Stupid disagreement over virtual watching

[Tinydance]

This probably isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things but I just wanted to get everyone's opinion. I'm in a group of four very close friends that I've known for twenty years. We are all 36/37 and one is 43 years old.

Ever since COVID started in March 2020 here in Australia, the four of us have been chatting in our group chat, occasionally video calling and regularly watching movies virtually. By virtually I mean we play a movie at the same time on our own devices and we chat about it all through the movie on Facebook Messenger by typing in the chat. 

One of the women in the group, S, who is 43 is obsessed with Japanese and Korean culture and TV shows. So I saw that there's this new TV mini series that just came out on Netflix called Squid Game and it's Korean. I suggested to the girls to watch it and some of my reasoning behind it also because I knew that S loves Korean shows and movies. I said that we can just try the show and see what we think. We agreed we would try it and if we didn't like it we didn't have to watch.

We watched three episodes virtually but I'd never seen any Korean show or movie before and don't understand any Korean. With us constantly chatting in the Facebook Messenger chat, I couldn't see the subtitles and I was also getting confused with all the characters' Korean names because I really wasn't used to hearing Korean names. I did actually say all this to my friends. I got something wrong about the characters and told them and they all seemed to understand it and I was the only one that didn't.

I also asked if we could watch two episodes of the show at the same time but they said that sometimes they might be able to watch two but usually it'd be one. The show has nine episodes so we're talking about virtually watching this show for like two months coz they basically wanted to watch once a week or so. 

I know it was wrong but I actually went ahead and watched the whole series by myself. But I was still going to watch it with my friends as well and I was going to chat about it. I loved the show so was even looking forward to watching it again.

I actually honestly didn't think it was going to be that big of an issue and I wanted to be honest with my friends. I admitted to them I'd seen it and I explained my reasons why. Two of them said "that's fair enough" sort of thing. We started watching and watched one episode.

Then S says she's really not enjoying it because of me and she's really disappointed because I've already seen it. She said she didn't want to keep watching it with us and just wanted to watch alone. I apologised profusely and said I completely understood she was angry but there was no reason not to keep watching together. I said I still wanted to keep watching and I was enjoying it. Anyway she said no and that she will just watch it alone. Then she basically stopped talking in the chat all together. She did say: "As you know, I'm really passionate about Korean shows so maybe I'm over reacting". 

She spoke to me quite coldly and then she just stopped participating in the chat. I apologised that I suggested a foreign movie with subtitles but that was only because we'd never actually watched a foreign movie or show virtually before.

I could be wrong but in my personal opinion she did over react. I don't exactly understand why it wasn't possible to keep watching together still because I still wanted to keep watching and chatting about the show. She watches Korean shows and movies 24/7 and can even speak some Korean and Japanese. Whereas it was my first time watching anything Korean and I did explain that. I could have said upfront that I couldn't understand it with typing on Messenger at the same time and couldn't keep watching and then I imagine we would all stop watching it anyway. But I didn't actually want to do that and wanted to continue watching the show together but I wanted to actually understand it. 

I think she's acting a bit over the top. It's totally fine to say she's annoyed at me but to literally stop watching the show and stop talking in the chat in my opinion is over reacting. And especially as my friends know that yesterday I was in a car accident which wasn't my fault. A guy smashed into the back of my car really hard and the whole back bumper came off. He stopped and I took photos of his number plate. He gave his mobile number but afterwards refused to give any of his details for my insurance company (he didn't have insurance). So I couldn't do my insurance claim without his details so I had to go to the police and go through the trouble of them chasing him. I really don't understand what is the big deal about this show. Am I missing something or am I wrong?

[LaHermes]

8 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

She watches Korean shows and movies 24/7

That she is watching ANYTHING 24/7 is quite worrying. She is probably completely out of touch with the outside world, and lives in the virtual world.  Her brain must be fried or microwaved from the non-stop screen, and no doubt explains her reactions. 

[Tinydance]

2 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

That she is watching ANYTHING 24/7 is quite worrying. She is probably completely out of touch with the outside world, and lives in the virtual world.  Her brain must be fried or microwaved from the non-stop screen, and no doubt explains her reactions. 

Well I think I exaggerated by saying it's 24/7 but what I meant is she's super into Korean and Japanese movies and shows and she watches A LOT of them. I think it makes up the majority of what she's watching. I seriously don't understand why we couldn't continue watching because I'd already seen it. I didn't say I didn't want to watch anymore. We could have just continued as normal. I apologised for everything and also apologised that I'd suggested a foreign movie which I then struggled with myself. The only reason I already watched it was because I thought they wouldn't really care that much. And I actually said to her, if you feel more comfortable I'll be the one not to participate in the chat because I've seen it and them three can watch. I said to her she can be angry at me but why stop watching with everyone else? The whole thing didn't really make that much sense. And now I feel very reluctant to suggest anything myself or to even watch anything else. Like I've actually just been in a car accident and what is the need to make a big deal about this show? We could have just continued watching as normal.

[Kwothe28]

45 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

So I saw that there's this new TV mini series that just came out on Netflix called Squid Game and it's Korean.

Heard its good, I need to check it out myself. 

Anyway, it was never a problem for my group. Me and one of my other friend were big movie buffs so most of the stuff we watched with the whole group of friends, we actually did watch before that. It was even better because me and him could recommend to others if its good or not so we could all watch it as all of our tastes were quite similar. They never made a big fuss about it and we were glad to watch something with the group even if its for a second time. It was more about friends get together then about the movie or show. So, yes, your friend overreacts. She admitted it so she will maybe cool down.

Sorry for the accident. If he doesnt want to leave his insurance info and settle like that, just wait for police to come and make their own report next time, dont let him leave like that. At least that is how we do it here. Because after they leave its quite hard to pursue the claim.

[Tinydance]

3 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Heard its good, I need to check it out myself. 

Anyway, it was never a problem for my group. Me and one of my other friend were big movie buffs so most of the stuff we watched with the whole group of friends, we actually did watch before that. It was even better because me and him could recommend to others if its good or not so we could all watch it as all of our tastes were quite similar. They never made a big fuss about it and we were glad to watch something with the group even if its for a second time. It was more about friends get together then about the movie or show. So, yes, your friend overreacts. She admitted it so she will maybe cool down.

Sorry for the accident. If he doesnt want to leave his insurance info and settle like that, just wait for police to come and make their own report next time, dont let him leave like that. At least that is how we do it here. Because after they leave its quite hard to pursue the claim.

Squid Game is actually fantastic! Once I watched it alone and I could read the subtitles, I really enjoyed it. I highly recommend it! I actually feel like this friend S is very defensive about shows she loves for some reason.

For example, I know she's been having problems with her housemate for a while so maybe that was part of the problem. But she's really obsessed with this TV series Hannibal and has a huge crush on the lead actor in the show. Her room-mate said she would watch this show with her. The room-mate was out and then came home and just went to her room, but didn't say anything about watching the show. S didn't say anything either all night and didn't invite her to watch the show like they said they would. She was just waiting for the housemate to suggest it. Then she was angry because she said she loves the show so much and it's so important to her, but the housemate didn't come to watch it with her. Well first of all I think she could have asked the housemate to come and watch it herself. And secondly I don't think that she should really expect people to feel passionate and really interested about a show just because she loves it. Everyone has different tastes. I feel like if this show wasn't Korean would she even care that much? I feel like she develops an obsession with a show and then she takes it really personally.

Regarding the car accident...Well the guy was acting really weird because he stopped and gave his real first name and real mobile number.  I also took photos of his car number plates and I told him I got the number plates. Then my insurance said they won't do the claim unless I give his full name and address. I texted him asking to give these details and he called back but he didn't want to give the details. Then I texted him twice and for like a day he ignored my messages. So I had to go to the police and they searched his car number plate and they pressured him to give his details to me. So finally he agreed to give them and my insurance will chase him now for the excess cost.

[LaHermes]

Well, Tiny, I think she just needs to get over herself. Going into a snit at her age is very childish.

Btw way I had to look up what this Squid thing is. Lol.

Hope you get the damage to your car sorted out. Very annoying. 

If I get to see a full hour of TV a day that's about it.  On the move so much I suppose and out in the real world.  

You could be right about this:

"Everyone has different tastes. I feel like if this show wasn't Korean would she even care that much? I feel like she develops an obsession with a show and then she takes it really personally."

 

 

[Tinydance]

6 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

Well, Tiny, I think she just needs to get over herself. Going into a snit at her age is very childish.

Btw way I had to look up what this Squid thing is. Lol.

Hope you get the damage to your car sorted out. Very annoying. 

If I get to see a full hour of TV a day that's about it.  On the move so much I suppose and out in the real world.  

You could be right about this:

"Everyone has different tastes. I feel like if this show wasn't Korean would she even care that much? I feel like she develops an obsession with a show and then she takes it really personally."

 

 

Well I could be wrong but I don't really care that much if someone goes ahead and watches something as long as they're still willing to watch it together. Or in the case of a TV show if they started watching but then said they're not really into it. I wouldn't mind if they don't want to watch anymore if they don't like it. I also don't really see what the difference was because if I said I'm struggling not being able to see the subtitles because of chatting, maybe we would have all stopped watching this anyway. I was actually trying to understand the show and be able to discuss it. 

I dunno coz I do get obsessed or really into shows too but I don't care if my friends don't watch it. Like if I asked a friend to watch my favourite show but they said they're not that keen or changed their mind later then I don't care. I know not everyone likes everything and I'm actually a huge horror fan so I usually watch all that alone. Not that many people like horror lol

[Seraphim]

Most people are over reacting right now because the inconsequential things are all they have. Most of our lives have disappeared before our eyes. Everything seems dramatic and people are willing to die on any hill. 
 

It may seem ridiculous but just let it go don’t even discuss it anymore. But don’t pander to her by chasing her to talk to you either. 
 

I am sorry about your accident I hope you’re OK. 

[LaHermes]

Just now, Tinydance said:

Not that many people like horror

Heh heh Tiny.  I do, by which I mean supernatural "horror" . Then again given my time constraints haven't seen one in a long time. Not many are fit to keep the tension going and retain the atmosphere without going overboard.

It's what you don't see that is more frightening than the in your face stuff.

.. 

[Lambert]

Hi Tiny!

Sorry about the accident. Are you ok?

Did the police catch the guy?

I'm gonna say something that I have noticed in your threads and I hope I don't offend you.  

You are a very social person with lots of friends. but sometimes what you have in quantity lacks for quality. 

It is utterly ridiculous to stop talking to "friends" over a TV show.

I would not reach out to her. If she reached out to me, I would let her know I do not appreciate being treated this way over a TV show, especially, after I apologized. And that she needs to re- think what being a friend is. if she wants to be my friend. 

Silent treatment, unreasonable anger, pouting and basically being a jerk over something so stupid is not friendship. is there something else going on with her?  I would ask her that, too.

Tolerating this crap for sake of friendship, is a mistake I made in the past.

Don't be afraid to cut some friends loose. A friend is someone who understands you. She clearly doesnt.

❤

[Wise Wally]

Your friend likely has a very debilitating hormone called estrogen.  It essentially causing a person to get overly emotional and over-react to the most trivial of things.  The good news for you is that this chemical seems to ebb and flow. It is also treatable with gossip and wine.  You guys will be best buds in no time.  

[Tinydance]

1 minute ago, Wise Wally said:

Your friend likely has a very debilitating hormone called estrogen.  It essentially causing a person to get overly emotional and over-react to the most trivial of things.  The good news for you is that this chemical seems to ebb and flow. It is also treatable with gossip and wine.  You guys will be best buds in no time.  

I feel like most of your posts reek of a bad stand up comedian but wine I do like so you're good 😜

[Wise Wally]

2 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

I feel like most of your posts reek of a bad stand up comedian but wine I do like so you're good 😜

Crap.  I was going for mediocre stand-up comedian.  I'm sorry and will try better.  

But in all seriousness, I try to make light of things that truly aren't a big deal in the hopes that people will relax a bit.  

[Kwothe28]

56 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

For example, I know she's been having problems with her housemate for a while so maybe that was part of the problem. But she's really obsessed with this TV series Hannibal and has a huge crush on the lead actor in the show. Her room-mate said she would watch this show with her. The room-mate was out and then came home and just went to her room, but didn't say anything about watching the show. S didn't say anything either all night and didn't invite her to watch the show like they said they would. She was just waiting for the housemate to suggest it. Then she was angry because she said she loves the show so much and it's so important to her, but the housemate didn't come to watch it with her.

Oof. I hate people like that. Roomate was maybe tired or even didnt want to watch but both are fine and not the reason to get angry. I think she is just that difficult as the person. People who have not much going on, especially people who got used to get by alone in life, develop a certain selfish side. Meaning that they get unable to see the other side of the argument and get agitated when it doesnt go by exactly as they want. They are very diffucult te deal with because, well, you do have to assume what to say or do around them for them not to get like that. She will maybe cool off and that is fine, just be well aware that she is just like that. And dont apologize or chase her because, this really isnt your fault to begin with. Just because you watched it before you didnt spoil anything for her or the others. Her enjoyment of the show or the movie shouldnt relly on you previosly watching it. 

Glad that it all turned out fine with insurance. And will put "Squid Game" on the list to watch. 

[DancingFool]

Did she over react? Most certainly. Then again, I find your "in the name of honesty" equally odd. A case of open mouth insert foot for no reason. I've come across a lot of movie buffs who will get upset or refuse to watch something you've already seen even if you are happy to watch it again. It's weird to me personally, but they are like that and it's a big deal to them.

Since your friend is so into this genre, I'm guessing that it took her some serious effort not to watch the entire show immediately in order to be companionable and watch it along with everyone else. When you announced that you've already seen it all, she probably felt betrayed in some way. Is that rational? No. An emotional reaction? Absolutely.

Some people are just different like that. The question is do you really want to keep people who are that different that you can't understand them in your social circle. Basically, echoing Lambert - consider quality.

 

[Seraphim]

7 minutes ago, DancingFool said:

Did she over react? Most certainly. Then again, I find your "in the name of honesty" equally odd. A case of open mouth insert foot for no reason. I've come across a lot of movie buffs who will get upset or refuse to watch something you've already seen even if you are happy to watch it again. It's weird to me personally, but they are like that and it's a big deal to them.

Since your friend is so into this genre, I'm guessing that it took her some serious effort not to watch the entire show immediately in order to be companionable and watch it along with everyone else. When you announced that you've already seen it all, she probably felt betrayed in some way. Is that rational? No. An emotional reaction? Absolutely.

Some people are just different like that. The question is do you really want to keep people who are that different that you can't understand them in your social circle. Basically, echoing Lambert - consider quality.

 

I agree , there was zero reason to say you had seen it. 

[LaHermes]

1 hour ago, Lambert said:

Silent treatment, unreasonable anger, pouting and basically being a jerk over something so stupid is not friendship. is there something else going on with her?  I would ask her that, too.

 

38 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

People who have not much going on, especially people who got used to get by alone in life, develop a certain selfish side. Meaning that they get unable to see the other side of the argument and get agitated

That's about it. 

I agree it would have been better not to have said you saw the Squid. On the other hand maybe it jolted you into seeing if this is the type of friend you want/need. 

[Batya33]

I'm very sorry about your accident!!

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Tinydance said:

A guy smashed into the back of my car really hard and the whole back bumper came off. He stopped and I took photos of his number plate. He gave his mobile number but afterwards refused to give any of his details for my insurance company (he didn't have insurance). So I couldn't do my insurance claim without his details so I had to go to the police and go through the trouble of them chasing him. 

Yikes. Sue him for anything the insurance won't cover.

As far as the group movies, can you sit out the ones you don't like without offending anyone?

[boltnrun]

Well, if he doesn't have insurance he probably doesn't have a bunch of money in the bank either. So even if you sue and win you won't see a penny.

He could, however, be cited for not carrying mandatory car insurance, which can result in his license being suspended and his registration to be inactivated. That doesn't help you but it could keep him off the road so he doesn't smash into anyone else.

As for the friend conflict, she seems to think this whole thing is uber important so I'd leave her to it. If she wants to sulk and pout, let her. Enjoy the rest of your friend group.

 

 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

Do you share the cost of the streaming service? What's the beef?🐄

Sometimes I get tired of the whole sharing economy thing.

[Rose Mosse]

Tiny, I hope you can work on getting your car fixed and I'm glad you are safe. What a jerk. 

I think your friend overreacted in the way she spoke to you but her feelings are justified. When someone isn't in the mood anymore to do something, they ought to have a choice not to do that thing or change their mind. I could see how this might make things appear as if they are all your fault because you told everyone that you watched it ahead of time, messing up the vibe in a way (in some people's eyes). 

I watch a lot of shows with subtitles and am intrigued with the filmmaking not always set in N. America or UK so I relate to some of your confusion without subtitles. Why should you not enrich your experience knowing what's going on with the plot and enjoy what's being presented? If you want to watch ahead you should be able to do so. 

Don't feel bad about this thing and I am sure it will blow over. 

 

[Tinydance]

17 hours ago, DancingFool said:

Did she over react? Most certainly. Then again, I find your "in the name of honesty" equally odd. A case of open mouth insert foot for no reason. I've come across a lot of movie buffs who will get upset or refuse to watch something you've already seen even if you are happy to watch it again. It's weird to me personally, but they are like that and it's a big deal to them.

Since your friend is so into this genre, I'm guessing that it took her some serious effort not to watch the entire show immediately in order to be companionable and watch it along with everyone else. When you announced that you've already seen it all, she probably felt betrayed in some way. Is that rational? No. An emotional reaction? Absolutely.

Some people are just different like that. The question is do you really want to keep people who are that different that you can't understand them in your social circle. Basically, echoing Lambert - consider quality.

 

Well you are actually completely right and that's exactly what she said, that she held off from watching it and I think that's what made her angry. I said to her she had a right to be angry and to say that, that part I had no problem with. What I thought was actually really over the top though is saying she wasn't enjoying it because of me and she didn't want to watch it with us anymore and told us to just make a separate Facebook chat and watch without her. I actually said to her, why don't I just leave the chat for a while then or them three can make a separate chat and it's me that won't watch if she's not enjoying it because of me? But she actually said "no" to that and then she just completely stopped responding in the chat all together. I just thought her actual behaviour was very over the top and dramatic. And also could she cut me some slack because I'd literally just been in a car accident and I actually sent them photos of the damage on my car, which was very significant (the whole back of the car came off). And I told them all about how the man who hit my car was refusing to give his full name and address so my insurance said they wouldn't do the claim without them and I had to go to the police. I went to the police and they called the guy and he just denied everything and hung up. So it was all quite stressful for me and I'd told them all that. And here she was having a huge go at me just over some show. Which she actually could easily have continued to watch but she herself chose not to.

[Tinydance]

17 hours ago, Seraphim said:

I agree , there was zero reason to say you had seen it. 

Well now I can see I was clearly wrong to say I'd seen it. But I actually only told them because I didn't even think they would care much! One of my friends didn't even say anything and the other one said: "OK that's fair enough." The other two didn't actually seem to care but thus friend S tool it so badly probably because she's obsessed with Korean shows or something. 

[Tinydance]

17 hours ago, LaHermes said:

 

That's about it. 

I agree it would have been better not to have said you saw the Squid. On the other hand maybe it jolted you into seeing if this is the type of friend you want/need. 

I only told them because I actually thought it wasn't a big deal and they wouldn't really care. If it was me I wouldn't actually care but I guess I'm just a more chill person.