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About Debsterism

  • Birthday August 5

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  1. Let's talk about men. Some men will never find healthy love because of their victim mentality. Many men are still single because of this. They are too busy seeking to be understood by women than to understand their own issues in relationships and love. Too many people, men and women alike are avoiding taking responsibility over their lives and situations. They let people treat them any kind of way and do the same to women. They make a mess of how they communicate to people and wonder why their unhappy and fail in their relationships. If they do have relationships, those relationships are often toxic and unhealthy. Instead of looking inside themselves they look outward to blame some outside source (usually a woman) for their circumstances. They'd rather whine to be understood and sympathized with than be a purposeful leader of their family and community.
  2. Dude, why are you acting so weak and pitiful, like you have no power and this woman is a puppeteer yanking your strings? If you don't want to be friends with her then don't! If you find her behavior hurtful, keep her from hurting you! If you truly want to move on, block her on everything and change your phone number. Once I wanted to get rid of a guy I left the state! lolol Self-preservation is the #1 rule you should be following. You aren't handling this from a masculine strong position of strength, you are being a wuss. Stop it.
  3. The friend should not expect to be fed and entertained on your friend's dime. She got a ride and a hotel out of it - that's the extent of the generosity. She really ought to have enough sense to know that. Treating her here and there to a drink, lunch, a bagel and coffee might be alright. But not EVERYTHING. As an adult that is ridiculous to expect someone to do if you aren't dating or married to them.
  4. This problem is easily solved. Let me be blunt and tell you straight out - Get a new boyfriend. One who doesn't need to do drugs. One who doesn't talk to you like you have a tail and paws. This dude is stupid. You would be crazy to stay with him and continue to endure his crap.
  5. Your best bet is to ask some women you trust what you could do to improve yourself and your interactions with the opposite sex. From head to toe, from voice quality to conversation, tell them to give it to you straight. Listen without interrupting or arguing back. Take notes. Then start working on the things one by one. Men who want to get women but aren't being successful should listen to women's thoughts and opinions about self-improvement. You seem willing to work hard but it seems you have just been exerting energy in the wrong direction. Try this approach and see what happens!
  6. Nope. Not sure why you would think that. Nothing about the wording was funny or sarcastic. Just to be clear, I was being 100% real with her. She doesn't need sarcasm or jokes right now, she needs some hard core reality and facts about life. She is young enough to be my daughter (don't let my youthful good looks fool ya!) and I've lived many decades watching, looking, experience and observing people in relationships. This relationship is dead. They are NOT married. So no therapy or counseling is warranted. All they need to do is work out custody, child support, and property distribution and get on with their separate lives.
  7. This relationship is DEAD. Instead of trying to beat a dead horse and find a way to make a man with whom you are completely incompatible at this stage of life fit, it is best to break things off and arrange what you are going to do with the house and the kid. People forget that the decade of life that we change the most is between 17 and 27. MAN OH MAN! What you thought was fabulous, that you could deal with, that wasn't "so bad" at the top end of that decade becomes a nightmare when you do finally grow into the person you were meant to be in your late 20s/early 30s. You look back and wonder "what in the world was I thinking!" It's not just you so don't beat yourself up. EVERYONE goes through this which is why I recommend no one have children or marry before they are at least 28 years old (female) and 31 or 32 (male). Too many changes taking place mentally and emotionally before that. Just accept that is what has happened here and that it's time to throw in the towel. No matter how good a man he is on paper, how nice a person he is, how hard working or anything else -- HE IS NOT THE MAN FOR YOU. And that is all that counts.
  8. Small children need to be in bed no later than 7:30 PM to get proper rest. They should start winding down with warm baths, pjs and stories at 6:30. No child should EVER sleep in the bed with the parents. I dont know who thought that was a good idea, but it destroys adult relationships. You cannot get busy and be romantic and have pillow talk with your man with some brat kid lying between you. Put that kid in its own room and it's own bed immediately. That is a bad habit that you never should have started and he is pointing out how you are putting a blockade against intimacy with your man even if it's not him), by doing that. I suspect many women do it for that exact reason actually. Nothing he said was wrong. Instead of getting defensive it was an opportunity to have a discussion about the issue and his perspective. You might have learned something. Ultimately you may have still opted to continue doing things the way you are, but you would not have created an issue for you two to fight about.
  9. If he is cleaning up after them and his money is being used for them, it is very much his business.
  10. I never said she would tell her who to have in her house! I said that she should remove HERSELF from that situation by never going to their home again. The Mother is a trip to ME because if anything she should be neutral, not get herself involved between the two girls by choosing to defend the bully. Instead of jumping to her defense, a normal woman who is a parent would have asked questions like "sounds like you two have a history. Care to tell me about it? I don't want anyone in my home to feel uncomfortable to the point they have panic attacks!" WHether it is your child or someone else's, the maternal instinct is one of protection. This mom was demonstrating none of that. Which means she should be on the outside of OPs life. To me this doesn't bode well for a relationship between these two, but in reality it begins and ends with the two brothers. They and they alone hold all the cards here. Let's hope they talk and arrive at the best decision.
  11. You are already broken up. What is there left of a close romantic relationship here? You are in two different countries and will be for years! Trying to salvage this situation already taking it's last breaths is a waste of time and energy. Just stop contacting him and let it finish dying. Or if you are the type that prefers "closure" then send him a text that says "this makes no sense anymore so I'm ending things. Thanks for the memories. Be safe and healthy." Done.
  12. As stated, this girl is NOT the brother's girlfriend. I suspect she sought out this brother simply to create the drama that she is doing right now to break this couple up. She is in essence continuing to bully the OP in an underhanded passive aggressive way using the brother and "friendship" to get to her. The brother would be smart to tell the chick he knows what she is up to and to cease all contact with her. Their "friendship" is new and by aligning himself with this trainwreck he is showing a marked disloyalty to his own brother. The mother is a piece of work and full of shyt if you ask me. I would just not go over to their house anymore ever. He would have to come to mine. That way all the bully's power is taken away because she will NEVER be invited to OP's house so OP is then free of her. The reward bully girl was hoping to get will be snatched away from her. So make that your goal and tell your boyfriend that you are not going to his house again ever and if that is a problem to let you know so you two can break it off now before you get in too deep.
  13. Stop wasting your time. He is all messed up in the head for real OR he is playing mind games to make you jump through hoops so he can control you with accusations. Either way this is stupid and a waste of your time and energy and life. Just tell him he needs to see a shrink about his drama from the past and that life moves on. He wants to live in yesteryear, nobody can stop him. But let him know you ain't gonna be bothered and are not gonna live in the past with him. Nor are you gonna go through any changes to do time for a crime you didn't commit. Then hang up and block Mr. Loser on everything.
  14. Girl stop it! You have a damn pen pal that's it! You are free to interact with online and in person any man you please. He is NOT your man. You are NOT his girlfriend. And make sure you don't fall for the okey doke and send him any gifts, money, or half naked pictures of you. Typical online scam artist persona of working in a foreign country. LIES! Just deal with him if you want to for the sheer entertainment value. But stop putting all this emotion into a pen pal. Makes no sense.
  15. How old are these adult children? Did you move into her house or them into yours? How long have you lived with them? Are you paying half of the bills in the house - half the food, water power, mortgage, etc. or does she cover everything? Are you prepared to exit the relationship with a place to stay or are you stuck there for the time being? They have jobs, I assume you do as well? Who cleans up after them - does she do it or does she expect you to pitch in and clean up after HER kids? I have so many questions!
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