Do we have a chance if he was my doctor and we are both married?!

[HLDrago]

3 minutes ago, jul-els said:

It’s irrelevant why he did what he did. Hugging you is hitting on you. Do you not know this? I think you do, but for some reason you’re choosing to deny it. I know you’re unhappy in your marriage and maybe you’re lonely, but you can do better than this. 

Is it though if you’re saying like goodbye or does it like depend on the type of hug? So it can’t be innocent after all? I got married at 18 and am now in my 30s so I have like zero dating experience. He knows about me ending my marriage soon too so I do feel like maybe I was a bit more vulnerable than I should’ve been with him.

[jul-els]

2 minutes ago, HLDrago said:

Is it though if you’re saying like goodbye or does it like depend on the type of hug? So it can’t be innocent after all? I got married at 18 and am now in my 30s so I have like zero dating experience. He knows about me ending my marriage soon too so I do feel like maybe I was a bit more vulnerable than I should’ve been with him.

A chiropractor hugging his client is inappropriate and unethical. It’s a boundary that shouldn’t be crossed in any medical professional setting. You should terminate your relationship with him, personally and professionally, and find a different provider. 

[Wiseman2]

33 minutes ago, HLDrago said:

So he technically didn’t do anything really wrong.But if he only wanted a fling or secret friendship or something why didn’t he just tell me? 

The hugs were strange, but not migraine treatments. Since you were quite ready, willing and able, if he wanted anything, sex, an affair, friendship, whatever he would have pursued it. But instead he did not. Not only that but ceased contact.

If a man wants sex with a very willing woman, it will happen. It did not. It was a few hugs that you referred to as "in a grey area".

To set the record straight I did not call him a dog, pig, skirt-chaser, or imply he was inappropriate or displayed impropriety. Again. Since you were obviously on board for a fling or anything he offered, it would have happened if he were interested. But it did not.

It sounds like you are hurt he didn't pursue you, because you were so smitten with him. You may hope he was "jealous " of seeing your husband, but that's doubtful. This seems like a case of sour grapes. He didn't want what you wanted so he must be a defective dog. 

[HLDrago]

20 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

The hugs were strange, but not migraine treatments. Since you were quite ready, willing and able, if he wanted anything, sex, an affair, friendship, whatever he would have pursued it. But instead he did not. Not only that but ceased contact.

If a man wants sex with a very willing woman, it will happen. It did not. It was a few hugs that you referred to as "in a grey area".

To set the record straight I did not call him a dog, pig, skirt-chaser, or imply he was inappropriate or displayed impropriety. Again. Since you were obviously on board for a fling or anything he offered, it would have happened if he were interested. But it did not.

It sounds like you are hurt he didn't pursue you, because you were so smitten with him. You may hope he was "jealous " of seeing your husband, but that's doubtful. This seems like a case of sour grapes. He didn't want what you wanted so he must be a defective dog. 

Lol again you didn’t read my entire post and are passing judgement instead of giving advice. He called me this morning if you look above and I did speak with him about my husband that night. You need to stop acting like you know me because you clearly don’t but focus more on the problem I am asking advice for. When did I even say I was ‘sour’ or upset he didn’t pursue anything? You keep like skimming the highlights and passing judgment for both of us instead of giving advice and that’s not what I or anyone here needs. Be supportive or go watch people in the park and judge them because then at least you would have an actual visual of what is going on instead of the ‘fantasy’ of how you wish me and my chiro were as people. 

[HLDrago]

2 minutes ago, HLDrago said:

Lol again you didn’t read my entire post and are passing judgement instead of giving advice. He called me this morning if you look above and I did speak with him about my husband that night. You need to stop acting like you know me because you clearly don’t but focus more on the problem I am asking advice for. When did I even say I was ‘sour’ or upset he didn’t pursue anything? You keep like skimming the highlights and passing judgment for both of us instead of giving advice and that’s not what I or anyone here needs. Be supportive or go watch people in the park and judge them because then at least you would have an actual visual of what is going on instead of the ‘fantasy’ of how you wish me and my chiro were as people. 

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, HLDrago said:

He called me this morning if you look above and I did speak with him about my husband that night. 

So is he pursuing you or not? 

[HLDrago]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

So is he pursuing you or not? 

 

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

[HLDrago]

I think that if he called me today and wants to talk about the other night was the message he left then I guess? I am not sure now cause you really have me very confused now. My ultimate i thought would be to have him in my life in some capacity but not sure if that’s a good idea. Let me call him and I will update 

[boltnrun]

6 minutes ago, HLDrago said:

I think that if he called me today and wants to talk about the other night was the message he left then I guess? I am not sure now cause you really have me very confused now. My ultimate i thought would be to have him in my life in some capacity but not sure if that’s a good idea. Let me call him and I will update 

Bad idea to call him. You are basically inviting him to have an illicit relationship with you.

If you want to "be friends", suggest you, he and his wife get together for dinner. Instead of secret phone calls and meeting up with him at the gym.

[MissCanuck]

11 minutes ago, HLDrago said:

My ultimate i thought would be to have him in my life in some capacity but not sure if that’s a good idea.

It's a naive idea. This man isn't after "friendship" with you. I guarantee that if you stop playing footsie with him, he will disappear. 

53 minutes ago, HLDrago said:

I got married at 18 and am now in my 30s so I have like zero dating experience.

In kindness, it shows. And he's absolutely playing on that. 

[HLDrago]

3 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Bad idea to call him. You are basically inviting him to have an illicit relationship with you.

If you want to "be friends", suggest you, he and his wife get together for dinner. Instead of secret phone calls and meeting up with him at the 

[HLDrago]

Ok so I called him back and he told me that he is sorry but the last few days he needed some space like I did because he wanted to sort his feelings out. I asked him about being married and if that was true. He said yes that he did in fact get married last Christmas for the second time to the same person and it still isn’t working out. He claims that she has moved back to our home state. He wants to get together to discuss the next steps if any are in the future for us. I am really not sure what to do. I agreed I would meet him at a coffee shop close to both our houses. But it’s only to talk. I honestly am not sure how I feel anymore and if he is honest or just playing with me. It all really felt so real and he seems sooo sweet I can’t believe he wants to hurt me but I just am very confused right now. Best I can do is see what he has to say I guess. 

[boltnrun]

And here is where the illicit affair begins.

You are hoping to start an affair. Why else would you ask "Do we have a chance"?

When it all goes bad and when your children find out, remember you are choosing this. You can't say "I wasn't planning this, it just happened!" 

[HLDrago]

Just now, boltnrun said:

And here is where the illicit affair begins.

You are hoping to start an affair. Why else would you ask "Do we have a chance"?

When it all goes bad and when your children find out, remember you are choosing this. You can't say "I wasn't planning this, it just happened!" I

1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

And here is where the illicit affair begins.

You are hoping to start an affair. Why else would you ask "Do we have a chance"?

When it all goes bad and when your children find out, remember you are choosing this. You can't say "I wasn't planning this, it just happened!" 

I don’t

[HLDrago]

I don’t think I am trying to have an affair with him I mean more like know him I guess. If both our marriages are over we can be friends until they officially are I think. I mean we waited this long to just hang out I think we can wait a little longer to have sex or start a relationship if that even ever happens. I still am not sure how I feel but I do know that I miss him and being away from him feels very wrong and hollow for some reason 

[Kwothe28]

18 minutes ago, HLDrago said:

Ok so I called him back and he told me that he is sorry but the last few days he needed some space like I did because he wanted to sort his feelings out. I asked him about being married and if that was true. He said yes that he did in fact get married last Christmas for the second time to the same person and it still isn’t working out. He claims that she has moved back to our home state. He wants to get together to discuss the next steps if any are in the future for us.

That is an "all time classic" as far as cheaters go. "Yeah, you know I am married but we are basically divorced". I mean to be fair you do it too. But you dont know his marriage situation. She could be at his home while he writes that to you. 

Its highly likely he just wants affair. If you are hoping he wants more and that it will maybe develop in time, dont. Those kind of guys wont give you that. Just telling you what to expect if you go down that route.

[HLDrago]

3 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

That is an "all time classic" as far as cheaters go. "Yeah, you know I am married but we are basically divorced". I mean to be fair you do it too. But you dont know his marriage situation. She could be at his home while he writes that to you. 

Its highly likely he just wants affair. If you are hoping he wants more and that it will maybe develop in time, dont. Those kind of guys wont give you that. Just telling you what to expect if you go down that route.

Ok maybe I will think about it some more before I meet him. I just hate thinking poorly of him because I like him and miss him so much. When he sees me his face lights up like the brightest Christmas tree. I just hate thinking all that was fake because it just felt so real. 

[Wiseman2]

32 minutes ago, HLDrago said:

I agreed I would meet him at a coffee shop close to both our houses.

You're both in the "spouse doesn't understand me, we're like roommates, only there for kids, finances" boat. Sounds like you want an emotional and possibly a physical affair.

If he is as ready willing and able to step outside the marriage as you are, then you two have a lot in common. I do not think he's at fault, or that you are naïve or a victim.. 

[boltnrun]

5 minutes ago, HLDrago said:

Ok maybe I will think about it some more before I meet him. I just hate thinking poorly of him because I like him and miss him so much. When he sees me his face lights up like the brightest Christmas tree. I just hate thinking all that was fake because it just felt so real. 

It always does, for all the women he pulls this same act on. They will all swear they just know he loves them and only them!

I get you never really dated, but you are extremely naive if you think he's never done this before.

If you want to be another name on his list then go ahead and start this affair. And when it all goes bad and you find out about all his other girlfriends and your children look at you with disgust, don't claim you weren't warned.

I do hope you decide not to do this.

[HLDrago]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

You're both in the "spouse doesn't understand me, we're like roommates, only there for kids, finances" boat. Sounds like you want an emotional and possibly a physical affair.

If he is as ready willing and able to step outside the marriage as you are, then you two have a lot in common. I do not think he's at fault, or that you are naïve or a victim.. 

I didn’t say I was a victim and like I don’t get what you aren’t understanding. We don’t have to have a physical relationship or even an emotional affair to hang out just because we are opposing sexes right? Just because we are attracted to each other doesn’t necessarily mean we can’t hang out right 

[boltnrun]

Just now, HLDrago said:

I didn’t say I was a victim and like I don’t get what you aren’t understanding. We don’t have to have a physical relationship or even an emotional affair to hang out just because we are opposing sexes right? Just because we are attracted to each other doesn’t necessarily mean we can’t hang out right 

I presume you've run this scenario by your husband and his wife. In fact, I presume you told your husband and his wife you two are meeting up at a coffee shop. After all, it's totally innocent. 

[HLDrago]

2 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

It always does, for all the women he pulls this same act on. They will all swear they just know he loves them and only them!

I get you never really dated, but you are extremely naive if you think he's never done this before.

If you want to be another name on his list then go ahead and start this affair. And when it all goes bad and you find out about all his other girlfriends and your children look at you with disgust, don't claim you weren't warned.

I do hope you decide not to do this.

 

Just now, boltnrun said:

I presume you've run this scenario by your husband and his wife. In fact, I presume you told your husband and his wife you two are meeting up at a coffee shop. After all, it's totally innocent. 

Yes I am actually sitting in front of my husband right now talking to him about it. We are best friends just because we are divorcing doesn’t mean we hate each other. My husband has been on other dates and as soon as our settlement date arrives soon we are divorcing and splitting our assets cause that’s how our state works. He knows I hang with him and I have unclear feelings for him that I am working out. I have also told my husband that I may not love him romantically but that I do love him as a person and potential friend. All of this my husband is ok with and I have nothing to hide from anyone. The only reason I didn’t initially tell my chiro I was going through a divorce is because I didn’t really think we were close enough at the time to discuss marital problems but as we got closer I did disclose my situation to him. He never told me though until today. I don’t blame him because maybe we weren’t close enough yet to him either. I am not trying to have some secret affair with him. I just like spending time with him and talking to him and yes I do like it when he hugs me but because I feel safe and happy not always sexually charged. But I promise for now on no more hugging it out 

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, HLDrago said:

My husband has been on other dates

Ok so you and your husband have an open relationship. That's fine. I think you know you're not just after being friends.

[boltnrun]

Ok. Just don't go into this thinking you and Dr. Chiro are going to have some big happily ever after romance. And don't be shocked when you find out about all the other women he's playing around with.

[HLDrago]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok so you and your husband have an open relationship. That's fine. I think you know you're not just after being friends.

I guess you could call it that but not really because we are just married via a piece of paper. We have been living apart and planning divorce for nearly 18 months so it’s not like chiro is the reason or this break up is new. My husband and I am not intimate and not working on saving the marriage or anything like that we just grew apart after the kids left.