I’m (26 f) thinking of asking this guy (27 m) to be my date for a wedding.

[Latina_Metal_Chick]

I posted on here last week about how my ex is mad that I hooked up with this guy after we broke up. I broke up with my ex at the end of July. I hooked up with this guy Henry over the Labor Day weekend last month.

Henry is the brother of one of my closest friends so he’s someone I’ve known for years even before we hooked up. He has told me he’d like to see me again sometime and I explained to him that I was still processing my breakup from a relationship that lasted nearly four years. 

We’ve been in contact for the last month plus since we hooked up. Texting and talking on the phone. I’ve been thinking of him quite a lot. Outside of the fact that he’s ridiculously attractive I just think he’s one of the funniest and kindest guys I’ve ever met.

We actually hung out Sunday at a friend’s house and watched a football game together. It was so good to see him again. We talked a lot of the time and it wasn’t awkward at all. I can really feel a spark when I’m talking to him. Like I know we’re just supposed to be friends right now and I know I’m only like two months out of a long term relationship but I feel like it’s crazy to take the chance that this guy might slip away if I wait too long.

Back when I was still with my ex I RSVP’d to my cousin’s wedding saying I was bringing a plus one. Now of course I don’t have a date. So I was thinking of asking Henry if he’d be my date for the evening. I think it would be a nice time for us to hang out and get to talk a lot, have a drink or two and dance a little. He kind of knows my family a little too because I’ve been friends with his sister for so long. 

I’d really like to see him again and I think this is a low pressure type of thing we could attend together. Does this sound like ahold idea to get to spend a little time together? I was talking with his sister about him yesterday and she said he would probably jump at the chance to go with me.
 

 

 

[boltnrun]

I would think a family wedding would be a HIGH pressure environment.  Everyone has wedding on their minds.  They'll probably ask him how he knows you, how long you two have been dating, if he is serious about you, some might even ask if you two have marriage on your minds.

Unless you can make it clear to your family ahead of time that this is a friend you're bringing and not a boyfriend.  But keep in mind, if your family is anything like mine there will be at least a couple of people who will do what I mentioned above.  Is he down for that?  Would he find it funny?

[Latina_Metal_Chick]

4 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I would think a family wedding would be a HIGH pressure environment.  Everyone has wedding on their minds.  They'll probably ask him how he knows you, how long you two have been dating, if he is serious about you, some might even ask if you two have marriage on your minds.

Unless you can make it clear to your family ahead of time that this is a friend you're bringing and not a boyfriend.  But keep in mind, if your family is anything like mine there will be at least a couple of people who will do what I mentioned above.  Is he down for that?  Would he find it funny?

My immediate family knows him somewhat already because his sister and I have been friends forever. They would all know that he and I are there as friends. Of course none of them except my sisters know that he and I have slept together. I don’t think any of them would even think anything out of the ordinary about me bringing him. My sisters wouldn’t bother him too much. They are interested to meet him since I talked about him to them.

My extended family probably wouldn’t ask too many questions. My female cousins would probably ask me about him but I don’t think any of them would ask us about marriage or anything. 

[abitbroken]

No.  Your cousin, if you are close, knows you broke up with your ex.  Don't take him just because you have a plus one. Ask your cousin to adjust her list as you are going solo.  Ask him out on a REAL DATE - not a hang out that is also not a wedding.

And figure yourself out.  you told him you were still figuring out your breakup, so any attention from him is going to be him thinking this is FWB or an invite to hookup - not a relationship. Get clear with yourself.  You don't actually want a relationship, but think he's hot, so you are bending on what you are ready for. 

[Latina_Metal_Chick]

29 minutes ago, abitbroken said:

No.  Your cousin, if you are close, knows you broke up with your ex.  Don't take him just because you have a plus one. Ask your cousin to adjust her list as you are going solo.  Ask him out on a REAL DATE - not a hang out that is also not a wedding.

And figure yourself out.  you told him you were still figuring out your breakup, so any attention from him is going to be him thinking this is FWB or an invite to hookup - not a relationship. Get clear with yourself.  You don't actually want a relationship, but think he's hot, so you are bending on what you are ready for. 

He made it clear to me he wants us to be more than a hookup. That was over a month ago. We’ve been talking pretty much every day since. How long am I supposed to wait before I tell him I’d like to date him and see if we can be more than just friends who hooked up once?

[lostandhurt]

Let me ask you this:  How long is enough time to start dating again?

Are you still dealing with the break up?

Do you project your ex's faults onto other people?

Are you angry or holding a grudge against your ex?

Most of all are you using this new guy to help you feel better about the breakup and being alone?

  I say sometimes timing works in our favor and other times it does not. Invite him to the wedding but be clear with him on your intentions.  Let him decide if he wants to go instead of you deciding for him.

 As long as you are honest with him AND yourself then it is two single adults attending a wedding, don't make it a bigger deal than it is.

  Be smart and keep this guy off the pedestal, he is just a guy.

Lost 

[Latina_Metal_Chick]

8 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

Let me ask you this:  How long is enough time to start dating again?

Are you still dealing with the break up?

Do you project your ex's faults onto other people?

Are you angry or holding a grudge against your ex?

Most of all are you using this new guy to help you feel better about the breakup and being alone?

  I say sometimes timing works in our favor and other times it does not. Invite him to the wedding but be clear with him on your intentions.  Let him decide if he wants to go instead of you deciding for him.

 As long as you are honest with him AND yourself then it is two single adults attending a wedding, don't make it a bigger deal than it is.

  Be smart and keep this guy off the pedestal, he is just a guy.

Lost 

I feel like I’ve been single for two months now. Some people seem to want me to wait forever to date again. I’m not going to become a nun and wait forever. I’m definitely not holding a grudge against  my ex. The breakup was mostly my idea. I’m not sure what you mean by projecting my ex’s faults.  And all I’m going to say is that I’d like him to come with me if he wants. If he says no that’s fine. I really don’t think I have him in a pedestal either. I mean I do like him and we seem to click but I know he’s got to have faults like every other human on earth.

[melancholy123]

I say ask him to go to the wedding with you.  Make clear you have no intentions on anything major happening.  

[Rose Mosse]

Excuse me. Nuns do not wait. They pray. 

In any case, I think you should ask him. Your chemistry seems good and you both enjoy your company together. As long as your ex is out of the picture and you aren't meeting or hooking up with your ex or have no ties with your past, please, for the love of all that's holy, enjoy yourself.

[SooSad33]

I am suggesting you do not bring him along to something 'family oriented', when your long-term relationship just ended.

You could both end up feeling awkward doing this.

I feel is best for YOU to seek your personal interests, especially so recent, outside of a family/friend event, such as this.

Fine, you know him well enough but you were not involved with him for the last 4 yrs.

Like I said, awkward.  Is maybe best to sit him out of this event and continue to get to know him & spend some time ( gradually) on your own times.

 

[lostandhurt]

By projecting I mean that if there were things about your ex you hated or really disliked and some other person happens to innocently do one of them does it upset you?  Cause you to react negatively? 

  I don't know how long you should wait to date, heck none of us knows that and sometimes people need to date to know if they are ready.  2 months is a pretty short time after a long relationship.  Figuring out who you are now as a single woman before you add someone else to the equation is probably a good idea.  In the end you know how you feel but don't let this breath of fresh air distract you from rediscovering yourself away from the bad relationship.

Rebounds are a real thing.  You missed one of the questions I asked...

4 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

Most of all are you using this new guy to help you feel better about the breakup and being alone?

I am not saying you are consciously but it is worth asking.

Lost

PS  If he does accept the invite just make sure you do not catch the bouquet 😁

[MissCanuck]

6 hours ago, Latina_Metal_Chick said:

I think this is a low pressure type of thing

Well, no. It's the opposite and anything but low-pressure to bring a new person to a family event celebrating a forever-relationship. It's too much for a very new situation. Too couple-y. If the tables were turned and a guy I had just barely started seeing invited me to a family wedding, I would politely decline for that very reason. 

I would take a hard pass on this. Plan something for the two of you where the entire family won't be present. 

[Keyman]

Stop asking everyone in the world what you should do in this situation and just make a decision. If you like him and want to see him again, ask him out, if you don't want to see him again, don't ask him out.

As for the fact that it's to a wedding, who cares. If anyone asks, your just friends. Go, have fun, and learn to make your own decisions without the concensus of random people on the internet.

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, Latina_Metal_Chick said:

  I was talking with his sister about him yesterday and she said he would probably jump at the chance to go with me

 Will he know anyone there?

It's just a date so why not? Worst that could happen is he doesn't want to go to weddings. 

[Latina_Metal_Chick]

2 hours ago, Keyman said:

Stop asking everyone in the world what you should do in this situation and just make a decision. If you like him and want to see him again, ask him out, if you don't want to see him again, don't ask him out.

As for the fact that it's to a wedding, who cares. If anyone asks, your just friends. Go, have fun, and learn to make your own decisions without the concensus of random people on the internet.

I was just wondering what people thought. I’m going to ask him regardless. I thought that’s what the point of these forums was. I won’t post here anymore.

[Kwothe28]

I would say that if you really want to take him that you should. You clearly like the guy and he likes you, and his sister said he would be ecstatic for something like that. So if you are both probably down for that, why not? 

However, I would also like to point out that the weddings are also the couples thing. And that you are still not a couple. You said that you are still processing the break up. And you are taking him to the family wedding. Where you would possibly have to introduce him to cousins who would indeed ask around who he is. What I am trying to say is that your words dont match your actions. And that it sends the wrong message to him that you basically said that you still dont want anything serious. And now you are taking him to the wedding like you are a couple, and probably introducing him to family. And that you should maybe define all that before the wedding. Because it is a big deal.

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, Latina_Metal_Chick said:

. I thought that’s what the point of these forums was. 

It is. Just ask him, nothing to lose.

[catfeeder]

On 10/15/2021 at 6:38 AM, Latina_Metal_Chick said:

I was just wondering what people thought. I’m going to ask him regardless. I thought that’s what the point of these forums was. I won’t post here anymore.

These forums offer a mixed bag of opinions, which is the point as well. Why rip yourself off from posting based on one curt response? Social media requires a thicker skin than that--you can do this.

I wouldn't regard asking a family friend to a wedding as a big deal. You enjoy one another, so why not dress up and have a good time?

Head high, this is a good problem to have!

[Latina_Metal_Chick]

3 hours ago, catfeeder said:

These forums offer a mixed bag of opinions, which is the point as well. Why rip yourself off from posting based on one curt response? Social media requires a thicker skin than that--you can do this.

I wouldn't regard asking a family friend to a wedding as a big deal. You enjoy one another, so why not dress up and have a good time?

Head high, this is a good problem to have!

No. You’re right. I was having an awful day yesterday. He is someone my family has met in the past. He already said he’d love to go with me.

[Cherylyn]

Yes, ask him to be your date for the wedding.  Enjoy the reception, too.  Have a great time!

[Latina_Metal_Chick]

18 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

Yes, ask him to be your date for the wedding.  Enjoy the reception, too.  Have a great time!

I did ask and he said he’d love to go. It’s next Saturday night and I’m looking forward to spending the evening with him.

[Cherylyn]

8 hours ago, Latina_Metal_Chick said:

I did ask and he said he’d love to go. It’s next Saturday night and I’m looking forward to spending the evening with him.

👍🙂

[Rose Mosse]

8 hours ago, Latina_Metal_Chick said:

I did ask and he said he’d love to go. It’s next Saturday night and I’m looking forward to spending the evening with him.

Wonderful! I hope you both have a blast.

[abitbroken]

On 10/14/2021 at 8:47 PM, Latina_Metal_Chick said:

I feel like I’ve been single for two months now. Some people seem to want me to wait forever to date again. I’m not going to become a nun and wait forever. I’m definitely not holding a grudge against  my ex. The breakup was mostly my idea. I’m not sure what you mean by projecting my ex’s faults.  And all I’m going to say is that I’d like him to come with me if he wants. If he says no that’s fine. I really don’t think I have him in a pedestal either. I mean I do like him and we seem to click but I know he’s got to have faults like every other human on earth.

8 weeks is not a long time to be by yourself (and you have had no time by yourself because you jumped in with this guy right away even if it wasn't a "relationship".) take a little time to reconnect with friends you lost touch with because you were consumed with your ex and your relationship, do things you would not do when you were in a relationship (if you always wanted to take a cooking class or join a hiking group but didn't because it interfered with "your date night" or because your ex didn't want to do it).

If you like this guy, date him because YOU want to, not because he 'hints" that he wants more.  Who cares if he wants more.  He can want.  If its not just about sex for him, he will go on sex free dates to see if you actually hit it off or you annoy eachother.

Don't have a guy you hooked up with in wedding photos.  He could be your future husband or looking back a glaring mistake and this fizzles out as soon as you 'make" him actually date you or until someone else comes along for him. 

Do not invite him to the wedding. Do not take a guy to be your social safety net. have a great time with your family.  And then DATE him. Go out on a date with no sex afterwards.  If you can go on a few "proper" dates with him you will figure out whether this is just sex fuel hormone fueled decisions or he is actually someone you would like to date AND you are ready for it and not just on the rebound

 

 

[Latina_Metal_Chick]

2 hours ago, abitbroken said:

8 weeks is not a long time to be by yourself (and you have had no time by yourself because you jumped in with this guy right away even if it wasn't a "relationship".) take a little time to reconnect with friends you lost touch with because you were consumed with your ex and your relationship, do things you would not do when you were in a relationship (if you always wanted to take a cooking class or join a hiking group but didn't because it interfered with "your date night" or because your ex didn't want to do it).

If you like this guy, date him because YOU want to, not because he 'hints" that he wants more.  Who cares if he wants more.  He can want.  If its not just about sex for him, he will go on sex free dates to see if you actually hit it off or you annoy eachother.

Don't have a guy you hooked up with in wedding photos.  He could be your future husband or looking back a glaring mistake and this fizzles out as soon as you 'make" him actually date you or until someone else comes along for him. 

Do not invite him to the wedding. Do not take a guy to be your social safety net. have a great time with your family.  And then DATE him. Go out on a date with no sex afterwards.  If you can go on a few "proper" dates with him you will figure out whether this is just sex fuel hormone fueled decisions or he is actually someone you would like to date AND you are ready for it and not just on the rebound

 

 

Wow there’s a lot to respond to here. First off if I do end up dating this guy it will absolutely be because I want to. Yes he’s said he would like us to have a relationship. That was over a month ago. Almost a month and a half. We’ve been in constant contact since then. Texting almost every day and talking on the phone at least twice a week. He’s never once brought up us having sex again during any of our conversations. He’s also never once brought up us dating either. He understands my boundaries and he’s respecting them.

We also hung out together all day a couple Sundays ago. When he dropped me off Sunday evening he never even tried to kiss me. So he does understand my boundaries and does enjoy spending time with me even when he knows it won’t lead to sex.  
 

And we’re are definitely going together to the wedding Saturday night. I already asked and he said he’d love to go with me. Right now I’m not planning on it leading to anything but who knows? I may change my mind. I want to see how the night goes.