Should I leave my long time partner for a job opportunity that I’ve always wanted?

[fayew]

My boyfriend and I have been together for ten years. We’ve had a lot of issues and we’ve always tried working past them. A few months ago he told me that this was going to end if things kept staying stagnant and so I began making plans just in case. I have always wanted to live abroad and pursue an international career but I stayed here in the states for my relationship. He found out and said he wouldn’t support me if I went. I received a job offer two days ago and he’s not willing to compromise. He said it’s him or nothing. What should I do? I feel that there will be regret either way. 

[lostandhurt]

List the issues over the last ten years and if they were resolved or if you just caved and let him have his way to keep peace and stay together.

  We will need more context to give good advice.  On the surface from what little you wrote he seems to be trying to force you to stay instead of convince you it is worth it to stay.

 

Lost

[SooSad33]

3 hours ago, fayew said:

We’ve had a lot of issues and we’ve always tried working past them. A few months ago he told me that this was going to end if things kept staying stagnant and so I began making plans just in case.

One should not have to live with such uncertainties.  IF the relationship is 'stable' enough, they will try.

Does it feel like this is not so good to remain anymore?

Is maybe best to seriously consider taking care of your own needs now.. Not try to keep fixing something that sounds unfixable?

Is your future... why don't you go for it.  Does it really matter if he does not 'support' this? Of course he won't...

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, fayew said:

 We’ve had a lot of issues .

Accept the offer. It resolves two issues at once. New career opportunities and following your own choices.

It gets you out of a bad relationship.

[MissCanuck]

3 hours ago, fayew said:

A few months ago he told me that this was going to end if things kept staying stagnant

He's already largely done with the relationship. 

Take the job, and start afresh. 

[DarkCh0c0]

Yup. I agree with everyone. It's a tough one, but you are posting here because you want to go but are held back by this not very supportive/satisfying relationship.

I'd suggest you take the leap and live your dreams. If a man really loved you, he would've let you go or found compromises. Your partner simply doesn't want to make compromises. What does that tell you about him and his "love" for you?

Moreover, you don't want to regret having not taken the offer when one day you had that chance.

So, take it easy. Tell him kindly you're breaking up (don't let him guilt trip you!) and start prepping your stuff. An exciting journey is waiting for you!

[LaHermes]

13 hours ago, fayew said:

I have always wanted to live abroad and pursue an international career

Without hesitation I say go for it, OP!  Don't stay behind with that millstone around your neck. 

A whole new world and experience lies before you.  Just go!

[waffle]

15 hours ago, fayew said:

A few months ago he told me that this was going to end if things kept staying stagnant . . .
He found out and said he wouldn’t support me if I went. 
. . . he’s not willing to compromise. He said it’s him or nothing. 

He sounds delightful. 😐  Good riddance.

Never put your life on hold for a man (or woman) especially one as unsupportive as this.  I can't imagine anyone would advise that you stay with him.

[smackie9]

Yup the writing is on the wall..there isn't must left to hang onto. Dream job, travel abroad? You only live once. Go and be free.

[melancholy123]

I agree too.  Start packing.  You will kick yourself forever if you stay and miss this big opportunity.  Life is short, go for it!

[Lambert]

after 10 years, his response to your dream is no compromise?  don't let him hold you back.

If things were stagnant and he wanted some change, well here's an opportunity to do something total different together! 

I say go and don't look back! 

[Debsterism]

Get thy butt on the nearest thing smoking and get on with your life. Ten years of your youth wasted with his dusty butt? Girl you shoulda BEEN gone. He has wasted your entire life "dating" him. Get rid of him. He is dragging you down. 

[HeartGoesOn]

I wouldn't waste another minute on this scoundrel.  You're better than this.

Send him packing...

[abitbroken]

Pack your bags.

If he was going to leave you because the relationship was stagnant, then he can't complain about you leaving.  If there is no commitment at this point, there will never be

Also, don't be surprise if this opens you up to meeting someone who is excited about you.

[Cherylyn]

Jump at the chance and snatch up your new job!  Choose your dream job. 

Don't buy into your boyfriend's threats.  Let him go so both of you can move forward with your lives. 

I doubt there will be regrets either way.  However,  the only regret you will have is remaining in the states with a dicey boyfriend who will not give you a happy future. 

Your boyfriend is considered history.  It's time to go your separate ways.  Best of luck on your new job and congratulations!  As for the soon to be ex-boyfriend, "Good riddance!" 

[trezeralietas]

Get going! You won't regret taking the job. Best thing I ever did was leave a long-term relationship that was holding me back and move to another country for a job. My life has completely changed course and I've never been happier! 

 

Please don't waste more time with him. Take the time to invest in yourself the way you wish he would invest in your happiness and relationship. Give yourself the gift of freedom.

Congrats on the job! 

[LoveConquersAll]

On 8/15/2021 at 1:49 AM, fayew said:

 He said it’s him or nothing. What should I do? I feel that there will be regret either way. 

Hi @fayew 🙂 Congrats on the dream job!

You've already received plenty of valuable advice so I'll try and take a different angle. Let me know if that's helpful.

You say you have, so far, managed to sort our all your relationship issues; you didn't specify how serious they were but if you have been able to weather these bad times (like any other long-term relationship) and passed the test after 10 years, we can also presume that this relationship is based on very solid ground. We can't assume dysfunction, abuse or ill-treatment on the basis of this one opening post - right? 😉

Based on the above quote - is it possible that, for him, this decision to move abroad was taken out of the blue? How much have you discussed the possibility of moving away with him? Was he included in your plan? Were you hoping he'd automatically say yes without a second thought for how this decision was going to affect his life?

On 8/15/2021 at 1:49 AM, fayew said:

He found out and said he wouldn’t support me if I went. I received a job offer two days ago and he’s not willing to compromise

How did he find out? Did someone other than you tell him? In his shoes, I'd be the one leaving based on this alone. You two are evidently not compatible.

I hope this makes sense.