Minor Online "Interaction" Dilemma

[rainbowsandroses]

Hey guys, so I met this guy online (not a dating app) a couple of weeks ago.  He lives in Texas, I live in SoCal.  He invited me to attend a rodeo in Houston (I told him I love rodeos) but I declined as I just started talking to him!

Anyway, we've been chatting a lot until recently when I intentionally slowed it down due to me having Covid again and not feeling all that great, and well, because I don't want to get into chatting online too much, if at all!  BTDT, never worked out well.

We actually left it that I would be in touch when I felt better but today he reached out (it's been about a week) and all he said was "Hello"!

What am I supposed to do with that?  Normally when I was on the apps and a guy reached out with "Hello" or "Hey" of "Wattup" lol  and nothing else, I sent it to trash, but with this man, I don't dislike him, and we've been chatting, so I don't want to do that.

But WTH, why not engage me a little?  Maybe like "how are you feeling'?  Something?

I honestly and truly don't know how to respond except to say "Hello Back!" but that just seems SO lame!

Any ideas?

Thanks!

 

 

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

We actually left it that I would be in touch when I felt better  .why not engage me a little?  

You explicitly asked him not to contact you and that you would be the one to reach out when you felt better.  It seems like he's trying to check in because it was your idea to be incommunicado. 

[Batya33]

Are you sure it is he who contacted you and not someone who found the messages ? I wouldn’t feel obligated to respond. I’d only message a friend like that as a joke or inside joke. I routinely check up on friends who aren’t well and if I don’t want her to feel obligated to respond I will write “I hope you’re feeling better “ rather than “how are you feeling?”

[rainbowsandroses]

9 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Are you sure it is he who contacted you and not someone who found the messages ? I wouldn’t feel obligated to respond. I’d only message a friend like that as a joke or inside joke. I routinely check up on friends who aren’t well and if I don’t want her to feel obligated to respond I will write “I hope you’re feeling better “ rather than “how are you feeling?”

No it was definitely him.  It was a DM on the site we are chatting on.  It's a legit site, randoms can't hack into a member's messaging inbox.

Yeah, I don't need or even want to be coddled because I was sick but if he's gonna reach out, you're right something as simple as "hope you're feeling better" would be nice, I don't know.  Maybe I expect too much.

Anyway, I just got dinged, he sent yet another message.  I don't even want to open it, and feel like disappearing from the site now.

I hate online, and this is why!

Sorry guys, I'm just frustrated and kinda annoyed (not sure why), I need a glass of wine!😆

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

 I don't even want to open it, and feel like disappearing from the site now.

That's a great idea. This is going nowhere fast anyway.  Really? Texas? You know better than that. 

[rainbowsandroses]

12 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's a great idea. This is going nowhere fast anyway.  Really? Texas? You know better than that. 

I know, right?  I don't know if yall remember but I made a post last year (I think it was last year, I may have deleted it) about wanting to meet a cowboy and loving horses and rodeos and how my brother and I were going to a rodeo in East County (San Diego).  

So then this guy (a genuine cowboy from Texas) messages me and well I admit at first I was intrigued because, well, he's a cowboy (sort of) and rides horses (not bulls), so I began chatting for fun.

But you are absolutely right, he's in Texas, he is also many MANY years older than I although he does look younger and has a young attitude and spirit.

But yeah, this just feels ALL WRONG.

I logged out and not going back on for a long time, if ever.

Thanks Wise!!!

P.S. I never even read the second message he sent today.....

[Kwothe28]

6 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

But WTH, why not engage me a little?  Maybe like "how are you feeling'?  Something?

I mean you said you would get back to him and he was maybe inpatient so he shot a message to remind you he exists. Guy probably likes you and was wondering what was going on.

And now you are probably “ghosting “. Not really communicative out of you. I know a lot of people feel that they dont owe anybody interaction, but still kinda cold, dont you think?

[Tinydance]

Well you live in different states and as I understand, the US is a  very big country. So I guess my next question is, what is your aim of talking to this guy? Just online chat or you want to meet in person? I think if you don't like just chatting online to a stranger then personally I'd have gone to the rodeo. I mean if you don't actually meet then how would he stop being a stranger? I think you're kind of contradicting yourself because you're saying you don't like to just just online but you didn't want to go meet in person either when he asked you to meet. 

[Capricorn3]

9 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

 he is also many MANY years older than I

But yeah, this just feels ALL WRONG.

Are you talking like 20 years older? Or more?  I mean, if he's old enough to be your father maybe that's why it feels all wrong.....🤔

[mylolita]

Hey rainbows!

 

I totally get where you’re coming from - online seems like a total mix up minefield and every time I have gone there (mostly always platonic friendships) it just… I don’t know. The life gets sucked outta you because at the end of the day, none of the real warmth, senses, and satisfaction of a real life interaction are there. It’s a poor substitute for connection, in my opinion, and always leaves me drained - because, you’re having to look at a screen, instead of sitting in a nice cafe with someone or taking a walk or anything like that. 
 

I’m curious as to what your boyfriend thinks about this guy? He seems to be wanting something romantic with you?

 

I would call it a day but give him a heads up. Just be honest and tell him kindly why, no need to attempt to soften the blow by saying basically “it’s not you it’s me” or ignore him. Just be straight, say the online things never work for you and that you’re making changes and getting out there, leaving the site behind.

 

I try leave this site every month! LOL! It drives me nuts but is addictive.

 

All the best

x

[boltnrun]

3 hours ago, Tinydance said:

Well you live in different states and as I understand, the US is a  very big country. So I guess my next question is, what is your aim of talking to this guy? Just online chat or you want to meet in person? I think if you don't like just chatting online to a stranger then personally I'd have gone to the rodeo. I mean if you don't actually meet then how would he stop being a stranger? I think you're kind of contradicting yourself because you're saying you don't like to just just online but you didn't want to go meet in person either when he asked you to meet. 

It's a few hours via airplane. So going to the rodeo would involve a round trip flight and a hotel room. Several hundred dollars spent for someone she's only messaged, not even met. IMO not really feasible. Also, weekly dates would be impossible unless this guy has his own private jet or is very wealthy and finds it reasonable to spend that much to date someone when both of them could just date locally.

Rainbow, there are cowboys in California! I used to live in a city in So Cal where there were hitching posts in front of all stores so people could tie their horses' reins while they shopped. 

[Tinydance]

8 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

It's a few hours via airplane. So going to the rodeo would involve a round trip flight and a hotel room. Several hundred dollars spent for someone she's only messaged, not even met. IMO not really feasible. Also, weekly dates would be impossible unless this guy has his own private jet or is very wealthy and finds it reasonable to spend that much to date someone when both of them could just date locally.

Rainbow, there are cowboys in California! I used to live in a city in So Cal where there were hitching posts in front of all stores so people could tie their horses' reins while they shopped. 

Yeah I figured it was far but I was just saying if she doesn't like just chatting online and does want to meet either then it's a dead end right? 

[yogacat]

I say if you're interested, keep the lines of communication open for now.

FWIW, I have a cousin that inadvertently matched with a woman via a dating website (they shared a mutual hobby) and he lived on the east coast, she on the west coast. Now, they are married with two children.

I wouldn't worry about the "hello" communicado given that initially you mentioned having a slow response due to Covid. I think he's just touching base, but will get the leads of the conversation from your response.

😶‍🌫️

[Wiseman2]

13 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

. this just feels ALL WRONG.I logged out and not going back on for a long time, if ever.

Good call. Was this by any chance Mr NyQuil dream? 

[rainbowsandroses]

51 minutes ago, mylolita said:

I'm curious as to what your boyfriend thinks about this guy...

Hey Lolita, if you mean "Elevator Guy" he's no longer my boyfriend...we broke up, see my thread in abuse section about Gabby Petito, last page.

Back to the cowboy, thanks guys.  I ended up opening his message and he asked me how I was feeling and hope I feel better. .

I responded that I felt much better and asked him:

"How was the rodeo? Did you go?"

This was his response:

"Glad to hear.  Yes I did."

So this is a natural fade out, it appears we both just lost interest, whatever interest there was.  It felt forced anyway even from the beginning.  

All in all I'm glad I didn't ghost and let it fade naturally.

P.S.  Gotta wonder, the energy from his second message yesterday was so different, even from his first message- "Hello"!  which showed at least some enthusiasm, I wonder if he read this thread! 

Who knows, but honestly I've had some of the strangest experiences online when not even looking!  I'm not on any dating apps.

Thanks again.

 

 

[rainbowsandroses]

11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Good call. Was this by any chance Mr NyQuil dream? 

Hell no!!  Dream guy was a guy from years ago, and I actually liked him and felt a connection with him, as far as online connections go.

Cowboy guy was just a guy I was chatting with, not even sure why.  I felt no connection.

[mylolita]

Rainbows! 
 

Ah! Apologies, I didn’t know it had ended. I replied to you back on that thread just now. It sounds like you definitely made the correct decision, and I think with all this expansion and realisation and honesty, you are going to be very happy and wise! 
 

I think a lot of people are lonely in their modern isolated lives, we long for a true, deep and real connection. It’s nice for so many of us to use words online, we can say things honestly to a stranger, and it gives us a temporary lift, but I think it’s mostly an illusion! 
 

I can see why you like cowboys though 🥂🤣

 

x

[boltnrun]

Online chatting can be fun and it can be a nice distraction but at the end of the day you're still getting into bed alone. They're not holding your hand or hugging you or stealing food off your dinner plate or kissing you goodnight. 

My former husband used to do this thing I called "kiss attack", where he would playfully pin me down and cover my face and neck with kisses while I giggled and squealed. Can't do that over an electronic device. 

Check out some cities in the "Inland Empire" or in the San Fernando valley. LOTS of legit cowboys there. 

[rainbowsandroses]

10 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Check out some cities in the "Inland Empire" or in the San Fernando valley. LOTS of legit cowboys there. 

Well, I'm not one to go looking for love necessarily but in truth, I'm drawn to the mountains and desert, love horses and animals always have. 

My uncle (my late dad's brother) had a farm and I always enjoyed tending to the animals, up at the crack of dawn to help him feed them, etc.  

So... moving eastward away from the coast and hustle in the city (still in CA) is very appealing to me.  I have nothing holding me here.

So yeah, what you suggested is certainly an option for many reasons!  

[boltnrun]

Although I am a beach baby I did enjoy living in a rural city. We lived adjacent to a preserve for a few years so there were vast open spaces. Like I mentioned, the shops had hitching posts! Roads had bridle paths. We always saw people on horseback. And this was less than two hours from downtown Los Angeles. 

I still prefer the beach but there's plenty of "country" for people who enjoy that lifestyle. 

[kim42]

I don't see anything wrong with his messages, it was just basic conversation. You declined his invitation so this will most likely fade out.

I'm not the biggest fan of dating apps but I usually try to avoid chatting with a man for too long without meeting him. I have a friend and she met this guy online, and they were chatting for several months but didn't meet after all.

I honestly can't see myself talking online to someone I never met for this long but I know people who did it, they met up and ended up being a couple, so I believe anything can happen.

[smackie9]

Too bad he's just so far away. The only way I can see curing your curiosity is to make a trip of it with a friend, and meet up with him casually. See where it takes you. Nothing wrong with casual right? You only live once.

[rainbowsandroses]

2 hours ago, smackie9 said:

Too bad he's just so far away. The only way I can see curing your curiosity is to make a trip of it with a  meet up with him casually. See where it takes you. Nothing wrong with casual right? You only live once.

Thanks @smackie9 but I'm not interested in him (see my previous posts), casual or otherwise, it wouldn't matter if he lived down the street. 

He reached out first (on February 4th), it actually took me a couple of weeks to respond as I wasn't sure I wanted to "go there" (i.e chat online with yet another random man); after that our interaction was mediocre at best and from my end, felt forced. 

He suggested in a jokey way I should come to the rodeo as I had told him I love rodeos.  In retrospect, I doubt he was even being serious. 

I created this thread because I thought his message "Hello"! after I told him that *I* would get back to him when I felt better was odd and wasn't sure how to respond or even if I should respond.

He's messaged me a few times after I created this thread but I'm just not interested.

There was nothing 'wrong' with his messages and he's a very nice man but there's nothing there, like zero.  At least for me.

This is completely done.   

Again this was not a dating app, it's a forum very much like this one.

I'm not interested in dating right now and am taking some to time to heal from recent losses.

Thanks again to all who chimed it! 

 

[yogacat]

On 3/7/2024 at 4:32 PM, rainbowsandroses said:

But WTH, why not engage me a little?  Maybe like "how are you feeling'?  Something?

I get it. You were sick and he reached out but no "hope you're feeling better."  It comes across like he doesn't care but wants to see how you're coming along because you are part of his rodeo plans. Nothing more.

Basic decency dictates that one asks "how are you doing" or "are you feeling better" especially when he knows you are sick. Anywho, hope you're feeling better! 

[ShySoul]

On 3/7/2024 at 4:32 PM, rainbowsandroses said:

Anyway, we've been chatting a lot until recently when I intentionally slowed it down due to me having Covid again and not feeling all that great, and well, because I don't want to get into chatting online too much,... We actually left it that I would be in touch when I felt better but today he reached out (it's been about a week) and all he said was "Hello"!... But WTH, why not engage me a little?  Maybe like "how are you feeling'?  Something?

You were the one who slowed it down and said you would contact him. When he didn't here from you, maybe he was wondering why and was unsure what to do? Maybe he was questioning if you were interested or had forgotten him? Maybe he didn't want to disturb you if you weren't ready to talk so settled on a quick hello to open the conversation? Yes, it would have been more polite to ask about your health. But if I dropped everyone who didn't do things like that, I would be speaking to very few people in my life. 

 Glad you did respond. Not responding to him would have been just as bad as anything he said.