Let it go or encourage teenage son to try acting/theater?

[Batya33]

So I do not think this requires any sort of deep analysis but I'm looking for practical tips/anecdotes (likely from other parents but please do chime in whoever you are!). 

My son doesn't do a lot of outside activities now.  Partly because of the covid years when things ground to a halt.  I believe my son is a natural at acting (and he has a delightful singing voice -did chorus for about a year in school just before covid hit).  He is a natural and also has a really good sense of humor/delivery.  I am not an actress but took acting lessons and love the theater, love comedy/improv etc and feel that my opinion has a fair amount of basis in reality as an "amateur"/layperson.  

My son took 6 weeks of acting lessons at our local -and amazing -theater maybe 4 years ago.  Didn't hate it, didn't love it.  Finished the 6 week program, they did a performance for the parents - did well but was happy to be done with it.  Partly I think he didn't click well with the teacher.  

I would love for him to get back involved in theater/acting in some way. He is 13 now.  He says no because (1) he has "stage fright" (he is on the shy side, he is self-conscious I mean what teen isn't - and he's done some public speaking/presentations over the years and done well but it's not something he gravitates towards -but each time he does it he does well and this is from his teachers who tell me this and from what I have seen).  and (2) he has this notion that while he would enjoy being on stage and part of a play and be willing to work on stage fright he doesn't like the structure of acting lessons (based on his 6-week experience).  He's stubborn - I mean again -he's 13! I don't really know how to discuss the second issue with him because -well -acting lessons all are going to have some sort of structure even improv lessons.

So far I've let it be.  I've told him my opinions -that I think he's a natural, should give it another chance and pointed out that he really might find a nice friend group, his "people" in working on a school production for example or within acting classes. He has friends. He could stand to maybe branch out a bit although the friends he likes best -all good kids -I feel thankful for that.

I do not wish for him to be an actor or a lifelong theater person unless he really wants to.  I do wish for him to try this again and honestly part of it is the social benefits -I know a lot of theater people over the last decades and in general - I find that theater people are good people and especially working on a production is a great way to learn teamwork, make lasting friends and connections, feel accomplished. Also I find with shy people it's a great way to overcome some of it/the self conscious part.

My point is -since he's not really into sports- but this is something he's obviously talented at - should I be more direct/forceful in getting him to give this a shot -whether acting classes or maybe next year in high school joining the theater club or group -or do I back off and let him find his way there (or not?). 

I admit I find this a particularly challenging part of parenting - how much to encourage when it's not a must (meaning school is a must, extracurriculars are not).  (When he was younger I signed him up for stuff he didn't particularly ask for with mixed results.  Different sports/karate.  My one exception was swimming -we both made him take swimming lessons.  To us this was essential for safety (and fun!) -and he liked most of it and really likes swimming/water/ocean/pools)). 

But as a teenager as I know -as is common sense -I mean there's very little to be done if the teenager says no thanks.  But maybe some have practical advice about doing what is part of "little to be done" but might be successful. 

Again I'm not looking for a deep dive into parenting, I'm not going to "force" him and I get the whole leading a horse to water thing.  I think many of us had experiences where we were um "forced" to do activities and learn stuff that wasn't for us.  And some of us actually figured out we liked it, some of us have lasting bad memories and all in between.

My sense is let it go.  But.... (guess I'll see what input I get here).  I enjoy deeper discussions about parenting and forgive me in advance if I don't get into that much on this thread as it's not the purpose.  Totally understand if people take it in that direction.  Thanks so much in advance!!

[Kwothe28]

I dont have kids. But I do have a faculty of Education. I say "let it go". Its parents and teachers job to guide kids, yes. But if kids dont want to do it, there is nothing to be done. It could be detrimental for them as they can develop aversion. Its your experience with theater that was good. His? Who knows? What if he doesnt get over "stage fright"? Theater kids today can also be competative and mean as a sports one. So, his experience may be entirely different. I do understand that in USA its nice to have extracurricural activities because of college. But he would maybe find something that enjoys by high school. Nudging him in certain direction may not result in positive results. I do understand about swimming, its nice for body development at young stage and he learns something essential as swimming. But theater isnt essential. Its something you would maybe enjoy for him doing it and not him.

On the other hand, I do believe that you should work with him on getting over "stage fright". That could help him through school or even job later.

[Jibralta]

42 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

should I be more direct/forceful in getting him to give this a shot -whether acting classes or maybe next year in high school joining the theater club or group -or do I back off and let him find his way there (or not?).

As a former teenager, I recommend stepping back completely if he's said no. He may or may not come around to the idea of acting by himself. If he does, encourage him and forget he ever resisted you. Part of being a teenager is defining who you are in the world, separate from your parents. That involves making your own decisions, dealing with the consequences, and sometimes changing your own mind. Teenagers don't appreciate when parents 'take credit' for that stuff. I know that isn't what's really going on, but a teenage mind can only see so far.

[Batya33]

14 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

He may or may not come around to the idea of acting by himself. If he does, encourage him and forget he ever resisted you.

Yes this is where I was headed too.  I'd never dream of reminding him or taking credit.  Thank you!

[Seraphim]

I say let it go. I do kind of resent my own mom for what SHE felt I would be good at and the push push push. We are here to help with interests that are expressed not really push ones that we ourselves are interested in or find joy in. He may be a natural but he also may not care. Let him tell you what he is interested in and foster that interest and support that interest. 
 
13 , holy cats ! I remember when he was born !! 

[Batya33]

28 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

I do understand about swimming, its nice for body development at young stage and he learns something essential as swimming. But theater isnt essential. Its something you would maybe enjoy for him doing it and not him.

On the other hand, I do believe that you should work with him on getting over "stage fright". That could help him through school or even job later.

Yes, thank you! Here where we live swimming is essential for safety especially if the child attends day or sleepaway camp, goes to friend's houses where there is a pool let's say.  He actually enjoyed it and still does.

We do work on the stage fright piece - he does have to present publicly for school and had to speak publicly at an event last May -and was not overly anxious, he was motivated to rehearse and..... he did great!!  So maybe partly it's something he tells himself? 

Thanks again so much.

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, Seraphim said:

He may be a natural but he also may not care. Let him tell you what he is interested in and foster that interest and support that interest. 
 
13 , holy cats ! I remember when he was born !! 

Thank you so much.  Yes I can't believe it either.  And he grew physically so much this year -OMG.  

You make a great point.  Just because we may be a natural at something doesn't mean we should feel obligated to pursue.  Great reminder for me.  Thanks!

[catfeeder]

I don’t think it could hurt to offer a nice trade of something valuable to him in exchange for testing it out. If he still says no, then that’s the answer.

[greendots]

I would suggest you encourage him to give acting another shot. Perhaps ask him why he doesn't want to take any more acting lessons? Is he afraid of something and, if so, what is it?

Acting is a great tool for developing social skills and you desire for him to improve on that. Which will be great for him in the long-term. Thus, if he insists that acting isn't for him, how about offering him a suitable alternatives? He gets to choose an extracurricular activity that he does want to participate in where he'll develop his social skills.

You are the parent. Thus, by all means he needs to be obedient and comply. This isn't forcing anything upon him. This is you making sure he develops the social skills he needs in life. He's blessed to have you in his life!

 

[Batya33]

9 minutes ago, greendots said:

I would suggest you encourage him to give acting another shot. Perhaps ask him why he doesn't want to take any more acting lessons? Is he afraid of something and, if so, what is it?

Acting is a great tool for developing social skills and you desire for him to improve on that. Which will be great for him in the long-term. Thus, if he insists that acting isn't for him, how about offering him a suitable alternatives? He gets to choose an extracurricular activity that he does want to participate in where he'll develop his social skills.

You are the parent. Thus, by all means he needs to be obedient and comply. This isn't forcing anything upon him. This is you making sure he develops the social skills he needs in life. He's blessed to have you in his life!

Thanks for the input!  I wrote above his issue with acting lessons.  I love all the suggestions and perspectives.  

[greendots]

2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Thanks for the input!  I wrote above his issue with acting lessons.  I love all the suggestions and perspectives.  

You're welcome! I missed that, so I've reread that bit.

 

5 hours ago, Batya33 said:

He says no because (1) he has "stage fright" (he is on the shy side, he is self-conscious I mean what teen isn't - and he's done some public speaking/presentations over the years and done well but it's not something he gravitates towards -but each time he does it he does well and this is from his teachers who tell me this and from what I have seen).  and (2) he has this notion that while he would enjoy being on stage and part of a play and be willing to work on stage fright he doesn't like the structure of acting lessons (based on his 6-week experience). 

Here's the thing–he's not dismissing acting itself. He's just afraid of being on stage. So, encouraging him as well as help him to overcome his fears is a good thing. And if he doesn't like the structure of acting lessons? Then perhaps inquire as to how he'd like to be taught acting; maybe there's a course suited for him. 🙂

[Batya33]

7 minutes ago, greendots said:

You're welcome! I missed that, so I've reread that bit.

 

Here's the thing–he's not dismissing acting itself. He's just afraid of being on stage. So, encouraging him as well as help him to overcome his fears is a good thing. And if he doesn't like the structure of acting lessons? Then perhaps inquire as to how he'd like to be taught acting; maybe there's a course suited for him. 🙂

Yes, I haven't really gotten clarity on that and the information I've received means that those theaters that are accessible for us - two of them within a mile -we live in a major city -offer the same sort of lessons that he already took as far as structure. I think in part he didn't like being told what to perform or do. 

When I took acting lessons at a very well known acting school -also short term -about three months - we studied different aspects of acting and often by being given specific situations to perform either alone or with a partner. I do know of course there are different acting methods out there.  We have the typical constraints of most families - geography and scheduling around school, our jobs, etc.  

In the acting class I took in college -one semester - we did that as well but the final project was to choose a scene from a published play and perform it.  It was fabulous despite being hard work.  But I took to it.  And was the one who wanted to do it when I was 12 so it really was just a matter of my parents deciding if they could afford it. 

He does talk about wanting to make a YouTube channel. We're a bit iffy on that and are open to getting him the editing software he says he needs. We're in our mid 50s so we have a learning curve on this new world! 

I will say and not as an "excuse" -he was 11 when the pandemic hit.  5th grade.  He's been back in real school for over a year now (although last year was on and off closures plus limited extracurricular activities or restricted when there was a covid surge here). 

Add to that going back to in person in 7th grade at a huge school at a building he'd never been to in person, school bus shortages so that sometimes he was out of the house just for school from 7:30am-5:45pm - the focus on trying new activities returned relatively recently. 

I think all ages for kids was so hard on them for covid and had particular upsides and downsides but in particular for kids ages let's say 7-17 it sure wreaked havoc on extracurriculars that typically were all in person or needed to be to be the most effective.  Virtual worked for some and I was impressed with how so many "pivoted" but ---- just wow. 

Not "complaining" -we were so very lucky to stay mostly healthy throughout.  What a blessing.  Just explaining the wrench it threw into things.  

THanks again!

[mylolita]

Evening Batya!

 

I don’t have any teenage parenting advice because all 3 of mine are under 4! 
 

But my husbands ex girlfriend (they were together 7 years) is an actual actress. Professional, under one of the biggest UK acting agencies. She has just finished filming something and recently last year had a decent part in a BBC comedy that ran for 4 seasons. She started out doing adverts, or, commercials if you want me to go American 🤣

 

It’s been, from what I understand, a heck of a long slog for her to get where she is. If you want to be successful in TV or paid for it on a professional level, a regular thing, oh man - it took years of work and not so great gigs. She took all the off the cuff classes as well, like went to a clown school in France for 3 months. I’ll have to ask my husband but she also went to a prestigious London acting school. She was also a child star, got into it young at 12, similar age to your son, and also was very shy! Funny enough. 
 

Actually, you often find most actors are shy off stage. Almost as if acting gives them a mask to hide behind and then because they are not being “themselves” confidence flows easier. I’ve met her a whole bunch of times and she is quiet and timid and I couldn’t believe she had even been on TV once let alone a career of it!

 

Anyway, it’s tough out there for actors. I think you have to have extreme passion and a personal dream for the stage to will you on. It sounds to me like your son doesn’t have this drive or urge in that direction - so I have to be boring and agree with everyone else! Let him come at this on his own terms. He might spring some interest in it later on.

 

Just from an absolute extroverts perspective! There is, to me, absolutely nothing wrong with being shy! I never see it as anything that needs to be worked on. I know you’re not saying that exactly but, your son has friends, he’s not crippled by social anxiety or anything like that, he seems to know his own mind and I am presuming does well in school? Sounds great and personally, I would leave him to it!

 

It’s funny with having a few kids because you see such differences in personalities between them all - and, I guess, you soon realise as a parent, your job is to accept them for exactly who they are, and let them thrive in exactly their own unique way, and to step back as much as you can, as often as you can, to allow them to develop their own passions and own mind. 
 

x

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, mylolita said:

Anyway, it’s tough out there for actors. I think you have to have extreme passion and a personal dream for the stage to will you on. It sounds to me like your son doesn’t have this drive or urge in that direction - so I have to be boring and agree with everyone else! Let him come at this on his own terms. He might spring some interest in it later on.

Oh yes I agree -I taught an actor when I was a teacher and he became famous, went to grad school with another famous actor (she decided to pursue acting full time rather than what we were studying) and had the privilege of meeting socially and working with professionally many actors and theater people. I even performed once at one of their bday parties -but I chose to do a reading as my performance LOL.

I don't think he'll ever go on to this as a professional gig but I like acting lessons and theater for the craft, the fun,  the social opportunities, the sense of accomplishment.  I have friends - a bit unrelated -who take their kids around to auditions for acting and modeling and it's hard, it's stressful and often a longshot!  I respect them completely but -it's a lot!

My ex boyfriend married an actress actually but I think she mostly stopped at marriage -she was in her mid 40s and they had one child .  

Thanks so much for your input especially your observation of the different personalities and temperaments.  My big sister and I are so very different and always were and wow I love her to pieces.

(I should add on the extracurricular piece my son and I are training to volunteer with cats at a local shelter.  It's actually a bit involved -we completed the virtual piece.  Then we have one in person training then a "mentor" training. Hoping to be done with all within the month. I am happy to volunteer too but since he is only 13 a parent has to be trained and supervise the minor during volunteer shifts - I'm not doing it for the social piece -who knows who our fellow volunteers will be - but he wants to do this, he's so good with animals, and maybe we will encounter other kids/teens during our shifts -I would imagine they'd have to be kind and thoughtful people!) 

[Wiseman2]

Expose him to a very wide variety of sports, arts, interests, hobbies, etc.  Suggest joining up for whatever clubs, groups, sports and extracurricular activities his school has. He'll try a lot of stuff on and find a good fit.

Steering him one way or another could be an issue in an age where they start to rebel to find their own way of doing things. He's tried it, doesn't like it, so let go and he may revisit it. I remember telling my father he "doesn't know anything about girls" when I was 16. 😂Yeah, after puberty the parents are suddenly "clueless". 

[mylolita]

5 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Oh yes I agree -I taught an actor when I was a teacher and he became famous, went to grad school with another famous actor (she decided to pursue acting full time rather than what we were studying) and had the privilege of meeting socially and working with professionally many actors and theater people. I even performed once at one of their bday parties -but I chose to do a reading as my performance LOL.

I don't think he'll ever go on to this as a professional gig but I like acting lessons and theater for the craft, the fun,  the social opportunities, the sense of accomplishment.  I have friends - a bit unrelated -who take their kids around to auditions for acting and modeling and it's hard, it's stressful and often a longshot!  I respect them completely but -it's a lot!

My ex boyfriend married an actress actually but I think she mostly stopped at marriage -she was in her mid 40s and they had one child .  

Thanks so much for your input especially your observation of the different personalities and temperaments.  My big sister and I are so very different and always were and wow I love her to pieces.

(I should add on the extracurricular piece my son and I are training to volunteer with cats at a local shelter.  It's actually a bit involved -we completed the virtual piece.  Then we have one in person training then a "mentor" training. Hoping to be done with all within the month. I am happy to volunteer too but since he is only 13 a parent has to be trained and supervise the minor during volunteer shifts - I'm not doing it for the social piece -who knows who our fellow volunteers will be - but he wants to do this, he's so good with animals, and maybe we will encounter other kids/teens during our shifts -I would imagine they'd have to be kind and thoughtful people!) 

Aha! Yes, you know the slog, and the months of not working, it’s rough. It’s not something I would push as a parent personally.

 

Neither would I push modelling! I had a stint doing that and it’s full of perverts! And I say that also as an ex stripper! The modelling was actually far more seedy and underhand than the dancing! 
 

I’m just thinking back to when I was 13 Batya and personally, I would have died a thousand deaths for my parents to organise anything for me or attend it with me!!! But then again, I was hyper independent and a real little lady and I wanted to be doing everything for myself - 13 was the start of it, I remember! 
 

I am not looking forward to teenagers! Minefield!!!

 

x

[greendots]

48 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Yes, I haven't really gotten clarity on that and the information I've received means that those theaters that are accessible for us - two of them within a mile -we live in a major city -offer the same sort of lessons that he already took as far as structure. I think in part he didn't like being told what to perform or do. 

When I took acting lessons at a very well known acting school -also short term -about three months - we studied different aspects of acting and often by being given specific situations to perform either alone or with a partner. I do know of course there are different acting methods out there.  We have the typical constraints of most families - geography and scheduling around school, our jobs, etc.  

In the acting class I took in college -one semester - we did that as well but the final project was to choose a scene from a published play and perform it.  It was fabulous despite being hard work.  But I took to it.  And was the one who wanted to do it when I was 12 so it really was just a matter of my parents deciding if they could afford it. 

He does talk about wanting to make a YouTube channel. We're a bit iffy on that and are open to getting him the editing software he says he needs. We're in our mid 50s so we have a learning curve on this new world! 

I will say and not as an "excuse" -he was 11 when the pandemic hit.  5th grade.  He's been back in real school for over a year now (although last year was on and off closures plus limited extracurricular activities or restricted when there was a covid surge here). 

Add to that going back to in person in 7th grade at a huge school at a building he'd never been to in person, school bus shortages so that sometimes he was out of the house just for school from 7:30am-5:45pm - the focus on trying new activities returned relatively recently. 

I think all ages for kids was so hard on them for covid and had particular upsides and downsides but in particular for kids ages let's say 7-17 it sure wreaked havoc on extracurriculars that typically were all in person or needed to be to be the most effective.  Virtual worked for some and I was impressed with how so many "pivoted" but ---- just wow. 

Not "complaining" -we were so very lucky to stay mostly healthy throughout.  What a blessing.  Just explaining the wrench it threw into things.  

THanks again!

Covid must've been really hard on students. Not being able to socialize, interact with others in person and so on.

No worries. I'm not a parent, but I remember from when I was young it was nice to be given some sort of direction and structure. Especially at an age where you think you know more than your folks, lol. Just wish my parents had given me a tad more freedom. Anyway...

Cool he's showing an interest in editing software! Creating a Youtube channel is certainly a good way to learn new skills. Has he shared with you what he wants his channel to be about?

[Batya33]

38 minutes ago, greendots said:

Covid must've been really hard on students. Not being able to socialize, interact with others in person and so on.

No worries. I'm not a parent, but I remember from when I was young it was nice to be given some sort of direction and structure. Especially at an age where you think you know more than your folks, lol. Just wish my parents had given me a tad more freedom. Anyway...

Cool he's showing an interest in editing software! Creating a Youtube channel is certainly a good way to learn new skills. Has he shared with you what he wants his channel to be about?

Yes,  I too believe in giving kids structure and within that there's a broad range of what that means! My sense is he wants to do his channel about his video game.  We're blessed that despite being a teenager he sure shares a lot with both of us!

When I grew up in the 70s-80s there was far less of an emphasis on extra curricular activities.  At least where and how I grew up (US/major city, mom was home first 6 years then worked part time, dad worked very full time!)

[lostandhurt]

He is a 13 year old boy that I assume is into girls or at least interested at this point.

Joining theater is a great way to meet girls.  Yes I said it.  If you think like a teenage boy you will have more success in steering them in a positive direction. 

 I wouldn't totally let it go but I would be less direct about it.  You are his mom and want the best for him so I totally get it.  Sometimes a little push or exposure to something is just what shy teenagers need to get out of their safety zone.  Is there a production his school or possibly the high school is putting on soon? If you could bribe him into attending a production with you it might get him interested and if not you got to spend an evening with your son just the two of you or three of you.  Cherish the time  because they will become extinct soon enough...

 Don't worry about him resenting you for loving him and wanting the best for him.  It may not happen until he is much older (my 22 yr old just now thanks me for things years ago) but he will come to be thankful for your steady hand in his life. 

It was so much easier when you just told them what to do wasn't it?  At 13 all you can hope for is to help them with the options they have and hope they chose wisely.

 

Lost

 

[boltnrun]

My mom told me if I didn't try out for the cheerleading squad she wouldn't let me use the car my entire senior year 😟

My parents put me in cheerleading when I was six years old (didn't ask, just signed me up). I did it for 8 years with only a two year gap when I put my foot down and said I wanted to play softball. I cheered in junior high and all through high school up to senior year. I told my mom I wanted to focus on drama club (ironic, no?) and stop cheering. She then made the pronouncement above. I tried to "throw" my tryout but ended up doing so well I made two squads and had to choose between. That year was absolutely miserable, as had been my junior year. My mom wanted me to cheer I guess because it was something she could brag about or whatever..."My daughter is a Varsity Cheerleader!" Like, who cares??

So I am biased toward not trying to steer a teenager into something just because we enjoyed it. I love sports but my son couldn't be less interested. So I never pushed. He's an artist so he focused on that as well as joining key club. Those were things he chose to do. I wanted him to do what he wanted to do, not what I'd chosen for him.

Just my .02.

[Tinydance]

Well I don't have kids right now but am expecting next month (eekkk!!). I'm very close to my Mum (not Dad) but the one thing that always bothered me about our relationship is that she was quite overbearing and over protective. She really cared which is great but she had certain set opinions on what I should do in life and she really pushed them, even if I didn't want that. I know some parents are like that and I've noticed some of my friends had the same thing. I guess parents put a lot of effort into their children and they want them to have a good life and so on.

I did actually promise myself that if I ever had kids, I wouldn't do things that really bothered me that my parents did. I'll see how I go with that lol

Personally I always loved doing amateur theatre as a hobby at school and university. But yes stage fright is definitely real and it can get really bad! Maybe for some people it can get quite bad and interfere with their enjoyment of acting. 

I mean, you said your son was fairly indifferent to the acting course. And that now you've brought it up, he said he doesn't want to do it. So it sounds like he's leaning a lot more towards not interested lol

Has he mentioned any other activities or hobbies he might like to do? I mean, even from a financial perspective it probably makes more sense to spend money on something he actually wants to do and will enjoy.

I also think if he's doing well at school and he has friends and everything, if he doesn't want to do extra curricular activities, that's OK. I mean it's not good to be isolated and just always sit at home. But if he socialises with friends and family then maybe it's not necessary to do outside hobbies. In any case, the hobby should be something he enjoys and looks forward to.

 

[Batya33]

11 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

He is a 13 year old boy that I assume is into girls or at least interested at this point.

Joining theater is a great way to meet girls.  Yes I said it.  If you think like a teenage boy you will have more success in steering them in a positive direction. 

 I wouldn't totally let it go but I would be less direct about it.  You are his mom and want the best for him so I totally get it.  Sometimes a little push or exposure to something is just what shy teenagers need to get out of their safety zone.  Is there a production his school or possibly the high school is putting on soon? If you could bribe him into attending a production with you it might get him interested and if not you got to spend an evening with your son just the two of you or three of you.  Cherish the time  because they will become extinct soon enough...

 Don't worry about him resenting you for loving him and wanting the best for him.  It may not happen until he is much older (my 22 yr old just now thanks me for things years ago) but he will come to be thankful for your steady hand in his life. 

It was so much easier when you just told them what to do wasn't it?  At 13 all you can hope for is to help them with the options they have and hope they chose wisely.

 

Lost

 

Thanks so much! Pre-covid he and I went to theater regularly - you are right we should resume that -I will look around for appropriate theater.  We loved it and he also would get to meet the actors after at certain theaters.  Thanks for understanding the delicate balance. 

re girls he wavers between being allergic to girls and having crushes lol and I don't think that would do it -right now he would hate if it had a lot of girls involved because he really only approaches boys for friendship.  Next year is high school so I'm hoping, yes, to encourage him to get involved in school productions depending on where he goes.  

Thanks again!

[Batya33]

10 hours ago, boltnrun said:

My mom told me if I didn't try out for the cheerleading squad she wouldn't let me use the car my entire senior year 😟

My parents put me in cheerleading when I was six years old (didn't ask, just signed me up). I did it for 8 years with only a two year gap when I put my foot down and said I wanted to play softball. I cheered in junior high and all through high school up to senior year. I told my mom I wanted to focus on drama club (ironic, no?) and stop cheering. She then made the pronouncement above. I tried to "throw" my tryout but ended up doing so well I made two squads and had to choose between. That year was absolutely miserable, as had been my junior year. My mom wanted me to cheer I guess because it was something she could brag about or whatever..."My daughter is a Varsity Cheerleader!" Like, who cares??

So I am biased toward not trying to steer a teenager into something just because we enjoyed it. I love sports but my son couldn't be less interested. So I never pushed. He's an artist so he focused on that as well as joining key club. Those were things he chose to do. I wanted him to do what he wanted to do, not what I'd chosen for him.

Just my .02.

This is so helpful and the way you wrote it I could "see" those hard conversations and stress you write about -I'm sorry -and again as I've mentioned to you before I love how athletic and into sports you are/were.  I am impressed from afar as I have none of those abilities lol.  Thank you.

[Wiseman2]

He may be destined to be a great tennis player or mathematician or politician or chess player or 1000 other things, so while you've introduced him to your interests there's a million other things he may want or may be naturally inclined to.

[Batya33]

6 hours ago, Tinydance said:

Has he mentioned any other activities or hobbies he might like to do? I mean, even from a financial perspective it probably makes more sense to spend money on something he actually wants to do and will enjoy.

Thanks also for the rest of your post -so helpful and insightful.  I realized after I posted and mentioned above somewhere that we are training to volunteer with cats at an animal shelter and he is really motivated to do it! It actually will cost us some $ as we likely will have to Uber to one of the locations. But it's fine! 

And you're right it's a hard balance when to step away/when to encourage. I'm actually a fan of letting kids make mistakes -ranging from falling from a tree they're climbing (within reason!!) and, well, when I gave him my credit card for the first time to order by himself at a taco chain as I guarded our table and .... yes I had to step in when we realized he'd ordered $18 worth of food/beverages instead of about $7. Sigh. 

Good luck with a continued smooth pregnancy! When my sister had her first over 30 years ago I remember her saying she would never, ever do that high pitched baby talk voice to her newborn.  Until the day she was born lol.

Stage fright is real.  I actually like public speaking but I still remember having a panic attack (or close enough) when my colleague presented first in front of all our bosses and other colleague, I realized she had so many more bells and whistles (this was 15 years ago -think power point, flashy stuff) and mine was paltry by comparison.  I was shaking.  Since I'd done a lot of public speaking (and did forensics for a semester in college) I knew how to get myself together and actually it went well -and without the bells and whistles.  But yes that bodily panic is real and all the rest.  I'm glad you did amateur theater -I did some of it in camp and my sister did a lot including summer stock - I love theater people in general as I mentioned!