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How do I stop letting MY insecurities get between me and him?


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7 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

I strongly doubt these young ladies are dressing to impress a random old guy who's apparently looking at their chests. 

Also he actually thinks of our daughter when he sees things like this, since she'll be subject to wanting to fit in and follow trends etc.

It makes him worry about her and think of her when he sees younger women doing ridiculous stuff... Various different things I'm sure you wouldn't understand or would deliberately mischaracterize.  

I get it you're trying to insult him, imply he's a pig or something, but we're parents, we see things from a different perspective because it will affect our kids someday. He's very glad I'm teaching our daughter to take care of herself etc.

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15 minutes ago, maritalbliss86 said:

Also he actually thinks of our daughter when he sees things like this, since she'll be subject to wanting to fit in and follow trends etc.

What does any of this even have to do with this thread?

Your husband's opinions on how young women's breasts look without bras is irrelevant here. 

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Just now, maritalbliss86 said:

I missed the part where you were a Mod.  

Why the hell do you care so much?

Because it's a problematic, and frankly rather strange, message to send a young lady who came asking for advice on a completely unrelated topic. 

 

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3 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Because it's a problematic, and frankly rather strange, message to send a young lady who came asking for advice on a completely unrelated topic. 

 

Online is a weird place.  Tangents often get thrown in and honestly, I just thought of it as an off-comment since several OTHER posters brought up that as she ages, things will change. This fit right in with that... she even brought up being noticed by lots of men on her own.  She brought up that she was getting male eye-attention.  This also fits in with that.

I think it's odd and socially awkward that you're laser focused on my comment, when tangents on different threads get thrown in all the time.  

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I've never been much for wearing a bra. It's not because I want attention; it's just that I find them uncomfortable and I can't be bothered. My breasts have not changed shape over the years or been damaged by that. They are what they are. My breasts have a good shape and I buy clothing that is structured around them. I only wear a bra if I have to.

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1 hour ago, Jibralta said:

It's not because I want attention; it's just that I find them uncomfortable and I can't be bothered.

Yes, exactly. 

OP, if you're still reading, wear what you're comfortable with. It isn't important if a man thinks it takes away from your beauty. 

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On 7/6/2022 at 8:33 PM, sophieneedsadvice said:

Even though I know I am objectively pretty(from people telling me), I am still very insecure about myself inside. I tend to put everyone around me on a pedestal, and I care too much about what other people think. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel like a “pretty girl” because i feel like I can’t get out of old thought pattern I had when I hated the way I looked.

This is normal.. we all do look down on ourselves. And stuff like 'peer pressure' never helps 😕 .

You do what YOU want.  This is your life, no one else's.  They're not in your shoes.  They're not the ones involved with him.  You are 😉 .

So, if you feel you two do mesh well, then keep going!

In time, if you two remain together, you could very well do quite well together.  ( without negative outside forces), So, who cares what anyone else thinks, right?.  Do as you wish 🙂 

My sons have been involved with their gf's for at least 4+ yrs.  They have done all that THEY want & feel is right.  No one else's business!  

 

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On 7/9/2022 at 11:47 AM, Batya33 said:

What does the way a woman's breasts look have to do with her beauty? Should men make sure to have six packs and huge biceps and avoid any kind of excess fat on their bellies? Or invest in um lengthening products for their male parts? The reason to wear a bra is to cover up if see through and also for certain women for their physical health -I'm small chested but from what I understand from friends large chested women might have back issues etc without enough support? (sorry if I have that wrong, that is how I understood it).  

No it's not awful to have sagging in that area, to be small, to have "pancake breasts" -has nothing to do with "beauty".  Maybe some of them had preventative masectomies after having discovered a BRCA gene or like my friend had one right after her mother died from breast cancer -because in her late 30s she was diagnosed with breast cancer (oh and she looked like she was in her 20s). Maybe some of them feel pain after surgery if they wear a bra - how would he feel if he found out that was the reason?

I'm so sorry your husband is so "disgusted" about checking out what women are wearing or choosing not to wear.  Sucks to have to be subjected to that repulsive sight I'm sure and to feel that level of pity for another human being and how she is treating her breasts.  Are men held to this standard of not ruining their beauty with those sorts of choices - would he be repulsed watching a 20 something man having 2 beers because that will lead to a beer belly? 

I'm sure your husband is a wonderful person and a person of character and integrity.  He is not the only man or the last man to be horrified when a woman does something that might make her look older or less desirable physically.  Like the old custom of binding a female child's feet, or the unfortunately newer custom of parents who focus on their daughter's eating habits lest they be a wee bit overweight and ruin their chances of catching a good man.  

Here's what I think makes a woman look beautiful - I can tell (on me, no I don't care whether I look "beautiful" to others) -being hydrated - a woman who drinks enough water and doesn't smoke or drink too much alcohol has healthier looking, glowier skin no matter what her age. 

A woman who carries herself well and wears clothing that is flattering to her - and comfortable for her -so she looks like she's comfortable in her own skin and feels so.  A woman who speaks with assertiveness and without the constant uptone question mark at the end of saying something she believes in.  That's beautiful looking too.  A woman who moves with energy if she possibly can or at least shows energy through her eye contact, her sparkle in her face.  

Agree 100%

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9 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Yes, exactly. 

OP, if you're still reading, wear what you're comfortable with. It isn't important if a man thinks it takes away from your beauty. 

I’m sure how the conversation went down this route but thanks- i completely agree!

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10 hours ago, Jibralta said:

I've never been much for wearing a bra. It's not because I want attention; it's just that I find them uncomfortable and I can't be bothered. My breasts have not changed shape over the years or been damaged by that. They are what they are. My breasts have a good shape and I buy clothing that is structured around them. I only wear a bra if I have to.

I’m the same way. I’m pretty slim and live in a small beach town where people will wear bikinis and jeans to the grocery store, so for me to not wear one is really not a big deal.

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13 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

  Not wearing a bra is immediately obvious to most men even if they don't want to notice.

It's unprofessional too for work areas etc because it's so obvious.

 

Not wearing a bra is fine.  Women tackled this issue back on September 7, 1968.   

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As far as your friends go:

When they make remarks you need to take a breath and then tell them this.

"You are my friends and I assume you want me to be happy right?  Well _________ makes me happy and I love the way he looks and treats me and I am very happy to be with him so why can't you be happy for me?"

  Just going by celebrities there have been a lot of lets say mismatched couples but they were happy together so who are we to judge how physically attractive their partner needs to be for our approval.

  Set your friends straight and if they don't apologize and support you then maybe it is time for new friends.

 There are millions of people that are over looked because they don't fit some societal mold be have imagined so I say good on you for seeing all of him, not just the wrapper he came in.

 One another note I hope you aren't just dating him because good looking guys are jerks and you truly like and admire him.

 Lost

PS  I have never worn a bra......Okay there was that time on Halloween but it was only once and I didn't like it 🤪   

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