finding somone has a criminal record, mental illness

[rhondrea]

what would you do if you were dating someone for about 5 months and then for whatever reasons decided to look them up in the courts (i'd go into details what made me do this but then this would be really long and more confusing) and found they had a crime from 7 years ago. The crime is trespassing. But thanks to google you find out it was originally a burglary, so the lawyer must've had it dropped to trespassing. The crime is he went into a woman's home (he was friends with her) early in the morning, through a back window, while she was still sleeping, went to their bedroom, she was sleeping with someone that night and they woke up and chased him out.

 

When I asked about it he says he had a panic attack about these friends (I guess worried something happened to them?) and went to check on them..then says I am intrusive for looking him up and stops talking to me, ghosting and blocking me. I tried telling him this is public, anyone can look it up. The court docs says he has a mental illness and was supposed to be in mental health treatment. From what I know talking to him he does get paranoid, start talking about things that don't really make sense but he seems like a good person. I do believe a mental illness is at play.... although not a panic attack? Maybe some distorted thinking made him make a bad decision. and not use common sense?

 

At this point he's blocked me and isn't responding to any texts or calls. So I've been ghosted. I guess he's mad I looked all of this up. And please don't say I was in the wrong for looking him up, or being stalkerish. like I said to him anyone can with a few keystrokes and google. I wish I had done it sooner because now I already invested time and emotions into this person. He seems like a quiet, shy, gaming guy I'd have no idea he had an arrest before.  For now on it will be something I remember to do sooner.

 

 If he was worried about these friends anyone with a clear head would call them, knock on their door, wait a couple of more hours till maybe they were awake. Common sense being a male, even if this was just a friend or a past girlfriend,  it wouldn't be a good idea to just go through a back window and into their bedroom because no one knows his true intentions.

 

He also still has a bench warrant because he was let out on bond/parole. I believe the warrant is because he never paid the court fees and bond. Not sure how serious this is.

 

I can understand not telling someone all this being scared it would scare them away or turn them off..but it'd be something he'd have to share eventually if he was serious about a future with someone. Part of me is thinking maybe since I like and care about this person, and as someone who has depression and anxiety myself I try to be understanding of others if a mental illness really is at play. Feelings can be clouding my judgement though.

 

I've never had something like this happen to me, the whole ghosting thing, I'm feeling hurt and confused. Some have suggested I go to where he lives, confront him and try to talk since at this point I've been ghosted. Even if it's to just get closure. Others say the whole thing is weird, and I can never know what his true intentions were with what he did. If there is a mental illness going on it might not be my job to make sure he is ok, or if he is delusional there might not be any getting through to him.

[NighttimeNightmare]

Omg. No, you don’t go and try to confront him for “closure,” you have all of the information you need right here and now.  All unhealthy, all bad news. Nothing good can come from tying yourself to people who can get triggered into crossing boundaries and committing crimes. 
 

I think this is one of those things where you have to turn the questions inward onto yourself and figure out why you’re even considering pursuing this on any level. 

[catfeeder]

It’s not like you went through his phone or computer. Public records are not off limits, and they are something I would check long before the 5 month mark. I think it’s due diligence even before getting involved with someone.

Flipping the truth around to blame someone for learning of it is a classic move of someone who is not relationship material, whether they are mentally ill or not.

The fact that you would be hurt by his response rather than being relieved that you’ve dodged a bullet suggests that you may want to raise your own bar on what’s acceptable to date.

[SooSad33]

21 minutes ago, rhondrea said:

When I asked about it he says he had a panic attack about these friends (I guess worried something happened to them?) and went to check on them..then says I am intrusive for looking him up and stops talking to me, ghosting and blocking me. I tried telling him this is public, anyone can look it up. The court docs says he has a mental illness and was supposed to be in mental health treatment. From what I know talking to him he does get paranoid, start talking about things that don't really make sense but he seems like a good person. I do believe a mental illness is at play.... although not a panic attack? Maybe some distorted thinking made him make a bad decision. and not use common sense?

 

At this point he's blocked me and isn't responding to any texts or calls. So I've been ghosted.

Ghosted?  Good, now walk away.  Seeing what you have should open your eyes!

I have a delusional ex and they are weird 😕 .  

As for his 'excuses' on why did what he did ( worried about them,), Not!  He knew very well what he was doing.. possibly stalking the woman. And NO excuse  for it!

Stop all interactions and realize this is YOUR way out .

This headline alone, screams run! 😕 

finding somone has a criminal record, mental illness

 

 

 

[MissCanuck]

26 minutes ago, rhondrea said:

Some have suggested I go to where he lives, confront him

This is terrible and dangerous advice. 

Kindly, you need to ask yourself where your standards are. It is very concerning that you are still looking for this guy's attention at all, rather than having run the other way when you learned how unhinged he is. 

You shoud have been the one to ghost him. 

[Batya33]

If I found that out I’d be done. I’d make up some sort of excuse to break up most likely because I’d have some concerns for my safety.  

[Kwothe28]

I think we talked about it on some other thread. At the older times people meet over friends so you would at least have somebody familiar to vouch for that person. At newer times when dating is expanding online and you are literally meeting strangers, its not really a bad idea to check criminal record. You can avoid exactly this kind of situations. He is not right in the head and literally went into somebody else home because God knows why. You should be ghosting him and not wanting to have anything to do with him, not the other way around.

Also, please dont go into the home of a crazy person with a criminal record. Maybe your ego is hurt because he ghosted you or something. But that isnt a reason to involve yourself with somebody like that. I think you will realize that him not wanting anything to do with you is actually a blessing in disguise.

[Seraphim]

It is over leave it be . 

[shouldhavelearned]

Be happy you found out now and move on.

[Wiseman2]

46 minutes ago, rhondrea said:

The crime is he went into a woman's home through a back window, while she was still sleeping, went to their bedroom. He also still has a bench warrant because he was let out on bond/parole

It's fine to Google someone you've been dating, especially if you have a feeling something is off. It doesn't matter what his explanation is, he's not someone you should have in your life.

Be glad he deleted and blocked you. Please delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. 

[Jibralta]

18 hours ago, rhondrea said:

Others say the whole thing is weird, and I can never know what his true intentions were with what he did. If there is a mental illness going on it might not be my job to make sure he is ok, or if he is delusional there might not be any getting through to him.

I agree with these people. You should move on. And make sure your windows and doors are locked at night, lest this guy come 'checking' on you.

[Cherylyn]

Looks like you dodged a bullet and it could've been a real one!  Better safe than sorry.  He did you a favor by ghosting and blocking you.  Good riddance! 

You did the right thing by investigating his background.  You can never be too safe.  You saved your life.  🙏 What a relief.

[smackie9]

I'd be checking out of that relationship. 

[Coily]

You found out, time to let go.