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Do we have a chance if he was my doctor and we are both married?!


HLDrago
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5 Red Flags In Relationships
5 Red Flags In Relationships
2 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Ok. Just don't go into this thinking you and Dr. Chiro are going to have some big happily ever after romance. And don't be shocked when you find out about all the other women he's playing around with.

That’s the part that I am most worried about is if I can trust him. Really in my life right now I just wanna have fun and meet people since I will he officially single soon. I am not looking for a big romance or epic adventure right not maybe just some low drama fun. But I think this dude my like me and if you’re saying he doesn’t than that’s better because then no one can get hurt 

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3 minutes ago, HLDrago said:

That’s the part that I am most worried about is if I can trust him. Really in my life right now I just wanna have fun and meet people since I will he officially single soon. I am not looking for a big romance or epic adventure right not maybe just some low drama fun. But I think this dude my like me and if you’re saying he doesn’t than that’s better because then no one can get hurt 

You will get hurt.

You say you "love" him and you asked if the two of you "have a chance". Those are not the words of someone who's OK with casual or who wouldn't be hurt when she finds out her lover is sleeping with other women.

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Just now, HLDrago said:
9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok so you and your husband have an open relationship. That's fine. I think you know you're not just after being friends.

Also then now that you know the whole situation….so is he after being friendly or friendly with benefits? And did he treat me inappropriate as a chiropractor? Like how stupid am I seriously lol

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1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

You will get hurt.

You say you "love" him and you asked if the two of you "have a chance". Those are not the words of someone who's OK with casual or who wouldn't be hurt when she finds out her lover is sleeping with other women.

I guess really I mean a chance at anything even if it’s just friends? If not I don’t wanna waste anymore of my time because this is the longest we have been away from each other and it is super painful but maybe that’s what he wants and it’s all some dumb game I don’t know 

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1 minute ago, HLDrago said:

Also then now that you know the whole situation….so is he after being friendly or friendly with benefits? And did he treat me inappropriate as a chiropractor? Like how stupid am I seriously lol

 I do not think he acted inappropriately from a doctor-patient stance. However you know you have a crush, pursued him so if you want "fun" ( now that you are not his patient) then go ahead. That was your goal all along. He seems like a willing participant in whatever you're offering. 

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2 minutes ago, HLDrago said:

this is the longest we have been away from each other and it is super painful

And you think you can do this without getting hurt?

Imagine you're at the gym and you see him walk in with another "hot" woman, or he leaves with some other "hot" woman. If that would bother you, you don't want to be "friends".

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Just now, Wiseman2 said:

 I do not think he acted inappropriately from a doctor-patient stance. However you know you have a crush, pursued him so if you want "fun" ( now that you are not his patient) then go ahead. That was your goal all along. He seems like a willing participant in whatever you're offering. 

Fun does sound nice about now 

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3 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

And you think you can do this without getting hurt?

Imagine you're at the gym and you see him walk in with another "hot" woman, or he leaves with some other "hot" woman. If that would bother you, you don't want to be "friends".

We do get kinda jealous of other people for no reason so maybe you’re right on this one 

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12 minutes ago, HLDrago said:

 Like how stupid am I seriously lol

You aren't stupid. 

But you are naive and inexperienced. You have been with the same man since you were a teen and lack the wisdom that comes from having dated and had a few relationships under your belt as an adult.

You are unfortunately an easy target for men like him. You are going to get your heart shredded. 

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I have to wonder if you're really that naive, or attempting to justify your feelings/actions.

He's married, you're married, even though you're using the classic excuses as in not sleeping in the same room with your husband, etc.

In short, I'm not sure how you could ever trust a man who cheats on his wife, or vice versa.  In addition to that if you seriously want this to end, you'll find a way, if not you'll find an excuse.

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1 hour ago, HLDrago said:

Ok maybe I will think about it some more before I meet him. I just hate thinking poorly of him because I like him and miss him so much. When he sees me his face lights up like the brightest Christmas tree. I just hate thinking all that was fake because it just felt so real. 

It's very easy for things to feel so real when in reality there's no risk of having to back up those feelings with commitment or actions consistent with a potentially serious relationship -you and he both know married people cannot date.  You each are committed elsewhere so you can play with fire and gush all about your "connection" but with no risk that you have to act on the connection by developing, maintaining and working on an improper relationship.  Won't you always be tempted to check his phone to see which other women -whether his patients or some pretty young thing he came across - are lighting him up like a Christmas tree??

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1 hour ago, HLDrago said:

Fun does sound nice about now 

I had a lot of fun a couple of weeks ago - I went to see a really good movie and then went food shopping at a fun gourmet-ish place -kid free.  It was fun and it was my birthday! Then I had birthday cake and that was fun too!  Many ways to have fun that don't involve cheating and interfering in someone's brand new marriage.

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1 hour ago, HLDrago said:

Also then now that you know the whole situation….so is he after being friendly or friendly with benefits? And did he treat me inappropriate as a chiropractor? Like how stupid am I seriously lol

....Extremely..... Not only are you ignoring a forest of red flags, you have flashing neon danger signs punching you in the face and you are still playing ignorant.

Does it really not occur to you that the reason his marriage is a shambles (allegedly) is because he is a chronic sleazy cheater? Do you really not get that the reason he got his wife back is because he did exactly what millions of creeps like him do the world over - beg and cry and plead and promise that he is a changed man who will never cheat on her again? Of course now that she bought the lie he is right back to it with you and others.

Do you really not understand that you aren't a special snowflake but rather a perfect victim to a predatory creep who can see a mile away that you are desperately thirsty and willing to do anything....not to mention that you seem to have lost your moral compass and common sense completely?

Sweetie.....go take a long cold shower and buy a d$ldo and once that battery runs out....see if you still see this creep as your soulmate. My bet is you won't. Put it simply, get your head out of arse before you destroy your life.

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3 minutes ago, DancingFool said:

....Extremely..... Not only are you ignoring a forest of red flags, you have flashing neon danger signs punching you in the face and you are still playing ignorant.

Does it really not occur to you that the reason his marriage is a shambles (allegedly) is because he is a chronic sleazy cheater? Do you really not get that the reason he got his wife back is because he did exactly what millions of creeps like him do the world over - beg and cry and plead and promise that he is a changed man who will never cheat on her again? Of course now that she bought the lie he is right back to it with you and others.

Do you really not understand that you aren't a special snowflake but rather a perfect victim to a predatory creep who can see a mile away that you are desperately thirsty and willing to do anything....not to mention that you seem to have lost your moral compass and common sense completely?

Sweetie.....go take a long cold shower and buy a d$ldo and once that battery runs out....see if you still see this creep as your soulmate. My bet is you won't. Put it simply, get your head out of arse before you destroy your life.

First of all I appreciate the advice but I am not desperate nor thirsty. I am hot as hell and if I wanted some random bang um I could easily achieve that no problem.  We both fought down feelings for a long time and tbh it is kinda a relief not being told how to feel anymore because of rules. I have literally nothing to lose if I hook up with my chiro except an actual friendship. I never called this guy my soulmate but I do love him and we have a lot in common. I don’t know what the future holds but we do intend to have something. I don’t know how long you guys have been married but I have been with my spouse for 18 years. That doesn’t make me stupid as far as other men quite the contrary actually because if anything I know what it takes to make a relationship succeed and the warning signs of when it isn’t working. I also have 5 brothers. But I have never been in a situation close to this one and I don’t think he is the bad guy everyone thinks he is. I think two very attractive people spent a lot of time together and now we need to work out those feelings or get rid of them so we can actually hang if that’s what we want. Idk but will find out in a few hours when I see him. As far as my moral compass goes…a piece of paper is a piece of paper and that doesn’t make a marriage because you are legally in the eyes of man wed. If your marriage is over it over and no sense beating a dead cow. My husband and I are much better off as friends and are just waiting on our settlement to actually make it legal. So I am not really doing anything wrong and according to him he isn’t either. It’s not my pig not my farm so if he leaves me to handle my own marital *** than he needs to handle his own 

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You’re being very naïve about all of this and you sound as though you’re lonely. It’s a perfect situation for him to get what he wants, sex, and for you to get hurt. Keep toying with the idea and it’s going to end badly for you. 

But if you insist on learning this the hard way, then that’s what you’re going to do.

Once it’s all said and done and you find you’ve been used and your heart’s been broken, you can come back to this thread and see how many people warned you.

But it won’t matter then. The damage will be done. Sometimes people have to learn the hard way. And that’s exactly what you’re setting yourself up for.

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1 hour ago, HLDrago said:

. I am hot as hell and if I wanted some random bang um I could easily achieve that no problem.  We both fought down feelings for a long time and tbh it is kinda a relief not being told how to feel anymore because of rules. I have literally nothing to lose if I hook up with my chiro

Oh, again the "hot as hell".  Who knows how true that is, but it certainly doesn't automatically mean that the "hot as hell" person has any self-respect, nor respects other people's relationships.  If anything, you're going as low as low can go.  What's impressive about that? That makes you feel proud of yourself?  Look in the mirror, self-reflect, think of the wonderful example you are showing and teaching your children.  When all this mess eventually comes out (and it will), yes, your children will know - then it's too late to hang your head in shame and say "I'm sorry, I'm sorry".    The mud will stick and follow you.

Not that any of that matters to you, as you seem hell-bent to go after this guy and claim you "only want him as a friend".    ALL of this, on both sides, you AND him, is ALL totally inappropriate and crossing lines.  Neither of you have ANY respect for your partners and no self-respect.  You clearly are going to do what you want to do, so not too sure what exactly you are asking. You're going to do what you want.

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19 hours ago, HLDrago said:

My husband and I are not actively trying to save our marriage. We know we are getting a divorce so I am not technically cheating or doing anything wrong because my husband is well aware of my feelings for this guy. We are really good friends and are splitting amicably. It’s the chiropractor that is married and I found out from his co worker. He still doesn’t know that I know he is. He is still pretending to me that he is like this lone wolf. He isn’t technically lying to me about it he is just not telling me. That’s why I am so confused and now I am reading everyone’s comments and think he is kinda a dog. Should I confront him or just never talk to him again. It sucks cause I really do like him and if he could only be friends with me I was ok with that too

Okay so the marriage is dead I get that.

Lets leave this chiropractor out of this from now on and talk about you, your husband and moving forward in a healthy way.

 Have you and your husband discussed dating others (including sex) while you both wait for the kids and college?  If not just assuming the man you are married to is okay with you dating guys is not a good idea.  Talk it out and come to an agreement and boundaries so nobody gets butt hurt and causes a bunch of drama that will not be good for the children.  By the way how long do you need to wait to divorce? A year? 4 years?

 I agree you may be starved for male attention and be easily manipulated so you need to step back and think about why you want this guy in your life in any fashion so badly.

 Even if you were totally single and started dating I don't think you are in a good place for that yet.  This guy isn't the only guy out there that will see you are fragile and in need of attention and take advantage of that. 

Dating can be tough on the most well equipped among us...

 Lost

PS If you think you having nothing to lose from hooking up with a married man there is nothing we can say to you to help. Helping someone cheat is second only to actually cheating.  Is this who you are?

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Ok so thanks to everyone for the advice and this is the update….we did see each other this evening. It was not romantic nor did anything happen. We talked and agreed that this is no longer a good idea to even be friends. It just got weird with all the hugging and I wish we would’ve just kept it light. So we are going to take a break and work on our own lives for now, give each other a nod if we run into each other but otherwise try to not see each other. After evaluating what everyone has said and talking to him, I realize that we did have a fantasy that was never on either of our part going to ever materialize into anything but drama and pain. It’s done thanks for all your help!!

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2 hours ago, LootieTootie said:

Sorry ma'am, you're not fooling anyone 😁

How am I desperate because I got feelings for a guy I spent five months getting to know? I never acted on those feelings or pursued him in any way so read your before you act like a jerk 

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4 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

Oh, again the "hot as hell".  Who knows how true that is, but it certainly doesn't automatically mean that the "hot as hell" person has any self-respect, nor respects other people's relationships.  If anything, you're going as low as low can go.  What's impressive about that? That makes you feel proud of yourself?  Look in the mirror, self-reflect, think of the wonderful example you are showing and teaching your children.  When all this mess eventually comes out (and it will), yes, your children will know - then it's too late to hang your head in shame and say "I'm sorry, I'm sorry".    The mud will stick and follow you.

Not that any of that matters to you, as you seem hell-bent to go after this guy and claim you "only want him as a friend".    ALL of this, on both sides, you AND him, is ALL totally inappropriate and crossing lines.  Neither of you have ANY respect for your partners and no self-respect.  You clearly are going to do what you want to do, so not too sure what exactly you are asking. You're going to do what you want.

It doesn’t really matter how true you think that statement is it only matters if I think that statement is true for it to be true lol!

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6 minutes ago, HLDrago said:

Ok so thanks to everyone for the advice and this is the update….we did see each other this evening. It was not romantic nor did anything happen. We talked and agreed that this is no longer a good idea to even be friends. It just got weird with all the hugging and I wish we would’ve just kept it light. So we are going to take a break and work on our own lives for now, give each other a nod if we run into each other but otherwise try to not see each other. After evaluating what everyone has said and talking to him, I realize that we did have a fantasy that was never on either of our part going to ever materialize into anything but drama and pain. It’s done thanks for all your help!!

Glad to hear it. You’ve made a wise choice.

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