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My fwb asked was i sleeping it’s someone else ?


ManBip098
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I have a fairly new friends with benefits. We’ve been having casual sex since June. 
We are both busy and in school and I’m a lot busier than he is. Lately sex hasn’t really crossed my mind due to me working two jobs again and having less free time.

Last night he texted me and said “i want to see you and have sex tonight” i responded with “no tonight’s not good”

So he replied “i know you’re sleeping with other men but I’m coming tonight and why do i have to stay home ? See i knew it”

Then i said “lol and my sex life isn’t your business”

That’s when he said “ don’t laugh your crazy over me”

And i said “nah it’s not like that” 

Him: “you aren’t crazy over me? Please let me know if you aren’t “ 

Then he calls me and asked me “is someone giving it to you better than me ?”

I didn’t respond and he said “I’m being real who is it. Because I’ll leave you alone.”

And i said “I’m not sleeping with anybody I’m busy with work and i don’t care whether you believe me or not”

And he said “you know i don’t believe you”

And i hung up the phone after that because myself life is personal 


TL;DR/ my friends with benefits is way too into my sex life and i think i should cut him off

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How long have you been friends or are you using FWB to refer to a casual sex arrangement? I think this depends on what your arrangements were in the beginning - were there ground rules for your sexual arrangement as far as what you would share about other people you were having sex with or he was? I think he's annoyed that you're not available for sex and is reacting by asking if there are others. It doesn't sound like you two like each other much other than you like having casual sex. So if he's being annoying and you don't have a friendship to salvage you decide whether the sex is that good to make it worth the annoyance.  It's really a pro-con kind of thing only you can decide.

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Yeah, it sounds like this FWB thinks he is entitled to sex, because he persisted even though you said no, not tonight. He is insecure, because his mind / actions jumped to that you could not hang out because you were with another, better guy that night. Then, he kept going on and with nonsense about how you should be crazy about him. He acted inappropriately and very unattractively. It would make sense if this episode completely abrogated your attraction to him. 

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1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

How long have you been friends or are you using FWB to refer to a casual sex arrangement? I think this depends on what your arrangements were in the beginning - were there ground rules for your sexual arrangement as far as what you would share about other people you were having sex with or he was? I think he's annoyed that you're not available for sex and is reacting by asking if there are others. It doesn't sound like you two like each other much other than you like having casual sex. So if he's being annoying and you don't have a friendship to salvage you decide whether the sex is that good to make it worth the annoyance.  It's really a pro-con kind of thing only you can decide.

Even before i told him no he said “i know you’ve been sleeping with others” so I’m not sure 

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1 hour ago, Pleasedonot5 said:

Yeah, it sounds like this FWB thinks he is entitled to sex, because he persisted even though you said no, not tonight. He is insecure, because his mind / actions jumped to that you could not hang out because you were with another, better guy that night. Then, he kept going on and with nonsense about how you should be crazy about him. He acted inappropriately and very unattractively. It would make sense if this episode completely abrogated your attraction to him. 

Does he have a right to be insecure even though he’s just a FWB

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15 minutes ago, ManBip098 said:

Does he have a right to be insecure even though he’s just a FWB

No he doesn't have a right to ask who you're sleeping with. But he probably deserves to know if you are sleeping with others in general in terms of safe sex. And he can ask you if you're getting tested for STD's. 

To be honest this guy sounds like very high maintaince. He sounds entitled and rude. Just because you're FWB doesn't mean you OWE him sex any time he wants. You don't owe him anything. If you said not tonight or you're busy, he has to be fine with it. You're not his sex slave who has to be available at his every beck and call 24/7. He actually sounds jealous. Just because you said you're busy he's accusing you of sleeping with others? You're allowed to have a life. 

Personally I wouldn't bother with him. I assume you are a gay/bisexual man? I'm sure you can get plenty of other guys on Grinder. This guy is way too dramatic.

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14 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

No he doesn't have a right to ask who you're sleeping with. But he probably deserves to know if you are sleeping with others in general in terms of safe sex. And he can ask you if you're getting tested for STD's. 

To be honest this guy sounds like very high maintaince. He sounds entitled and rude. Just because you're FWB doesn't mean you OWE him sex any time he wants. You don't owe him anything. If you said not tonight or you're busy, he has to be fine with it. You're not his sex slave who has to be available at his every beck and call 24/7. He actually sounds jealous. Just because you said you're busy he's accusing you of sleeping with others? You're allowed to have a life. 

Personally I wouldn't bother with him. I assume you are a gay/bisexual man? I'm sure you can get plenty of other guys on Grinder. This guy is way too dramatic.

Jealous of what exactly?

 

i told him i wasn’t sleeping with anyone else (which is the honest truth) and he still said “i don’t believe you i know you’re messing with someone else” 

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Just now, ManBip098 said:

Jealous of what exactly?

 

i told him i wasn’t sleeping with anyone else (which is the honest truth) and he still said “i don’t believe you i know you’re messing with someone else” 

I just mean jealous in general that you don't want to have sex with him. That you'd rather do something else than have sex with him. Anyway even if you actually had someone else at that time and you were having sex with them then he still can't say anything. This is FWB, not an actual relationship. As long as you use protection and you get tested for STD's then you can sleep with other people all you want. As you said, it's none of his business.

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1 hour ago, ManBip098 said:

Does he have a right to be insecure even though he’s just a FWB

I mean, he has the right to feel however he feels. That said, he doesn't have a right to your time and body, nor does he have the right to information on with whom you are having sex. And you don't have a duty to stay exclusive nor reassure him that he's some sort of sex god. He acted in a way that was inappropriate and unattractive and you have the right to feel completely turned off by it. 

Tinydance essentially captured how I feel about your situation:

1 hour ago, Tinydance said:

No he doesn't have a right to ask who you're sleeping with. But he probably deserves to know if you are sleeping with others in general in terms of safe sex. And he can ask you if you're getting tested for STD's. 

To be honest this guy sounds like very high maintenance. He sounds entitled and rude. Just because you're FWB doesn't mean you OWE him sex any time he wants. You don't owe him anything. If you said not tonight or you're busy, he has to be fine with it. You're not his sex slave who has to be available at his every beck and call 24/7. He actually sounds jealous. Just because you said you're busy he's accusing you of sleeping with others? You're allowed to have a life.

 

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9 hours ago, ManBip098 said:

Last night he texted me and said “i want to see you and have sex tonight” i responded with “no tonight’s not good”.

Why allow yourself to be treated like an unpaid callgirl?

Get rid of this guy and get rid of the notion that FWB is a good idea.

Focus on your school, work, friends family and date guys who respect you.

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Yes don’t have fwb relationship anymore with him.

Its not unusual for someone to develop feelings by being intimate together.

So he is developing feelings for you and being insecure about it.

This won’t work in the long term, so best to end it. 

Edited by mical
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4 minutes ago, mical said:

Yes don’t have fwb relationship anymore with him.

Its not unusual for someone to develop feelings by being intimate together.

We often here it’s the case with women, but it happens with guys also..

So he is developing feelings for you and feeling insecure about it.

I personally think if someone shares their body with another, that person has a right to ask questions. Sex is serious. 
 

How the person goes about it, that’s a different topic.

This won’t work in the long term, so best to end it. 

I just assumed maybe his ego was just talking here 

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1 minute ago, ManBip098 said:

I just assumed maybe his ego was just talking here 

Yes, ego and massive insecurities. Either way, that's way too much drama coming from an fwb. If I were you, I'd step away from this guy. His behavior is uncalled for and not something you should tolerate.

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2 minutes ago, ManBip098 said:

I just assumed maybe his ego was just talking here 

Also a possibility or combination of both. He is getting pushy and that’s not very nice. He would probably start getting worse and needy..

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16 hours ago, ManBip098 said:

Even before i told him no he said “i know you’ve been sleeping with others” so I’m not sure 

And what about my question - How long have you been friends or are you using FWB to refer to a casual sex arrangement?

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FWB are supposed to be easy, carefree, fun, sex arrangements.... read this site for any length of time and you will find they are anything but!

Humans, as much as we claim to not like attachments. We our actions show differently. 

With that said, this guy is crossing the line and showing you he is not capable of a causal sex situation.

I would stop having sex with him. 

Edited by Lambert
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