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Asking for a ride to the airport from my boyfriend


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7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Behead him or dump him so there is no BF to demand he chauffeur you around at all hours. That will show him who is the princess of this kingdom.👸

What goes around comes around.  Never let people get away with it.  It's ok,  let him sleep to his heart's content. 😴  When he requests an inconvenient favor from you someday,  this will be your turn to say, "NO.  I can't do it.  I won't do it."  😊  I've done this to others all the time and they learn harsh lessons very quickly.  😏  No need for an argument.  Just payback suffices.  Even steven. Show him who is not the prince of his kingdom. 😉

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9 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I definitely can't. I have a scheduled sign in time. And I get messages and emails all throughout the day. I can't just sleep through them. 

I also need to be able to focus. If I drove somewhere early in the morning and lost out on sleep I definitely could make mistakes or miss something.

Plus, both parties have to be considerate of one another. If it's not a necessity but rather a matter of "prove you really love me" that's kind of silly.

I can’t sleep anytime I feel like it working at home either. They would call the cops on me. 

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I think "paybacks" are not conducive to successful love relationships.

BOTH partners need to be considerate.

I wouldn't dream of insisting my husband inconvenience himself or potentially have consequences from his employer just because I want a ride to the airport so he can "prove" he loves me. If I doubt he loves me, what am I doing with him anyway?

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1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

I think "paybacks" are not conducive to successful love relationships.

BOTH partners need to be considerate.

I wouldn't dream of insisting my husband inconvenience himself or potentially have consequences from his employer just because I want a ride to the airport so he can "prove" he loves me. If I doubt he loves me, what am I doing with him anyway?

I agree both need to be considerate. That is how love grows. 

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Payback couldn't be more fair and equal.  It's ok!  Let your boyfriend sleep to his heart's content! 😴  Just remember the next time he asks you for an inconvenient favor or request,  simply decline.  He'll get your message loud and clear then.  😊  No need to argue with your boyfriend about this.  Let your inaction later do all the talking for you.  No need to say a word in the meantime.  Remain silent.  Go to the airport by yourself,  come home and when he needs an inconvenient favor from you in the future, you'll know exactly what to do.  Decline.  😋

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2 hours ago, tattoobunnie said:

Yes, but he can also take a bit of time off, or go to bed earlier.  I have driven my folks all hours of the night and in rush hour, and headed off to work.  My dad would move mountains for me.  My hubs has driven 3 hours in a blizzard just to see me.  Maybe I have been spoiled, but I can never expect any less now. Last minute is one thing or not at all to some.  But weeks in advance, and dating for one year and it's a once in a blue moon thing...him telling her no says a lot more about how he prioritizes her.

Do you think some of that may be cultural? 

I ask because it seems more common, from my experience, in Asian communities for people to expect hands on deck for things that could be accomplished on one's own. Other groups too it's fairly common, like FN. I've clashed with an ex and some friends around these kinds of expectations before. 

 

 

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Just now, Seraphim said:

Pay back in relationships builds resentment and fuels break ups. If you don’t like what happened just break up period. 

I agree.

Payback may be "fair and equal" but it isn't very loving. 

The best way to resolve issues is to discuss them. Not plot and carry out revenge.

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Retaliation teaches a person what goes around comes around. 

I've chauffeured people to airports,  helped them move, ran their errands for them,  brought home cooked meals to their doorstep during their times of tumult,  inconvenienced myself for their needs,  all of it.  Then when it was my turn for them to do something ~ anything for me,  they did nothing,  declined,  gave me excuses galore and the relationship was very lopsided.  Hence, the next time they asked me for favors,  I too was too busy, needed to sleep, blah, blah, blah.  It didn't take them long to learn that there are harsh consequences to contend with in this life.  

It's perfectly ok for your boyfriend to decline driving you to the airport and sleep as long as you remember to decline his inconvenient requests in the future.  Let him take care of himself so there is no misunderstanding whatsoever.   

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This flight was booked weeks in advance, so it was not a last-minute emergency.

I have so many questions.

Why can you not organise your own trip / drive yourself to the airport?

Why did you book this early flight? Was this the only flight available to your destination or could you have booked a later (and thus perhaps a more expensive) flight in the day?

What is the time from his home to your home to pick you up and then to the airport (assuming you do not live together)?

What would you have done if you would not have a boyfriend?

I am an independent woman and I have a general rule for myself that I don`t ask for help/favours if I can do the things myself. I have always been like this whether I am single or in a relationship. So this drive to the airport would for me fall in the category “can do myself”. This also means that if I ask for help, I really need it.

Also, working from home does not mean you can do whatever you want during the day.

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16 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

Do you think some of that may be cultural? 

 

That is a fair point. For example in Eastern European culture its not expected, but its not out of the ordinary to drive somebody from family or even SO or just a friend if they need a drive like this. Its really nothing special, even if you need a longer drive and most of the times people even straight up refuse to be reimburst for gas and stuff like that and its considered a favor. I am kinda shocked that people here consider it such a big deal, but yes, its maybe a cultural thing.

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12 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

I've chauffeured people to airports,

It's different when it's friends or even more distant family members. But retaliating against a love partner is not a viable way to resolve issues. It creates conflict, makes the relationship transactional and does not inspire loving feelings.

What's wrong with simply discussing? And if the OP doesn't like the answer (which she clearly doesn't) then either accept the answer or decide it's worth ending the relationship over. 

Retaliating or getting revenge against a love partner is childish and destructive, IMO. That's how kids deal with conflicts on the playground. Not how adults should resolve differences of opinion. 

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1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

I don't think relationships should be transactional.

I also think it's important to be considerate of a partner. 

I still would like to know why you want him to take you. Are there no options or availability of transportation other than having him take you?

Right. I don’t see it as a time of need. A few years ago I locked myself out of my work laptop because I needed to be on premises to change my password. Husband was home.  IT people were leaving office soon.  Yes I could have spent $20 dollars on Uber - no time to take public transport. Husband was busy working and hates driving downtown but I asked and he did it. It was my time of need in that sense and I would have done same for him but I had no keeping score mindset.  
First and only time that happened - traffic was annoying - but he stepped up.  To me that’s a time of need. Even though not life or death.  A non emergency middle of night ride to airport with a driver who has to work next day is not a time of need.
The driver needs his rest more to do his job - some people do fine with sleep deprivation or are good nappers  or can do their jobs in their sleep. I agree with Blueskirt evaluation.  

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Yeah, I've taken three busses to get to the airport. I also took three busses and two airport shuttles to get from where I was living to where my son lives. It did take all day but it didn't inconvenience anyone and it didn't cost much at all.

I wish the OP would come back and answer if she NEEDS her boyfriend to take her because there are no other options or if she just wants him to because it would prove to her how much he loves her and/or because she would be willing to do it for him.

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Just now, boltnrun said:

Yeah, I've taken three busses to get to the airport. I also took three busses and two airport shuttles to get from where I was living to where my son lives. It did take all day but it didn't inconvenience anyone and it didn't cost much at all.

I wish the OP would come back and answer if she NEEDS her boyfriend to take her because there are no other options or if she just wants him to because it would prove to her how much he loves her and/or because she would be willing to do it for him.

Same, I'd like to know if she needs the ride or just wants it. It matters. 

 

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33 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

It's different when it's friends or even more distant family members. But retaliating against a love partner is not a viable way to resolve issues. It creates conflict, makes the relationship transactional and does not inspire loving feelings.

What's wrong with simply discussing? And if the OP doesn't like the answer (which she clearly doesn't) then either accept the answer or decide it's worth ending the relationship over. 

Retaliating or getting revenge against a love partner is childish and destructive, IMO. That's how kids deal with conflicts on the playground. Not how adults should resolve differences of opinion. 

I've chauffeured anyone whether it was family, friends, my husband, anyone.  My husband has done the same. 

In the past,  yes, there was a discussion and it went in one ear and out the other.  It didn't register.  😏Some people request help and when it was refused,  it is very good to remember because the next time the person who did the refusing will know what it feels like to be declined automatically.  There is nothing wrong with that because you let them know they can't get away with it.  They're not off the hook that easily. 

Help should be reciprocal.  If it's not, the next time help is needed I'm unavailable despite previously helping the other person, no questions asked.  There is nothing wrong with retaliation because each party has every right to accept or decline.  By the same token, every person has the right to decline in response to having been declined by the other person.  It works both ways. 

It's not really that much different from being treated with disrespect.  I've gone out of my way to be very generous towards people despite their disrespectful behavior towards me.  Those days are no more.  Nowadays, whenever they approach me as if nothing had never happened,  I give them the cold shoulder.  Sure, I can be polite and civil but I'm no longer amiable.  Dynamics suddenly changed overnight.  Then they wonder why?  What did they expect?  🥺

It's OK.  Go ahead and sleep!  😴  By all means SLEEP.  Just remember,  in the future,  don't you dare ask me for any inconvenient favors because the answer is a resounding NO.  I'll tell you that I will sleep,  nap,  I'm very busy,  errands,  don't ruin my schedule,  blah, blah, blah. 

I follow other people's cues.  If they're kind to me,  I'm kind to them.  If they're not willing to help me or be kind,  I can be the same exact way towards them.  It's not rocket science.  🥺

 

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5 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Thing is why bother with games ? I would just say pee off to someone playing games with me for spite . 

Or if someone sought revenge. I don't want to be involved in a relationship with someone who thinks getting revenge on me is a loving act.

If a discussion doesn't resolve the issue either agree to disagree and find another solution on your own or, if it's important enough, simply leave the relationship.

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3 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Or if someone sought revenge. I don't want to be involved in a relationship with someone who thinks getting revenge on me is a loving act.

If a discussion doesn't resolve the issue either agree to disagree and find another solution on your own or, if it's important enough, simply leave the relationship.

Yes. But I am often the person doing favours and not having them returned . I don’t get revenge I just don’t bother next time . But I tell them outright no, I don’t play games. 

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50 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Do they drive a limo and wear a little cap?

🤣I've done a ton of airport pickups/drop offs and conversely had people do the same for me. However there are times when I have hired a car-waiting after say, a very long flight/trip. 

 PS. I would never "punish " someone who had to work and couldn't accommodate me.

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17 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Yes. But I am often the person doing favours and not having them returned . I don’t get revenge I just don’t bother next time . But I tell them outright no, I don’t play games. 

But I think it's different with your husband or SO. Plotting revenge against an SO is so damaging to a relationship. If it gets to that point I wouldn't even bother retaliating. I'd just walk.

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