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RKO
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OP, you will hear from her if she decides she wants financial support from you. 

That may or may not happen when the baby is born. It may happen years down the line. I wouldn't necessarily assume she will act immediately when the baby arrives. The point is, until then, there is no further need to be in communication with her. My guess is that you won't hear from her again. 

Something is off with her behaviour and choices here. The truth will eventually come out, one way or another, someday. And it may not involve you at all. 

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2 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

OP, you will hear from her if she decides she wants financial support from you. 

That may or may not happen when the baby is born. It may happen years down the line. I wouldn't necessarily assume she will act immediately when the baby arrives. The point is, until then, there is no further need to be in communication with her. My guess is that you won't hear from her again. 

Something is off with her behaviour and choices here. The truth will eventually come out, one way or another, someday. And it may not involve you at all. 

Exactly this, as you say her behaviour is odd, what do you think her reasons were for agreeing to a paternity test now which I’d have to fund, rather than one at birth.

do you think she could be genuine in saying she doesn’t want it hanging over her during pregnancy?

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9 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I agree with everything you wrote except that if you are the father this baby was not forced on you.  You chose to have sex and risk starting a pregnancy and potentially bringing your child into the world.  It's just how it works.  You don't get to choose under what circumstances you will be a father once you choose to have sex.  I also agree you can choose to walk away and wash your hands of this situation unless she takes legal action.  

Yes I agree with the risks of having sex but she had a choice what to do before/after that, could have said I’m not contraception (I know I should have asked too) ,  morning after pill (if she took it) an abortion (which she isn’t against) adoption.

I had no say in any of them, so I’d argue in some ways the decision has been forced on me

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8 hours ago, Tinydance said:

Well bottom line is I think if this woman wants something from you then she needs to cooperate. Obviously it's not a relationship or even friendship so if she wants something then she needs to communicate in a civil way and be clear what she wants the arrangements to be. I think it's totally understandable she has to allow a paternity test. If for example she wanted child support it wouldn't make sense to give her money not 100% knowing you are the father. She hasn't said anything clear so far and has been giving mixed messages.

Indeed, my opinion on it all is as follows

She wants to be a mum by any means

she ideally wants to do it 100% by herself for whatever reason. (One of her friends is doing exact same)

morally she felt she had to tell me and give me an option to be involved but made it clear it’s fine if not. Hoping I’d say no.

Crapped herself when I mentioned paternity as lawfully that would give me a right to child if mine OR crapped herself when I mentioned paternity as she isn’t 100% sure who father is.

Realised because she said no to paternity test at birth that the ball was in her court and she could be blamed by people for me not being around

Offered the expensive, non legal binding pre paternity test knowing full well I wouldn’t go for it, trying to call my bluff but making her conscience better “I offered, he said no, his fault, he has to live with it”

Hoped all of the above would make me angry enough to just say whatever and leave her be.

 

of course I could be wrong but that’s how I’m seeing it

 

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1 hour ago, RKO said:

 “I offered, he said no, his fault, he has to live with it”

Actually, she has to live with it. Let this go. You're not the father until she can prove it through DNA testing. It's really that simple. Agree she came up with the "you pay for it" thing to get you off her back.

You made a lot of mistakes offering this that and the other out of anxiety guilty trips etc. 

The good news is you don't have to keep doing that. Ignore anyone who tells you to pursue DNA testing or pay for anything or have anything to do with her .

 

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3 hours ago, RKO said:

Yes I agree with the risks of having sex but she had a choice what to do before/after that, could have said I’m not contraception (I know I should have asked too) ,  morning after pill (if she took it) an abortion (which she isn’t against) adoption.

I had no say in any of them, so I’d argue in some ways the decision has been forced on me

She had a choice to use contraception before.  Contraception can fail.  For me personally an abortion or morning after would not have been a choice in that situation most likely (never been in that situation or even close - had scares but where we both were ok if it meant having a baby -we'd discussed it before having sex) - - technically a choice? Sure - just like you have a choice to have a vasectomy if you felt there was a chance you'd want to have casual sex with someone you just met.

Not a choice for a woman who is not comfortable aborting.  Some ways - there are always some ways and some unfairness when it comes to this biological reality.  You can feel it is forced on you and feelings aren't facts.  

In the sex ed book my 13 year old son and I read it discussed alllllll the forms of contraception plus abstinence, plus the morning after/abortion options and made absolutely sure to make it very clear that every act of intercourse can start the creation of a baby. (I mean menopause/sterility aside).  Absolutely clear. 

The chapters on this were really long and detailed and the authors were very very adept at coming back to that fact.  It was very clear that they didn't want the readers -male or female -to believe that it was forced on them if the female chose to continue a pregnancy.  It's not fair but it's biology. This book is meant for 11 and up - for teenagers.

I know why you feel that way -I get it - and no you don't get a say in whether a woman you willingly have sex with chooses to keep a pregnancy -I'm sure there are rare exceptions and you know they do not apply here.  I'm sorry. 

What is being forced on you is her trying to force you to pay for specific sorts of tests, etc.  I'd communicate only if she reaches out first and honestly I'd communicate only with or through someone else -whether a friend, a lawyer, whoever - keep a paper trail -watch your back with her.  I don't like how she's pressuring you and how she's pressuring you -like I wrote above.  She doesn't get to pressure or harass you in this context -not with what has happened/not happened at this point.  IMHO.

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11 hours ago, RKO said:

What do you think her reasons were for agreeing to a paternity test now which I’d have to fund, rather than one at birth.

do you think she could be genuine in saying she doesn’t want it hanging over her during pregnancy?

I really have no clue anymore. 

I think she is not telling you the whole truth, in any case. 

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