Is it too soon to have sex?

[TheRedgirl]

Hello everyone,

so here’s the situation: 

A couple of weeks ago I decided to go out for a drink with my friends. While we were all being together in this pub, someone invited this pretty good looking guy that I heard about before, but we never officially met until that moment. 
We met, started talking and we were overall having a great time.
After a couple of hours we decided to continue the party in the garage of one of our friends house. 

There was some alcohol involved but nothing too much. At one point, I started dancing with him and I noticed how we were both flirting the whole night. Eventually we ended up making out and since another friend was driving us home, we were sitting in the back seat and his hand was on my leg the whole time.

We continued texting and we saw each other one more time since he lives in another city now.. we heard each other today and agreed to go out tomorrow night.

I’m attracted to this guy and I can’t help but flirt when I’m around him. There is also quite a sexual tension, but I’m not sure if I should have a sexual intercourse with him.

I’m a bit scared of what will he think about me if we have sex this soon but at the same time he made clear how he isn’t looking for a relationship at the moment.. 

(I’m a female and we’re both 20 y.o.)

I would really appreciate any opinion on what to do…

[catfeeder]

1 hour ago, TheRedgirl said:

I’m a bit scared of what will he think about me if we have sex this soon ...he made clear how he isn’t looking for a relationship at the moment.. 

I'd figure out in my heart of hearts whether I want to consider myself 'relationship material', or not.

If so, then there's no way that I'd mess around sexually with a guy who does NOT consider himself relationship material.

I certainly wouldn't try to use sex in an attempt to persuade him--that's the perfect way to get your heart broken.

Instead, I'd just tell the guy that I really like him, but I'm relationship material, so I'll need to walk away. If he ever decides that he wants to pursue a relationship in the future, he can let me know, and if I'm still available then, maybe we can meet to catch up.

If I decide that I am NOT relationship material, then being scared of what the guy thinks makes no sense.

Be honest with your Self.

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, TheRedgirl said:

 he lives in another city now.. He made clear how he isn’t looking for a relationship .

Don't worry about what he will think. The important thing is if you can deal with a one night stand.

 

[Capricorn3]

If you want a relationship, but he doesn't, then I wouldn't.

[Batya33]

If you're completely on the same page -you want to prioritize your sexual tension by acting on it with a person who does not want to be in a relationship with you.  Please do assume that.  It's with you.  He may want a relationship with someone else, he may meet someone else and want that person despite having told himself he's not into a relationship.  So be prepared to have intercourse, release your sexual tension, have some fun in bed and then see him over the moon and then committed to another gal via social media, in person, etc.  Feel ok about that?  Maybe you do since you have all this sexual tension you want to release -that might be the most important thing to you and that's your call.

Also consider whether you're ok with the pregnancy and STD risk yes even if you use protection.

If it's a go- then go do it -who cares what he thinks -he is a hot guy who is hot for you like you are for him, he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you so after hot sex a couple of times -or once  - he really won't know you enough to judge you, will he? And if he does then you'll realize he's not a good person -which doesn't matter anyway since you're using him to release sexual tension.  

[Kwothe28]

Depends on what you want. If you want relationship, you wont get that there. If you just want some fun, OK, go for it. 

Also, respectfully, as he was clear that he doesnt want a relationship with you, I dont really think he cares to have "if its soon or not" thoughts. He just wants adventure. You do care on the other hand. Thus maybe making you incompatible if you want this to be just a sexual thing and nothing else. 

[boltnrun]

If you're worried about what he thinks of you, maybe you're not OK with casual, uncommitted sex.

[lostandhurt]

It depends why you have sex with this guy.

If you have sex because you think he is handsome and are really turned on by him and just want to then go ahead.

If you have sex with him hoping it will turn into a relationship then don't do it.

He was straight with you so be straight with yourself.

  You are an adult and have all the facts and if you decide to have some fun between the sheets then there should be no regrets if you go into the whole thing eyes wide open.  Besides if it is just a physical thing who care what he thinks as long as he knows what he is doing.

  The person that should care the most about what they think of you having sex is you and only you.

Lost

[SherrySher]

19 hours ago, TheRedgirl said:

Hello everyone,

so here’s the situation: 

A couple of weeks ago I decided to go out for a drink with my friends. While we were all being together in this pub, someone invited this pretty good looking guy that I heard about before, but we never officially met until that moment. 
We met, started talking and we were overall having a great time.
After a couple of hours we decided to continue the party in the garage of one of our friends house. 

There was some alcohol involved but nothing too much. At one point, I started dancing with him and I noticed how we were both flirting the whole night. Eventually we ended up making out and since another friend was driving us home, we were sitting in the back seat and his hand was on my leg the whole time.

We continued texting and we saw each other one more time since he lives in another city now.. we heard each other today and agreed to go out tomorrow night.

I’m attracted to this guy and I can’t help but flirt when I’m around him. There is also quite a sexual tension, but I’m not sure if I should have a sexual intercourse with him.

I’m a bit scared of what will he think about me if we have sex this soon but at the same time he made clear how he isn’t looking for a relationship at the moment.. 

(I’m a female and we’re both 20 y.o.)

I would really appreciate any opinion on what to do…

If you do have sex with him, you need to go into it knowing that you're just using each other's bodies for a good time, but it won't turn into any kind of romance.

As long as you're okay with that, then do what you think is best.

But if he already made it clear to you that he does not want a relationship, then having sex with him isn't going to change his mind.

[dias]

7 minutes ago, SherrySher said:

 you're just using each other's bodies for a good time

Lol that's why we have bodies: to use them to have a good time. 

[SherrySher]

24 minutes ago, dias said:

Lol that's why we have bodies: to use them to have a good time. 

Dias, can you please stop replying to me if all you want to do is make it into a joke?

Not everyone's agenda is to have irresponsible sex and use each other.

Some people genuinely want to find love, and sex to them means commitment and a way of showing love... not just banging bodies together.

You don't think the same as I do, and that's fine, but no need to reply to my posts.

[jjmufc88]

I wouldn't worry about it too much if I was you.

I've had my fair share of one night stands and they've pretty much always been when the woman has suggested it, as I'm no good at initiating these things myself).

[Andrina]

The thing you look at with a guy is: Do we have the same dating/non-dating/romance/life goals.

People with contrasting goals won't work, so cut him off to find someone who matches exactly what you want. It doesn't matter if you share chemistry, which isn't something you choose. It's basic biology. It can't be taken by itself to guide you.

So he's saying: I don't want a relationship which equals--non-commital sex. I don't need to text or call or set up another date or sexual experience ever again with that woman. I can go to a bar tonight to hook up with another lady. There are no rules of what I should do because I owe nobody anything. I'm not exclusive with anyone.

If it's okay to share the gift of your body with him and have no expectations, then go for it. If your goals are different than his, hold out for who YOU want. The fact that you care what he thinks is a sign you might not be up for a one and done, or regular sex without ties. 

 

[Rose Mosse]

On 12/26/2021 at 4:07 PM, TheRedgirl said:

Hello everyone,

so here’s the situation: 

A couple of weeks ago I decided to go out for a drink with my friends. While we were all being together in this pub, someone invited this pretty good looking guy that I heard about before, but we never officially met until that moment. 
We met, started talking and we were overall having a great time.
After a couple of hours we decided to continue the party in the garage of one of our friends house. 

There was some alcohol involved but nothing too much. At one point, I started dancing with him and I noticed how we were both flirting the whole night. Eventually we ended up making out and since another friend was driving us home, we were sitting in the back seat and his hand was on my leg the whole time.

We continued texting and we saw each other one more time since he lives in another city now.. we heard each other today and agreed to go out tomorrow night.

I’m attracted to this guy and I can’t help but flirt when I’m around him. There is also quite a sexual tension, but I’m not sure if I should have a sexual intercourse with him.

I’m a bit scared of what will he think about me if we have sex this soon but at the same time he made clear how he isn’t looking for a relationship at the moment.. 

(I’m a female and we’re both 20 y.o.)

I would really appreciate any opinion on what to do…

The way I read this is you seem hesitant to have an ONS or fling with him because the news may get back to your mutual friends and rumours will spread? If you have doubts for any reason, don't bother with this.

He's not looking for any relationship or commitment so he has no real investment in knowing you or treating you well or with respect. In fact you're not even sure about his integrity as a person or whether he has the wherewithal to maintain any privacy since you've just met. 

Date outside your friends circle and have hook ups with others who have nothing to do with others you'd rather not know about your personal business. 

[catfeeder]

5 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

He's not looking for any relationship or commitment so he has no real investment in knowing you or treating you well or with respect. In fact you're not even sure about his integrity as a person or whether he has the wherewithal to maintain any privacy since you've just met. 

Really good point.

Sleeping with someone you don't know well positions you both to use one another for empty sex. Is that really what you want, or do you deserve better than that? 

 

[fungal20]

Sounds like you both had a nice time when you were together. I would live in the moment and have sex, but that's just me. Again, similar to other posts, it might not be a relationship coming from this, and you need to be okay with that. 

Let us know what you end up doing. 

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, fungal20 said:

Sounds like you both had a nice time when you were together. I would live in the moment and have sex, but that's just me. Again, similar to other posts, it might not be a relationship coming from this, and you need to be okay with that. 

Let us know what you end up doing. 

I'm not sure what's so great about "living in the moment" when it comes to sexual intercourse with a stranger in a ONS situation.  It might be a lot of pleasure/release of sexual tension as she put it but then the privilege of "live in the moment!" is over with a crash because of the health and emotional risks -especially to a woman when it comes to pregnancy.  And she's taking a real gamble since it seems that she might be disappointed/regretful when she realizes she wasn't being totally honest with herself about being ok with the sexual arrangement.