Looking like I will have to say my final goodbyes

[boltnrun]

Posted in my journal too, some more details there.

After about 14 years I am most likely going to have to have my senior kitty put down.   She is going on about 17 years old and is obviously in pain, isn't feeling well and is exhibiting some behaviors that she's never done before such as having diarrhea off and on and peeing on the floor next to her litter box instead of inside.   She seems a bit confused too. It's affecting me too, since I'm having to literally spend hours each day cleaning up after her and washing her waste off of her.

I do love her, she's my little friend and my roomie and it's been just the two of us for years.  I call us "the two little old ladies".  She sleeps with me and sits next to me on the couch and likes me to pet her.  She talks to me and says hello when I get home from errands.  But jeez, her quality of life seems to be going downhill so fast.  How do I keep her with me just so I won't be sad when she's sick and in pain?

This completely sucks...

[SooSad33]

Is it time to seek help from a vet?  Did you get her checked at all? Some animals, along with age & diteriation get things like bladder infections etc.

If she's just aging, may be time to consider saying your good byes 😕 . Is hard but we dont like suffering.  Been there... Then consider another kitten or different pet?

 

[boltnrun]

Yes, I took her to a vet previously who said she had kidney disease (not surprising due to her age) and prescribed special food, which she hated and refused to eat.  The vet also wanted to do a heart ultrasound that was going to cost $1200, which I don't have.  I tried to take her in a couple of weeks ago but with the pandemic staffing shortage they wouldn't have been able to see her for at least a month.  And when I took her before, it was basically just life extension rather than a treatment that would cure her.  She's just old 😞

I don't have time to raise a kitten and I'm not really interested in a dog or other pet.  I'll take some time to reflect and honor her memory, probably at least a year, then I will likely adopt another cat.  But not a kitten.

[Jibralta]

19 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

then I will likely adopt another cat.  But not a kitten.

That's good. Everyone wants kittens. So many adult cats need a good home.

[Seraphim]

You have done your very best and have loved her. Putting her down at this point is the kindest thing you can do for her. I had to put down my beloved almost 12 year old boy . It literally almost killed me. We had him cremated and we have his ashes in an urn. You are not doing anything wrong. Please be kind with yourself and take your time. 

[Andrina]

So sorry this sad time has come. You gave her the best life possible. And now you will give her the gift of peace in being there to ease her over the rainbow bridge.

[MsAin1st]

Losing a pet just flat out sucks. When you’re ready, call some vets and see if you can find one that does home euthanasia. You and Kitty can be comfortable in your own space as you say goodbye. Letting a pet cross the rainbow bridge is a true act of love. 💜

[boltnrun]

8 minutes ago, MsAin1st said:

Losing a pet just flat out sucks. When you’re ready, call some vets and see if you can find one that does home euthanasia. You and Kitty can be comfortable in your own space as you say goodbye. Letting a pet cross the rainbow bridge is a true act of love. 💜

Yes, I have already contacted a service.  I'm not going to put her in her carrier and in the car, both of which she hates.  I want her last moments to be peaceful, not scary and upsetting.

[HeartGoesOn]

Sorry to hear, Bolt.   May you find peace and comfort in your memories.

[limichelle]

Bolt! Biggest hugs! It’s so hard saying goodbye to a fur baby. They do teach us so much in their short time here with us. 
 

Im thinking of you and sending virtual hugs.
 

 I also think when you’re ready getting an adult cat is a better option then a kitten. An adult cat has already grown into its personality while a kitten can seem cute and friendly but could later on become not so friendly. Once it’s established it’s Independent ways. 

[Kwothe28]

I am sorry to hear that. If she would just be in pain and torture herself, its better this way. I would also implore you that, no matter how hard it is, stay with her in the room until the very end. Read somewhere that pets in their dying moments are frantically looking in the room for the owners but that large number of people are just not there because of the sadness of the moment. Take care.

[boltnrun]

45 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

I am sorry to hear that. If she would just be in pain and torture herself, its better this way. I would also implore you that, no matter how hard it is, stay with her in the room until the very end. Read somewhere that pets in their dying moments are frantically looking in the room for the owners but that large number of people are just not there because of the sadness of the moment. Take care.

I am having a service come to my home. She will be in my arms.

Thank you, everyone.

[greendots]

Bolt, sorry to hear about your senior kitty. Thinking of you.

[Cherylyn]

I hear you, boltnrun.  My golden retriever was euthanized at age 14 and it was one of the hardest days of my life.  She was extremely well behaved, intelligent, quiet, calm and beautiful.  She was truly man's or woman's best friend to the truest sense of the word.  I miss her sorely everyday. 

I'm sorry, boltnrun.  Know that you gave your cat a GREAT life and no other person could give her a better life than you did.  May she RIP.

[Batya33]

I’m so sorry to hear about your situation and your beloved cat. You are doing what is best even though it’s so so hard.  My thoughts are with you. 

[bluecastle]

Big hugs, bolt, and so sorry to hear about this.

Was in similar shoes to yours a few years back, writing about it here, and can still recall the sharp melancholy and confusion. Crushing stuff. Whatever choices you make, and whenever you make them, remember that you've shared so much wonderful space together and given her a wonderful life. That's all forever. 

[Rose Mosse]

Keeping you both in my thoughts. 

[boltnrun]

Thank you everyone.

I don't know what to do. She seems to be rallying. Having a better day today. She stopped peeing on the floor and is still loving on me sometimes. Her appetite doesn't seem great, she still struggles to walk and jump and lie down and she doesn't have a lot of energy and she pees what looks like a quart or more each day. I'm thinking, maybe I'm making a mistake, maybe she's OK? Maybe I'm being selfish because it's becoming so hard to care for her? Maybe I just don't like to see her struggle to find a comfy position to lie down? Maybe it just hurts me to hear her howl after she pees and it doesn't really mean it's painful for her?

I know she isn't doing well, but I'm asking myself, is she really THAT bad? Will I feel guilt and regret if I have her put down? Is it wrong?

I think I know I have to do it but do any of us really want to?

I haven't told the kids yet  either and that's weighing on me too.

Really struggling here.

[Jibralta]

49 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Maybe it just hurts me to hear her howl after she pees and it doesn't really mean it's painful for her?

I think that if she's howling when she pees, then she is in pain.

When my dog was deteriorating, it hurt her to pee and to defecate. I ended up supporting her hips so that she could go without pain. That seemed to help her. At least it made her stop yelping, poor thing. 

[DancingFool]

14 hours ago, boltnrun said:

I am having a service come to my home. She will be in my arms.

Thank you, everyone.

This is truly the kindest thing you can do for her. I'm so sorry and I know how hard this is. Big hugs to you.

[DancingFool]

58 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Maybe I just don't like to see her struggle to find a comfy position to lie down? Maybe it just hurts me to hear her howl after she pees and it doesn't really mean it's painful for her?

If she is struggling to find a comfortable position, if she is howling when she pees, she is in more pain than you can imagine. Keep in mind that animals can be extremely stoic and will be silent as long as they can bear it. She cannot bear the pain, it's that bad. Selfishness in this case is keeping her alive because you don't want to let go for your own emotional reasons. Kindness is stopping her suffering and letting her go asap.

[boltnrun]

I know, I guess I want her to be OK because having her put down is so final. 

I like to watch cat videos and last night I was watching some with her next to me and I realized I won't be able to watch them anymore. Not for a long time, because they will make me think of my little girl kitty.

Feeling pretty awful. But I do appreciate the support. Everyone has been so nice.

[boltnrun]

One of my friends is shaming me. He's saying I need to call or take her to a vet to confirm she's in pain. He keeps pushing taking her to the vet even though I already took her months ago and they confirmed she has kidney disease and mobility issues, and I called the vet a couple of weeks ago and they said they wouldn't be able to give me an appointment for at least a month. They said to wait and try calling back or try going to other cities.  When I took her before they said they could prescribe meds and special food but it's not going to cure her because it's due to her age. And I tried glucosamine last year and it didn't seem to help much. And she just hates being in her carrier and riding in the car. She howls the entire time and seems anxious and nervous. I'm supposed to put her through that?

 I was hoping for support from my friend and he's making it seem like I'm doing something awful. He said he "can't justify" having her put down. I feel bad and guilty enough and now it's worse.

[Rose Mosse]

Only mute his contact. You have some time with your cat now so enjoy that time with her. There will always be some brady bunch or peanut gallery criticism about what you do. Shut it off and focus on your time with her and listening to her cues. Make this time as peaceful as possible for yourself and your beloved pet while you decide what to do next.

[boltnrun]

Now my friend is saying I should get the vet to prescribe pain medication. Yeah, dope her up so I don't have to feel sad. Pain medication won't cure her or make her healthy again.

I love my friend but he gives some of the worst advice.