happened on the date?  Who initiated it?  

 

He did and it went well

[D_lutina]

2 hours ago, ShySoul said:

It's interesting to me how much stock people place into the opinions of others over trusting their own instincts. These family and friends weren't doing the talking with him or going on the date with him. They can't say for certain what he is thinking. A group of random people online who have never met him likewise can't know how interested he was or is. Any outside commentary is going to be filtered through the personal experiences and biases that the commentator brings with them.

The one person who has interacted with him regularly and is best situatied to understand his behavior, is you. So do you trust him? Do you believe that this is a matter of timing and that right now is simply not a good time for him? If you do nothing is wrong with that. Likewise, if you sense deception, trust those feelings. 

The reality is we don't know where his head is at, only he does. So trying to figure it out is a waste of time. The key is to focus on what is best for you. You can "move on" if you feel like it. You can leave the door open for a friendship and possibly more. You can talk to other people and see if there is someone else. Or you can just focus on being happy with you and having fun on your own. It's really all about being who you are and being happy in your own life.

Honestly I don’t know because he told me that he’ll comeback but I don’t fully trust him. I guess maybe is not ever since his request for space we haven’t spoke..

[D_lutina]

9 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Is the a lot going on perhaps a wife or a partner?  I agree with the others.

He is fully single but currently he is studying and in our previous conversations he mentioned that he was looking for a job I think the combination of both and more is stressing him out..

[D_lutina]

16 hours ago, ShySoul said:

Unless he has given you some kind of indication that he is not interested or is making an excuse, then take him at his word. Life can be busy and complicated. It's entirely possibly that he does want to spend more time with you, this just isn't the best timing with whatever else is going on in his life. Honestly, it sounds like you two have been very mature and respectful in your communications, each being understanding and not pushing the other. Keep doing what you are doing and following your gut. What other people think is going on with him is their opinion, it may be completely off.

As far as moving on, it’s really not a black or white question. How do you feel? How much did you like him and are you ready to move on? If there wasn't much attachment, you might be able to put those feelings aside. But if they had started to really grow, then it's not that easy to just say forget him and move on. So go at whatever pace you are comfortable with. If you need to take some time or hold onto some hope, do so. The main thing is to do what feels right for you.

I feel confused because he ghosted me once and now he is somewhat disappearing again but this time mentioning that he’ll be. Back (when I don’t know). Well I was starting to like him..

[rainbowsandroses]

6 minutes ago, D_lutina said:

I feel confused because he ghosted me once and now he is somewhat disappearing again but this time mentioning that he’ll be. Back (when I don’t know). Well I was starting to like him..

That's okay, like him from a distance... if he's interested he knows where to find you. 

In the meantime, like him from a distance and continue living your life, including meeting and dating other guys. 

If he doesn’t return wanting what you want, then so be, life goes on...

[Wiseman2]

32 minutes ago, D_lutina said:

I feel confused because he ghosted me once and now he is somewhat disappearing again.

That's ok. This is exactly the type of situation you can simply put on the back burner. You don't really have to "do" anything. For example you can simply carry on enjoying your life and if you hear from him, great, if not, great. 

[smackie9]

Ya sure, no one can say how he feels BUT IMO actions speak louder than words. If it doesn't feel right then it's not. 

[D_lutina]

21 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

I get the feeling he's not very interested.  BUT, if it's true that he's going through a lot and needs space, then all you can do is respect that.  He knows where to find you if he wants to.  Meantime, carry on with your life.

I’ll sure will but thank you and everyone for their insights