How do I stop letting MY insecurities get between me and him?

[sophieneedsadvice]

I (f19) have been with a guy named Dean (m19) for a few months. He’s super down to earth, funny, and sweet- he’s gone out of his way for me way too many times. Hes a bit shy, but has a lot of friends from our university because of his easygoing attitude. 

Every time we’re together Deans friends start messing with him and laughing, like they’ve never seen him with a girl before. And when my friends saw him, they kept joking around saying he wasn’t that attractive. He’s not ugly by any means. if we’re talking about looks, he’s slightly above average. but personallity- he’s a 10/10. 

Ive definitely grown into my looks the past few years and get more attention from guys because of this. I say this because i now get hit on almost every time I go out. I feel like there’s this expectation for me to date a certain type of guy because my friends never seem to think the guys I like are cute enough, unless they’re super physically attractive (who I prefer not to date because of past experiences).

Even though I know I am objectively pretty(from people telling me), I am still very insecure about myself inside. I tend to put everyone around me on a pedestal, and I care too much about what other people think. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel like a “pretty girl” because i feel like I can’t get out of old thought pattern I had when I hated the way I looked.

when other people start joking about Dean it makes me want to stop talking to him. And I feel horrible for thinking that way. I was never a superficial person, so I don’t know what’s wrong with me right now. My chest hurts every time I hear someone say something negative, even though most of the time it’s light hearted and I’m sure they don’t mean any harm.

[1a1a]

Try reading A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle

[Cherylyn]

Dean and you need to ignore other people's comments.  If he's uncomfortable with his friends, he can decrease socializing with them.  If both of you are uncomfortable with his friends, then both can decrease socializing with them or gradually phase out of the friendship.  If you're uncomfortable with your friends, then do the same. 

You are similar to me.  No one ever paid attention to me throughout my school years.  While other girls went on prom dates, winter formal dates, Homecoming dances, had boyfriends in high school and college, NO ONE was ever interested in me.  Same with post-college.  I was an ugly duckling.  I don't like my photos from childhood, teen years and thereafter.  Ugh.  Who was she?  Over the years, I've greatly improved myself.  I receive attention from other men nowadays but the funny thing is,  now that I've changed for the better, I'm uncomfortable with having this draw from men whereas I wanted to be attractive years ago.  I'm very happily married with two sons. 

When girls were young, they were beautiful.  I was very envious of them all the time.  When I was young, I was awkwardly unattractive.  Men ignored me.  (I gave up so I ascended in my career, succeeded and prospered in my own right.) 

I was shocked when I attended my high school and college reunions.  A lot of former classmates did not take good care of themselves.  Youth only gets you so far before age catches up with you.

Nowadays, if I were to compare myself to other women, they've aged a lot.  They're faces are wrinkled, they look old, they're out of shape, overweight and everything went south.  I went in the total opposite direction.  I did a complete 180 degree turn.

When I attended my suburban neighborhood 4th of July potluck picnic at our neighborhood park, several married men struck up a conversation with me.  I stood next to my husband so it's not as if I flirted with men.  We conversed about the mundane such as vacation plans, travels and typical boring chit-chat.  One wife in particular always swoops in and distracts her husband away from me but I never do any initiating.  I don't dress provocatively.  I dress conservatively and modestly, however, I dressed in patriotic style!  Some wives are very jealous when their husbands pay attention to other women despite dull conversations between us. 

I'm confident enough that if I receive attention from men, I don't do anything about it.  I just act normal and 'blah.'  I never approach men.  I'm generally by my husband's side.  I don't go out of my way to socialize with men.  However, I enjoyed chatting with a new neighbor friend who shared her UK experiences with me.  She was enrolled in high school in the UK and told me about her adventures in Europe which I found fascinating.  I need to speak with her again and take notes to share with my local British BIL (brother-in-law - my husband's sister's husband).  I spoke with other wives.  They were kind. 

If you're confident and secure, continue looking good and ignore attention.  Go your own way.  This is what I do.  I'm not impressed by other men.  My life is complete, established, settled and secure with my husband and sons. 

I wasn't impressed with several  husbands anyway because unlike my husband, they were not helpful at the picnic.  They let their wives do all the work, all the heavy lifting, all the grilling and fled when it was time to do tear down and pack it up. 

If others are ribbing you or your boyfriend, don't take it personally if they're sarcastic yet NOT cynical.  There is a difference between joking and being deliberately unkind, inappropriate, obnoxiously rude and cruel.  My other BIL (my sister's husband) is some piece of work.  He is the latter and not the former.  He has a habitual, chronic 'mouth problem.'  He interrupts my sister constantly.  He paws her as if she is his property.  He follows her around as if he's a lost puppy.  It's sick.  If she pays attention to others, he says something mean and snide to the person she's conversing with.  He's a pariah.  He alienates others.  None of his co-workers like him which is a huge red flag.  He's not well liked.

In the past,  I didn't like the way I looked either.  You are the new you and I'm the new me.  The past is the past.  Enjoy being with Dean and appreciate his 10/10 personality and character because this is what endures.  My husband is great because he's a very moral man which was like finding a needle in a haystack.  I won the lottery with him. 

Disregard other people's comments and the naysayers.  If both of you don't like your friends and if they don't know how or when to exercise discretion, then perhaps both of you need a new set of friends who know how to behave with respect. 

Your and his friends won't change for you and Dean.  Either accept them as they are or do something about it.  Don't socialize with them, find new friends or change your trajectory.   Create new, enforced, healthy boundaries.  This is what I do with people whom I don't like or if I can, they're eliminated from my life permanently. 

[MissCanuck]

4 hours ago, sophieneedsadvice said:

when other people start joking about Dean it makes me want to stop talking to him.

What do they say about him, OP?

It sounds like you might need some new, more mature friends. 

[Rose Mosse]

It seems your unkind friends and their comments about Dean are reminding you of how ugly or unhappy you used to feel about yourself. It’s a self-esteem issue being triggered by careless and rude people. Dear OP choose better friends or eventually grow out of these shallow friendships. You are all very young and still teenagers. When you move on to college or university and start working you’ll be focused on other things. 

If you like Dean, tell your friends to stop and mind their own business. Date whomever you wish and have better boundaries.

 

 

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, sophieneedsadvice said:

when other people start joking about Dean it makes me want to stop talking to him. 

How long have you been dating? Do you care for him? It's important at some point to live your own life and stop being influenced by immature peer pressure.

[Batya33]

Why do you want to be known as a "pretty girl?"  Pretty girls are a dime a dozen.  My son is a teenager (only 13!) and is a handsome and cute boy but I like to know him as the kid who made me take a dollar with me on our walk to camp the other day because the woman who sits on the park bench along our walk always asks for a dollar and he's determined she genuinely needs help and wanted to help her.  I want him to be known as that person -the person who took the time to plan how to help a homeless person.  Not the "oh how cute!!!" boy.  

I dated below average looking men -I loved them, too.  One time this really "pretty girl" I worked with stared at me when she first saw me with him as if to say "what are you DOING with someone who looks like that???"  Her boyfriend was extremely handsome and in fact I'd had a huge crush on him for years earlier.  Guess what.  Her extremely handsome boyfriend ended things with her because she was extremely high maintenance and superficial.  The woman he married -who he met shortly after -was also attractive but not like her in physical features.  But he loved her.  He still does. (And now that he's in his 50s he's not as handsome believe me - looks fade!)

I do think friends who express concerns about someone's health as presented in their looks is a different thing -like a person who is extremely obese and doesn't have appropriate personal hygiene/looks sickly, etc - then that's being a friend depending on how the concerns are shared and the context.  But judging who you date based on whether by some objective measure they are handsome? Please. 

If this triggers you questioning your attraction to him then yes that's an issue.  And ask yourself if you need to have arm candy - look at me with this really handsome guy!! - that's not about chemistry really or attraction -that's about you needing to be noticed for being with someone who looks a certain way.   

 

[Jibralta]

On 7/6/2022 at 8:33 PM, sophieneedsadvice said:

I was never a superficial person, so I don’t know what’s wrong with me right now. My chest hurts every time I hear someone say something negative, even though most of the time it’s light hearted and I’m sure they don’t mean any harm.

You're young and so you're still quite susceptible to peer pressure, that's all. Even though you know you don't agree (which is great), it's still a powerful force. You'll grow out of that, but it will take time.

On 7/6/2022 at 8:33 PM, sophieneedsadvice said:

Ive definitely grown into my looks the past few years and get more attention from guys because of this. I say this because i now get hit on almost every time I go out.

You'll grow out of this, too 😅

This is the time of your life where men are going to be lining up. Don't read too much into it and don't put any value in it because as you get older, it will taper off and stop. Treat it as an amusement while it lasts because it's really not valuable.

Instead, focus on this:

On 7/6/2022 at 8:33 PM, sophieneedsadvice said:

if we’re talking about looks, he’s slightly above average. but personallity- he’s a 10/10.

I think your head and your heart are actually in the right place. Looks are only skin deep, as the saying goes.

[maritalbliss86]

On 7/6/2022 at 7:33 PM, sophieneedsadvice said:

I feel like there’s this expectation for me to date a certain type of guy because my friends never seem to think the guys I like are cute enough, unless they’re super physically attractive (who I prefer not to date because of past experiences).

I used to get this reaction - a few times...  both in high school and college.  It would surprise me, too.  But if you're attracted to him, it doesn't matter at all what other people think 😉.  

[maritalbliss86]

On 7/6/2022 at 7:33 PM, sophieneedsadvice said:

I don’t know if I’ll ever feel like a “pretty girl” because i feel like I can’t get out of old thought pattern I had when I hated the way I looked.

I used to think that way too, but becoming more mature with time is nice because you just don't care anymore.  It's very freeing.  You blossom into your beauty and it doesn't have to fade yet until much much later.

If you keep yourself in shape and take care of your skin and appearance, you'll find men still noticing you, flirting with you and being attracted to you well into your 40's possibly 50's depending on how you age.  

I was like you 🙂 getting lots of attention while young and I was surprised (ugly ducking all the way growing up lol!).  It does kind of taper off if you have kids with you on errands, but from my experience even at 35 almost 36 if I go out without the kids, or even just with one child, I get a lot of men hitting on me... which is very surprising.  People have told me I look 25.  One lady thought I was a freshman in college.  So it just depends on how well you take care of yourself.  

 

[maritalbliss86]

Something I just thought of....

I know a woman 10 years younger than me that went through kind of the same things you're feeling now, but she ended up marrying her boyfriend that she was semi-embarrassed about.  

She actually was a model, her mom was a photographer and that's how I was connected with them... her mom wanted to do a photoshoot of me but I declined back then.  But I'm telling you this so you can understand her level of, "pretty."  She was a model.

Well... their marriage is NOT working out.  I don't think she ever really got over the attractive level difference between them and last I talked to her she was still flirting with an old boyfriend and emotionally cheating on her husband. 😞.

 

So... if you really think you can't deal with how attractive or not he is, please don't marry him.

[Batya33]

40 minutes ago, maritalbliss86 said:

If you keep yourself in shape and take care of your skin and appearance, you'll find men still noticing you, flirting with you and being attracted to you well into your 40's possibly 50's depending on how you age.  

I was like you 🙂 getting lots of attention while young and I was surprised (ugly ducking all the way growing up lol!).  It does kind of taper off if you have kids with you on errands, but from my experience even at 35 almost 36 if I go out without the kids, or even just with one child, I get a lot of men hitting on me... which is very surprising.  People have told me I look 25.  One lady thought I was a freshman in college.  So it just depends on how well you take care of yourself.  

Ohhhh not in my world.  It's not about age it's about energy, charisma, looks.  My uncle was widowed at 80 and noticed- to the hilt - a woman in her 60s.  Courted her full press. She's very charismatic, smart, spunky, well put together.  They had an awesome marriage for about 10 years till he passed.  I was hit on at age 42 when I was 8 months pregnant and wearing an engagement ring.  It's not about looking 25.  There are 25 year olds who look like teenagers (I did ) and are very hot, pretty (well I wasn't -more like an ivory girl type) but have a negative energy, a scowl, ice queen type.  It's not about age or cougars etc and men are not robots programmed to flirt only with women who look a certain way, look a certain age.  At least not all the men I know and know of.

(I have no interested in attracting male attention outside my marriage-zero -it would not be flattering, it would not be welcome - I am very focused on keeping my body thin and fit and I enjoy wearing my hair down when I can and putting on a bit of makeup, at times -but not to look young, not to attract male attention -honestly it sometimes perks me up some and I like that feeling).

[Cherylyn]

7 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

I used to think that way too, but becoming more mature with time is nice because you just don't care anymore.  It's very freeing.  You blossom into your beauty and it doesn't have to fade yet until much much later.

If you keep yourself in shape and take care of your skin and appearance, you'll find men still noticing you, flirting with you and being attracted to you well into your 40's possibly 50's depending on how you age.  

I was like you 🙂 getting lots of attention while young and I was surprised (ugly ducking all the way growing up lol!).  It does kind of taper off if you have kids with you on errands, but from my experience even at 35 almost 36 if I go out without the kids, or even just with one child, I get a lot of men hitting on me... which is very surprising.  People have told me I look 25.  One lady thought I was a freshman in college.  So it just depends on how well you take care of yourself.  

 

No one ever looked twice at me for the greater part of my life.  Since I've never dated when everyone else was, I gave up.  I stayed focus on ascending in my career.  

When I was at my high school and college reunions, I was shocked to see typical women and I couldn't compare to how pretty they were during their youth.  They did not take good care of themselves.  Same with men.  

When I attended a recent 4th of July suburban potluck picnic block party, men were attracted to me.  I was unaccustomed to that type of attention years ago.  It was ok and flattering.  It definitely is a self confidence booster because I'm relieved that I don't look like typical women in my community.  I've inherited my mother's youthful genes.  I'm making up for lost time considering I've never dated long ago due to my ugly duckling years.  I take very good care of myself and I'm well preserved.

I'm a late bloomer.  Better late than never!  🙂 

[maritalbliss86]

22 hours ago, Batya33 said:

(I have no interested in attracting male attention outside my marriage-zero -it would not be flattering, it would not be welcome - I am very focused on keeping my body thin and fit and I enjoy wearing my hair down when I can and putting on a bit of makeup, at times -but not to look young, not to attract male attention -honestly it sometimes perks me up some and I like that feeling).

I'm not saying she should try to do this, but that it's a normal byproduct of keeping yourself looking good.  

She's going to have to get used to male attention if she has really come into her own beauty... because from my experience, it doesn't just, "Go away," after a certain time period.  I was very shocked I was still noticed now after 4 kids, but I also do not look like I've had 4 kids, nor my age so....  

I think that kind of attention goes to a woman's head.  If she doesn't deal with that internally, then she won't appreciate this guy (is what I'm saying).  And of course her looks will fade eventually, so making her decisions on men - ie: who to marry! (and ignoring unwanted attention for decades) is something crucial for women to learn how to do.

[maritalbliss86]

15 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

When I was at my high school and college reunions, I was shocked to see typical women and I couldn't compare to how pretty they were during their youth.  They did not take good care of themselves.  Same with men.  

 

I've seen that, too.  

I find it ironic that some of the prettiest and meanest girls in high school, look absolutely terrible now.  Not always of course, but it's like the drinking and partying from high school and college finally ruined their looks.  

When you make different choices, it shows.

[maritalbliss86]

For the OP,

Because you're only 19 and apparently teens aren't wearing bras as much, please continue wearing a bra 🙂. 

My husband has some job duties where he's been to certain places and noticed females in high school and college being out at events etc. and wearing no bras at all 😮 - and their breasts looked flat as pancakes!  He was totally and thoroughly disgusted and surprised they were doing this to their beauty... and it's pretty obvious unfortunately when a woman doesn't wear a bra, so everyone will notice.

I think it must be a new, "trend,"   .... but having pancake breasts in your teens or young twenties will be awful for the next decades to come.  He actually thanked me for taking care of myself better.  

So wear a bra!

[SherrySher]

On 7/6/2022 at 6:33 PM, sophieneedsadvice said:

I (f19) have been with a guy named Dean (m19) for a few months. He’s super down to earth, funny, and sweet- he’s gone out of his way for me way too many times. Hes a bit shy, but has a lot of friends from our university because of his easygoing attitude. 

Every time we’re together Deans friends start messing with him and laughing, like they’ve never seen him with a girl before. And when my friends saw him, they kept joking around saying he wasn’t that attractive. He’s not ugly by any means. if we’re talking about looks, he’s slightly above average. but personallity- he’s a 10/10. 

Ive definitely grown into my looks the past few years and get more attention from guys because of this. I say this because i now get hit on almost every time I go out. I feel like there’s this expectation for me to date a certain type of guy because my friends never seem to think the guys I like are cute enough, unless they’re super physically attractive (who I prefer not to date because of past experiences).

Even though I know I am objectively pretty(from people telling me), I am still very insecure about myself inside. I tend to put everyone around me on a pedestal, and I care too much about what other people think. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel like a “pretty girl” because i feel like I can’t get out of old thought pattern I had when I hated the way I looked.

when other people start joking about Dean it makes me want to stop talking to him. And I feel horrible for thinking that way. I was never a superficial person, so I don’t know what’s wrong with me right now. My chest hurts every time I hear someone say something negative, even though most of the time it’s light hearted and I’m sure they don’t mean any harm.

It is superficial for anyone to be judging someone based on outward appearances.

Choose someone based on their heart, their morals, their personality, their kindness.

Only those things will show you the true spirit of someone.

I have met many a pretty packages that turned out to be total dung inside and I wished I had never met them.

Fall on love with someone's heart and mind.

As for other people, including his friends (and definitely yours!!), they sound incredibly immature (lots of growing up still to do).

Don't get dragged into it. 

[SherrySher]

On 7/6/2022 at 6:33 PM, sophieneedsadvice said:

they kept joking around saying he wasn’t that attractive.

How is that a joke? That's rude as heck!! 

Seriously consider what kind of friends you have. They sound like immature mean girls, and those types will drag you down again, and again.

Life is too short to be around people like that.

 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, maritalbliss86 said:

For the OP,

Because you're only 19 and apparently teens aren't wearing bras as much, please continue wearing a bra 🙂. 

My husband has some job duties where he's been to certain places and noticed females in high school and college being out at events etc. and wearing no bras at all 😮 - and their breasts looked flat as pancakes!  He was totally and thoroughly disgusted and surprised they were doing this to their beauty... and it's pretty obvious unfortunately when a woman doesn't wear a bra, so everyone will notice.

I think it must be a new, "trend,"   .... but having pancake breasts in your teens or young twenties will be awful for the next decades to come.  He actually thanked me for taking care of myself better.  

So wear a bra!

What does the way a woman's breasts look have to do with her beauty? Should men make sure to have six packs and huge biceps and avoid any kind of excess fat on their bellies? Or invest in um lengthening products for their male parts? The reason to wear a bra is to cover up if see through and also for certain women for their physical health -I'm small chested but from what I understand from friends large chested women might have back issues etc without enough support? (sorry if I have that wrong, that is how I understood it).  

No it's not awful to have sagging in that area, to be small, to have "pancake breasts" -has nothing to do with "beauty".  Maybe some of them had preventative masectomies after having discovered a BRCA gene or like my friend had one right after her mother died from breast cancer -because in her late 30s she was diagnosed with breast cancer (oh and she looked like she was in her 20s). Maybe some of them feel pain after surgery if they wear a bra - how would he feel if he found out that was the reason?

I'm so sorry your husband is so "disgusted" about checking out what women are wearing or choosing not to wear.  Sucks to have to be subjected to that repulsive sight I'm sure and to feel that level of pity for another human being and how she is treating her breasts.  Are men held to this standard of not ruining their beauty with those sorts of choices - would he be repulsed watching a 20 something man having 2 beers because that will lead to a beer belly? 

I'm sure your husband is a wonderful person and a person of character and integrity.  He is not the only man or the last man to be horrified when a woman does something that might make her look older or less desirable physically.  Like the old custom of binding a female child's feet, or the unfortunately newer custom of parents who focus on their daughter's eating habits lest they be a wee bit overweight and ruin their chances of catching a good man.  

Here's what I think makes a woman look beautiful - I can tell (on me, no I don't care whether I look "beautiful" to others) -being hydrated - a woman who drinks enough water and doesn't smoke or drink too much alcohol has healthier looking, glowier skin no matter what her age. 

A woman who carries herself well and wears clothing that is flattering to her - and comfortable for her -so she looks like she's comfortable in her own skin and feels so.  A woman who speaks with assertiveness and without the constant uptone question mark at the end of saying something she believes in.  That's beautiful looking too.  A woman who moves with energy if she possibly can or at least shows energy through her eye contact, her sparkle in her face.  

[catfeeder]

Sounds as though you've taken up with bullies, yet you're calling them friends?

It might be helpful to view these ugly ducklings through the eyes of your inner Swan.

Your BF likely has more authenticity in his tiny finger than these people own in their whole bodies.

I'd check them with the suggestion that if they have anything kind to say, they can let me know, but until then, my complaint department is closed.

I'd stay kind to keep my life easier, but I'd be actively seeking new friends. Real ones.

 

[LootieTootie]

On 7/6/2022 at 5:33 PM, sophieneedsadvice said:

 

when other people start joking about Dean it makes me want to stop talking to him. And I feel horrible for thinking that way. I was never a superficial person, so I don’t know what’s wrong with me right now. My chest hurts every time I hear someone say something negative, even though most of the time it’s light hearted and I’m sure they don’t mean any harm.

Instead of caving to peer pressure, maybe you should speak up and tell these "friends" to stop joking because you don't find it funny when they speak negatively about your boyfriend. They might not know that you or/and Dean don't like these comments that Dean is not in your league in looks wise.

They will say "its just a joke" - but if they keep bringing it up when you and Dean have not done anything but be yourself, then don't be afraid to speak up for you and Dean.

You'll see who really is a friend when you speak up.

 

[Cherylyn]

10 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

I've seen that, too.  

I find it ironic that some of the prettiest and meanest girls in high school, look absolutely terrible now.  Not always of course, but it's like the drinking and partying from high school and college finally ruined their looks.  

When you make different choices, it shows.

Yes, it's true.  I was quite envious of a lot of girls in high school, college and my colleagues, too.  I saw many of them years later.  It was sad to see their stark difference between how they were pretty during their youth and fast forward to not aging well. 

[MissCanuck]

11 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

My husband has some job duties where he's been to certain places and noticed females in high school and college being out at events etc. and wearing no bras at all 😮 - and their breasts looked flat as pancakes!

I strongly doubt these young ladies are dressing to impress a random old guy who's apparently looking at their chests. 

[maritalbliss86]

7 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

I strongly doubt these young ladies are dressing to impress a random old guy who's apparently looking at their chests. 

When everything is hanging out and nipples are showing through and the sides of tops are cut so low you can see everything, they are *definitely* dressing to have all of that seen.  Not wearing a bra is immediately obvious to most men even if they don't want to notice.

It's unprofessional too for work areas etc because it's so obvious.

 

[maritalbliss86]

17 hours ago, Batya33 said:

What does the way a woman's breasts look have to do with her beauty? Should men make sure to have six packs and huge biceps and avoid any kind of excess fat on their bellies? Or invest in um lengthening products for their male parts? The reason to wear a bra is to cover up if see through and also for certain women for their physical health -I'm small chested but from what I understand from friends large chested women might have back issues etc without enough support? (sorry if I have that wrong, that is how I understood it).  

No it's not awful to have sagging in that area, to be small, to have "pancake breasts" -has nothing to do with "beauty".  Maybe some of them had preventative masectomies after having discovered a BRCA gene or like my friend had one right after her mother died from breast cancer -because in her late 30s she was diagnosed with breast cancer (oh and she looked like she was in her 20s). Maybe some of them feel pain after surgery if they wear a bra - how would he feel if he found out that was the reason?

I'm so sorry your husband is so "disgusted" about checking out what women are wearing or choosing not to wear.  Sucks to have to be subjected to that repulsive sight I'm sure and to feel that level of pity for another human being and how she is treating her breasts.  Are men held to this standard of not ruining their beauty with those sorts of choices - would he be repulsed watching a 20 something man having 2 beers because that will lead to a beer belly? 

I'm sure your husband is a wonderful person and a person of character and integrity.  He is not the only man or the last man to be horrified when a woman does something that might make her look older or less desirable physically.  Like the old custom of binding a female child's feet, or the unfortunately newer custom of parents who focus on their daughter's eating habits lest they be a wee bit overweight and ruin their chances of catching a good man.  

Here's what I think makes a woman look beautiful - I can tell (on me, no I don't care whether I look "beautiful" to others) -being hydrated - a woman who drinks enough water and doesn't smoke or drink too much alcohol has healthier looking, glowier skin no matter what her age. 

A woman who carries herself well and wears clothing that is flattering to her - and comfortable for her -so she looks like she's comfortable in her own skin and feels so.  A woman who speaks with assertiveness and without the constant uptone question mark at the end of saying something she believes in.  That's beautiful looking too.  A woman who moves with energy if she possibly can or at least shows energy through her eye contact, her sparkle in her face.  

Since she seems to want to age well, this topic of taking care of her natural breast health fits right in with keeping up her natural beauty. 

It's not wrong to warn her about this trend... Apparently no one is telling these girls that this will ruin their breasts health by breaking down their collagen and elasticity.  It's not taking care of your body to age yourself too early. It's almost like smoking... why do it?

So many women get breast implants for the lack of having this natural feature that really could be preserved by simply taking care of themselves.  Natural is simply healthier less risky, less costly etc.

I get it that you don't understand why a woman would want to take good care of her breast health, which includes her natural collagen and elasticity.

For me I'd rather encourage her to take care of her youthful, natural beauty to age more gracefully.