Jump to content

trezeralietas

Silver Member
  • Posts

    330
  • Joined

  • Days Won

    1

trezeralietas last won the day on October 4 2011

trezeralietas had the most liked content!

About trezeralietas

  • Birthday 02/15/1982

trezeralietas's Achievements

Newbie

Newbie (1/14)

28

Reputation

  1. No. I don't think he ever wanted to delete her in the first place. Actually, the very fact that you found her number again, but that it was listed under a man's name suggests he lied to you and never originally deleted her to begin with. He changed the name of her contact to "Bill" or "Joe" or whatever to throw you off the scent. Even if he originally did delete her and what he says is true about her getting upset, why would it even matter?? If he's going to cow to her anger or being upset, then he's still valuing her, her feelings, her opinion, and the ability to stay in her good graces over his promises to you that he was done with her, sorry for hurting you, and wanting to work things out. Which means: NO. HE NEVER WANTED TO WORK THINGS OUT WITH YOU. HE WAS NEVER SERIOUS ABOUT GETTING RID OF HER. I'm sorry. I know that's a hard pill to swallow, but swallow it you must.
  2. Not a problem for me. I'm a woman who is the male average (5'9") and most of the men I've dated have been my height or shorter. I've had crushes on multiple men shorter than me. It's not about height. It's about attitude and personality and chemistry.
  3. When my marriage was falling apart, I was repulsed by the idea of sex with my husband. We were incredibly disconnected on a fundamental mental/emotional level. When he and I would break down and have a real heart to heart, usually one that ended with us saying we thought our marriage was over, I'd suddenly feel so much closer to him... Probably because we were speaking our truths and completely honest with each other--even if the honesty was that we were deeply unhappy and didn't want to stay together. The ironic thing is, then our sex life would improve and we'd have a little honeymoon period for a few months in which things felt good again and we'd be "happy" until our resentments would start to quietly build up and our communication would break down and the sex would dwindle. He'd push for sex and I'd push for truthful connection and communication, and the cycle would repeat until we were finally so exhausted, we ended it. When our marriage ended, I thought I'd be fine if I never had sex again. I thought I didn't care about it at all. I was wrong. Our failed sex life has everything to do with our failed emotional life. We lost trust, respect, and transparency through the years. As those slipped away, so did the desire (for me) for sex. I always felt baffled by his desire for me when I felt so repulsed. I think it's because I couldn't fathom having sex with someone I felt so distant from. And the idea that he still wanted sex seemed like he just wanted a warm body (not necessarily me) to get his rocks off. I'll never know. We never truly resolved it, except to realize we were profoundly unhappy together. I wish I had a better answer. But, I guarantee you she feels unsafe in your marriage and completely emotionally disconnected from you and your continued desire for sex is just pushing her farther away. My advice is to try to understand her frustrations, her fears, her hopes, her dreams, and also tell her those things about yourself. Be honest. Face the fact that your relationship might be too far gone. Maybe you two need to free each other or maybe truly connecting emotionally will open up other avenues of closeness.
  4. Practice placing and enforcing good boundaries. Say no when I need to. Spend quiet time reading or creating. Sit in the sun and enjoy nature.
  5. I know I can be patient. I can. And I know I am stubborn. I can be the most stubborn person in the world. I have to apply my stubborn will to not calling you. We're not broken up, we're not together. We're nothing to each other. We're spouses who aren't acting within the bounds or our commitment to one another. I don't support you (except silently from a distance every second of every day) and you don't support me. If you do, I sure don't know it. I've been the one to reach out and make contact for the last month. Maybe more. You always seem open and receptive and the conversations are good... we laugh a lot, we share ideas, we discuss our lives, we say "I love you." And yet, we're still sitting 300 miles apart and living disconnected lives. I always feel so good after talking...for a day. And then I crash HARD...and I spend days or weeks crying and trying to pick myself up before I inevitably lose the battle of wills and call you again. And you say you aren't ignoring me, you're giving me my space. You were the one who needed space, remember? Why can't you be honest about things? If I needed so much freaking space, I wouldn't be the one reaching out. I never pressure you. I never ask to discuss the status of our marriage. I never ask if we will reconcile or where you are in your thinking. Perhaps it's time to make my own decision and just move on. You can cope with whatever you like in whatever way you like. I will see you in ten months when we sign the papers. I hope you enjoy that existence.
  6. I wish I could say definitively that you are my ex. I hate being in this in-between space with you. I hate that you have asked this of me. I hate myself for allowing you to believe it's mutual. All I want is to save things. But, the more I think about it the more I realize you don't deserve for things to be saved with me. You don't deserve me.
  7. A good friend of mine's parents divorced when he was in elementary school. They recently remarried- after a 20 year break!
  8. I love your huge heart and open acceptance! It really is rare to find someone with your courage and love. You being willing to put your own ego aside to listen to him and let him finally come clean is really, really amazing. It takes a big person. However, I think I do have to agree with Ms Darcy and lavenderdove on some points. I honestly believe you are dealing with a man who has not completely come to terms with his own sexuality. I think there is a very strong possibility that he is gay, or at least bisexual. There is something about the penis that turns him on. Men have penises, therefore, it sounds like he is attracted to men, which means he is gay. Perhaps he likes pre-op transgendered guys because they look like women--which is still acceptable, but then they have the male part, which is what he is really attracted to. It's just safe because he hasn't come to terms with fully admitting attraction to men. Just plain, straight-up penis, no female parts, men. I could be completely off, but there are some alarms going off for me. Of course, you know exactly what he has said and not said, etc, so please take everything said here with a huge grain of salt. Just keep your eyes open, along with your heart. The best thing you can do is love him like you are. Sexuality is very complicated and not black and white like a lot of people seem to think. Many, many, many kudos to you for being such an amazingly giving and loving person. You are inspirational to me. Also: Your email was beautiful and exactly right. He is very, lucky to have you.
×
×
  • Create New...