Cynder Posted October 17, 2022 Share Posted October 17, 2022 I was raised in a really violent household and I was also abused by my ex husband. As the SO in this situation I empathize. It's hard to leave. I get it. But it's just going to get worse. My ex husband is the only abuser I know personally who gained enough self awareness later on to change. But he is the rare exception. As someone who was raised this way, there is no reason to bring a child up in this environment. All my siblings and I have all kinds of problems. Seeing my mom beat up on a regular basis and having to walk around in constant fight or flight mode are not good for a child at all. Your baby will grow up messed up and resenting you if you stuick around. Trust me. 1 Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted October 17, 2022 Share Posted October 17, 2022 On 10/14/2022 at 1:33 PM, Jane8365 said: I’m scared of everyone freaking out and making the situation worse. Be scared of him. Not people who actually care for your welfare. You getting maned or killed is much, much more worse. 2 Link to comment
arjumand Posted October 20, 2022 Share Posted October 20, 2022 Jane, are you okay? We hope you are safe. Please let us know. 1 Link to comment
DarkCh0c0 Posted October 20, 2022 Share Posted October 20, 2022 Yes. Let us know that you're safe. 1 Link to comment
Jane8365 Posted October 20, 2022 Author Share Posted October 20, 2022 Yeah everything has been fine. BIL took off work next Wednesday to help get mine and babies stuff. Haven’t talked to bf about anything. Terrified. We will see what his reaction is when I leave and go from there. Thanks everyone 3 1 Link to comment
DarkCh0c0 Posted October 20, 2022 Share Posted October 20, 2022 @Jane8365 I'm happy you're getting help. Stay strong! His reaction will be no longer of your business. You've got yourself and a tiny soul to take care of 💚 1 Link to comment
Lambert Posted October 20, 2022 Share Posted October 20, 2022 4 minutes ago, Jane8365 said: Yeah everything has been fine. BIL took off work next Wednesday to help get mine and babies stuff. Haven’t talked to bf about anything. Terrified. We will see what his reaction is when I leave and go from there. Thanks everyone Can you possibly leave sooner? Maybe while he is at work? take only what you need. 1 Link to comment
Jane8365 Posted October 20, 2022 Author Share Posted October 20, 2022 If he does get violent again I really don’t think it would be so soon after. BIL has a truck and I have to get the baby stuff. It will be fine until he realizes I’m gone or finds out. But yeah I have to get the baby stuff. That is the soonest he could take off. Link to comment
DarkCh0c0 Posted October 20, 2022 Share Posted October 20, 2022 57 minutes ago, Lambert said: Can you possibly leave sooner? Maybe while he is at work? take only what you need. Having been in this situation myself, it's important OP does it smartly and safely. Hopefully, she'll be fine by Wednesday. 2 Link to comment
boltnrun Posted October 20, 2022 Share Posted October 20, 2022 5 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said: Having been in this situation myself, it's important OP does it smartly and safely. Hopefully, she'll be fine by Wednesday. I agree because it's possible she would not be able to go back for the baby's things at a later date. Jane, I am so glad to read your BIL will be helping you. Most abusers act like big men around their women but they're cowards around other men. You will have the protection of your BIL while you're getting your belongings. And I feel it's unlikely your soon to be ex would be brave enough to confront you in front of male family members. I wish you peace and safety and a healthy pregnancy. 4 Link to comment
Jane8365 Posted October 20, 2022 Author Share Posted October 20, 2022 I read that strangulation victims were 750% more likely to be murdered. Idk if it’s true but he did it pretty hard so reading that freaked me out. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted October 20, 2022 Share Posted October 20, 2022 1 minute ago, Jane8365 said: I read that strangulation victims were 750% more likely to be murdered. Idk if it’s true but he did it pretty hard so reading that freaked me out. Even more evidence that leaving him is the best decision. How awful would it be if he succeeded next time. You and your innocent child would be victims. Please try to lie low for the next few days. Try to be a grey rock (Google it). If he tries to pick a fight just tell him you don't want to upset him. Placate for now until you can get out. Don't go overboard with compliments or telling him you love him, but try not to antagonize either. Keep the peace until you can leave. I hope it all works out for you. 1 Link to comment
DarkCh0c0 Posted October 20, 2022 Share Posted October 20, 2022 28 minutes ago, boltnrun said: Please try to lie low for the next few days. Try to be a grey rock (Google it). If he tries to pick a fight just tell him you don't want to upset him. Placate for now until you can get out. Don't go overboard with compliments or telling him you love him, but try not to antagonize either. Keep the peace until you can leave. This is gold advice 🏆 @Jane8365I did the same thing and it worked. I tried my best not to go into fights and followed the grey rock method. I did whatever to keep the peace and remain unsuspicious. It does work. 1 Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted October 20, 2022 Share Posted October 20, 2022 1 hour ago, Jane8365 said: I read that strangulation victims were 750% more likely to be murdered. Idk if it’s true but he did it pretty hard so reading that freaked me out. I've read about that several times over the last few years. Yes, it is true. I'm glad to hear that you're moving forward after this abuse. You're worth much more... Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 21, 2022 Share Posted October 21, 2022 18 hours ago, Jane8365 said: I read that strangulation victims were 750% more likely to be murdered. Idk if it’s true but he did it pretty hard so reading that freaked me out. Sorry this is happening. The first step is to see your physician. Most of all for your health. While it's too late for appropriate medicolegal photographic documentation, you must discuss the details of the assault frankly. Do not be afraid. Everything you tell a healthcare provider is confidential. If/when you are ready to press charges and if/when it happens again, you'll at least have some official record. While this may seem like the first incident of abuse, all the red flags were there. Quick involvement. Financial disabling, quickly moving in quickly getting pregnant and therefore fostering dependency. Speak frankly with trusted friends and family. Do not allow shame to isolate you further. Do not panic or run to the police asap. Wait until you have fully planned your escape. Do not worry about leaving behind replaceable items. Just start now with changing your address, forwarding your mail and severing all accounts. When out safely, get a restraining order. You'll have to go back to work and finish school part time. Unfortunately when the child is born, you may have to contend with harassment . But there are ways to deal with this. But first quietly sever things and quietly plan your escape. 2 Link to comment
Graystation108 Posted December 1, 2022 Share Posted December 1, 2022 Everything is NOT fine, you need to leave for the sake of you and your baby's safety. He's going to escalate, that's how abusers always are. If he hits you once, he'll keep doing it until he gets arrested or you end up dead 1 Link to comment
Jane8365 Posted December 8, 2022 Author Share Posted December 8, 2022 On 12/1/2022 at 12:51 AM, Graystation108 said: Everything is NOT fine, you need to leave for the sake of you and your baby's safety. He's going to escalate, that's how abusers always are. If he hits you once, he'll keep doing it until he gets arrested or you end up dead We are separated now 3 Link to comment
boltnrun Posted December 8, 2022 Share Posted December 8, 2022 2 hours ago, Jane8365 said: We are separated now Did you move out? I hope you are safe and doing well. And that you and your baby are healthy. 1 Link to comment
Mammalyssa Posted December 8, 2022 Share Posted December 8, 2022 Edited. Sorry I was late to the party glad you left and are ok. Link to comment
Jane8365 Posted December 8, 2022 Author Share Posted December 8, 2022 8 hours ago, boltnrun said: Did you move out? I hope you are safe and doing well. And that you and your baby are healthy. We are good, thank you. Yes. I’m staying at my sister’s place. It is sort of complicated with the pregnancy, but not living together. 4 Link to comment
boltnrun Posted December 8, 2022 Share Posted December 8, 2022 42 minutes ago, Jane8365 said: We are good, thank you. Yes. I’m staying at my sister’s place. It is sort of complicated with the pregnancy, but not living together. I'm glad. Please continue to take steps to keep you and your baby safe. 1 Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted December 8, 2022 Share Posted December 8, 2022 Very good. Please keep us posted. It can be very very hard, and many times you will feel guilty, but trust me, he is a violent, toxic person, and you and child must stay safe. Link to comment
DarkCh0c0 Posted December 8, 2022 Share Posted December 8, 2022 5 hours ago, Jane8365 said: We are good, thank you. Yes. I’m staying at my sister’s place. It is sort of complicated with the pregnancy, but not living together. Be proud of yourself and take care 💚 Link to comment
Coily Posted December 10, 2022 Share Posted December 10, 2022 Glad you are living with your sister now, I hope that all is going well with your pregnancy! You did the right thing, it will be a difficult road to navigate at times; but you have proven to yourself you have the strength to do the right thing for you and your child. Best of luck! 1 Link to comment
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