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Wise Wally

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Everything posted by Wise Wally

  1. I'm not a troll if that's what you're suggesting. I stumbled upon these boards after watching people I know fall into these horrible relationship problems that failed because of the most trivial things or they got involved with the wrong people. I actually thought I could be a useful contributor here. The intent of this post was to validate my usefulness by obtaining both differing and validating opinions. So far on this thread, it appears that the differing opinions are the vast majority. That's perfectly fine although I've now been accused of being disingenuous, toxic, going on tirades, combative, and chauvinistic. Maybe some of my advice is not what people want to hear so I will politely move on.
  2. This dude was very overly-emotional the entire time and desperately tried to hide it from you at all costs for the sake of being a macho man. That's not what I am advocating. I think a good husband/boyfriend needs to be secure/comfortable with himself, almost to the point of not being concerned with the idea that nobody cares about him. At that point, you can truly focus on other people in a loving way with nothing expected in return. Without trying to sound condescending to women, I think men have unique attributes that, if used correctly, can help them be loving to women.
  3. Ok, I believe you. However, that was the worst example you could have given. I don't think anything like that piece of crap you described.
  4. Maybe we're getting lost in semantics here but in what world are these two scenarios not an example of being "overly emotional"? If you can't drive down the street without yelling at another car, sure that's an anger issue, but that is an ill-logical and overly emotional response. Same thing as showing vulnerability on a first date.
  5. Actually, it was but it's ok as I know I don't have "similar" views to the monster she described. I understand every situation is nuanced and everyone has their own wants and desires. My intent was to have a philosophical discussion at a high level. Identifying red flags is a common theme on these boards. You don't always have the option of really getting to know someone and thus have to make judgement calls within the first few dates. For example, lets say you are on a first date with a dude and he exhibits road rage on the way to dinner. Do you give him the benefit of the doubt that he was just sharing his emotions and could quite possibly be the father of your children, or do you not go on a 2nd date with him. Or lets say during dinner he opens up about how depressed he is that his previous dates didn't go well and that he feels like a failure. Do you find that oh so brave and agree to go on another date, or do you run for the hills?
  6. Nothing wrong with being sad. I am frequently sad myself. But if you chose to put your sadness on display, doesn't that make you a bit narcissistic?
  7. Comparing my point to a man's cold-hearted response to a baby's corpse is not quite what I had in mind with this thread.
  8. Thank you Coily. You laid it out much better than I did. Traditional masculinity, as you described, is clearly what I'm attempting to defend and hopefully the Dept of Justice doesn't see that one as much of a threat.
  9. I have actually not tried to be combative. I'm simply trying to learn other viewpoints while opining my own and encouraging healthy debate. If I've been remotely combative to anyone, I sincerely apologize (with the exception of those that think I'm part of some dark web hate group).
  10. Assuming that expressing your emotions is a way to garner attention and make it all about yourself, than I would say the one hiding the emotions is braver.
  11. Is this why it's "ladies" and not "lady" or is keeping it plural his goal?
  12. Really dude? This is what you're bringing to the conversation? The feminists are going to love me compared to your inane responses.
  13. Some good points made so far. I certainly never suggested that anyone be void of emotions. I also consider someone easily angered just as overly-emotional as some dude who cries himself to sleep every night. Generally speaking, I believe women are naturally more nurturing and emotional than men and men tend to be more simple-minded and logical. These two qualities tend to mesh very well in successful relationships. Sure, there are exceptions to every rule, but it's quite common to see men turned off by strong, assertive women and women turned off by emotional guys. I think this is the point where I get flamed by the feminists 🙂
  14. Wiseman, are you suggesting that women only have 2 choices in this day and age; overly-emotional, or toxic?
  15. I don't know what country you're in, but it sounds like her desire to move could just be an emotional reaction to a few bad apples, which could fade. I would keep things going until she actually buys the plane tickets. For all you know, she grows fonder of you and that desire changes.
  16. I got somewhat flamed on another thread that went sideways so I'm bringing it to the masses to get everyone's input. My point was that men who are overly emotional tend to be mentally weak and thus don't make supportive or loving partners. I'm not talking about getting teary-eyed at a funeral or your kids college graduation. I'm talking about men that easily succumb to their emotions instead of invoking simple logic and reason. Do women really find strength and value in a dude that can easily get saddened, angry, verklmept, defensive, submissive, etc? I can see that leading to so many other things, many of which seem to present themselves daily on these boards. My view is that men need to be an emotional rock for their wife/girlfriend. For the women that oppose this view, do you see such guys as projects, someone you can control, nurture, or maybe someone to cry with? Thanks and flame away.
  17. Will do. Sorry for this thread going sideways.
  18. You use some very extreme examples with your anecdotes. First of all, I never said "Big boys don't cry". I got teary-eyed the first time my son got a game-winning hit in little league and I also got teary-eyed at my own dad's funeral (and he was an a-hole). On the flip side, when my wife's father passed away right in front of us, me breaking down wasn't going to help anyone. If she was going to get through that, I needed to be her rock. If your dad cheated death in his 20's, I suspect his issues went far beyond not being able to express emotions. I'm very sorry for the loss of your friend/cousin. But as a woman, of course you're going to be elated that a man opened up with you emotionally. By nature, you want to nurture him and help him. But if he relied on you for the affirmation that he was a good husband, than saying that's a sign of strength is a bit of a stretch. That sounds like a lot of self doubt and regret. These are obviously extreme examples, but you see microcosms on these boards all of the time. Fragile or effeminate men without a lick of common sense with girlfriends that think they can nurture and fix these guys. Then, they end up posting on here asking advice for where it all went wrong. It's becoming apparent that I'm not very popular on these boards, but my simple point is that a guy who purely acts on selfish emotions and not basic logic or reasoning can't be a good and loving husband/boyfriend. If girls want someone to cry with instead of cry to, then you need more girlfriends.
  19. What kind of pictures are we talking about here?
  20. Of course I feel sad at times, everyone does although I'm not sure about vulnerable. Men should be strong enough to deal with these issues internally. What does "turn into something else" mean? I internalize it so much that I jump off a bridge? What are my alternatives? Have my wife pat me on the back and tell me everything is going to be ok? Life can certainly suck, but real men have to suck it up and be strong, especially for the sake of their significant other. If both parties of a relationship are overly emotional and lack basic logic and reason, then it's not going to work. Hell, you see examples of that on these boards every day.
  21. That is one HUGE leap of faith in someone you really don't know that well. At least with traditionally dating someone, if the progression doesn't go as well as planned, you don't have to change residences. Assuming this doesn't work out (which is where I would put my money), slow down on the next dude. Take some time to get to know him before you do something drastic. Otherwise, you are making a lot of complicated life choices.
  22. Was him loving you a requirement for you moving in with him? If so, what made you think he did then if he never proclaimed it?
  23. He can't be a beta because he's big and sacks quarterbacks? If he feels like he needs to cry, ok, fine. Doing it on TV for attention and sympathy is definitely beta and I'd tell him that even if it meant by own disfigurement.
  24. Wise Wally

    DJ

    Yes, document yourself something silly. I've come to the conclusion that the pushing incident ranks somewhere in the mid 300's of the top problems with your marriage. Unfortunately, during any type of divorce or custody hearings, it's going to make a quick jump to #1. Unless of course, you can prove infidelity, which might not be hard to do if she's out and about every weekend.
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