Girls wants to meetup for drinks - should I do dinner?

[Anonymous]

A girl wants to go out for drinks next Friday after work, but this is usually the time I’ll have dinner and I’m assuming she as well.

I feel guilty if she will be hungry the whole time and not asking her for dinner.

 

But I took a girl out recently to a very nice Italian restaurant, she kept ordering expensive wine etc. and it cost me $75 and wasn’t even a nice experience for myself. There was no good chemistry.

You can imagine that as a man being expected to pay for dates - two dates a week at that rate would amount to leasing a brand new Jaguar!

So I like the idea of coffee or tea at first which I suggested, but she prefers drinks.

So - should I aim for 5:00 pm ish right after work, but keep the option of getting dinner at a nearby place if the date goes well? Otherwise have max two drinks and call it a night? 
 

 

 

 

[Kwothe28]

If you are worried about girls just wanting expensive dinners then "screening" them through coffee or drinks first wouldnt be that bad. So, take her offer for drinks and see where it leads. You can always take her for dinner latter or some other time. 

[Anonymous]

1 hour ago, Guest Anonymous said:

 I like the idea of coffee or tea at first which I suggested, but she prefers drinks.

Otherwise have max two drinks and call it a night? 

 Yes. Max 2 drinks then go home.

Make the first meet brief at a mutually convenient time. This is an introductory meeting.

You can always have a dinner date at some other time if you hit it off.

[Jibralta]

2 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

So I like the idea of coffee or tea at first which I suggested, but she prefers drinks.

I think you can save yourself a lot of grief by declining the date. You won't have to worry about dinner and you won't have to pay for expensive drinks (and possibly food).

[Rose Mosse]

3 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

A girl wants to go out for drinks next Friday after work, but this is usually the time I’ll have dinner and I’m assuming she as well.

I feel guilty if she will be hungry the whole time and not asking her for dinner.

 

But I took a girl out recently to a very nice Italian restaurant, she kept ordering expensive wine etc. and it cost me $75 and wasn’t even a nice experience for myself. There was no good chemistry.

You can imagine that as a man being expected to pay for dates - two dates a week at that rate would amount to leasing a brand new Jaguar!

So I like the idea of coffee or tea at first which I suggested, but she prefers drinks.

So - should I aim for 5:00 pm ish right after work, but keep the option of getting dinner at a nearby place if the date goes well? Otherwise have max two drinks and call it a night? 
 

 

 

 

Please don’t feel guilty. Keep it short and sweet and if it goes well tell her you enjoyed her company and would like to see her again. 

Have a granola bar before the date if you’re very hungry. 

[Anonymous]

3 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

Please don’t feel guilty. Keep it short and sweet and if it goes well tell her you enjoyed her company and would like to see her again. 

Have a granola bar before the date if you’re very hungry. 

Best idea thank you so much 😊 

[Rose Mosse]

16 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

Best idea thank you so much 😊 

You’re welcome. Have fun. 😊

[catfeeder]

Eat a sandwich or something before you go unless your meeting place serves happy hour foods.

Lots of people consider first meets a 'non-date' to check one another out.

This is where you spend a short amount of time to learn whether there's any chemistry, or not.

If not, it's easy to bolt early. If so, or if there's potential, it makes perfect sense to let her know you'll need to head out at 'x' time, but you hope you can contact her to set up more time together.

 

[WildPump]

It seems you have a very strict schedule when it comes to diner time. And yes men are expected to pay, nothing has much changed in 21st century same old rules. And bravo for not adding too much emotions in your post. Or go for a place where food and alcohol both are served. It will save time. If you feel spending more time her after drinks you can have dinner otherwise after drinks you can leave. 

[Batya33]

I always met for coffee and not around dinner time. Sometimes a quick casual lunch.  Some men insisted on dinner and one insisted on a fancy place outside my budget and then didn't offer to pay.   I also get hangry/had a more specific dinner time but I did work arounds like having a snack, an earlier dinner, etc.  I do know of women who angled for fancy dinners to get a free meal.  Ick.  

I tried to avoid meeting for alcoholic drinks -not only more expensive but I didn't feel comfortable at the risk that he'd drink too much.

As far as paying it depended but it was a huge turn off if we ordered at a counter -I usually just order plain coffee or a water -and he didn't offer to pay.  Sometimes I'd get there early and get my own drink and sit and wait.

[waffle]

On 2/12/2022 at 5:37 AM, Guest Anonymous said:

. . .  I took a girl out recently to a very nice Italian restaurant, she kept ordering expensive wine etc. and it cost me $75 and wasn’t even a nice experience for myself. There was no good chemistry.

You can imagine that as a man being expected to pay for dates - two dates a week at that rate would amount to leasing a brand new Jaguar!

 

Oh my goodness.

I would suggest leaving the dating scene to men who actually want to--and know how to--do this, and lease the Jaguar instead.

[SherrySher]

On 2/12/2022 at 4:37 AM, Guest Anonymous said:

A girl wants to go out for drinks next Friday after work, but this is usually the time I’ll have dinner and I’m assuming she as well.

I feel guilty if she will be hungry the whole time and not asking her for dinner.

 

But I took a girl out recently to a very nice Italian restaurant, she kept ordering expensive wine etc. and it cost me $75 and wasn’t even a nice experience for myself. There was no good chemistry.

You can imagine that as a man being expected to pay for dates - two dates a week at that rate would amount to leasing a brand new Jaguar!

So I like the idea of coffee or tea at first which I suggested, but she prefers drinks.

So - should I aim for 5:00 pm ish right after work, but keep the option of getting dinner at a nearby place if the date goes well? Otherwise have max two drinks and call it a night? 
 

 

 

 

Honestly I don't blame you.

The princesses that expect to spend and spend on someone else's dime are too high maintenance, and are usually inconsiderate jerks that won't make good partners anyhow.

Find someone who is okay with coffee and progress to dinner another date if you like her and things go well.

Even at dinner, it's a red flag if she orders the most expensive, or doesn't offer to help somehow with the bill.

Costs nowadays are not like they used to be, more bills than money and women make as much money as men, so it's the norm for a woman to offer to help pay for part of the bill, or for you to treat this time and her next time.

But you're being completely sensible on wanting to go for coffee first and not invest in an expensive dinner if you don't know that you are compatible yet.

If she insists on drinks, then she's not your girl...but if you do go, yes, it's totally fine to have a couple drinks and see if she's someone you're wanting to take on a more involved date.

[SherrySher]

2 hours ago, SherrySher said:

If she insists on drinks, then she's not your girl.

I also say this, because it doesn't sound like you're a drinker.

[Cherylyn]

Since she suggested drinks, just go out for drinks,  no dinner and go "dutch" meaning both pay your separate expenses to be fair.

Don't feel guilty about her hunger.  She's a big girl and can figure out what to feed herself on her own time.

I'm sorry about your recent $75 bill.  It's inconsiderate to order away when a person knows someone else is footing the bill.  This happened to my husband and me.  My BIL (brother-in-law) drinks like a fish yet has no qualms ordering alcoholic drinks one right after the other as long as he doesn't pay for it.  Or, some people order expensive meals from the menu and they don't care as long as someone else is paying for it.  It's ugly and disdainful behavior.

You can suggest coffee or tea and be honest, tell her it's more economical.  There's nothing wrong with telling her the truth.

Don't keep any options otherwise you'll end up paying yet another whopping dinner bill.  You can suggest going "dutch" for dinner if both of you decide to eat dinner.  You can also suggest for each person to pay for their own alcoholic beverages as well if both of you just have drinks and that's it. 

Don't stress.  Make an agreement so there is no misunderstanding and so it won't hurt your wallet.

[waffle]

Hell I dropped $95 for sushi on Friday night, no drinks, and thought nothing of it.  So honestly if the bill for dinner and "expensive" (how expensive could it have been?  Probably wasn't Boone's Farm but couldn't have been even $20 per bottle) wine was $75 . . . I'm not seeing the problem.  Yeah yeah I know, there was "no chemistry" so you didn't get a good return on the $75 investment, but you cannot buy chemistry.

I'll say it again--forget dating and get the Jaguar.

Whiny men are unattractive.  I said what I said.

[tattoobunnie]

Go to a Tapas place, so this way, you can eat a little while having some wine together.

[Anonymous]

I like that. First dates shouldn’t have to be extravagant, just getting to know the other person.

Spending over $150 on a first date would be lame. 

[Anonymous]

OP here - I think next time I’ll just do coffee for a first meet and if that’s not good enough I’ll pass.

Went for a ”drink” after work, but she wanted dinner ordered lots of expensive cocktails that cost me $130 and I didn’t even get a thank you!
 

Coffee and desert (no drinks) it is next time for a first Meetup…

 

[poorlittlefish]

I find going for dinner on a first date to be super awkward for all sorts of reasons - trying to have a conversation while you're eating is one of them, but so is the bill.  I have always offered to split the bill or pay for myself.  I'm having dinner with a complete stranger who owes me nothing!  Most times the guy has declined and paid for us both, but I have never gone into it with the expectation that he should and I'm astonished in this day and age that I seem to be unusual. 

[Anonymous]

54 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

Went for a ”drink” after work, but she wanted dinner ordered lots of expensive cocktails that cost me $130 and I didn’t even get a thank you

You allowed it. Wrap it up after an hour or two and go home. Don't buy attention then complain.

[mylolita]

Hey Anon!

 

Okay I would get the car too because for the same money you will attract twice the chicks… 

 

… LOL! Joking, but only half joking 😉

 

What type of date! Coffee, I agree with so many, is such a lovely way of speaking to a woman and really getting to know her, in the daylight, semi-casual setting, informal, relaxed, and okay yes, much cheaper! 
 

Reserve dinner for a second or third date. Honestly, even if you were rolling in cash left right and centre, she shouldn’t be taking you for a ride and ordering wine and lobster and everything else and just going to town on your coin. It’s very unclassy and she is taking advantage. Not partner material. There is also something awkward about eating infront of a stranger whilst trying to get to know them? I don’t know why people even want to do it. I get the glamour of going to dinner but apart from that, drinks or coffee sound so much better.

 

Why don’t you make a contingency plan if the coffee goes well? You could the go take her out to lunch, if you just can’t stop talking and flirting and feel a connection! 
 

A date where you can talk is always the best kind.

 

I’m a very old fashioned kinda gal and would expect the man to pay; but I would not go ordering everything on the menu, pick expensive dishes, and I always still offered to go half way. Although, I have only ever been on a few dates in my life and have been married for the rest of it so not exactly one to be giving out dating advice here! 
 

All the best,

 

PS - (I like a lovely dark navy for Jags) 🤣

 

PPS - (If you buy an older model/classic then these are going up in value all the time. A nice investment.

 

But yeah love conquers all and all that 🤣

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

OP here - I think next time I’ll just do coffee for a first meet and if that’s not good enough I’ll pass.

Went for a ”drink” after work, but she wanted dinner ordered lots of expensive cocktails that cost me $130 and I didn’t even get a thank you!
 

Coffee and desert (no drinks) it is next time for a first Meetup…

 

Why did you agree? You simply could have said you had to go or would do dinner next time.  I would avoid alcohol.  Many years ago I met a first meet for coffee and dessert.  He ordered both as did I -the bill was $30 which is on the expensive side.  I knew I never wanted to see him again -he was really weird/off- so I made sure to offer to chip in/split the bill.  He looked at the bill and said "oh! great! I love being pampered!"  Um nope.  I said to him matter of factly "oh I meant to split the bill".  And we did. 

And I ended up meeting his parents at an event a year or so later, ironically (after the date he had his "brother" message me asking if I'd like to meet him instead.  I blocked or whatever was the way to do that back then)

So it goes both ways.  Another time a guy traveled to see me for a first meet -an hour or so on a commuter train -we went for lunch and I knew he didn't have a lot of $.  I said to him that I appreciated him traveling, lunch was on me.  I did not order an appetizer. But he did -plus an entree.  I have to say -when I was being treated I matched what the guy did or ordered less. Never more.  Never drinks (if he insisted on ordering a bottle of wine -insisted -I'd have my half glass or I'd order a glass of wine if he did).  

I treated- didn't comment of course, just found it rude.  He did say thank you.  

[Anonymous]

One hour. One drink. Make it a habit. If it works out, you can go for dinner at another time.

[Anonymous]

yes, I admit also my fault

I should have said - “that’s your last cocktail for the night” in a polite way.

My fault. I feel now silly for posting now.
 

I wouldn’t have cared if I at least heard a “Thank you for the dinner and drinks. Was a wonderful time. Thank you” 

But that’s ok. Still learning.

 

[Batya33]

4 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

yes, I admit also my fault

I should have said - “that’s your last cocktail for the night” in a polite way.

My fault. I feel now silly for posting now.
 

I wouldn’t have cared if I at least heard a “Thank you for the dinner and drinks. Was a wonderful time. Thank you” 

But that’s ok. Still learning.

 

Well no -you're not her parent-she can drink or stay and drink as she wishes.  I'd say "I have to go now but perhaps we can meet again."