ONS - Pregnancy

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Jaunty said:

It's looking like this thread will just linger on like this the entire 9 months ... hope everything turns out well.

It's cheaper than therapy I suppose, but RKO likes beating people up who dare to state the facts.

[RKO]

17 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's cheaper than therapy I suppose, but RKO likes beating people up who dare to state the facts.

Sorry bit confused with this? Where have I done that?
 

Here in uk, therapy isn’t widely available as in USA etc. Speaking on here has helped immensely which I’m grateful for and as soon as I spoke to my mum the suicidal thoughts and depression lifted.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, RKO said:

Sorry bit confused with this? Where have I done that?
 

Here in uk, therapy isn’t widely available as in USA etc. Speaking on here has helped immensely which I’m grateful for and as soon as I spoke to my mum the suicidal thoughts and depression lifted.

Ok well don't pit people on forums  against each other. Were not giving testimony in some mental trial of yours where you don't have the facts.  Likewise some curbside consult with a midwife is not some sort of expert witness

You're trying to turn this into the trail of the century. It's not. It's simple.

You're creating your own turmoil and that's for you to deal with. For example it's pretty rich to put words in my mouth and decide whether that "agrees" with anyone else.

It doesn't matter what the waiting list is for mental health in the UK. That's more self pity and drama. The UK has plenty of superb mental health hotlines and ERs. 

 You tend to argue too much and spin out of control based on nonsense. You seem to have a knack for alienating yourself from people because of your combative mindset, mostly to double down on sheer myth and speculation.

You know the facts. That is without comparing your DNA to the child's there's no way of knowing anything. 

Leave this woman alone. If she decides to come after you for child support, the courts will contact you.

[Tinydance]

I hate to say this but the way a pregnancy gets dated is to the first day of the woman's last period. If the woman has irregular periods and/or doesn't keep track of her cycle, they would not know when exactly the woman got pregnant. You say there seems to be a week difference from when you had sex with her. I don't think that really means anything because the due date is only approximate even to begin with. Sadly you would only 100% know if you're the father if you did the paternity test.

If you can get any therapy at all, I would highly recommend you do. I think the best you can do is live your life as normal as possible. Go to work, pursue your hobbies and interests and spend time with your friends and family. There just isn't much that you can do about this situation unless the woman contacts you again, let's you do the paternity test and if you're the father she wants something from you. If you are hearing nothing from her then what can you actually do.

[RKO]

42 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

I hate to say this but the way a pregnancy gets dated is to the first day of the woman's last period. If the woman has irregular periods and/or doesn't keep track of her cycle, they would not know when exactly the woman got pregnant. You say there seems to be a week difference from when you had sex with her. I don't think that really means anything because the due date is only approximate even to begin with. Sadly you would only 100% know if you're the father if you did the paternity test.

If you can get any therapy at all, I would highly recommend you do. I think the best you can do is live your life as normal as possible. Go to work, pursue your hobbies and interests and spend time with your friends and family. There just isn't much that you can do about this situation unless the woman contacts you again, let's you do the paternity test and if you're the father she wants something from you. If you are hearing nothing from her then what can you actually do.

Oh absolutely, I totally agree with you that it’s not 100% and only DNA will prove that but it’s yet another Red flag to add to the others that have accumulated the last month or so from her. Even going off her last period this NHS based calculator still isn’t in the absolute window of me getting her pregnant, but as you say it’s not an exact science.

Totally get being normal, I’ve not missed a day of work yet and pretty much done hobbies. I think as soon as the new is “out there” she’s pregnant is when I can relax a little bit more.

[RKO]

Well it’s out in the open now, A social media post of her bump today and announcement she was pregnant.

My 3 closest friends contacted me 2 of which knew already she was pregnant as they are mutual friends with her, as her promise she told them the father wasn’t involved and no names mentioned but hey put 2 and 2 together and reached out to see if I was ok. Both think my paternity request is more than valid and think I’ve handled things well.

Turns out this potential other guy also has children and has nothing to do with them through his own choice meaning I *could* have been a sounder Choice to announce as father

[boltnrun]

So once again you were worrying about nothing.  Your friends are not denigrating you as a deadbeat or an a-hole.  I hope the suicidal ideation will end because as you saw, you pretty much invented it inside your own mind.

[RKO]

31 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

So once again you were worrying about nothing.  Your friends are not denigrating you as a deadbeat or an a-hole.  I hope the suicidal ideation will end because as you saw, you pretty much invented it inside your own mind.

I’ve not felt suicidal for a while now, ever since speaking to my mum thankfull.

 

[Jaunty]

I'm very glad that you are not suicidal, but I am disappointed that you haven't moved on from this at all.  It will take a conscious effort and self discipline to get to a place where you can compartmentalize this situation, but it's doable and you need to unless you want to have it dominating your thoughts for the next  1 - 50 years.   Because it's possible that you won't ever know.  

You HAVE handled things well and it speaks well of your character that you care.  

[RKO]

So had a good heart to heart with friends this evening now it’s all out, one of which as a mutual friend of hers was involved too, no carrying tales etc, just putting my side across.

Thankfully all In agreement with me about the process I’m going down for paternity test etc, thanks to advice on here and off my mum.

Also was told good reason I’m doing this is because there isn’t just one other potential guy, but two. Yes that’s right, she was actually dating someone else at the same time as this other one in the lead up to our night together and all of her friends have presumed it’s his as the dates aren’t matching up with me 100%

[gamon]

The odds are improving in your favor.

[RKO]

2 minutes ago, gamon said:

The odds are improving in your favor.

Seems that way, just yet more red flags to go with my collection 

[Batya33]

25 minutes ago, RKO said:

So had a good heart to heart with friends this evening now it’s all out, one of which as a mutual friend of hers was involved too, no carrying tales etc, just putting my side across.

Thankfully all In agreement with me about the process I’m going down for paternity test etc, thanks to advice on here and off my mum.

Also was told good reason I’m doing this is because there isn’t just one other potential guy, but two. Yes that’s right, she was actually dating someone else at the same time as this other one in the lead up to our night together and all of her friends have presumed it’s his as the dates aren’t matching up with me 100%

If it's ok for you to have drunken unprotected sex it's ok for her to have multiple partners..... I'd be careful about getting all judgey.  

[gamon]

I'm not seeing anything judgey about the post of his you quoted. He's stating facts, nothing more.

[Batya33]

15 minutes ago, gamon said:

I'm not seeing anything judgey about the post of his you quoted. He's stating facts, nothing more.

I found the specific way he put it kind of judgey:

Yes that’s right, she was actually dating someone else at the same time as this other one in the lead up to our night together

So for example "yes, that's right -he actually got drunk and had unprotected sex" (I don't feel that way -I think it's fine to choose to get drunk and choose the consequences including consensual unprotected sex -he's an adult now facing potential consequences -right now -uncertainty re: paternity -of his choice)

[gamon]

Again not seeing it as judgey, the "actually", as I see it means that in fact there is yet another possible father in the picture. Not as in "actually" she's a *** dating multiple guys.

 

[Batya33]

Just now, gamon said:

Again not seeing it as judgey, the "actually", as I see it means that in fact there is yet another possible father in the picture. Not as in "actually" she's a *** dating multiple guys.

 

His "yes, that's right" comes across as judgey to me.  I see that you disagree.  Let's agree to disagree.

[gamon]

I guess in the scheme of things whether he's judging her for dating multiple guys or simply pointing out there's a 3rd guy in the mix really doesn't mean much of anything.

It's not like they're in a relationship and looking to work out their communication problems.

[Batya33]

Just now, gamon said:

I guess in the scheme of things whether he's judging her for dating multiple guys or simply pointing out there's a 3rd guy in the mix really doesn't mean much of anything.

It's not like they're in a relationship and looking to work out their communication problems.

I see the issue in his approach going forward and if he chooses to refer to her in negative terms to any of his friends which could get back to her.  I see that you and I see this differently - which is totally fine with me.  I don't need to be correct, just my opinion.  Hopefully they will not end up in a co-parenting relationship.

[gamon]

My first thought was whoa that's putting the cart way in front of the horse and then my second thought was ok I can see why it could be relevant.

[RKO]

Not judgey at all, as stated, was just saying facts. Sorry you thought this

[Batya33]

55 minutes ago, RKO said:

Not judgey at all, as stated, was just saying facts. Sorry you thought this

No it's ok  -I must have misinterpreted your word choice.  The facts are she had sex with different men around the same time so each of those men possibly could be the father.  You are one of those men.  I like the way you are keeping things neutral/factual as far as communicating with the friends who now know of her pregnancy.

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, RKO said:

 was told good reason I’m doing this is because there isn’t just one other potential guy, but two. Yes that’s right, she was actually dating someone else 

All this hearsay is irrelevant.  If she subpoenas you for your DNA for the purposes of child support,then cross that bridge. 

The rest is drama, gossip, dragging her through the mud and none of it is "facts".

Your friends are just trying to deal with your over-the-top anxiety, feeding you horsemanure.  It doesn't matter if she slept with 100 guys or what date estimates you're obsessing over.

If the DNA matches, it's yours if not it isn't. It's really that simple without all the judges and juries and guessing and speculation you're trying to involve in this drama.

You're really acting like the first pregnant man. Replete with date calculators, midwife talks, trying to figure out who the father is etc.

 

[Batya33]

The other thing you don't know is whether she used protection with the other men -or they did -or whether any other man had a vasectomy/was sterile.  And you won't know that.  Also in the remote event you have any sort of interaction with the child, you don't want the child to find out you were involved at all in talking behind his mother's back at that time.

[RKO]

9 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

The other thing you don't know is whether she used protection with the other men -or they did -or whether any other man had a vasectomy/was sterile.  And you won't know that.  Also in the remote event you have any sort of interaction with the child, you don't want the child to find out you were involved at all in talking behind his mother's back at that time.

Ok I think what I need to be clear with here is that I’m not spreading rumours or lies or running to friends.

My 3 best friends reached out to me yesterday when they found out, as any good friend would do. I told them my position, that goes no further. They were heartBroken that I’ve kept all this to myself and been in a dark place. It goes no further.

I was then told a clearer picture of the baby mother situation in the lead up to our night  on the basis on confirming to me what I’m asking for is totally reasonable.

Granted other men might not even had had sex with her but again I don’t know that hence reason for DNA test.

As someone pointed out previously on here, maybe she’s hoping it’s mine rather than someone else’s, and again when I mentioned this last night as part of my thought process that was also backed up - one of the other guys has 3 children off 3 different women and has nothing to do with any of them.

I challenge anyone in my position to not talk to friends or refuse their help when offered.