Graystation108

First of all, I'm so sorry to hear that this is happening, I can't imagine having to deal with this for over half a decade. I don't have any experience in something this severe, nor is my life experience anywhere close to yours (I'm 23). Was there ever a time where you shifted your focus from trying to make friends to working on yourself (eg. focusing on a hobby)? Sometimes when we try so hard to fit in, it makes us look even less attractive to others (not just romantically) because we're presenting ourselves as lower value, and the nicer ones would feel more pity than a genuine connection. If you can go out there with the energy that I'm a good person and I don't need anyone to fit in with, they're the ones missing out on having a genuine friend in their lives. In terms of employment, have you thought of starting your own business? Is there a skill that you have that allows you to do that? Sorry I can't be more helpful

Just to give more context, we already agreed to be school buddies and were helping each other out a lot long before the breakup happened. I didn’t just all of a sudden lean on him from the beginning, just during the breakup. Josh has mentioned to me that he can’t bring himself to like any girl who’s older than him, with me being 2 years older, I felt relieved when he told me that, thinking I won’t have to deal with him being weird due to catching feelings. I also loved my ex with all my heart and didn’t even think towards that direction, nor did I sense that he (allegedly) is into me until my best friend questioned it a month ago. I thought he was just did what he did because he likes to project his beliefs on people

If you're referring to attraction as in seeing each other as potential romantic partners, then I have to disagree. I can't speak for him, but not for a second did I ever think of him that way, this includes after the breakup

I would agree with you. Normally I'm very wary of letting new people into my life but he was someone who I instantly clicked with during our first conversation, and he said he felt the same way and still called me his best friend up until I cut him off. That made me jump the gun way too fast and I saw him as one of my best friends without even knowing him for too long. In contrast, it took me about a year to fully relax with my other best friend due to experiencing friendship betrayals in the past. I got screwed over hard in primary school and was put in a position where it was impossible for me to speak my truth and be believed by the teacher, hence my teacher full on yelled at and humiliated me in front of the entire class. It wasn't until meeting my ex 4.5 years ago and my best friend (not Josh) 3 years ago that I slowly but surely let my guard down after a decade of not trusting people. I guess I thought to myself that I should be more trusting of people, and just went from one spectrum to the other without realizing it. I definitely learned my lesson to just take it slow and let the wall down inch by inch once they prove to me that they are worthy of being a friend

Forgive me I forgot to clarify that I meant it as a metaphor. It doesn’t let me edit after a period of time. I meant it as in he would probably be told to screw himself and get blocked afterwards. I worry for the ladies with lower self esteem and don’t have the self love to walk away immediately, because they deserve so much more. Unfortunately, people like my ex-friend exist out there in even worse forms

I hope for his sake that he doesn’t do what he did to me to his future friends and partner. Most girls probably would’ve slapped him in the face and blocked him everywhere. Hopefully he learns his place as a friend after losing me as a consequence

It started off roughly equal because we supported each other through placement, then it slowly shifted towards him getting the better end of the deal. I didn't mind at the time because I was happy to give some guidance and didn't see any red flags at the time. The only time it wasn't the case was when he listened to me cry on the phone for the first 2 weeks after my ex dumped me. Then I started noticing the frequent comments about my body, and then finally the social media posts. I had never confronted any friend like this before, I usually let the friendship fizzle out, but I decided for once that I shouldn't leave before standing up for myself. I expect, not hope, but expect him to respect my boundary of not conversing outside the topic of schoolwork, and if he pushes it he'll be blocked

Yes and he said that he wants to focus on his career first before trying to date and he is someone who saves himself for marriage (not sure if this is relevant). I asked if he has any other close friends, he answered not much, and that it was mainly just me, that I was like a big sister to him. Maybe his inexperience in socializing led him to be this way, and I had given him some dating tips before, but at the end of the day, it's not my job to teach him anything, and it's especially not my job to teach him the very basic human decency of respecting people's boundaries

The reel was sent as a joke referring to him getting rejected. He has never had any dating experience prior so I guess in a way he was asking for advice for future relationships

Call me naïve, but I genuinely never thought of it that way until I talked to my other best friend on what he was doing and he questioned it. By that time I had already significantly pulled away. I did think the reel affected him personally, but I thought it was because he tried to ask a girl out last year but she rejected him

We're actually schoolmates and study the same course so I will have to see him in school regardless. I have removed him as my IG follower but I haven't blocked him. My IG account is private so he loses access to what I post anyway. The fact that he doesn't have any other close friends from school helps so I don't have to block anyone else. He hasn't tried to contact me since which is good, but it's only been a week so we'll see

I can see why you thought that was the case but it wasn't. The conversation came up because he sent me a reel of a guy secretly crushing on his female friend but she gagged at even the thought of being with him. He asked me what if this happened with my friends, and I gave a generic statement that I would hope they would be honest and distance themself if necessary, ie. this applied to him and any of my male friends

I've mentioned this to him before the first time I called him out on it. Based on his actions after that, it seemed to me that he prioritized getting his point across instead of actually taking to heart that I don't want his opinion and to zip it. When he commented on my socials, I kept asking him why this is his business. Most people would get the hint and back off, and it wasn't until I started being short with him that he went "haha it's not personal or anything, we are friends and if I see something weird I'll point it out". The statement would've been valid except nothing in my socials consisted of anything that was politically offensive or violated the IG guidelines

I think he might have been envisioning an image of me for whatever reason and kept trying to push me to get to it. Towards the last few months of being together with my ex, he made a comment saying if I lose a few pounds and cut bangs, my ex would be drooling all over me. I immediately called him out for being weird at the time. I should've seen that as a red flag from the beginning, but because we banter sometimes I thought it was just a one off (never have I made a single comment/joke about his body nor his religious beliefs)

I did not at all ask for his opinion on whether he thinks I should be more thin nor did I ask if I should post this/that on my socials. Considering how he criticized me posting a pic of me taking my first step to being healthier plus questioning why I still have random posts up, I initially hid my IG stories from him before completely removing him as a follower. I don't know if he liked me more than friends, but I made him and I have an agreement that if he catches feelings for me that he was to be honest and distance himself. He also knows there's no chance between me and him as I made it clear that men who are religious will not even be considered (he's a Christian), reasons due to me having predominantly bad experiences with Christians in particular with being pushy about their beliefs or trying to ease it in, which looking back it seems like he was doing the same and proving me right. Regardless, he was given no authority to do any of the things he did, he even suggested becoming my instagram manager to monitor what I post which I immediately shut down