Keeping photos of high school love okay

[Rose222]

Do you think it's appropriate for someone to keep pictures of high school prom with your first love years down the line if you are now engaged to someone else? 🙂 For context, the individuals involved are in their early 30's.

[Jaunty]

Yes.  By the time we're in our 30's how could pictures from high school be threatening to us?  Prom was a memorable part of teenage life for a lot of people.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Rose222 said:

Do you think it's appropriate for someone to keep pictures of high school prom.

Yes. It's fine to have fond memories of growing up. This should not be threatening at all.

[MissCanuck]

Yes, not a problem for me at all.

[Rose222]

Do you think we get over our first love or it always stays with us? I don't mean fond memories, but actual feelings. I have talked to people that decades later say they are not over it, and than those who got over it within several months, even if the first love was a long-term relationship. 

[JoyfulCompany]

Can we get to the real question, please?
So you found out they keep pictures from prom, they went to it with their first love and you wonder... what exactly:
 - if your current relationship (more than 12 years later) is threatened?
 - if you're entitled to ask them to get rid of the pictures?
In my opinion both are a "no".
However, if you have other concerns in the way they treat you or some major mismatch in values or views - that's another story and it may need exploring before tying the knot.

But, generally, our experiences and memories are part of who we are today. In a twisted way the pictures from that prom with that ex lover reflect at least a small part of who your partner is today and why you love them and how they love you. There's no need of retroactive jealousy. There's no need of wiping out someone's past to have a happy present and perhaps a promising future with them.

[Batya33]

6 hours ago, Rose222 said:

Do you think it's appropriate for someone to keep pictures of high school prom with your first love years down the line if you are now engaged to someone else? 🙂 For context, the individuals involved are in their early 30's.

Yes absolutely - I will never throw those away and he was also at my sweet 16.  I do not display them in any way (and I think my mom probably has them also in albums in the home I grew up in).  I'm married and I love old photos and I'm very nostalgic.  But - I don't have those sorts of photos in my husband's face so to speak nor would I.  And none on social media. My sleepaway camp "boyfriend" from when I was 11 or 12 even messaged me a photo of us standing together at camp and I showed my husband -it's adorable! Of course he wasn't bothered by it.

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Rose222 said:

Do you think we get over our first love or it always stays with us? I don't mean fond memories, but actual feelings. I have talked to people that decades later say they are not over it, and than those who got over it within several months, even if the first love was a long-term relationship. 

I am over those relationships -those "firsts" - and I have actual feelings for one of those firsts-I care about him and can remember what it felt to be over the moon about him.  So? I think the only thing that's relevant is that the people who are together now with someone else feel ready and open and committed to that person and it is not affected by past relationships.  

[Kwothe28]

Are we talking about pictures or feelings? Because pictures are OK, I have pictures from both my junior and senior prom in my room. Both times we men were less in numbers so I got 2 dates. On junior it was my first "crush" and one other girl from class. On senior it was my best friend and her best friend from high school. 

For feelings, you dont forget your first "love". Its your first after all. But you sure as Hell do get over it. As you need to get on with your life and accept that you broke up. You broke up with your man 12 years ago and presumably have a new man. Ofcourse you shouldnt have romantic feelings for your first man anymore. You can have nice memories on your first man. Lots of people do that. But feelings are something that you shouldnt have as you should move on from him years ago.

[Coily]

I’d say it depends:

Fine to keep old prom first love  photos in an album or shoe box. It’s good to revisit the past to see growth and change.

It’s like you are trapped in the past to keep those past love photos framed and on the mantle or hung on the wall if you weren’t married to them. 

[smackie9]

Definitely. There's no way anyone is that same person from when they were a teenager. The brain changes, our thought process, how we see things, our likes, dislikes, POV etc. They are just memories and everyone has that shoebox stored in the basement. You pull it out have a look, share it with the kids, grand kids to have a laugh at the way you looked back then. Sharing old memories is nice not harmful. 

[Andrina]

The majority of the time, nice memories do not equal regret. They are beautiful mementos, in the form of photographs, many choose not to destroy.

If a person lived in the past, regretting what would could've been with that former love in the teen years, it would be impacting a present relationship.

If that isn't happening, you're worrying over absolutely nothing. And making mountains out of molehills is a surer way to sabotage the good of what you have.

[MissCanuck]

10 hours ago, Rose222 said:

Do you think we get over our first love or it always stays with us?

The vast majority get over it. 

Those who are not over it decades later are by far the exception. 

[Cherylyn]

It would be ok as long as it's not "in your face" type memories such as blasted all over social media as a refresh, displayed in a framed photo in your home and you get the general idea.  As long as it's discreet and NOT disrespectful to your fiancee or fiance, it's ok.  Just be mindful and use common sense.  Treat him or her the way you would want to be treated.  Place yourself in his or her shoes and then use your good judgment.   

[SooSad33]

Yeah, I wouldn't find this threatening.  We all have a past and should he choose to discard it in 10 yrs or 10 days, is his choice.

Should not be a threat to your relationship now. Especially if you do see him and he see's you as your 'special someone' 🙂 . And as mentioned, over time, we change.  Our prefarences change etc.  That was way back and neither are the same as back then.  Both have grown up more, matured more and would not suit each other in these times.

You don't see any major red flags happening, right?  I'm sure, if you two are engaged, you've been together a good while.  Enough time to see if you're truly compatible & all is fine...

 

[Jaunty]

12 hours ago, Rose222 said:

Do you think we get over our first love or it always stays with us? I don't mean fond memories, but actual feelings. I have talked to people that decades later say they are not over it, and than those who got over it within several months, even if the first love was a long-term relationship. 

You've answered your own question:  Some people don't get over it.  Others do.  The majority obviously get over it or else hardly anyone would be happily married unless they hitched up with their first love - which is unusual.

If you're in your 30's and are having insecurities because someone you're seeing has their prom picture, I think you need to take a good look within and see if you can work through this.   

[Cherylyn]

It doesn't have anything to do with insecurities nor threatening behaviors.  It's about being considerate and respectful.  Yes, remember your fond memories and keep your pictures of long ago but remind your betrothed with abandon?  Think again.  Do everything in good taste and exercise discretion. 

[Batya33]

4 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

It doesn't have anything to do with insecurities nor threatening behaviors.  It's about being considerate and respectful.  Yes, remember your fond memories and keep your pictures of long ago but remind your betrothed with abandon?  Think again.  Do everything in good taste and exercise discretion. 

Exactly -our son is a teenager. He has heard of proms.  So if I ever reference my proms it's generally and not related to who I went with - more about how what I wore is now actually worth $$ to certain collectors lol.  I would say "it was great" or "we all stayed out all night" but not in reference to my high school sweetheart.  

[Jaunty]

 

6 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

It doesn't have anything to do with insecurities nor threatening behaviors.  It's about being considerate and respectful.  Yes, remember your fond memories and keep your pictures of long ago but remind your betrothed with abandon?  Think again.  Do everything in good taste and exercise discretion. 

I must have missed something.  Did the OP write that they are engaged and someone's being "reminded with abandon"?  

Regardless, I think that by the time you're decades past high school, if you're bothered by your partner's prom pic, you have some issues.

 

[Wiseman2]

21 hours ago, Rose222 said:

Do you think we get over our first love or it always stays with us? I don't mean fond memories, but actual feelings. 

The "first love" thing seems highly overrated. If you feel that because of highschool milestone pictures, your relationship is threatened, it may be best to at least get premarital counseling.  You can't erase someone's life before you were in it, so it's best to figure out exactly why this is bothering you. 

[Cherylyn]

1 hour ago, Jaunty said:

 

I must have missed something.  Did the OP write that they are engaged and someone's being "reminded with abandon"?  

Regardless, I think that by the time you're decades past high school, if you're bothered by your partner's prom pic, you have some issues.

 

OP mentioned engaged.  There aren't any issues.  I've just said that it's fine keeping old pictures of one's prom as long as the person exercises discretion doing so.  It all boils down to decorum and all is well.

[Betterwithout]

FWIW, I keep all photos of family and friends and that includes previous girlfriends.  I find it hard to throw pictures away. Even though it was an eternity ago, they hold a special place in my heart.  My wife has photos of her old boyfriends too.  And we both have past loves on FB too.  
Neither of us feel compelled to go out and meet up with them again.

All comes down to trust.

[tattoobunnie]

When my husband and I first dated in our teens, I broke with him, and burned our photos of us together.  I laugh about that regularly with him.  He kept his though.  When I think of my 1st great love, he couldn't hold a candle to my hubs.

I know we both have photos buried deep of exes.  I have no idea where mine are.  But if they insist on hanging up them, and talk to them on the regular, that's a different story.  Worrying about them having them in a shoebox in the bottom of a closet says more about you, then it does about them.

Don't sweat the small stuff.

[catfeeder]

Perfectly appropriate to keep photos of milestones in one's life.

I'd bet that most people have more fond and vivid memories of the pets they had during that time than the person they dated at that moment.

Are you assuming that this was a 'love' relationship, or were you told that? Lots of people went to proms with dates they hardly even knew, much less remember very well.

 

[Rose222]

9 hours ago, catfeeder said:

Are you assuming that this was a 'love' relationship, or were you told that? Lots of people went to proms with dates they hardly even knew, much less remember very well.

 

Yes, he said it was his first love, his first sexual experience... They did lots of crazy stuff as teenagers as they were exploring and each other's first, and were together for over a year but he broke up with her because of the distance towards the end of senior year. He thought they were going to go to college together but the distance was just a bit too much to handle as the commute got longer.