Asking for a ride to the airport from my boyfriend

[Puppylover22]

I asked my boyfriend of one year if he could drive me to the airport, I am letting him know weeks in advance before my flight. I have a very early morning flight and have to be there at around 4am. He works at 9am but works from home so he could come home and still sleep in if he wanted to.  He said that he would not be able to take me, I am pretty upset about it because I would have done it in a heartbeat for him if he had asked me. Is it okay for me to feel hurt about this since I think it is a sign of how much he is actually willing to sacrifice for me if he cares about me. 

[Cherylyn]

I'd feel hurt if I were you considering he can still come home and sleep in and it's only just one morning to drop you off at the airport at 4AM.  It's not as if he has to do this favor for you everyday.  He is selfish.  He doesn't care if you took Uber nor does he care about your safety.  Since you would do this for him if it were you and you've told him this, yes, he's selfish.  Real love is when you're willing to sacrifice your time for their girlfriend, boyfriend, partner, husband or wife. 

A lot of people your boyfriend included are 'Good Time Charlies' meaning if nothing infringes upon them, life is good and they're pleasant and harmonious to be with.  However, the minute they feel an imposition, suddenly they balk and show their true colors to you.  Your boyfriend's character is revealed to you and now you know the real him which is his unsavory side.  Beware.

[SooSad33]

Does he have sleep issue's?  Does he love his sleep so much he can't handle being up extremely early?

Maybe he lacks the understanding of 'support'.  But it would pretty much mean he does lose a night's sleep.

Not sure why he says he can't do it....

Have you spoken to him & told him you'd go this far for him?  If so, how did he respond?

If anything, just accept his no and look into a cab or uber.

 

 

[catfeeder]

How close is the airport? Maybe BF thinks it's a simple thing to take a car service or leave your car in long-term parking?

Lots of single people are so accustomed to being independent, they don't really view these things as a big deal. So I guess I'd want to consider more about how he views it instead of take the jump straight into hurt feelings. 

Also consider context. If this incident is a rare case in an otherwise loving and fulfilling relationship, I wouldn't hold onto it. However, if this incident is one of many examples of why I feel less loved than I'd wish, then it has a lot more weight.

[Kwothe28]

Lots of people are selfish today. They just wouldnt do something if its a slight inconvinience for them. Doesnt mean they dont care about you in their own way. Just that they value their own convenience. For example in this situation his assessment is that you should be fine taking a taxi or an Uber. And that its prefferable over him losing a good night sleep. Which is also a fair assessment. But it does leaves you wondering how much he actually cares if he is not ready to do something that is ultimately not that big of a deal.

If its important to you, then insist on it. Say that you want him to do it and see what he says. It might lead to a fight but you both should be able to convey your feelings properly. Its better to "draw the lines in the sand" now then for him to cross that line after when he see that he can. So yes, he should know how you feel.

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Puppylover22 said:

 have to be there at around 4am. He works at 9am but works from home so he could come home and still sleep in if he wanted to.  

How far is the airport? No, it's not ok to feel "hurt". It's not your call to decide for him weather he can "sleep all day because he works from home".

What's wrong with asking other friends, family or getting Uber etc.?

4 am is a pretty crazy flight time so if you want special favors pick better flights.

You are going to have to get over your sense of entitlement here and stop pouting about "if he loved me..."  type guilt trip nonsense.

Ask your friends and family and see if they want to haul out of bed at 3 am. for you. Simply explain to them that since you want a free private chauffeur, and they work from home, they can sleep in all day to accommodate you.

He's not being selfish, you are.

[DarkCh0c0]

5 hours ago, Puppylover22 said:

He said that he would not be able to take me

Did he say why not?

You're supposed to be a team. I understand your frustration.

[Batya33]

Why did you schedule such an early flight -is it an emergency? If he cannot go back to sleep (I most likely wouldn't be able to) and knows he has to be particularly alert for his job that day then I totally understand him saying no.  I work from home mostly too and if I have disrupted sleep like from my child it hampers my work performance especially if I have detail oriented and/or real brain work that day.  

My husband works late nights -his best working time -and sleeps in -a few weeks ago the school told us the night before they wanted us to meet at 7:30am (school starts 8:30am) about a situation involving my son that was really stressful (because of the situation not because of anything my son did wrong). I honestly was so tempted to ask my husband to come with for emotional support.  And I knew it would wreck him for the day -he gets headaches, etc and worse if his sleep is disrupted. 

He would have come.  But I told him - I got this -that is the sacrifice I made -I sacrificed so he could get his needed sleep and feel ok including to do his job.  

So on the flip side -why are you asking your boyfriend to risk being able to focus on his job for a day because you have a 4am flight? Yes, if an emergency flight -especially if heaven forbid had to do with family emergency -then I could see it -but look at it from his perspective too.  Take a car service/uber.  

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Did he say why not?

He has to work at 9 am, but since he works from home,  she decided he could sleep all day instead.

I would advise you to get out of princess mode and avoid emotional blackmail such as "if you loved me you would..."

Get the Uber or Lyft app on your phone and enter the number of some airport taxis .

 

[Seraphim]

I for one can’t go back to sleep once up. It is impossible, so it isn’t a case of just go back to sleep for some people. Broken sleep is also exhausting. 

[DarkCh0c0]

@Wiseman2it's a one time thing. It's not like she's asking him daily to do so.

Relationships mean caring for each other and going out of your way every now and then, just like @Cherylynmentioned.

And, I'd still like to know why he said no. Maybe he said "I have a deadline tomorrow morning and can't go without a good night's sleep". Idk! However, OP can pick her battles and decide whether this is worth the argument or not. As @catfeedermentioned, it all depends where it's this one instance be didn't help, or whether it's been frequent.

We're missing some context.

[boltnrun]

Is this the boyfriend who abuses you by calling you horrible names and goes on rages at you frequently?

We advised you this man is abusive. 

This is the same man?

https://www.enotalone.com/topic/454094-i’m-at-a-loss/#comments

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

This is the same man?

One time poster. Other poster had wild raging en route to airport. Not asking in advance how she should manage his WFH situation for a free ride.

 I have always thought someone offering to drop me off/pick me up at an airport was a favor not an obligation, and that is where this went south.

[Cherylyn]

It's just ONE day which won't kill your boyfriend.  Yes, he's selfish.  He thinks you are a hassle and an inconvenience.  How dare you!  🥺

My husband would drive me to the airport and pick me up no matter what day and time.  Love is inconvenient and unselfish.  True love is giving up a part of yourself because you care for your girlfriend,  boyfriend,  family member,  husband or wife.  Love is not based upon what is convenient and how you will benefit or not benefit if it's inconvenient. 

Your boyfriend is spoiled because his love for you is conditional meaning if conditions are in HIS favor,  he'll help you.  However,  the minute you impose and infringe upon him in any way,  he refuses to help you.   His love for you has limits.  What a guy!  ☹️

Someday,  when he really needs you and you have to sacrifice something of yourself,  you can return the favor by giving him a taste of his own medicine and simply make yourself unavailable.  Tell him you can't and won't do it.  Dig your heels and refuse to budge.  What goes around comes around.  He will see.  His turn will come next in the future.  It's only a matter of time.  😉  Tell him you're being fair.  He treats you his way and you do the same by treating him the same way he treats you. 

[itsallgrand]

I'd be a bit upset if my SO asked this of me unless it was an emergency or something because taking a taxi or Uber to the airport is the simplest trip ever. To me, it's more like why would I ever ask someone to haul themselves out of bed at an ungodly hour unless I actually truly need it? 

So why are you asking him to get up so early? To save some cash or you want him to say good bye or help you navigate? 

Unspoken expectations will kill good feelings in a relationship. To me, your request comes across more as a demand . You expect it or else...he doesn't care, he's selfish, insert whatever. 

 

 

[boltnrun]

If you aren't the person who posted about the abusive, raging boyfriend then I apologize. The stories look very similar.

That being said, why do you want him to take you to the airport? Is it because an Uber or a Lyft is not obtainable? Is it not possible for you to drive yourself? Or is it because you want him to "prove" his love for you?

I had booked a flight that departed at 6:00 am so I had to leave home at 4:15 am. No way would I have felt comfortable asking anyone to drive me. I drove myself and parked in the economy parking lot. 

As for "he can go back home and sleep in", once I'm up and especially after driving I would not be able to go back to sleep. 

I would advise you to consider why you want him to do this. I would also advise you to consider if this is the hill you want to die on. 

[tattoobunnie]

Our airport is 60 to 90 minutes away depending on traffic.  My entire family, my hubs, we never say no  to each other about getting a ride even at all hours of the day...why because it's just a given.  I honestly would dump your guy in a heartbeat.  You're not asking for a kidney, but imagine if you needed to.    Good time Charlies are boring.

[Batya33]

13 minutes ago, tattoobunnie said:

Our airport is 60 to 90 minutes away depending on traffic.  My entire family, my hubs, we never say no  to each other about getting a ride even at all hours of the day...why because it's just a given.  I honestly would dump your guy in a heartbeat.  You're not asking for a kidney, but imagine if you needed to.    Good time Charlies are boring.

It depends on his job and employer and whether he risks a bad review or worse if he's not awake and alert for work.

[tattoobunnie]

Just now, Batya33 said:

It depends on his job and employer and whether he risks a bad review or worse if he's not awake and alert for work.

Yes, but he can also take a bit of time off, or go to bed earlier.  I have driven my folks all hours of the night and in rush hour, and headed off to work.  My dad would move mountains for me.  My hubs has driven 3 hours in a blizzard just to see me.  Maybe I have been spoiled, but I can never expect any less now. Last minute is one thing or not at all to some.  But weeks in advance, and dating for one year and it's a once in a blue moon thing...him telling her no says a lot more about how he prioritizes her.

[Batya33]

Just now, tattoobunnie said:

Yes, but he can also take a bit of time off, or go to bed earlier.  I have driven my folks all hours of the night and in rush hour, and headed off to work.  My dad would move mountains for me.  My hubs has driven 3 hours in a blizzard just to see me.  Maybe I have been spoiled, but I can never expect any less now. Last minute is one thing or not at all to some.  But weeks in advance, and dating for one year and it's a once in a blue moon thing...him telling her no says a lot more about how he prioritizes her.

I agree with the others when it comes to the airport ride.  We're not sure if he could go to sleep earlier-for practical or work reasons.  I understand in your family they drive everyone to the airport. In my family they never did (in part because most didn't drive to begin with).  I'd want to know more and I don't like how she seems to be testing him. 

I also am not a fan of anyone driving anyone in a risky situation -like terrible weather or not awake enough to drive.  I don't think you're spoiled at all - you just have a particular experience.  I think if he said he wouldn't take her to the ER that would be very different -or urgent care -or to the airport in an emergency situation or where she was stressed out like having to visit an ill family member  To me it's not a set in stone issue at all and I respect your opinion!

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

It depends on his job and employer and whether he risks a bad review or worse if he's not awake and alert for work.

Exactly. Just because he is WFH, it doesn't mean he has the luxury of napping all day. To me it comes across presumptuous to assume this.

[Cherylyn]

Remember this:  If your boyfriend refuses to help you during your time of need by refusing to drive you to the airport,  make a mental note for yourself by keeping this memory in the back of your mind.  The next time he asks you for a favor,  simply say,  "NO."  Give him every excuse in the book and see how he will fare?  I doubt he will like your response but oh well.  😏  He has it coming and will deserve a taste of his own medicine. You'll have a vivid memory.  He will know then what it feels like to be treated with indifference and dismissed.  Helping and not helping is a two way street.  Make him face harsh consequences when it is your turn to decline his request.  Dispense the same treatment he gave you.  Just wait.  It will happen in due time.  Eventually he will ask you for an inconvenient favor and then you can repay him with apathy.  Problem is he has no qualms dishing it out to you but he can't take it.  😉  Payback is a _______.  😊  It's ok for him to sleep this time.  However,  next time, you'll sleep and / or relax when he needs you.   When he needs you in the future,  he will be forced to be on his own.  😕

I've done this to people.  When I asked for a favor and they declined to come to my aid, the next time they asked me for a favor or help,  I gave them the same excuses dispensed to me.  It works both ways.  From that point on, they remembered the inevitable harsh consequences so we cooperated by mutually helping each other.  If not, it was time to part ways which we did.

There were other cases when others were freeloaders and constantly sponging off me.  I was soft and very nice back then.  I stopped being so accommodating.  They either didn't request favors anymore or we parted ways because they had no qualms doing all the taking while I did all the giving.  

Hence, whenever relationships are unbalanced, make sure it's balanced.  Help each other out and if not, make sure you remember what wasn't done for you so you can repay them by not doing for that person in the future either.  It works both ways to be equal and fair.   

 

[boltnrun]

I don't think relationships should be transactional.

I also think it's important to be considerate of a partner. 

I still would like to know why you want him to take you. Are there no options or availability of transportation other than having him take you?

[Seraphim]

I see it a little different. This is a boyfriend not a husband. If this is someone you don’t live with should they be at your beck and call?

A lot of context is missing though. Was it planned in advance or was it sprung on him? Is it far to the airport ? 
I don’t like the assumption though that those who work from home can sleep any time they please. That is rude. 

[boltnrun]

Just now, Seraphim said:

I don’t like the assumption though that those who work from home can sleep any time they please. That is rude. 

I definitely can't. I have a scheduled sign in time. And I get messages and emails all throughout the day. I can't just sleep through them. 

I also need to be able to focus. If I drove somewhere early in the morning and lost out on sleep I definitely could make mistakes or miss something.

Plus, both parties have to be considerate of one another. If it's not a necessity but rather a matter of "prove you really love me" that's kind of silly.